Hello, I hope all of you are doing well.

Thank you for your reviews, I really appreciate all the feedback I get. Thank you for supporting the story so far with your alerts and by favoriting it. I hope it continues to hold your interest.

Thank you to PTB members, OTD673 and sheynondoah, for betaing the chapter. Thank you OTD673 for the emergency pre-reads you do for me. And finally, thanks to my Twi beta, Jenny Cullen, for her guidance and betaing.

This chapter will be focusing on the after effects of the attack, including the emotional aftermath. Keep this in mind as you read through the chapter.

Chapter 10 – The letter

Three weeks.

Three weeks had passed since the night that had stolen my life. It had been three weeks since I was introduced to a hell I had never known. Three weeks where I saw a side of my friend, I had never been accustomed to before and neither wanted to be.

I remembered a quote from my school days, "Good is never remembered and bad is never forgotten."

Well said. Life's taught me so.

My life had become a horrific reality. A reality that had washed away all my beliefs in justice, leaving a blank slate that my mind had adopted .

I watched on as the forest's green and the sky's blue as they blurred into each other, losing their limits, their self-imposed boundaries. They were flying together, refusing to stop to take a breath. On and on, persistently.

Guess I'm not surprised that they are inhuman.

It was easier to focus on random objects in my vision than the tangled web my life had become. Unfamiliar threads were now becoming a dominant part of my cocoon. They were beginning to spread like poison threatening the deep moral beliefs I had spent most of my life using as guidelines. The strongest knots were not immune either; the strain in my relationship with Jazz was beginning to appear. The person I could speak with for endless hours, I could no longer communicate with. We sat together, the majority of our time, in silence which had never been a parting wall between us before now. There was now, more bricks were layered with each passing hour. I didn't know what to say, when to say it…mostly I forgot he was there.

My sweet, warm friend had become a decorative piece of furniture, he was always there, sitting in quiet acquiescence, but the deterioration in him was beginning to crack through. Occasionally, when I found myself momentarily, I would see through him, see how he was beginning to become a shell of the friend I had known. He was always a bad liar and he had gotten better over the years, but as is often said, nothing fools the keen eye of a friend.

I would have been happy to admit that the past few days were a blur. Only they weren't. Even now, I hoped I could forget those horrible hours in the examination room, the police investigation with the most humiliating questions ever and of course, the conversation with the doctor on the disastrous night. My thoughts transported me three weeks back; to the night when all this had started.

"Miss Swan, we've got your blood test results."

Digging my nails into my clammy palm, I tried to mentally whisper weak assurances to my heart. It didn't respond; beating so loudly, that the doctor had to repeat himself to be sure that I had heard him.

"Miss Swan, can you hear me? You are not pregnant or infected according to your current test reports."

I looked up at him, confusion whizzing through my mind. All that was said was so clear, yet it wasn't. I could hear the words but I was unable to understand their meaning. I stared at him blankly, narrowing my eyes to try to decipher the significance of the words from his expression. Staring at me with a worried look, the doctor murmured something fast in the nurse's ear. Nodding her head, she quickly made her way out of the room.

The doctor bent his knees, his face at eye-level with mine. He gazed at me with a scrutiny that made me move further up along the wall I was resting against. I clutched the sheet close to my chest, as my fingers curled onto themselves, preparing to defend myself. My eyes were suddenly assaulted by a harsh, stinging light and I turned my face away, furiously flailing my hands to rid myself of the brightness that had reminded me of Renee just a few hours ago before coming to the hospital. I didn't need reminders of her; she was amongst the other things in my life I hoped to forget.

Plastic and glass clattered as the doctor's torch light collided with the floor, giving a protesting shriek as it struck the un-giving cold floor. My body trembled, as alarm overtook all my senses. Pricking pressure punctured my arm, and I screamed in surprise. My eyes, wide with fear, scanned the white ceiling looking for something I wasn't aware of yet. Their frantic probing stopped abruptly when they settled on a matching pair of almond brown eyes that resembled the melted depths of nurturing honey.

They were Renee's eyes.

A soft, cool hand ran it's long, smooth fingers through my unruly hair. I kept staring at those beautiful eyes, mesmerized, unable to look away as they soothed me from their distance.

