Been to Hell

Chapter 10: Aftermath

THEN

"Mr. and Mrs. Winchester?" He stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. That was never a good sign. "I'm terribly sorry, but the pregnancy was terminated." Sam swallowed hard. "If you're dead set on having a baby you can try again in about six months. Again, I'm very sorry."

Neither of them said anything. They waited until he'd left before Elena broke down again. He could see his brother through the tears outside of the door. Dean had that look on his face. The look that meant he was putting this all on his shoulders. Sam knew how his brother thought. Dean would blame himself for this, because it was his girl's soul they were trying to save. Sam would talk to him later, right now Elena needed him, and he needed her. He buried his head in her hair as he cried.

"I'm going home. Someone needs to clean out their room, get rid of all the baby crap." The sooner they got over this, the better.

Dean spun on her, hate burning in his eyes. "What the hell is the matter with you?" he snapped. "It hasn't even been two hours!"

She narrowed her eyes. See? Emotions. "Coming home to all of that baby crap they bought is only going to break them again. Do you want to see that?" She ran a hand through her hair. "Fuck, Dean. Think would you?"

He shook his head. "You don't touch a damn thing."

"Fine!" She sat back down, crossing one leg over the other. She was getting bored. "Guess you don't want me to tell Elena that the doctor's soul color matches hers either, do you?"

He froze, turned slowly and looked at her. "You're telling me that the doctor, the man that just told them they lost their baby, their child, is Elena's soulmate?" he demanded.

"That's what I'm telling you. I didn't lose my powers when Crowley took my soul. They both have the same deep emerald green." She looked over at him, a light smirk on her lips. "Maybe she'd be better off with him. He wouldn't drag her to hell to save her boyfriend's brother's girlfriend's soul when she doesn't even want it back." She got up, walking out of the room. She needed air, a drink, and blood.

"There's nothing you can do about her soul?" he asked.

Castiel shook his head. "No. You found the way." He looked back at the room. "I could erase the memories, take them away. They'd never know they were expecting a child."

Dean shook his head. "That's not my call to make." He looked back at the room. Sam didn't deserve this. Elena sure as hell didn't deserve this. This was his fault.

And there was no way he could make it right.

NOW

The bunker was quiet. It had been for the last three days. After returning from the hospital Sam and Elena had shut themselves in their room. Sam would venture out every now and then for food or alcohol, but it was a rare occurrence. Dean had tried to get them to come out and talk, tried everything he could think of to help them. Dalia had been less than helpful. Dean loved her, he really did, but if they didn't get her soul back he might kill her. She was barely home, she went hunting every chance she got. If there wasn't a case she brought back game and butchered it. As long as she didn't open her mouth about the whole soulmate situation with Elena's doctor, Dean didn't give a fuck what she did.

Sam was sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, staring at the crib that would stay empty. They'd moved too fast. They should have put off buying all of this shit until they knew for certain they were going to have a baby. His eyes were red and swollen from crying. Nothing had ever hurt this much before. He felt like his soul had died inside of him. He buried his face in the baby blanket he was holding, soaking it as a fresh wave of grief engulfed him. He didn't know what to do. For himself, or for Elena.

He knew however bad he felt, she had to feel one hundred times worse.

He didn't look up when he heard the bed move, not until he felt Elena run her fingers through his hair before she climbed into his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest. Sam cradled her close, giving her the only thing he could. "I'm sorry," she whispered against his shirt. He shook his head. He knew she was blaming herself for this, just like Dean was, but it wasn't anyone's fault.

He sighed, trying to control his emotions so he could actually get a damn sentence out without breaking down again. "We should pack this stuff up," he whispered. His voice was hoarse from disuse. Elena choked on a sob but nodded her head against his chest. He stroked her back. He wasn't going to push her. He knew looking at everything wasn't helping her at all, it sure as hell wasn't helping him. But he wasn't going to push her.

Elena got up slowly. "I'll go get some boxes," she said, her voice so quiet he almost didn't hear it. He frowned, watching her walk out of the room. He rubbed his face and got up. Sam took the blanket in his hands and started folding it. This was going to be the hardest thing he'd ever done.

Dalia walked in and leaned against the door frame, watching him. "What do you want?" he asked.

She shook her head. "It's good that you're finally getting around to doing this." She looked over at the crib. "It's not going to get better until you get rid of this crap."

"Do you really care?" he asked. He loved Dalia. She was like a sister to him. But soulless Dalia was a bitch and half the time he just wanted to hit her.

She shrugged. "Not really." She walked into the room, running her hand over the crib. "Dean doesn't want me to tell you this, but you have a right to know, considering you're going for a checkup tomorrow."

"What are you talking about?" He stopped folding blankets and looked at her.

