Chapter 10
"What do you mean I asked you to?" asked Rush and suddenly they were in some sort of- Rush's eyes widened. "This is-"
"The bridge," finished Gloria. "The bridge on board Destiny."
Rush looked around in disbelief...or rather he was trying to look at anything else besides the image of his deceased wife standing right in front of him. This has happened before...when he first say on the chair and he had relived the moment of her death. It had destroyed him during the first time, nearly made him insane the second...he couldn't stand a third instance of saying goodbye…
"You've been trying to figure out how to access most of Destiny's systems...here you can do that," explained the image of his wife as she motioned with her hand to the bridge. "As for the earlier encounter…well I wanted to learn from what you have experienced."
"Learn what exactly?" asked Rush his voice barely above his whisper. He just couldn't look at her...it was too much.
"How to help," replied Gloria and her tone made Rush look up and he as swallowed in her gaze, feeling his heart warm a little because this was Gloria looking at him with concern. Gloria, his wife, who had always worn that look whenever he skipped meals or forgot where his bed was and was found unconscious in his study floor. "Let me help you, Nicholas."
"No, please," began Rush, finding the will to turn his back to her. "Use anyone else, hell I'll take Kiva just please don't-"
"But this is the person you've been seeking," she replied and Rush had to fight with everything he could to stop the tears from falling. "She is the key in curing you of the device's effects."
"She is dead," said Rush, no longer being able to hold back the tears. He turned to look at her, at Gloria and he swallowed. "You are dead and I have no one...I have nothing left, Gloria." He paused and took a breathe. "A part of me died with you...and I don't know if I can-"
"The past is a reminder of things that have happened," she began and Rush looked at her puzzled. "Things that have made us stronger, mistakes we are now wary not to repeat, and experiences that have made us who we are."
She paused and walked over to him, a hand on his cheek, brushing away the tears. "Those were your words earlier, Nicholas. Why can't you follow your own advice?"
"Because you were always my strength, Gloria," confessed Rush, leaning towards her touch, or what he fooled himself to be her touch. "Without you, I'm nothing.."
"Then let her be your strength once again," she replied. "The memory of her, the love you shared...those memories, those experiences are far stronger than anything that the Lucian Alliance device could have planted in your brain-"
"The hurt?" countered Rush. "I'd rather suffer that torture than remember how my heart shattered when you died, Gloria...I'd rather relive Kiva and her taunts than remember that you are no longer here...that I failed you." The last part was barely said as Rush cried out as he remembered that day...the worst day of his life.
He meant it...he'd rather be stuck reliving Kiva's torture than remembering Gloria...because it didn't just bring back the feeling of loss. Remembering Gloria was also remembering how he had failed her, the guilt of not being able to help her, the knowledge that she had deserved better...that she should be the one alive and not him.
"Do you really wish to forget?" she asked, and Rush found himself looking at her, drowning in her eyes like she was really and truly there, helping him in a way that he never could for her. "Is that really what you want?"
"What I want…" began Rush, his voice shaking. "Is for you to be here...for Gloria to be alive."
When the consoles started coming back to life, Brody and Eli sprang into action.
"We're regaining access to the systems we've had before," declared Eli, working quickly on his console.
"Try getting energy back to the FTL drive and living areas," ordered Young.
"Already on it," said Eli. "Energy for the living area and atmosphere is back to normal levels."
"Try getting energy levels for the shield and FTL drive to normal levels," raised Brody. "Try with the reserves. I'll try getting from the chair."
"But if you interrupt the energy from the Chair wouldn't that put Rush in danger?" asked TJ who was looking over the scientists' vitals.
"Unless I shut it down, no," explained Brody. "The chair uses energy when someone is sitting on it, and even when that happens, it doesn't use that much."
"What?" asked TJ and Young in disbelief.
"Then why shift the power there to begin with?" asked TJ.
"To entice us...or mainly to entice Rush," offered Brody with a shrug.
"Are you telling me that the ship shifted power to the chair because it knew we would have Rush sit on it to get access to the ship's power?" asked Young, giving both Eli and Brody a hard look.
"It's an Ancient old ship with predetermined programming that predates any of us...hell might even pre-date our own planet," said Eli. "I wouldn't put that pass the ship."
"Why?" asked Young, looking back to the man sitting on the chair. "Why force Rush to sit in the chair?"