"Close your eyes, my darling. Just sleep," Renee whispered, palming my cheek. I nuzzled into hand, accepting it as a pillow. Her touch rubbed my shoulder, my neck, my upper back. Taking the hand rubbing my back, I brought it close to my chest holding it there, letting myself revel in the comfort it provided.

I was home and Renee was with me, was my last thought as I closed my eyes that night.

But like all dreams, my dream broke too. Turns out that the lady I had so willingly assigned as my mother three weeks ago was an assault counselor.

I was such a freak show, who clings to an unknown person like that?

While her eyes had a frightening resemblance to Renee's, I had successfully managed to avoid them when she came in for a second visit. She wanted me to talk and all I wanted to do was throw her and her sugar-sweet voice outside my room.

She kept blabbering for a whole hour, not taking the clue when I didn't respond. She had promisingly mastered the skill of entertaining herself despite earning numerous masked glares from me. Fortunately, she had left but not before vowing to come back. I really didn't want to see her again. Ever.

Jazz had smiled slightly while I had expressed my distress over the prospects of a future session. He looked good when he did that. He should be able to do that more often, my conscience had whispered angrily.

The physical examination revealed that the attackers were more sharp and skilled than the regulars. Not leaving any evidence behind was the sign of a successful criminal. The description was rather apt for the men in my case. Apparently, the examination had revealed the use of protection during the assault which left scarce evidence that could be useful in the investigation.

Like the two sides of a coin, there were both good and bad sides to this revelation; the likelihood of any transmitted disease had decreased substantially when this facet was brought to light. For now, just a few follow up tests in 3 months and preventive medication would be needed to make sure there was nothing to worry about. Furthermore, the doctors were fairly confident that a pregnancy would be a rare occurrence in this case, a fact supported when I admitted I was on the pill for skin related purposes. The ovulation and pregnancy test taken soon after confirmed that I wasn't pregnant.

What hurt me the most was that there was quite a high possibility that they would never be caught. Who was I kidding? There was no possibility. They had left no evidence, no finger prints that could be used, there were no witnesses either. The weather had made it impossible to see their faces. The question repeated over the days was, "What did I know?"

Nothing, nothing at all. I only knew the rough voices that haunted me every night but that wasn't enough to launch an active investigation. Over the next few days, one thought continuously lingered in my mind. How many others would be subjected to what I had been? How would they survive it? Like me?

I was distracted from my depressing thoughts as I heard my name being called in panic. Belatedly, I realized that the car had stopped.

"Bella…Bella...Bella!"

I looked back towards Jazz in the seat, as he clutched the gear shifter so tightly that his knuckles stood white. Panicked eyes swept over my face repeatedly, as he waved his free hand rapidly in front of my face, his mouth parted in fear.

"What?" I snapped.

Jazz had been having many of what seemed like "panic attacks" recently. Apart from being extraordinarily annoying, it was frustrating that he needed to resort to such measures to gain my attention. I was so fed up with his bursts of alarm that were dispersed between long…peaceful silent periods. He got so jittery at times, calling for the doctor every time I didn't appear to hear him, I hated it. I didn't want his concern; he could keep it for someone who needed it. I certainly didn't, but sadly, Jazz was too thick in the head to understand that.

"Sorry," Jazz said, looking down. "I just wanted to make sure you were with me. I called you so many times but you didn't respond," he mumbled in a small voice. The mere sound of his voice was beginning to agitate me; all he could speak of was me. Bella this, Bella that. It was as though the guy had no sense of direction. I despised his sympathetic looks; his pity could fly out of the window for all I could care.

"Well, I clearly am. Now, if you could please cut it out and focus on getting me to my damn apartment!" I shouted.

"Look outside your window," Jazz said, looking pointedly away from me at the steering wheel.

"We are already here, Bella."

I looked down, ashamed, before anger took over.

Well, so what! So I didn't notice, what's the big deal?

"Where were you, Bella?" Jazz asked with his annoyingly concerned voice.

"I'm here! Where else would I be? For God's sake, Jazz. Just-" I searched for what I wanted to say but my mind felt drained with the effort. "Forget it," I said, finally giving up and squeezing my eyes shut to stop myself from expressing my exasperation. Why couldn't he just quit this drama?

