Worth the Wait
Chapter Ten: Study
Summary: Sirius attempts to find out more about soulmate marks.
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"But how do you know?"
Sirius huffed in annoyance. "Where else would it be?" he asked. Behind him, he could hear the rustle of Regulus's dress robe as he shrugged. Both brothers walked quickly and quietly, keeping close to the walls of the Black Manor. Below them, on the first floor, Sirius could still hear the dull string music and mindless adult chatter from the party his parents were hosting.
"What if it's not there? What if it's not anywhere?" Sirius could feel Regulus's hand reach for his arm as they turned a corner. He rolled his eyes. "What if someone catches us?"
"Everyone's downstairs, Reg," he responded, shifting his arm a bit to hold his brother's hand instead. "And Bella, Cissa, and Andy are all at Hogwarts, so they won't be here to interrupt us. This is our chance to sneak inside Father's study alone."
"But what if—"
Sirius abruptly stopped, causing Regulus to bump into him, disconnecting their hands in the process. He turned around as Regulus backed up, rubbing his pink nose. "Reg," he said, putting both hands on his brother's shoulders. "You don't have to come with me, okay? You can go back downstairs to the party."
Regulus shifted as Sirius stared at him. At six years old, the top of Regulus's head only came up to Sirius's chest, but his brother was still full of that nervous energy he possessed as a toddler. Regulus fidgeted as he tried to decide what to do. Sirius didn't know if it would be something Regulus would carry with him forever or if he would grow out of it.
"I won't be mad if you go back downstairs," he said. Disappointed and lonely, he thought, but not mad. Ever since he had lost contact with R, he had found himself increasingly glad for Regulus's companionship, even if it was at times annoying and inconvenient and slow. But having one friend was better than having none, and Sirius would be appreciative of that whenever he remembered. Sirius waited for his brother to make up his mind.
Regulus shook his head. "I wanna help," he said at last.
Sirius nodded and smiled. "Okay." He took his hands off Regulus's shoulders and moved to turn around but paused. He held out his left hand to Regulus, which the younger boy took with a smile.
Together, hand in hand, the two brothers made their way to Orion Black's study on the third floor of Grimmauld Place. Approaching the big sturdy doors, Sirius could feel Regulus pause behind him. Taking a deep breath, Sirius reminded himself that his father was still downstairs, entertaining guests with his mother. He squeezed Regulus's hand and felt glad when he felt Regulus return the pressure. Lifting his right hand, Sirius carefully grabbed the silver door handle and pushed it open, revealing his father's private study. He could feel Regulus shift closer to him and hear his brother looking around frantically.
"Come on," Sirius said as he led Regulus into the study and closed the door. The study was slightly smaller than Sirius had remembered from the rare occasions that his father let him inside his study to talk to him alone. Both walls on either side of him and Regulus were lined from top to bottom with shelves of thick tomes that Sirius assumed contained ancient magic. His father's desk stood straight in front of him, almost flush with the opposite floor to ceiling glass window from where he was standing. It was a simple, glossy wooden desk with neatly arranged pieces of parchment and various quills and inkwells on top. A dark leather chair sat behind it, blocking most of the window. It looked less intimidating without his father sitting in it. The whole study was dim, much darker than the hallway they had both entered from, and the night sky from the window offered no additional light.
Feeling a tug on his left hand, Sirius turned his attention back to his brother. "How do we get to the books on the top shelf?"
Sirius shrugged. "Maybe we won't need them?" He hadn't meant for the inflection in his voice to rise towards the end, but as he spoke and looked up at the tall shelves, he couldn't help but hope they wouldn't need any of the books beyond their reach. "Do you want to split up or—?" Sirius turned to look at Regulus and stopped when his brother vehemently shook his head. We could cover more books if you took the other side, he thought sourly. Sirius let out a sigh. "Together then? You'll make sure I don't miss anything?"
"Yes please," Regulus said.
Tugging his brother along, Sirius moved to stand in front of the bottom shelf on the right wall furthest away from his father's desk. "Right, so we should probably look for something about ancient magic? Or maybe rituals? Or, erm," Sirius paused. He frowned and scratched his forehead along his hairline. "You don't think there'd actually be a book completely devoted to soulmate magic, do you?" he asked.
Regulus shrugged and shuffled closer to Sirius. "I don't think Mother would keep it in the house," he said.
"But this is Father's study," Sirius replied. "Mother doesn't even go in here." Regulus merely shrugged again, and Sirius let out a huff of annoyance. "Alright, you take this shelf." He pointed to the bottom shelf. "And I'll take the one above it. Just look for whatever you think might have it, I guess."
