WELCOOOOME BAAAAACK, I hope I didnt make you wait that long. Stuffs happened, did I mention I was appointed as represntative for my year? Basically it's like classs representative since there is only one class in the whole 4th Year in the Psychology program,and I seriously dont know why anime characters would want to be a class rep now that I'm one. There's just too much to do, attend and all-it doesnt suite someone as lazy as me *sighs* Anyways, we're on the 10th chapteeer! *dances around* wow, and look at those reviews and favs and follows, thank you everyoooone! I LOOOOOOVE YOU SO MUUUUCH GUYS we're almost close to 100 reviewwwws , thanks even if I suck at updating you still support and read Lycoris!
BTW clarification corner, geisha are know then as artisans, they are famous for performing tea ceremonies, dances during private and big banquets for the wealthy, reciting poems and all those pretty stuffs, for geisha 'extra-services' or those naughty stufffs are a taboo in the business, so nope they dont do the naked dance stuffs lol, that would be the an oiran's jobs which translates into 'women of pleasure' so yeah that's their job and theey somehow get mixed up with geisha because they have these same pretty clothings but they are entirely different stuffs. A geisha, maiko and odoriko are mainly entertainers and performers of arts while an oiran though has knowledge of arts are more incline in the pleasure district. As you can see in this sense Shizuo has a slight prejudice between the term geisha, because despite the fact that having sexual relationship is a taboo among geisha some still do have engages-especially in the case of lower types of geisha.
AAAAAAAND before I leave you to chapter 10, Oh pleassseeee do reviewwww, I love every single one of them-maybe I'm addicted to it. Also just wanna say...HAPPY LEFT HANDER'S DAAAAY and I'm not a left hander but still to everyone who is left-handed, including Jensen Ackles' baby girl, no not one of the twins, I mean baby JJ. And also...OMG I DID NOT NOTICE MARU DE KUSANAGI IS REVIEWING I MEAN HOW COOL IS THAT, I LOVE YUME NO KATACHI IT'S LIKE MY FIRST EVER SHIZAYA FAVORITE FANFICCCCC. Thank you soooo muccccch!
Chapter 10: Auburn Dances
For many days and nights, the meals had felt nothing like dull, a curtain of silence would draw between them and heavy air would always force one of them to finish the food, usually it was Izaya. But tonight the room looked brighter, the food seemed more appetizing, this fact made the dark haired doctor smile to himself. Despite whatever the brunette sitting across him would say he knows the other felt a lot better that Shizuo woke up.
However the satisfaction in Izaya's eyes didn't seem to equal Shizuo's.
Shinra continues to eat his dinner in silence watching the two. Shizuo ate in silence looking only at his food, he could feel something akin to frustration radiating from the other, the doctor knows that the brunette next to Shizuo could feel the said aura but decided not to say something about it.
"H-How was the food?" Celty decided to ask to break the deafening silence.
Shizuo finally raised his head to read the headless woman's words in her notepad. Shizuo placed his chopsticks in it's holder and bowed his head politely at the other.
"It was delicious, thank you." he said.
Izaya quickly turned to the other, reading his expression. Shinra wondered if Shizuo knew the way the other looked at him.
"Do you want a second serving perhaps?" Celty asked.
Shinra almost found himself chuckling at Celty's attempt to remove the awkwardness between the two. The headless woman despite being a strange creature, a non-human entity, could perceive human emotions and expressions probably better than humans. Perhaps it is due to the time she had spent with the humans.
"Thank you I will appreciate that." Shizuo replied.
Celty practically nodded before dashing to Shizuo's side to fill the blonde's bowl with rice. The blonde turned away to look at Celty. It is becoming obvious that the other is avoiding to look at Izaya.
"Tomorrow you will start working for Kujiragi-san, right?" Shinra said to Izaya, making the brunette turn to him.
Izaya nodded as he placed his chopsticks in its holder with careful gestures. He placed his hands over his lips chewing the last bits of his food before removing them and nodding to Izaya. His manners had been obviously more refined.
"Yes, I am asked to perform for a small banquet in an estate in Edo." Izaya answered with his hands.
Shinra didn't miss the way Shizuo's shoulders stiffen.
"Is that so?" Shinra replied, "You must be nervous then?"
"Nervous? Such a funny thing to say to me." Izaya replied with his usual smirk.
Shinra smiled back, "A few days ago you were hiding behind Karisawa-san's back when you arrived at the okiya."
Izaya's smirk turned into a gape, his cheeks dusted in pink of embarrassment.
"S-Such nonsense!"
