I walk among the cats I used to love, but now they don't love me back.

I talk to the stars that used to hate me, but now they don't think there's anyone left to hate.

Maybe there isn't.

But I still have hope. And while I have hope, I have strength. I can send one more sign. One last thing to save us.

I wish I could save her, but I understand now.

When you and everyone you've ever known are going to die, you don't have a choice.

Padding forward, I can't help but droop with exhaustion. Only two sunrises have passed since I began, and, already, I am losing faith. It's hard to believe everything that's happened - but, somehow, I do.

It's difficult to put one paw in front of another. In the space of one day, I left everything behind - and then, twelve moons later, I had a second choice. Could I really have turned back before? Could I have gone back to where I had been before?

No. But I could have said goodbye.

My short fur does nothing to protect me against the harsh leaf-bare wind. The cold season has come, and I'm not sure I can cope. I caught a whole squirrel yesterday, but the day before I only had a scrawny mouse.

Today I've got nothing, and, already, hunger is beginning to set in.

I've met no other cats on my travels so far - which is a miracle at least. I've walked so far that I would think my paws had fallen off. I never knew the world was this huge - but I don't think I'm halfway to where my journey ends.

I've been following the sunset. There's only so far you can go without wondering if your hope is setting, too.

I sigh, and a cloud of mist spirals through the air. When we were younger, me and Rowanlily would huff at each other all day, to laugh in delight when the smoke-like breath floated away.

We'll never do that again.

And there's more. My dreams have been disturbed, with whispers of sorrow and loss and hope, and one thing, over and over again.

She's coming. She has to.

I still watch the same scenes in my head. The nightmares of the night he turned on me - and, recently, another, of Flame lying dead on the blood-soaked ground. But now I see visions of a silver cat and a forest in shadows.

How am I possibly meant to understand this? How is it possible for me to do this alone.

But still, I walk on. Past the meadow and the river that lay after it, through the forest and past the twolegplace. Now, I can only see fields and dotted twoleg dens, right to the horizon. But soon, or so I have to believe, I'll see something. Something that will tell me I am going the right way.

The sound of barking jolts me out of my thoughts. With a sharp yowl of panic, I search for somewhere to hide. There. I race across the field and scramble up a small oak; digging in my claws, I watch the dogs pass nearby and fade into the distance.

I sigh in relief. Hopefully, they won't come back.

Jumping down, I continue to walk along the endless land. My paws are scratched and sore, but I don't know where to find any dock leaves - I think it's dock leaves that are good for treating sore pads - and I can only hope they will get better by themselves.

I twitch my ears before I slip through the hedge to the next field. I flick my tail as I do, realising with a pang of sorrow that there are no cats behind me to see the order.

There's a twoleg den at the side of this grassland. I move quietly, slipping through the long grass. This must be their territory; I don't want to be seen.

Suddenly, I burst onto a thunderpath - small, but busy. Cursing under my breath, I leap back just as a monster whizzes beside me, leaving my fur on end and smelly fumes hanging in the air.

I draw back as another roars past on the other side, hoping that they won't see me. Stupid twolegs and their monsters, I think, watching as they thunder past. Why can't they go somewhere else?

There's another hedge opposite me, so as long as I move quickly I won't be seen. Not that the monsters would see me anyway - despite the eyes that glow at night, I still believe, unlike my clanmates, that monsters are completely blind.

A few more come past, some slower than others, and it is a while before I have the chance to cross. It is silent, and, with a quick glance each way, I leap across the thunderpath. The hot, hard surface does nothing to help my paws, but I reach the other side before the next monster roars past.

I bound through the hedge, and then I see what is on the other side.

That's not right.

That can't be right.

Hope swells in my heart for no longer than a moment; then, with the wind, it is swept away.

You're cold.

Yes, I am.

Your scent.

I thought I was dead, but I'm not. It was a miracle.

Your eye.

My injuries are healed. It was a miracle.

It was a miracle - not a curse.

Or so I thought.

"Brightpaw, listen to me." I plead, but I do not move. "You can't believe I'm a stranger, Brightpaw. I know your name. I look like me. I am me."

"You can't be," she says, her voice rough but less cold. "She's dead. You can't be her. You're just a hallucination - or you're real, and you're a shadow of what you used to be."

"Maybe I am. But you can't chase me away, Brightpaw. I know you. You would never."

For a moment, she hesitates, but when she speaks, my heart turns cold. "You may know me, but I don't know you."