I felt a pang of regret in my stomach, a sinking feeling for a minute. This was not who I was. He was just doing what any good friend would do. So today, why couldn't I do what any friend would do in return?

Accept the offered help.

I was stubborn. Yes, that was it. Stubborn was good, it made me independent, almost strong. With that thought, I determinedly opened the door, making a move to step up but my confidence broke as my leg gave a twinge of pain from the sudden weight put on it.

"Ahhh…" I groaned in pain as my hands went to my knee, pressing it into numbness. Trying to support my weight on one leg made me wobble unsteadily, and I was about to lose my balance but a compassionate support helped upright me before gravity could pull me down further.

Jazz quickly removed his hands, nervously pushing them into his pockets. Scuffing his shoe in the mud, he waited for me to move first without meeting my eyes.

"Thank you," I said quietly, trying to communicate my gratitude through two simple words.

That wasn't so hard now, was it?

"Whatever. Let's go." Jazz said, brushing off my apology. It didn't even matter to him that I was speaking from my heart for once and not my bitter mind. Without waiting for me, he set out towards the building as hurt tears seeped in below my lids.

I shook my head vigorously, trying to decide what I really wanted. I was at a war with myself, one half wanted to go and give Jazz one loud slap, while the other one wanted me to pull him into the tightest hug and never let go, to make him swear that he wasn't going to leave me like everyone else did.

None were feasible at the moment. Picking up my shame, I walked behind him into the building.

~x~x~x~x~

"Run Bella. Run for your life."

"Run for God's sake!"

I can't move. I can't speak! Somebody…anybody help me. My leg hurts.

"They are coming for you. Move…move, they're coming. They'll get you."

I searched frantically in the darkness for a way out, but every direction held only pitch dark, shallow blacks…blacks that were slowly devouring me whole. It took me a while to figure out that hollow was not swallowing me, I was sinking in it as though it was quick sand. Placing my hands on the ground I tried to push myself up, but I only sank deeper. There was no way out.

I looked up at the sky. It was raining.

Again.

I returned my gaze to the road, now scared. Seeing the metallic gray Honda coming at me at a high speed, I tried push myself up, but I only sank in deeper.

Panicked, I looked up to see the driver of the car. And then I screamed, "Renee!"

"NO!" I yelled, jolting up from my now damp bed. Irritating hands kept fluttering over my face, they were cold and disgusting.

"Get your hands off me. No, don't you touch me!" I hit the person touching me so hard that they would never forget that they had dared to touch Bella Swan. My palm sang with the sting of the blow.

I opened my eyes in the darkness to see the person stagger back in shock and possibly pain. Why was it still so dark? I switched on the bed side light, holding my alarm clock securely between my fingers to defend myself.

The brightness brought a face to light at the same time it made me realize what I done.

I. Had. Slapped. Jazz.

"Oh my God," I whispered, touching my mouth with my fingers. Jazz held a hand to his cheek, his eyes closed in pain as he sat on the floor. But no, it wasn't the physical pain. I had hurt him deeply, where it hurt most. Bang on the heart. The number of deep set lines on his face made me realize how old my friend had suddenly become. I couldn't see the Jazz that danced to "Single ladies", the boy who was always dozing in class beside me while I scribbled his notes …and neither could I see the guy who blushed at every mention of Alice. I was beginning to lose him. Or was I already too late?

I lifted myself off the bed, making my way to the only friend I had never known. Sitting cross-legged on the floor next to him, I reached out to hesitantly touch his shoulder. He shrugged it off.

He shrugged me off.

However, I was persistent, I didn't budge. Eventually, he gave up, slumping his shoulders, letting me cup his shoulder. Removing my hand, I leaned my head against his arm.

"I'm sorry," I tried again, mentally begging him to act like he had heard me.

Jazz didn't say anything for a long while; I thought he had gone to sleep. I moved my head to check, but his eyes were open, staring outside my bedroom window. As if sensing me looking at him, he turned to me with his softest, most compassionate eyes. He patted my hand lightly to let me know that we were good.

But we weren't okay. We were far from it. I was really beginning to doubt if anything would be okay in my life ever again. Taking a deep breath, I did what I knew had to be done.

"You need to leave, Jazz. I can't be around you or anyone else right now. I need to be on my own," I said, looking down while I pushed my fingers through the carpet.