Shinra remembers the first time he and Izaya talked about the idea. At first Shinra thought it would be impossible, for someone like Izaya even the simplest chore such as sweeping would take hours, for him to be accustomed to normal commoner life would be asking a fish to learn how to walk. It was both a stupid idea and a complete utter waste of time. However, for Izaya to be able to protect the things he still have right now, he must learn to survive alone, even if that sounds cruel for Shizuo.
Both Shinra and Izaya know that relying on Shizuo all the time for Izaya's safety is not always the best option. Right then, they were not sure that Shizuo would still want to remain with his service to protect the brunette when he wakes up, if he doesn't Izaya would have to take on the world all by himself, if he does Izaya couldn't have himself relying everything on the blonde. It wasn't as if Shinra doesn't trust Shizuo's ability to protect Izaya, but he knows that bounding Izaya to Shizuo is not healthy for both.
The world is a dangerous place to remain ignorant, a gloved hand touching the snow will never find itself immune to it's coldness.
Shinra remembers the first hesitant steps the brunette took outside the doctor's humble home, the doctor found himself so proud to see how strong Izaya's will were. He is so frightened yet so determined, truly this is courage. Shinra knew then that it was Izaya's first time walking outside without Shizuo by his side, he must have felt vulnerable, frail and exposed without the other standing behind him, talking to ease his nervousness, yet he remained firm with his resolve.
It was the only they could both think of, a quick and very efficient way to get there.
Kujiragi is the owner of one of the most famous okiya in the town, she is also known to have numerous patrons in the higher social ranks. People who might know something about the trade of cursed eyes of the Orihara.
It only makes sense.
However, not everyone is happy about the progress of the matter.
"I'm done."
Shinra and Izaya stop and turn to Shizuo who muttered thanks to the Gods before bowing his head and standing up. Excusing himself the blonde quietly left the room closing the door behind him.
Izaya's expression quickly fell.
"He's upset."
"No shit, of course he is." Izaya signed at Shinra, his snarky remark didn't seem to fail him but his expression betrayed him.
"It affects you." Shinra replied. "I can see it."
It was a fact, despite how much the brunette would deny it, the hard grip he has on his chopsticks said it all. The brunette pursed his lips, his hands started trembling. The brunette felt his hands go numb with all the emotions seeping in his skin. Izaya is used to hiding his true thoughts under the mask of bitterness, hostility and sarcasm, however this rarely work in Shinra.
"It upsets him because he worries." Shinra said simply.
"He should stop. I can no longer have him around."
"It's his decision to stay, just as it is your decision to work for the okiya."
"That's not the point." Izaya signed, his hands were slow. Shinra could practically hear his tone.
"I know what you mean." Shinra said with a sigh, "Shizuo is not doing this out of pity."
"Then what for? I can't pay for his services, he should just…leave me alone."
"We both know you don't mean that." Shinra said in a soft voice. "Among the people in this room, we all know that you are the one who could not have a world without Shizuo."
Izaya's hands clench into a first and he retract them to put it in his lap, a very vain attempt to hide his true feelings. He knows the truth himself though, Shinra knows this as well. The brunette couldn't help but fear the day Shizuo would have to leave him, the most practical and reasonable thing for him to do in this situation. Izaya is dangerous for him, and truthfully there really is no reason for him to stay anymore.
"You want to convince yourself that Shizuo is better off without you, that it is alright for him to leave because that is what is right, but truly you don't want that, am I correct?" Shinra said looking at Izaya and his expression.
Despite the harsh words, Shinra had seen it all, he had seen the way he looked at Shizuo all those days the blonde has not shown signs of waking. Izaya currently have nothing that connects him to the rest of the world, his father is dead, his sisters sent to another home in his effort to pull them away from the harms he causes, unconsciously he wants to cling to Shizuo's figure seeing him as a sense of security and connection, yet at the same time the other knew it is not right.
"You are not entirely wrong." Shinra adds making the brunette lower his head. "You are right, for someone like Shizuo you are dangerous, you attract violence and Shizuo hates violence. For years it has been something he had tried to run away from, you pull the need to use force from him. You don't know how to be grateful for him for that, you make everything harder for him…but it is not your decision to make if he wants to stay with you or not."
"You should have stopped him. You are his friend."
"I am his friend and that is why I didn't stop him."
Izaya raised his head and stares at the dark haired doctor.
"It is the same with your decision. I am merely another outsider and to meddle with your decisions is not my business." Shinra answered. "Do you understand, Izaya-kun?"
Izaya nodded.
