Arthur was nervous, not that he would admit it. The last date he'd been on had been when he was sixteen with a girl from his class. Even then, the only reason he'd agreed to the date was because his father and hers were friends. It was surprisingly easy to get through the date then, the pair of them forced to make conversation but finding, after a while they had more in common than they thought. Elena was one of those girls who, when he thought back to his dreary childhood, he would be glad to remember. Despite the date not ending in the pair of them together, they had remained friends until they went their respective ways to university.

But, it was one thing to go on a date with someone he had no interest in and someone he had more than a bit of interest in. Merlin was easy to talk to, sure, they got on even, but that was before the whole pressure of a date came over them. Questions upon questions had Arthur up most nights, which was actually a good thing since he was trying not to sleep these days. Would Merlin want to watch all three movies in one go? What if he got sick after the first one and he didn't have a back up plan for them to do? What if Merlin completely copped out on him altogether and cancelled the date? What the hell did one wear to a movie night in their own flat with someone they liked?

Leon got a right laugh out of it. He even started inviting Elyan around when the mirth didn't extend too well over the phone. More often than not Arthur ended up full out yelling at the pair of them, ordering them around the flat while he tidied up, or told them to shut up when their teasing wasn't helping his nerves.

He may have been a little too harsh on Leon. But then, he supposed he more than made up for it when his micromanaging wound up with him cleaning the pit Leon called a room. He'd only went in there for the DVD, which led to Arthur's brain making up reasons why Merlin might want to go into Leon's room and the state it was in.

He also made it up to his friend in another way, which was also another reason Elyan found himself at their flat more and more these days. For a movie Arthur knew popcorn was on the table. But it was a date, so they would probably need something to eat at some point, and Arthur sure as hell wasn't going to coin out for a takeaway this time. He had to show he was good at something, and since there was no way he was going to let Merlin take over his kitchen again on this occasion he spent his time after his lectures looking up and cooking dish after dish.

'At least we know something you can fall back on if history doesn't work out,' Elyan chimed between bites. 'This is good.'

Leon snorted, wiping away the last of his shepherds pie from his chin, 'Yeah, this one is. You should have tasted the one he made two nights ago. I was sick for two hours.'

'Yet you still finished the plate,' Arthur pointed out, shovelling another dish in front of their noses. 'Tell me what you think.'

Leon ended up quarantining him when it got too much. One moment Arthur was rearing up for another rant on why clothes now had to go in the washing basket, and the next he was in his room facing a locked door with Leon on the other side telling him to get some sleep.

'You look like hell and Merlin doesn't want to date a zombie.'

Arthur came up with three curses in retaliation for that, eventually relenting when he figured Leon got the idea. He couldn't blame his friend. If he was in Leon's shoes he would have probably given up long before now, even with food as a bribe. That didn't mean he was entirely happy about it. Especially since his laptop and TV had been confiscated. Leon wanted him to go to sleep and Arthur was beginning to question why that was a bad idea.

He hadn't slept in so long. His eyes stung from being open, his mind sluggish and bordering on hallucinating- this morning he swore he saw a dragon dancing on his windowsill. The only thing that stopped him again and again was that lingering sense of sadness that lurked every time he kept his eyes closed for longer than a few seconds. It was so bad he almost found himself crying in the middle of a lecture, his eyes having closed only for a few minutes before he was jerking back up and trying to stop his eyes from leaking.

He hated it, but he was starting to hate being tired more.

It was eventually his fathers own words that got him in to bed. When he was a child he remembered thinking there was something lurking in his wardrobe, not made at all better by Morgana telling him she'd seen something creeping around the house in her nightmares. He'd refused to go to bed until every crevice of his room had been searched and the wardrobe lit up with a torch to make sure there was nothing there. Of course, when his father learnt about this routine he'd put a stop to it right away. Arthur was growing up, and growing up meant facing whatever monster was lurking in that wardrobe.

'If it gets you it gets you Arthur,' he'd said, telling him that fate wasn't something he could stop or prepare for, no matter how hard he tried.

Arthur had not been well pleased to sleep that night with no routine to soothe him. But, as morning came he was starting to see how foolish it was to be afraid of something he'd never even seen. Now, a grown man, he could see the value of those words again. Arthur couldn't stop himself from sleeping if he tried. He could keep awake for as long as he liked, but sooner or later it was going to happen, and whatever was lurking behind his eyelids was going to show itself. He can't escape it, so the only other choice was to buck up and face it.