Jazz lifted my chin, showing his loyalty once again by saying, "You need me right now. I'm not going anywhere. Hang on to me, we'll get through this like everything else."

"And one more thing, you can't chase me away by striking me. I'm tougher than that," he joked, but there was no humor in his voice, only that hidden fear that I would force him to let go.

And he was right; that's exactly what I would do. He had a life; he had to go on even if it meant leaving me behind. He had done enough for me, now it was time to live his life. I wasn't going to let him drown with me in this hard phase.

Alice hadn't called in so long, and I knew Jazz was the one to be blamed. He was irrational, angry, upset, and all in all poor at controlling his emotions. Being a friend had certain responsibilities, and I couldn't be selfish anymore. This had to end, no matter what it took.

Even if it was our friendship. Period.

Looking into those pained hazel eyes, I found exactly what I abhorred. Pity.

"I. Want. You. To. Go," I said slowly, enunciating each word, watching his face becoming desperate with each word.

"But-" I cut him short with a lift of my hand.

"No, don't. Jazz, I can't stand having you or anyone around me now. I'm not myself now. I need to find who I am," I paused.

Holding his hand in mine, I continued gently, "And right now, I need to do that on my own."

~x~x~x~x~

Jazz had agreed halfheartedly. I knew he worried that I would try to hurt myself, but I really wasn't into self-inflicted damage. Attempting something like that would require me to stop thinking and at the moment that seldom occurred. I was too engrossed to be able to see beyond the present. Endless hours were spent by the window sill where I stared at the sky, repeatedly questioning the existence of a God. The attack persistently teetered at the edge of my mind, every once in while striking my conscious psyche when I let me guard down. Evasion didn't work as well I would have hoped for it to.

Jazz had begun to give me space. Although, he refused to let me be by myself at night, he would return to his place during the day to put his creativity to good use. The security of his presence left me feeling scared while he was away, but I noticed how I had gotten better during the week; returning to the daily chores with noticeably less fright. It wasn't much, but at least I was taking the first few steps.

The nights hadn't gotten better, if anything, they were only progressively getting worse. At sunset, Jazz and I would eat our dinner together in silence before retiring to our respective rooms. Jazz never came in to wake me from the nightmares again, I had requested him to do that much. But it didn't make things easier, getting through each night was a challenge, and my patience and strength were wearing out.

Every night, I ran for my life.

Although, I usually had no clue what I had dreamt of, I woke up in the middle of countless nights repeatedly, sometimes as often as four times. There was just a sense of overbearing fear, a pounding of my heart and the breathless feeling of being choked. At times, I felt like I was in another's body since my mind couldn't logically place my physical reactions.

As if all this was not enough, Angela had called in to apologize. The call had ended when Jazz came home to find me in tears on the phone. Charlie, too, had called several times, and every time I had fielded his calls with skill I had never known to possess. He could tell something was wrong, yet he didn't push me, and I was grateful for his silence on the matter. I couldn't even begin to imagine how he would react if he knew the truth. He would be crushed if he ever found out that I had turned away from the solace he could have offered. I knew I was wrong, but I didn't want to add to his miseries. He would probably not be able to do much in the case other than drink himself to sleep to relive the sorrow.

~x~x~x~x~

I pulled my coat around myself tightly, studiously examining my boots in a vain attempt to ignore the foundation I had on to conceal the remnants of the bruise on my cheek. I peeked up to look into the elevator's mirror, immediately looking back down as I saw myself. I had begun to look deathly pale over the past few weeks; the rose tint had faded away leaving sullen cheeks in its wake.

Mercifully, the doors opened showcasing Paxiou's spectacular entrance. Bright white furniture was artfully distributed with vibrant red flower boards stamping the walls with Paxious's signature taste. Posh white leather sofa seats were illuminated by the white glow of twirling lights and reflective mirrors. The picture complete with the smashingly sexy receptionist and her lustrous, red lips.

What am I doing here?

I walked in my boots to the staff entrance, highly aware of the disparaging looks directed toward my very "un-summery" attire. It was early-August, and I was wearing my longest, shabbiest wool coat.

Yes, wool. And no, I'm anything but cold.