"This is the real world, people would not always take the most logical option, and there are other things that influence their decisions. Sometimes they hurt themselves in the process and that doesn't really matter, as long the ones they value are alright." Shinra explained. "Humans are greedy creatures, sometimes they put in line numerous things just for the sake of one thing, a goal, a treasure, or a person."
Shinra closes his eyes contemplating his own words. Humans are very selfish creatures, they are greedy and in constant need to be assured, and sometimes they go through lengths just to have that one thing they desired the most perhaps even of the expense of the feelings of that one thing they desired the most. He knows his love is just like this as well, he opens his eyes to glance at Celty who is sitting in the corner of the room with his usual black dress. Nobody would understand, love has many faces, it masks itself with concern, sometimes with feelings of protectiveness, but in truth at the other side of love there is possession, need, destructiveness.
He understood Shizuo's decision to stay, even if he couldn't really say that the blonde feels that strongly for Izaya, the blonde's desire to protect even if it destroys him is something Shinra understood. If it meant that he would be with Celty he would be willing to sell his soul to the fairy of death.
.
.
.
Shizuo sat leaning in the wall, he is awake, he couldn't possibly sleep. He look down in his hands, despite having so much strength in those muscles, he felt powerless in the current light of the situations. He promised to protect Izaya with all that he has and yet the brunette made a decision before him, a situation where he couldn't be there, where he couldn't see him. He want to believe in Izaya's ability to protect himself, to change and be comfortable with the rest of the world and somehow still he worries.
What would he do, what will the people say about him, what if something happens and he isnt there to protect him? Shizuo asked himself over and over, his head is filled with voices, arguing, trying to reason the other out. Perhaps there is no answer.
"Let me fight these monsters myself!"
Shizuo didn't want anything but for Izaya to be able to stand in his own feet too but…the world truly is a frightening place for the likes of them. He simply didn't want him to go through anything painful, it was as if the world had been cruel enough to him, there is no need for him to suffer further.
The blonde lets a sigh escape his lips, he doesn't remember how long he has been in his room. He has no idea what to tell Izaya, he could not possibly find a way to mask his expression, his frustration. Even if he understands Izaya's reason it doesn't mean he agrees with it.
"Who is there?"
Shizuo turned to the door feeling the presence approaching, he blinked at the familiar shadow behind his door. The blonde blinks, what is Izaya doing in his room? Shizuo sat still thinking of what he should do, should he get up and let him in or should he let him stay there until he gets tired and leave later on?
The blonde was surprised to find the brunette standing still there outside in the cold. Out of concern and curiosity, Shizuo stood from his seat and went to answer his door.
His eyes widen at the sight before him.
Izaya bows his head in a graceful manner, he is wearing a beautiful black kimono decorated with images of storks and a silhouette of a town behind it, the whole article of clothing is tied with a powder blue obi. His skin glows in the light of the moon in the sky behind him like ivory, and his lips though are thin were painted in the color of roses. A lone red rose made of expensive ceramic is pinned in his black hair with a golden chain accenting the item.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Shizuo asked raising an eyebrow at the other. "Why are you dressed like that?"
A quiet sigh escapes Izaya's lips as the brunette raises the tray in his hand. Shizuo steps back, the blonde looks at the tray containing all plate of sweets and a traditional tea. He finds himself stepping aside and letting Izaya in his room.
Watching Izaya slowly walks in his room, the blonde notices the careful steps of the brunette, his footsteps has become even lighter almost like a cat's. There is strength in his limbs now too, something he didn't notice he possess before, he looked frail then, he suspects it is the result of the brunette's stay in the okiya and the practices.
The brunette placed the tray in the low table in the middle of the room carefully before turning to Shizuo.
"Close the door." He signs to the blonde.
Shizuo despite unsure of the other's intention did just as what the brunette asked before walking towards the brunette.
"You should take a sit." Izaya signs again.
"What are you doing here?" Shizuo asks as he takes a seat across the brunette in the low table.
Izaya doesn't answer and instead started preparing the tea. Shizuo had seen this ceremony before but he had never been a part of it, his previous contractors who were high in the social ranks would usually participate in tea ceremonies while he would stay behind watching if something would go out of hand. He watches the graceful movements of Izaya, his nimble hands as he mixes the tea in the cup, his eyes were soft and relax. He remember the first time he saw the brunette, for a second he had mistaken him for a woman, somehow it all came back to him, he looked just like a fine lady with modesty and grace, a lady born in high court.
The brunette turns the cup before offering it Shizuo, with his head lowered.