"The doctor that you saw at the emergency room. The doctor that you're going to see tomorrow, is Elena's soulmate." She looked up at Sam, a small smile on her lips. "If I were you I'd step away, let them be together. He wouldn't kill her baby." She walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Sam fell onto the bed, staring at the floor. What the hell was he supposed to do now? He ran a hand through his hair, pulling at the roots. As much as he hated Dalia right now, he knew she was right. If Elena was with a normal guy she wouldn't have gotten kicked in the stomach and lost the baby. At least, that's what he told himself. A little part of himself, the one that was trying to convince him it wasn't his fault, kept saying that Elena had been a hunter before him, she was going to be one after him.

But she wouldn't have been pregnant. That was all on him.

He covered his face as more tears formed in his eyes. He knew going into this they weren't soulmates, Dalia had told them so when she'd first come back. They said it didn't matter. But…Elena might feel differently now. It was his fault she'd gotten pregnant, his fault she'd lost the baby. It was his fault she was going through all of this. But…he didn't have to tell her. He could keep it to himself. She'd never know. She was only going to see the doctor one more time. Just once for an hour at the most. He didn't have to tell her. She didn't have to know.

But he was a selfish bastard if he did that. He sighed, swallowing his grief, his tears, and pushed his hair back. He had to tell her. She had a right to know. And…he had a feeling if he didn't tell her, Dalia would.

Sam looked up when Elena came back in the room, arms loaded up with boxes she dropped on the bed. "Come here," he said, holding out his hand. She went to him and he pulled her onto his lap. "Dalia was just here," he whispered.

Elena rolled her eyes. "What did that bitch want?"

He swallowed hard. He rubbed her back and took a deep breath. "She told me that your doctor, the one that you're going to see tomorrow…he's your soulmate." He felt her tense against him and panic shot through him. Maybe he shouldn't have told her. Maybe she would leave him.

She rested her head on his shoulder. "So?" she asked.

He looked at her, dumbfounded. "What do you mean, so?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Sure, we're hurting, we just lost our child." She looked at him, smiled a little for the first time since they'd come home. "But that doesn't change the fact that I still love you, Sam Winchester."

He buried his head in her shoulder, holding her close to him. He loved her so damn much. He didn't know how they couldn't be soulmates. She was everything he'd ever wanted in a woman. Everything he'd ever wanted in his life. She knew how to make him feel better, how to calm him down. A fresh wave of emotions swamped him as he rocked her against him. He was never letting her go. Ever. He wasn't going to lose her to some doctor that didn't understand the life.

At least…he hoped he wasn't.

xXx

Dean watched Dalia walk back into the bedroom. He was furious. "You told Sam."

She looked over at him as she grabbed her bag, going through it. She was going hunting again. "Yeah, I did. He had a right to know."

"That's fucking bullshit." He got up and grabbed her hands and roughly pinned her against the wall. "They didn't need to know. They're going through enough then you had to go and drop this damn bombshell on them." His body was shaking with anger. "Damn it, Dalia."

She wedged her leg between them and kicked him back onto the bed. "Don't put your hands on me again unless you're going to fuck me, or you want to get beaten bloody." She grabbed her bag. "There's a werewolf in Colorado." She walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Dean swore and threw the closet thing against the wall. The radio clock shattered. His phone rang. He picked it up and looked at the number, growling. "What the hell do you want?" he demanded.

"Trouble in paradise, Squirrel?" Crowley asked. Dean could hear the smugness in his voice.

"I'm going to gut you, you evil son of a bitch."

"Temper." Crowley chuckled. "I heard you tried to get a soul back from me. How did that work out?" Dean gripped the phone. He wanted to hit something. "Not well from what I hear. Dear Elena lost her baby."

"Don't you fucking talk about it," Dean snapped.

"Honestly, I'm sorry that happened. She never should have been there. But that's not why I'm calling."

"Why are you calling then?" He was just about fed up with everything.

"I'm calling to make you a deal."

"What kind of a deal?"

He heard Crowley sigh. "If you want dear Dalia's soul back, you can have it, under one condition."

"What's that condition?" he asked.

"You still have to wade through the field of fire. If you manage to do that, without burning to a Winchester crisp, her soul goes back to her body, but yours takes her place."

Dean's heart stopped a little. Crowley was making a deal, his soul for Dalia's. They'd been here before hadn't they? He sold his soul for Sam's once before. Tried to do it again. His father had sold his for Dean's. It was the Winchester way. "You swear?" he asked.

Crowley chuckled. "You get to her soul, she goes, you stay." Dean could hear the smirk in his voice. "I'll even keep the demons away."

"Deal." Dean hung up the phone and rubbed his eyes. He knew this probably wasn't the smartest thing in the world. Sam soulless had been terrible, Dalia soulless was just a nightmare. He didn't want to think about what he would be like without a soul. But it was the only way to fix one of the problems he'd caused. He sighed and laid back on the bed. He was going to have to wait a few days.

Elena was going in for a checkup tomorrow. He wanted to wait to make sure his brother was going to be okay before he gave up his soul. He owed Sam that much.