Digging sweaty palms into my warm pockets, I completed the walk to my small little office. Trolls of sweat began to run down my temples, and I wiped them away with my sleeve. That did little to help, more beads formed from the excessive heat. Snickers followed behind me, and my cheeks began to flame two fold more from the warmth and embarrassment. Eyes down, I pressed each of my fingertips as I heard the muffled laughter. Finally reaching the door, I turned my knob but my hands were too damp and the steel knob kept slipping. Wiping my hands on my coat earned a few more hoots of laughter from the staff members in their cubicles, and my eyes began to water with anger and shame.

"Misfit," I said to myself. I just proved it to everyone today who thought of me otherwise.

Closing the door behind me, I carefully hung my coat on the stand. Turning around to take in my room, I touched the furnished wood panel of my desk as I took a deep breath of the air in my office, closing my eyes as its fresh scent took over my senses. It had been cleaned in my absence.

Moving to the window, I pulled the blinds up, opening the room to delicious rays of sunshine. Inhaling a few more lungfuls, I opened my palms against the windows to embrace the feeling of freedom these four walls of my room provided. Guiding myself into my chair, I leaned my head back against the velvety leather while I rested my hands on the arm rests.

It felt so good to be back…almost normal.

I would be fine as long I had this to myself. My safe haven was all I wanted…no, needed. It was one thing that I earned, my achievement; it was my place in this world. I was made for this just like it was for me. Hitting the power button of my computer I felt a flicker of exhilaration as I moved my hands back and forth across the keys, watching them sway at the feeling of an electrical punch coming alive in me. I was beginning to become me again.

Tucking my hair behind my ears and pushing up my sleeves up, I opened my email box.

Windows Live Today: Isabella Marie Swan

Inbox (11 new messages) Sign out

1. Sender: Alice (new)

Subject: I'm desperate. (Today at 9:00 a.m.)

2. Sender: Alice (new)

Subject: Don't do this (08/06/2008)

3. Sender: Alice (new)

Subject: Why don't you or Jazz answer my calls? (08/05/2008)

4. Sender:Charlie (new)

Subject: (no subject) (08/04/2008)

5. Sender:Alice (new)

Subject: Jazz won't let me talk to you. (08/04/2008)

6. Sender:Alice (new)

Subject: Edward had reasons (08/02/2008)

7. Sender:Miller Mart (new)

Subject: Free coupons for your grocery! Offer limited to subscribers till 15th August. (08/02/2008)

8. Sender:Alice (new)

Subject: Please tell me you forgive me. (08/01/2008)

9. Sender: Alice (new)

Subject: I'm sorry. (07/30/2008)

10. Sender:IMAX (new)

Subject: Utilize your card now to get free tickets for the latest. Summit International movies. Scratch and win today! Lots of exciting surprises await winners. (07/25/2008)

11. Sender:Jessica (new)

Subject: Mallory is pissed. Get your ass here soon, babes! (07/10/2008)

I stared at the screen, why couldn't I just live my life? Why did I have to be constantly reminded of events I desperately wanted to forget? Pinching my nose in anger at Alice, I cursed her for wrecking the perfect start to my day. Well, as perfect as it was expected to be.

I collapsed on my chair with a thud, pressing my fingertips into my temples. I hadn't made my opinion on the matter clear to Jazz because I didn't know what to think myself. I didn't even want to think, anymore. I just wanted to take a new start today, but that had been spoiled before it could even begin. Now, I just wanted to go home. Pack up and leave early.

A knock sounded and I murmured my ascent.

"Hi," Jess squealed, showcasing a silky, tight indigo dress. This week she had purple highlights with a set of fake, misty, magenta nails. Perfect.

"Hello," I said, with much less enthusiasm. I wasn't half as thrilled to see her, but I liked the notion of having some normality still in my life.

"What was the reason for your absence, missy? Open up…romantic get away?" She asked with hands on both sides of her face for emphasis.

Pretentious, much?

"I was sick." Sick in the mind, sick in the stomach…sick being in my own body.

"You actually expect me to believe that," she said with a disbelieving screech.

"Yes, I actually do," I said, annoyance now seeping into my tone. Why was that so hard to believe? What did she expect me to say? The truth? So that she could broadcast it live.

Well, she could dream on. No, I wasn't in a dreamy cottage over the past few weeks, I was lying half-dead on a hospital bed. Was she strong enough to hear about the weeks?

