Chapter 10:

I'm sat in John Flynn's office shaking both my legs because I'm so nervous. I haven't the foggiest what these feelings are but I have a feeling that Flynn will know, and if he says what I think it is, I'm fucked. "Miss Steele, Dr Flynn will see you now." I nod at his receptionist Sandy and knock quietly before opening the door to his office.

"Anastasia, I must admit I was quite surprised when you called me. How are the anger issues?" I wave him off as I take a seat.

"They're fine. I'm here to talk about something else." He sits forward.

"Oh? And what might that be?" I sigh and look everywhere but him.

"Well I met this guy, Christian, and we started fooling around. You know, my usual way of doing things." He nods. "But then we really got to know each other and now he's one of my best friends. Then I started dating this guy that wasn't Christian. His name is Ethan." Flynn's face lights up with recognition and I pause for a moment before his face turns impassive again. "We went out for a while and one night Christian told me that- that he loved me." Flynn raises his eyebrows at me like he's genuinely surprised. "I told him I didn't feel the same way and we didn't speak for a couple of days. Then we all went out for dinner and Christian brought this girl along and one thing lead to another, Ethan and Christian start screaming at each other. They fought and I didn't speak to either of them for two weeks, apart from when I told Ethan that we were done. But yesterday I went to this charity event with Christian and we ended up having an amazing night. We went as just friends but- shit I don't know Flynn. I need your help." He nods.

"What do you want me to help you with?" I lean back on the sofa.

"So, every time I looked at him, I'd get this weird pulling feeling in my chest. Like, when you miss a step and your heart does that thing? A mini heart attack?" He nods. "Well that's what happened to me every time he looked at me. And when he touched me I felt this jolt of electricity all the way up my arm and down my spine. I don't get what I'm feeling, and it's pissing me off because I'm always in control of my feelings, it's what I'm best at. But when I was with Christian, it was as though all that went away and I got that this morning as well when we had breakfast together. The idea of losing him kills me, it actually hurts when I think about it. I don't fucking understand Flynn please help me." I put my head in my hands as I feel my lip begin to tremble.

"Like I said before to another client who had a similar problem. Feelings for a person are the one thing I can't cure." I nod and sigh. He then sits forward. "But, the way I see it there's only one explanation." I sit up and look at him. "You're in love with him." I sit back again and rub my face with my hands.

"I was afraid you'd say that." He looks confused and furrows his brow.

"Why's that? What are you afraid of?"

"God, I don't know. I can't be what he wants me to be. I've never been in a real relationship where I've really been in love. Heck, I've never been in love. Is this what it feels like? To be in love?" I ask and Flynn smiles at me.

"It's different for everybody." He replies, I huff.

"Yeah well, it sucks." He chuckles.

"I'm afraid so. Do you intend on telling Christian?" I bite my lip and shrug.

"Do you think I should?"

"Do you think you should?" I narrow my eyes at him and his shrinky attitude.

"Probably. I'm just terrified he'll say he doesn't want me anymore. Or that he's found someone else. God, that would kill me." Then it dawns on me, and I put my head in my hands, trying to hold back my tears. "This is what he felt like. All those weeks, he felt like this and I didn't even bat an eyelid. I'm a horrible person." A tear falls down my cheek and I wipe it away quickly. Flynn looks at me sympathetically, as though he knows what I'm talking about.

"I'm sure Christian would forgive you." I shake my head.

"Why would he? Fuck it must have been hell for him. And there's me thinking everything is alright. I have to tell him." Flynn nods slightly.

"I think that's wise Ana, I wish you all the best." A buzz on his intercom sounds and he presses the button, his receptionists voice fills the room.

"Dr Flynn your next client is here." The corners of his mouth twitch up in a knowing smile.

"Thank you Sandy. I've just finished up with my current client. Send him in." I stand up and shake his hand.

"Thank you for everything John." He stand up too and smiles.

"It was a pleasure to see you again Ana. Let me know how it goes, I would like to see you again soon." I nod and he looks behind me smiling. "Ah Christian, lovely to see you." I turn to see that his next client is in fact, Christian Grey. He looks shocked to see me here, I mean why wouldn't he be, but the question is why is he here?

"Ana?" I hear his voice and it brings back all I've realised this session. How much I've hurt him. I can't hold it in any longer, my eyes widen before the dam bursts and I run past Christian and out of the building. I get in my car and drive fast, not stopping until I get to my apartment. I run into the living room and sit on the sofa, wiping my eyes. I need to call someone. I pick up the phone and dial.

"Hello?"

"Kate. It's me." She chuckles.

"Yeah I know, caller ID. What's up?" I let out a sob. "Ana what's wrong?" I can hear the concern in my voice and it's so nice to hear that it makes me want to cry more.

"I went to Dr Flynn's office today." She gasps.

"Ana you haven't been in so long! What happened there?" I wipe my eyes.