Anger. Pure, bubbling anger. No. They can't.

Rage pulses through me, and I can almost feel myself shaking with anger. StarClan have taken my sister, my life and my home. They can't take Brightpaw from me too.

I won't let them.

I don't deserve to go to StarClan, I said. But now I don't want to go to StarClan. I don't want to be one of them, sitting up there in a perfect world, tearing our lives apart.

"Get out of my way." For a moment, Brightpaw stands, stunned.

"Get out of my way," I repeat, my voice cold.

She moves.

I pad past her, but before I leave her, I speak again. "You tell no one," I growl softly. "You tell no one that we met now, or anything about my scent or my injuries. You say no more about the arguments we had before I ran. And hate me if you want."

As I head towards the camp, not far away, I turn again.

"I don't have to care."

When I see the bramble tunnel, I don't know what to think. Should I be happy and excited to be going back to my home? Should I be nervous about how the clan will react after Brightpaw barely recognised me? Should I be confused? Should I be afraid?

I don't know what I should feel. But all I do is an empty weight hanging in my heart.

I need to fall. I need to fall from the cat they think I am.

I need to tell them everything.

But I can't.

Because I don't know.

I don't know everything.

And it's killing me from the inside.

I can only hope that one day I will. One day, I will take control of my fate, and one day, I will live. One day, I will live my life.

But I have this cold suspicion that I've lived all I ever will.

I step inside, and watch the reaction.

Bluetail and Volepelt looked up and stare, leaving the half-eaten mouse on the ground beside them. Froststar freezes, blinking hard. Ashfern pauses where she stands, and even the playful young kits stop to look at me. Shadewhisper is the only cat to react, padding towards me with a purr that doesn't even sound forced. Instead, it sounds like he is relieved.

I must have made life hard for him, then, I think with satisfaction, if he actually wants me back.

"Rowanlily?" Froststar's voice is small, and I can only guess what I've done to her. I ran away when she needed me most. I can't say I'm sorry, because it wouldn't mean enough. But I can stay with her for the rest of my life.

"Your- your eye..." Ashfern trails off, gazing in horrified fascination. "Your injuries - all of them..."

I struggle to keep my mew steady. "I don't know what happened," I say. "I have no idea. But I do know that I almost died, and now I'm alive. I do now that I can live."

Silence. Then, again, it is Shadewhisper who breaks it.

"We managed to chase the badger out of our territory," he mews. "It won't be coming back for a while."

I nod, but then the quiet settles back upon us again.

What can I say? I can't expect them to welcome me back.

Certainly not as their deputy.

"I'm sorry Froststar," I meow. "I've let you, and the whole clan down. I promise I'll never be so stupid again, but I can't expect you to forgive me."

She opens her mouth to speak, but I hold up my tail to silence her. "I'd like to resign as deputy of ThunderClan," I say clearly, letting my voice ring across the clearing. I'm pretty sure there are no specific words for this - and if there is, they will have been lost many generations ago - but I seem to already know what to say. "I respect you for this choice, but I do not believe I am ready to serve my clan in this position."

Shadewhisper looks shocked - truly shocked. I remember, once, although I don't recall when or why, him saying to me: "Ifyou expect nothing and everything then you will never be caught off guard." It seems I've managed to defeat him in my own little way, even if nobody else will ever understand.

This whole day seems surreal, and now is no different.

"StarClan, please recognise and respect my choice. I look to Froststar to lead the clan and choose another to lead with her."

It takes Froststar a moment to shake off her shock, but when she does, she steps forward. "Thank you, Rowanlily. Although you were deputy for less than a moon, you will be remembered and respected. I, too, say these words before StarClan so that they may respect and honour my choice. The next deputy of ThunderClan will be Shadewhisper."

He bows his head in respect. "Thank you, Froststar."

And as the rest of the clan watch in shock, I can only wonder.

What have I done?

And, somehow, I have managed to finish chapter 9 on time. Only just, though!

What do you think? Do you like the beginning of Fallenbreeze's journey? Do you think I wrote Rowanlily's scene well? I'm not so sure about that second one, but never mind...

Another thing - there have been a few people (on here and Wattpad) who are confused and don't quite understand what is going on at some points. I apologise, but I don't plan on editing anything now. I can only try and explain - and promise that when I've finished this I will go through and smooth out every little thing you've pointed out. Keep reviewing!

Thanks for reading,

~ Fire & Bright ~