"Your guess is as good as ours, Colonel," replied Brody. "Especially since the information transfer is still one sided...meaning Destiny is learning from Rush."
They were seated in the gardens just like Rush and Gloria had done countless times, just watching everything go by...leaning into one another's presence.
Rush didn't know how long they've been sitting there but he could tell it was for a long time now...what was happening to the outside world of the simulation? Was everyone still alive? Did they manage to redirect power to the ship's systems?
"It's not because they used it often," came her voice, startling Rush out of his thoughts.
"I beg your pardon," said Rush, looking at her.
"You don't have to be formal with me, Nicholas," she replied with a smile and Rush couldn't force himself to return the gesture. She still wore Gloria's face and it was still too much for him to bear. When he didn't reply, she continued. "What's happening to you...it's not because Kiva had used the Pulser on you more often than others."
"How do you know?" asked Rush, at least their topic of conversation was slightly a safe area, a topic he could discuss.
"I've been studying the workings of your mind since you sat on the chair," she replied. "Based on your neural pathways, the effect of the Pulser on you is different not because it was used on you too often and you didn't take the time to rest."
"Why then?" asked Rush.
"It's because the Pulser's signal of pain latched onto something...a lingering pain already present," she explained and he didn't like where the conversation was heading. "A lingering pain from a broken heart."
Rush turned away and he heard her sigh...he wasn't even sure if she was breathing or not but maybe the ship was trying to act like a human to get a response from him.
"Please don't-"
"You're not helping yourself, Nicholas," she began. "You know how the solution to this."
"It's hard…" Rush admitted, still not looking at her. Why did it have to take the form of Gloria? Why couldn't be Franklin or anyone else? Why did it have to be her?
"Her memory isn't defined by that last moment, Nicholas" she reasoned. "Or is that the only thing you see? Your time together was nothing more than hurt and-"
"No!" exclaimed Rush, turning to look at her, taking her hands into his. "Don't even think that, Gloria!"
"Then why?" she asked and Rush couldn't believe he had more tears to shed.
"Because like I said," he began. "I died that day as well...I don't know how to live without you Gloria...I'm lost without you."
"But you're not without me," said Gloria, putting one of her hands over his chest. "I'm always with you, Nicholas. I've always been with you." She paused and Rush let himself fall into her arms, swallowing him in a hug as he sobbed. "Let me be your strength once again. Let me save you from this pain."
Rush hugged her tighter as his sobs continued. The pain from his time with the Lucian Alliance...the pay he was reliving for the past few days...they were nothing compared to the pain he had felt when she died...when he would remind himself how he had failed her, how he had lost her…
"I love you, Gloria," whispered Rush between sobs. "I'm so sorry I failed you…"
The lights in the chair room brightened and both Eli and Brody's eyes widened as they studied their separate consoles.
"It's back," whispered Eli in relief. "Everything we've been doing with the ship, all the systems, the protocols...everything's back!"
TJ and Young both sighed in relief. "David, we've got control of the ship once again."
"Copy that," replied Telford. "I'll be sending everyone back to their rooms."
Let's be cautious first," added Young. "Camille, maybe just let everyone rest after the day we've had...any other activities, use of power or whatever else people do on this ship be put on hold until we've had 24 hours of peace."
"Understood," replied Camille. "I'll meet you there."
Young didn't clarify, he knew what she meant. Young turned to TJ who nodded. "Greer, Scott, report to my location."
"Copy that," came both Scott's voice.
Young turned to the members of the Science Team. "Any chance of just pulling him out?"
"Not if you want him in one piece," replied Brody. "The flow of information shifted to equal distribution a few minutes earlier...Rush learning from the ship and the ship learning from him…"
"And how long until he comes out of it?" asked Young. "The last time was a few hours...is it safe to say it'll be the same this time around?"
"Your guess is as good as ours," said Eli.
"There has to be a way to know what's going on," said Young.
"Other than the physical signs...there's nothing else...well except maybe if the ship suddenly stops and loses power again," said Eli and he regretted his words as everyone glared at him. "Sorry, not the best choice of words."
"Look, Colonel," began Brody. "You're just going to have to trust Rush."
"I trust Rush with keeping the ship running," said Young. "I don't trust him to look after himself. The man would rather work than sleep...he doesn't give a damn about his wellbeing."