"I have work, now if you'll excuse me," I said curtly. Opening the pending folders on the table, I observed them, rudely waiting for her to leave.

"What's with you?" She asked, flicking her shiny, blond hair over her bare shoulder.

"I'm busy, Jessica," I said her full name so that she would take the message and just leave.

"Fine, fine. I'm going," she huffed, "I just came to let you know that Mallory has called you in her office."

I rubbed two fingers in between my eyebrows in worry. What did Lauren want now?

"Okay, I'll go see her now."

"See you later, babes." Jess said, closing the door behind her before bending back to offer me two thumbs up. "Best of luck! You'll need it."

You can say that again, I thought tiredly.

~x~x~x~x~

I stood behind the glass door with fancy, curly golden wings painted on them. They were so wrong for the door leading to the incarnation of the devil. At the flip side, they could also be seen as being representative of Mallory's deceptive beauty. Her nature was her biggest strength and at the same time her greatest flaw that made her the most dangerous creature I had ever met.

Hesitantly, I pushed the doors open and stepped inside. Mrs. Mallory was seated on her red leather couch flipping through one of the latest Paxiou magazine in her lap. Her pale fingers with blood red nails skimmed each line.

"Miss Swan," she acknowledged, not sparing me a look, flipping pages too fast to be actually reading them.

I moved to sit on the seat facing her, the red mocking me.

"I didn't say you could have a seat yet," she said, finally putting away the magazine and looking at me with calculating and cold grey eyes.

I stood aloofly, my head down in shame.

"Welcome back," she said, arrogance personified.

"Why Miss Swan, you certainly didn't have this look on your face at the night of the party. Have a seat," she smirked, sitting back and crossing her long legs. It did not escape my notice that she had a pair of red peep toe shoes. What is it with this women and red?

"I was informed about your absence by the hospital a month ago," she said nonchalantly, blowing on her nails before putting them back in her lap. She cocked her head to the side, using a hand to delicately support her chin. "Now, I want to hear it from you."

I stared at her, defenseless, susceptible to her latest strategy. I had not anticipated this, yet here I was again. Panic began to rise in my chest. Suddenly the walls seemed to close on me; the ceiling was coming down on me. It was suffocating.

I stared at the wall behind her. Focus on tangible objects, Bella. Focus, she can't break your focus. Do not give her that.

"Go on, Miss Swan. I don't have all day to spend with a single employee," she said coolly.

My lungs wheezed involuntarily on the air as I watched her lay her palms flat on the glass table in front of her. Fingers spread apart, nails shining dangerously from the recently applied coat, she leaned her cat like body forward with the stealthy grace of a cheetah.

"Miss Swan, answer my question. Our work has suffered from your sick leave. What is the medical reason behind your absence?" She demanded.

In this moment, I couldn't see Mrs. Mallory anywhere. I was back on the road, drenching in the rain with the fate right in front of me. Except this time I could fight it and win.

"You don't have the right to question me about my personal health," I replied in a voice that I didn't recognize as my own. Slowly, I raised my eyes and beating her glare with my own piercing gaze. Try me.

Mrs. Mallory shrunk back in shock, her brief gape betraying her surprise. Quickly righting herself, she folded her arms, "Miss Swan, I'm afraid you didn't hear me."

Let's get even now, shall we.

I gave her a smirk, pulling myself into the hard shield I had discovered. Leaning back, I crossed my legs mirroring her posture before saying, "I heard you just fine, Mrs. Mallory. But, let me remind you as per the state's regulations regarding disclosure of medical issues, employers are not allowed to force or coerce an employee to reveal their health status. If the hospital would have thought of it to be necessary you would have known already, but the hospital staff has assured me I am under no legal obligation to disclose anything to you."

It was classic watching Mallory's face going paler as her own moves back fired at her. Gone was the composed lady leaving an angry and unjustified woman. I wanted to laugh at her, mock her with a sneer of my own…but for now this was enough. I had held my own. One more step up.

"Are you doing this to get a rise out of me?" Mrs. Mallory asked, furious at not getting her way for once.

"No," I whispered, "I am just fighting for my privacy. Mrs. Mallory, I am an employee and I reserve the right to keep my personal issues limited to myself."