He was wounded, his chest stinging with a phantom pain Arthur could only begin to feel. The other him was propped up with great care, his weight mostly on the pillar behind him and the man helping to hold him up. He couldn't see him, but some distant part of him whispered that it was Merlin. He couldn't really see or hear anything beyond the pain, and not just the physical one. His heart was broken. When he was a child he'd heard of men and women who said their hearts had been broken and had laughed at them. Scoffed that it was just a figure of speech, that nothing could really break a heart.

He wished he was that naïve again.

It was like a weight, pulling him down and threatening to overtake him. First Gwen, just seeing the years they could have had together gone in that moment where she had betrayed him. She'd never really wanted him, he'd fooled himself that those lingering looks and quiet talks were just echoes of what they had once felt. A stupid thought for a stupid love-struck man. Gwen and Lancelot had always been destined for each other. They could have been happy. Lancelot never had to give up anything for her, he had nothing left to give but himself, and for Gwen that was all she wanted. Arthur, he'd came with power, with responsibility and the knowledge that even if Arthur had fooled himself into believing her his equal, she never would be. Not to others. It had been a fools hope that love would make her stay.

But what love was left when betrayal showed the truth. She was gone, had been gone for a while, and despite what Merlin had said it wasn't that easy just to bring her back. He wished he still had that hope Merlin did about the world. The simplicity of it. If he had maybe he would have welcomed Gwen back after what she did. Maybe he wouldn't have been so shattered as he was now if he had that ability to just forgive Gwen for something she couldn't help.

His breath came in short bursts, each one battling through his cracked ribs and his heavy heart. If he couldn't hear it beating in his ears he honestly thought it didn't exist anymore. He'd given it away to so many people. His father, gone. Morgana, Agravaine, the last two people he could call family in this world, he'd given them everything, he'd put his faith in them and trusted them even when they lied to his face and they turned on him like this.

'Arthur.'

His sight came back, Merlin's troubled brow coming into focus. Merlin. He breathed again, more easily when he stopped thinking about what he'd seen in his courtyard. Just focus on Merlin. He had responsibilities. People to protect. People who were being slaughtered because he was standing here doing nothing.

'We have to help the people,' Arthur said, focusing on one thing at a time. 'Get the knights.'

'Arthur?' Even when they were facing certain death Merlin had time to worry. It made Arthur smile, the familiarity of Merlin helping him regain composure. He didn't deserve Merlin, not that he'd tell him. He was probably the only person that Arthur could trust. Some part of him wondered, the dark, traitorous part of him that wanted to wallow while the hurt was so new, when Merlin would turn on him.

'I'm fine. It's the people we have to think about.'

Which they did. Arthur's dream went dark for a while, letting him rest through the hours of night. Yet just before dawn another one came to him. It was almost like an apology for the one before, Arthur standing not in that cursed castle where so many people he'd loved had been lost. This one he was standing in a forest, the girl from so many dreams ago appearing with a basket.

They had a picnic. It was nice, and reminded Arthur a bit about that picnic Merlin had taken him on their first riding lesson. They even had the treats he liked. The ones he couldn't pronounce, but this Arthur had no trouble doing so. The sweets were faint on his tongue, mere memories of taste and texture that still had the ability to make him happy.

'Where would you go?' the girl asked, the two of them talking about what Arthur would do without his castle. It was still strange to think of that castle as his, even if his dream self was some important courtier.

'Don't know. A village somewhere, maybe get a farm. Of course I'd take Merlin with me,' they shared a laugh, the girl thinking him joking but Arthur, both Arthur's knowing that they would be lost if they didn't have Merlin with them. If he did ever run away from life at the castle his imaginings always had Merlin in them. More often than not it would be Merlin telling him off for doing something off, their roles reversing, and Arthur being the one in the dark. But they would be happy, content, and fulfilled as people who lived off the land and had little else to worry about than simply feeding themselves.

'Sounds nice.'

'I wouldn't last a day,' Arthur said, taking delight in the fact she didn't laugh at him for wishing something so trivial like a farm to himself.

Strange, dream Arthur thought looking at the girl in front of him, that most of those imaginings never had Gwen in them. If he were to run away he would be in a better position to marry Gwen than anywhere else. Yet, she had never passed his mind before now.