He paused and eyed everyone else in the room. "The ship is back and running...do you honestly think he'd work hard to make sure he came out in one piece?" He turned to Brody. "You were there when he got out of bed just after having surgery...just so he could go back to work and fix the ship."
"Colonel," began TJ and this got Young to stop. "This just has us back to what was asked earlier...do you trust Rush?"
Young sighed and turned to the man still sitting on the chair.
"I do," replied Young. "I really do...it's just-"
"We're all worried," said TJ so that he wouldn't have to. "But this is Rush we're talking about." Turning to catch the eye of everyone else in the room. "I don't think, as you've said Colonel, that he'll let a chair of all things kill him."
They were back on the bridge.
Rush sat on what he concluded was the command chair of the ship and just watched the stars go by as Destiny shifted to FTL.
"I always thought that studying the Ancients was they key," he began, watching the universe go by. "That they were advanced enough to have found a cure for any disease…"
"In the end that was a useless endeavor," he stood and walked over to one of the front consoles, leaning on a pillar. He turned to see the image of his wife sitting in the chair he had just vacated. "Why did you give me the location of the Bridge?"
"You've earned it," she replied. "After everything you've been through..." She paused and eyed him intensely. "But with your new found knowledge of Destiny...that won't be enough to cancel the effects of the Pulser...it needs a far stronger counter. Multitudes of information will always be a grain of salt compared to a powerful memory."
"I know," replied Rush, looking back at the view.
"I think it's time for you to join your crew, Nicholas," she said. "You have your answers...the riddle of the master code and your solution to your pain." She paused and Rush turned to find himself alone. "What you do with that knowledge is up to you."
Rush sighed and just watched the stars going brighter and let himself go…
Eli wanted to bet that if the ship wasn't made by Ancients, the colonel would have already paced a hole straight through the floor.
So far everything was ok ship wise, power was back, no more sudden cold spots and sudden vented atmosphere. Everything was actually going back to normal...except for the fact that their main expert was still connected to the ship and was maybe still having living nightmares of his torture with the Lucian Alliance.
But, Eli guess, that could be what normal life was living in an Ancient ship travelling the depths of the expanding universe. Each day was an adventure...and frankly that was the norm.
Camille had arrived after making sure everyone else was either sleeping or not causing any trouble. Telford had been with her but had retired when he saw that he couldn't do much and frankly Telford never really cared about Rush and Eli didn't see the purpose of his presence.
Scott and Greer were outside, waiting to help in case Rush needed to be rushed to the infirmary...which was why TJ was stood by the scientist's side ready for anything, because any moment he could either come out of the chair unscathed or worse.
Eli turned to Brody who was focused on the console displaying the transfer of information from Rush and the ship. He'd been still for so long that Eli wanted to ask if he was ok. But before he got any words out, Brody's eyes widened and he was suddenly typing away at his console.
"Brody?" asked Camille, noticing the scientist.
"The transfer stopped," announced Brody. "I don't-"
He was cut off by a sound of a machine winding and they all turned in time to see the chair's temple electrodes disengaged from Rush and scientist slowly blinked his eyes open.
Young was immediately kneeling in front of him. "Rush?"
Rush tried to blink away the disorientation he was feeling and he turned to look at everyone in the room as awareness returned to him. "The ship?"
Young sighed and found himself smiling as he placed a hand on the scientist's shoulder. "Back to normal."
"Or as normal was we can get," added Camille with a relieved smile. "You did it."
"What about the other problem?" asked TJ and Rush turned to her.
"That I don't know...yet," confessed Rush, the strength returning to his voice.
"Well then you'll have no arguments if I keep you in the infirmary for observation," sad TJ, using her best medic voice and glare which did not earn her any objection from the man.
"I'll go along without any arguments," began Rush as he slowly got to his feet. He wobbled and Young had to steady him to prevent the man from collapsing to the floor. He shot Young a grateful look before turning to everyone, even to Scott and Greer who were peering from the door. "I just have to show you something first."
Young couldn't believe his eyes as soon as the door lifted. The man had done it. He actually did it.
"Don't sound too surprised, Colonel," raised Rush with a cheeky grin and Young glared at him, more annoyed at voicing his thoughts than at the man himself.
"This is so cool," said Eli as he all but jumped into the room, looking over the many consoles and finally settling on the view much like the one seen in the Observation Deck. "You don't suppose we can actually say 'Beam me up' and actually have a working Transporter here."