Shizuo purses his lips wondering what could be going in Izaya's mind right then, with hesitant hands the blonde took the cup and turns it as well before bowing his head—a common courtesy—before taking a sip of the bitter tea. Shizuo pulled away from the cup with a frown, he really hates bitter things.
"You haven't answered me." Shizuo started as he placed the cup back to the tray.
"I am trying to convince you." Izaya answers.
"That you can make tea?"
Izaya sighs quietly again, he shakes his head ever so lightly before standing up. Shizuo tries his best not to stare much at the brunette who looks even more beautiful than all geisha he had seen before despite lacking the usual huge head dresses, elaborate hair ornaments, and heavy white make up. He stood there looking at Shizuo with his crimson eyes that looks just like the blood moon. His posture showed no signs of the previous frightened brunette he once met, he pulls himself like a very confident performer knowing just every step and breathe he takes.
Without a warning Izaya starts moving, Shizuo finds his throat dry at the sight. He is dancing. His eyes trail and follow the very gentle and elegant movements of his hands and limbs. Every turn and twist made him look like a black sparrow, a very exotic beauty that nature seems to be hiding from the rest of the world. There is no music and yet Shizuo could practically hear the rhythm in the other's movements. His eyes would sometimes steal him a glimpse as if telling him to look only at him, to watch every step, every single movement to which Shizuo is unable to resist.
He watches him, completely awestruck. Everything is quiet, the only thing he could hear is the beating of his heart. It is as if he was bewitched.
Then Izaya stops, ending his short performance.
He looks at Shizuo whose amber eyes were still burning right at him.
"I am confident that I can carry myself out there." Izaya signs at Shizuo who blinks out of his trance. "It would be difficult but I must do this."
Shizuo's amusement of the brunette's performance fell as he found himself thinking of the people who would see Izaya. He doesn't doubt Izaya's abilities, however, what he doubts are the people. He wants Izaya to be comfortable in the outside world but at the same time he worries that he would be too comfortable with it. There are vermin out there, and the man who wants Izaya could be any of those people, when that time comes, and he isn't there to protect him it would be his failure again.
"I understand." Shizuo said in a quiet voice. "I actually wish I don't."
Izaya stares at Shizuo for a second and everything suddenly made sense. Shinra's words to him previously rushed to him, when he asked Izaya not to be hard on the blonde. He really is more similar to him than he thought. Both of them were persecuted for being strange, however unlike him Shizuo has no option to run away, there was nowhere he could hide himself. He grew up facing the harsh words of the people, he grew up having to be strong even if it hurts him the most.
No one was there to protect him.
People left him alone.
What once killed him inside is what made this man strong, just like how the same boiling water that softens a potato hardens an egg.
"We both know the truth." Izaya signs to him before walking towards the blonde and sitting beside the table, and facing the blonde.
Shizuo doesn't want to face that truth. He wants to believe that he can do this, even just one. The blonde's hands in his lap trembled.
"You can't always protect me."
Shizuo feels like a bitter medicine is forced down his throat. He shuts his eyes tightly.
"The world out there…I don't want you to see it like that." Shizuo said as he opens his eyes and look at the brunette.
"Nobody else can save me if I don't save myself first." Izaya replies. He looks at Shizuo and his eyes, for a second he found a crying child in his eyes, alone and filled with small cuts, nobody had spare him a look in fear of him. He simply doesn't want him to go through the things he did once.
For the first time Izaya found himself looking at Shizuo without all his defences, a scarred and bruised soul too tired to complain to the world of the misery it placed in him. These things are what fuel the warmth in his eyes, the warmth he uses to save others from the coldness and indifference of the world and the judgement of the society.
"No one…else would have done that."
"When you are strong people expects that you can haul your ass off trouble yourself. That you don't need help from others."
People always depend on him, on Heiwajima Shizuo, but he had no one to depend on. People expect him to be able to carry himself at all times, no one ever bothered to ask him if he is alright, no one ever jumped after him, or ran after him, no one ever offered him a hand. He sees the world in that color and yet he refuses paint it that way. He fought it by becoming exactly the opposite of what the people saw him to be.
For that reason, for the reason that he doesn't want Izaya to hate the world he wants to stop him.
Indeed, he is selflessly stupid sometimes.
"For as long as you live, even if I would want to hate the world I know that you will stop me." Izaya signs to the blonde. "You've been doing that since you came to the estate, you thought I wouldn't notice?"
And for the first time in a long time, Izaya took someone's hand in his, he felt the callouses in Shizuo's hand. This is the hand that saved him to the point of almost meeting with death.
Izaya decided to omit the words in his mind.
How could I hate the world…when you are my world now?