He supposed that he had never really thought about his future with Gwen. He wasn't as sure of her presence in his life in his future as he was with Merlin's.

The merriment of the picnic left him in a happy glow, waking with a sense of contentment he hadn't felt for a while now. He knew the dreams weren't always bad, and was happy to know that his mind had been kind to him this time.

He considered getting some kind of dream journal as the last images of a dense forest left his mind. If he did, he could tell Merlin in more detail about them. He had a feeling Merlin knew more than he let on about them, and maybe, if Arthur could give him more to go on, Merlin might start trusting him with some answers.

It would also help him the rest of his waking day when he struggled with what it was he'd dreamt. If he could jot it down and look back, screw Merlin giving him some answers, he could probably make something out of them himself. Somehow he knew they were trying to tell him something. They held answers, and all of them connected somehow, but until he remembered more than a face or feeling he was doomed to rely on his hunch to get him through another day.

'You look better,' Leon greeted him, setting breakfast in front of Arthur as a sort of apology for locking him away last night. 'More like an extra in a Tim Burton movie than Dawn of the Dead.'

'I don't know which to be more offended by,' Arthur said, scoffing his breakfast before it was taken from him. 'And you'll keep that lip to yourself tonight or I really will chuck you out.'

Leon held his hands up, 'I know, don't worry. Elyan and me are looking up football strategies. I think he's invited one of his friends as well. We're going to be in my room, quiet as a mouse, so you can keep your screams for when Merlin comes around.'

Arthur lamented the loss of his bacon sandwich as soon as it left his hand, retreating to his room before Leon could do something worse- like threaten to ruin his date.

He had the room set, the movies found and popcorn made by the time his bell rang and Merlin came in. Arthur was glad to note that he hadn't made a fool of himself by dressing down as Merlin was wearing nothing more fancier than what he usually did.

'I brought cupcakes,' Merlin said, feeding Arthur one before slipping the rest into Leon's room. From the sounds within it seemed Merlin was once again the best guest they'd ever had. 'Thought it would make sure they didn't ruin the movie. God knows what you've been doing to Leon since I've been gone.'

'Rude,' Arthur said, the but true hanging between them.

If Arthur had any romantic thoughts about this date night they were soon quelled by the beginning of the Fellowship. Not only did Merlin like the movie, but he had Arthur sit a whole seat away and sent him dirty looks whenever he thought Arthur would speak. He may as well have not been there, but couldn't really complain, it was entertaining watching Merlin on its own. The way he scoffed at the Fellbeasts, the costumes and even the weapons, the only reason Arthur didn't suggest another movie entirely due to Merlin sighing about it being fantasy and not reality and accepting what he was seeing.

It was well into the early hours of the morning when Arthur gave in and had another power nap, waking with more than a certainty he was buying a dream journal. Merlin was still watching the films, the last hour of Return of the King playing, only he wasn't sitting where he had been. Instead, Arthur found himself more or less in Merlin's lap.

'Elyan's went home,' Merlin said, the first thing he had since the movies began. 'Leon said his other friend's staying, and to tell you to be nice if you saw him in the morning.'

'Just what kind of man does everyone think I am?'

'A nice one,' Merlin reassured. 'Who's also rude, insensitive and a massive dollophead. Leon's words.'

Arthur could read the lies, flicking Merlin on the nose. 'Dollophead's your word, not Leon's.'

Merlin narrowed his eyes, 'I've never called you that.'

'Mmm, yes you have.'

A considering look came on to Merlin's face, 'No, I haven't.'

Arthur thought back, trying to come up with one other scenario where Merlin had used that word. He had, Arthur was sure of it. He could hear it plain as day. Merlin had called him it many times. Yet, the more Arthur thought, the more he realised that Merlin hadn't called him that in that scenario. Nor that. Not even that one.

'I guess you haven't. Sorry.'

'Admitting your wrong and an apology, this is quiet a good first date.'

He tried for coy, figuring if Merlin was trying to lighten the mood he may as well get everything he could out of it. 'It could be better.'

Merlin chuckled. 'As good as that sounds, I really want to know how this ends,' and proceeded to ignore him in favour of the TV.

Knowing he wasn't going to win against Frodo, Arthur tried to get another half hour, his eyes falling shut easily as the rest of him marvelled at the thought he was still on Merlin's lap.