"Very well, you may get on with your work, Miss Swan. It has suffered quite a bit as it is. Carry on," Mrs. Mallory barked. I could almost see her nostrils flaring.

The "she-beast."

I walked out of the office with a smile. I had stood up for myself. Hell, I had stood up against Mallory, and beat her so bad that she was green with defeat. With broad shoulders and my chin up, I completed the return to my office. There were no snickers this time.

"Bella!"

I looked at Mike in question as he held up a letter. "Letter for you," he piped.

Who would send me a letter? How outdated was that?

Taking the envelope in my hands, I examined it from side to side, taking in the rich, cloth-like texture of the envelope. It had a historical air to it; an old, western charm…a message sealed with an ancient gold stamp.

Curious by its strange appearance, I took it into my room. Sitting on the seat, I carefully removed the stamp, sticking it on the side of the screen.

Personal letter for Miss Isabella M. Swan

I traced the beautiful calligraphy with my fingertips; it must have taken a while to learn how to write like that. Intrigued by the letter, I took the yellow, coffee scented paper out.

Dear Isabella,

You may be surprised that I have written you a letter, but I have had a few things on my chest that you must know before I leave for New York again. I have been a coward enough to not come and personally apologize. Sometimes, I worry that the disgust and hate in your eyes for me would be unbearable to experience personally. I have been stalling for a while now, moving back and forth between New York and Seattle, but this has gone too long and it must end today.

I have written letters to very few people over the years, and I have one last request to ask of you. Please read to the end. I know it's too much to ask, but I will always grateful to you if you do. I promise this is a goodbye letter; I won't interfere in your life and will make myself scarce on the occasion that we come in close proximity ever again.

I know nothing I say will undo my misdeeds. So I won't beg or plead for forgiveness…because I know you can't forgive me. You shouldn't. I sincerely admit myself that I don't deserve it. This current predicament you find yourself in is solely my fault and you deserve to know the reasons before I perish from your life.

Isabella, I wasn't able to make it that night. Not because I changed my mind, but a very serious matter came up that couldn't be avoided. My cousin committed suicide, ingesting a highly dangerous dose of sleep medication. Her new housemate tried to wake her up but at the lack of my cousin's arousal, she panicked. In fear, she found my card on my cousin's bedside table and she called me in tears.

I was on my way to the shop when I received the call. I made a sharp U-turn back to her house, instructing the girl to call the ambulance since she didn't own a car. The girl was rendered incompetent by the shock of the situation and she couldn't function. So I reached their house, lifted my unconscious cousin in my arms after feeling her faint heartbeat. Disregarding all traffic rules, I made it to the hospital just in time. I waited outside her room, pacing back and forth until the doctor finally came out and confirmed that she was out of danger. Thankfully, she had not succeeded in her attempt.

I was just taking a breath of relief when Alice called me. In my worry and haste to complete the necessary documentation, I had forgotten to inform the other family members. Alice, being Alice, began chattering and questioning me about my visit to the shop. Too tired to grasp much, it took me a while to come to my senses and comprehend what she was asking about. It was then that I realized that you could be waiting for me. Informing Alice of the current situation, and looking at my cousin's stability, I decided to come and pick you up. Alice tried to reach your cell phone but there was no coverage. I stepped on my accelerator and sped to the final location. I don't need to repeat the next set of events as you are well aware.

This all I can say; I hope it makes my motives clear. Jasper probably doesn't know the true set of events, and I would request that you let him know about what happened that night.

Please know that I never wished for you to be harmed, Isabella. If I could, I would go back and change it. But I'm only a mortal. I hope with all my heart that you will find it in yourself to walk away from what happened that night. Let your inner light lead you not your fate.

I am sorrier than you'll ever know, Isabella.

Sincerely,

Edward A. Cullen.

A/N: Some of you have asked me about an EPOV. Although, I don't have one yet, I thought the letter would give you some insight into the way Edward thinks.

So if it isn't a disease or pregnancy, what in the whole world could be the reason behind the marriage? I'll leave you to think about that.

There is a pictease for the next chapter that will be posted the thread shortly, go check it out. I'm sure it will make you wonder what happens. The link to the thread can be found on my profile page.

Just a request, leave me a review with your thoughts. And like always, there is a teaser for all reviewers!