"I'm not like him," said Greer, motioning to Eli. "But I have to admit, that'll be cool."
Young and Rush watched the others fill in and explore the bridge as they leaned on the railings of the upper floor of the bridge.
"This is like a dimly lit sci-fi set," commented Young and he heard Rush chuckle beside him. "Not that I'm glad you shared this to us…"
"Because I wouldn't have under any circumstances," finished Rush for him. "You're right by the way…"
"Then why did you?" asked Young, finally turning to the scientist.
"Look around Colonel," said Rush, not taking his eyes away from the bridge itself. "What do you see?"
"The way to final take control of the ship," answered Young.
"What else?"
"The universe?" tried Young again and Rush snorted.
"And here I thought you actually had a decent brain-"
"Rush," exasperated Young. "Point?"
"The bridge, like any other bridge of a spaceship depiction in our modern media, is depicted to be manned by not just one person," explained Rush, finally turning to look at him.
"It was designed to be manned by a crew," finished Young with a small smile as he shook his head. "Took you a near death experience with the chair to finally get that?"
"Don't push it, Colonel," said Rush, his usual glare in place and Young had to laugh. If that wasn't a sign that things were finally settling down, he didn't know what will.
"And here I thought we were starting to make progress with each other," said Young, making Rush's glare intensify.
"Just because I'm in a sharing mood doesn't mean-"
"That you'll suddenly be a team player and not be a lot of work?" offered Young. "Wouldn't have you any other way Rush." He paused as he studied the scientist. "Besides, if you suddenly become like that, I would suspect you were replaced with an alien."
"My heart swells with your confidence in knowing me versus an alien" replied Rush sarcastically, earning another laugh from Young.
They lapsed into silence as the others discussed the workings of the bridge...that was until Young turned to him once again. "You ever going to share what you saw in there?"
Rush sighed and kept his gaze forward. "Maybe...one day…"
"One day…" echoed Young. He patted the man on the shoulder. "Get some rest, Rush. You've earned it."
"And then what, colonel?" asked Rush. "Ride into the sunset?"
"Well stars technically," offered Young. "You just keep thinkin', Butch. That's what you're good at."
Rush snorted. "And here I thought we were in trouble."
Rush was sitting up on the infirmary bed as TJ took one last look at him before retiring herself.
"You seem better," said TJ as she finished checking his pulse.
"Getting there," replied as he suddenly became distant. "I doubt I'll eventually get there but it's a process."
TJ nodded and bid him good night but just as she was about to disappear, Rush called back to her.
"Lieutenant," began Rush. "You can ask."
TJ had to smile as she returned by his bedside, leaning on the opposite bed from his. "What was the cure?"
"Thinking of something else more powerful," replied Rush. "We were wrong about the device...it didn't persist because of how often it was used on me...it's because it latched onto a pain already present."
"You've been experiencing lingering pain already?" asked TJ in concern. "Why didn't you mention-"
"It wasn't physical in a sense...I think you'd understand that better than anyone…"
It was said softly that TJ barely heard the words...but as soon as she did, realisation hit her like a ton of bricks.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that…" began Rush with a sigh, not meeting her gaze. "We tend to try and forget the pain of losing someone we love, only for it to eat us whole...distracting ourselves with work won't help us forget the pain…"
"You only realize that now?" asked TJ with a smile and Rush surprised her by smiling back.
"I know it hurts, Lieutenant," began Rush. "But even if she's dead...she'll always be with you." He paused and finally met her eyes. "She'll always be in your heart."
TJ didn't know if he was referring to her daughter or to his wife or to both of them...his words still rang through and TJ found her hand being held by his as she finally let the tears fall.
The pain will always be there...but the thing was, the people they love and lost will always be there as well. Helping them cope...helping them live.
And we have come to the end of this fic. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with it until the end. My first plan was to have two different endings, one complying with canon and the other (as obvious from above) not. Instead if you wish it to be canon compliant, just delete the scene before the end with TJ and Rush and it will follow canon. Just imagine Rush heading to the bridge all by himself like in the episode "Aftermath".
I'l be pursuing the Gloria Rush is alive story in a few months, after getting more episodes done. I hope you all stay tuned for that. :) Again, thank you to everyone who has stayed until the end. I'm glad you liked this little fic.