"I'm in love with Christian, Kate." There's silence on the other end. "Kate?" Still silence and just when I think there's no one there she finally speaks.

"Flynn made you see that?" I sigh.

"Yes. And he also made me see what a horrible, insensitive bitch I am."

"What?" She sounds confused and I stand up and start pacing.

"He asked me why I was afraid to admit it and I started talking about how I'm terrified of rejection and what if he said he was seeing someone else and how that would kill me and-"

"-And you realised that's what you were making him feel when you were with Ethan." She finished my sentence for me and I nod, even though she can't see it.

"Yes. Oh Jesus Kate! I'm the worst human ever!" I flop down onto the floor where I'm standing.

"Shh. You're not the worst person ever you're just- you don't see how others might feel because of your actions. You're not selfish, you don't think that way, and why should you? You grew up not having to care about anybody or have anybody care for you. It was just you, so naturally you wouldn't have those sorts of instincts. Christian will forgive you, he loves you-"

"-But what if he doesn't anymore? What if he's had enough?" Kate sighs.

"Ana, you can't just fall out of love in an instant. He probably wants to hate you but he can't, because he loves you." She emphasises every word so that I can hear it clearly. I lay flat on my back in the middle of the carpet and sigh. This is what my life has come to.

Christian POV

I hated lying to Ana but she doesn't know I have a therapist. She's knows I'm fucked up but not that badly, and that's how it will stay. I can tell that she feels guilty for the spot she put me in, but what she fails to see is that I'd do anything for her. I'd rather be in pain and see her everyday than be fine and never see her again. Either way it will be me that ultimately loses. She seemed genuinely upset about what she's done though, and I hated seeing her like that because of me. But I love her, so I would do anything to make her happy, even if it meant that I had to tell her I didn't have feelings for her anymore. Shit, that would be tough. What the fuck has happened to me? I'm Christian fucking Grey, I don't care about people's feelings! You care about Ana's feelings, yeah well she's not people. Jesus, this is why I need a fucking therapist, arguments with myself are the last thing I need in my state. After a quite frankly awkward breakfast with Ana I do some work before I go and see Dr Flynn. Sandy tells me that he's with a client, then her eyes linger on my face and body, I roll my eyes and take a seat, waiting for it to be over. About half an hour later Sandy calls Flynn's office and tells him I'm here, she gets off the phone and tells me to go straight in. I knock firmly and open the door.

"Ah Christian, lovely to see you." His client turns around and gasps when she sees me.

"Ana?" Her eyes widen before she bursts into tears and runs straight past me. I go to run after her but Flynn stops me.

"Don't worry Christian, she'll be fine. Take a seat." I turn around and eye him suspiciously. Why was she in here? And why was she crying?

"What happened to her Flynn?" I say desperately as I sit down.

"Christian I can't tell you about my clients, it's illegal." I sit back and huff, crossing my arms. "Believe me, I wish I could but I can't Christian." I look at him and see that he's sincere.

"Ok." He smiles slightly.

"So where are you in the Ana situation?" I frown at him.

"Didn't she already tell you?"

"I would like you to tell me Christian." He says, writing something down.

"Well I beat up that Ethan guy at dinner, all because he didn't like the fact that I knew about Ana's life and he was too interested in fucking her than asking how she was. Asshole." I mutter to myself. "We didn't speak for two weeks."

"And how did that make you feel?" I run my hands through my hair and sigh.

"Pretty shit. I hated it. It was pure torture. That's why I was so happy that she told me she'd go to the Coping Together ball. I didn't see you there by the way."

"I was around somewhere. Back to your story please." I nod.

"Well we had the most amazing night and I felt like we could just be best friends again. It's fine if she doesn't feel the same way-"

"-Are you sure she doesn't?" I frown.

"What do you mean?" He sits forward.

"Well have you asked her?" I shake my head. "Maybe you should." He says, raising his eyebrows at me, as if he's trying to tell me something.

"Um, I'll think about it I guess." He nods, smiling.

"And if she does?"

"If she does what? Have feelings for me?" He nods. I can't contain my excitement and I have a huge grin across my face. "Well to tell you the truth John it would be like Christmas had come early." He looks genuinely happy.

"I think that's your answer then." I frown. "You should ask her." I nod and stand up.

"Thank you John." He stands with me and holds out his hand for me to shake.

"I know I'm speaking out of turn, but I'm saying this as a friend and not a therapist. I really hope everything works out between the two of you." He says it so sincerely, I don't know what to say, so I just smile and thank him again. I shake his hand and leave, making my way to Ana's apartment to ask her. Maybe this could change everything, or nothing.

A/N - Hi guys! Sorry I've not been that active but I'm on holiday at the moment. I've actually just been to the Brontë museum, it was amazing! Thanks for all your patience this past week, it's been pretty difficult. Thank you :)

Sophie x