Sirius tilted his head slightly as he read the titles on the spines, silently trying to determine if it was worth the effort to take from the shelf and open. History of the Pixies, Translating Ancient Fae Magick into Modern Use, Enchanted Weapons of the Ancients. Sirius furrowed his brows as he kept reading, wondering if his whole scheme was going to be proven to be worthless. None of the titles so far sounded like they would provide any insight as to how soul mate marks worked. Or why they existed. Or what the different marks even meant. Or, his eyes turned briefly to his brother, why some people kept having theirs grow without meeting anyone new. Sirius resisted the urge to rub his left forearm.
"Sirius," Regulus whispered with urgency in his voice. "We need to leave."
"What? Why?" He couldn't believe that they had just gotten into the study and Regulus already wanted to leave.
"I don't like it here," was the tense reply.
Scrunching up his face in frustration, Sirius looked at his brother and followed his line of vision. He crouched down to get a better look at the bottom shelf, and Regulus's grip on his left hand tightened. Fawley's Complete Bestiary, Sewlyn's Hunting of Dark Creatures, Trepius's Guide to Differentiating Between Blood and Flesh Rituals. Tentatively, out of a morbid curiosity he didn't know he possessed, Sirius reached out to touch the third book. As if sensing his presence, the book shifted slightly, and Sirius could have sworn he heard it let out a pained growl. As his fingertips made contact with the spine of the book, what felt like a stinging hex went through Sirius, traveling from the edges of his fingertips to his spine. He instantly recoiled and stumbled back, grateful for Regulus to keep him balanced.
"Please," he heard Regulus whisper. "There's more of them here. I don't like it."
Sirius nodded distractedly, letting himself be pulled by Regulus away from the bookshelf.
"Wait," Sirius stopped once they reached the door of the study. "What about—" He paused, unsure as his right hand drifted over to his left arm.
"I don't think it's here, Sirius," Regulus whispered.
Frowning, he nodded, allowing Regulus to guide him to the door. His heart sunk at the thought that he would get no closer to finding out what went wrong with his connection to R, but he knew Regulus was right. The answer wasn't likely to be in his father's study. As the boys moved towards the door, something on the other bookshelf wall caught Sirius's eye. "Wait Reg," he said, resisting Regulus's pull towards the study's doors.
On the fifth shelf from the bottom, slightly out of Sirius's reach, roughly in the middle of the wall, lay a book on its side. It was an immediate contrast to every other book placed carefully upright on the shelves, and Sirius wondered how he hadn't seen it before. He walked closer to it, pulling a nervous Regulus along with him. "A compilation of treatises on soulmates," Sirius read the title out loud. His eyes lit up in excitement. He could feel Regulus tugging on his hand in an attempt to get his attention, but he ignored it. This was it! It was here, all along, and now he could finally find a way to talk to R again.
"Sirius!" Regulus hissed at him, still tugging and trying his best to pull his older brother away from the shelf and towards the doors.
"Reg, stop!" Sirius resisted. "Look! This is what I've been looking for!" He pointed to the book on its side, his index finger barely two inches from touching the spine that edged just slightly over the shelf.
"No! We have to leave!" Regulus whispered back, fear in his voice and his eyes bright with anxiety.
"No!" Sirius said angrily, trying to rip his left hand out of Regulus's tight grasp to no avail. Regulus held on, as if his life depended on it. "This is the reason we came here in the first place!" Sirius tried to reason with his little brother. Of course Regulus wouldn't understand, he thought bitterly. He hadn't lost his first friend. He didn't even have a friend besides Sirius!
"Please—" the younger boy tried to say but was interrupted by both of the study doors opening and the sound of giggling. Both boys looked at the entrance to the study in surprise, and Regulus stumbled backwards into Sirius. Catching his brothers by the shoulders, Sirius tensed at the sight of his father and a party guest in the doorway.
"Boys," Orion's deep voice seemed to echo throughout the study. He walked forward, Sirius could feel Regulus attempting to move backwards until his back was flush against Sirius's chest. The bright light of the hallway made his father look like a dark, looming shadow in the dim study. Sirius couldn't make out his father's face, but he knew it had to be displeased at the least.
"What are you two doing in my private study?" His father stressed the word private, and Sirius vaguely realized he had never been punished by his father before. It always seemed to be his mother that dealt out the punishments, and he wondered what types of punishment his father would dole out. He wondered if it would be better or worse than his mother. He had never seen his father's cruelty firsthand, but it had to have been there. He was married to his mother after all.
"Looking for a book," Sirius replied, trying to keep his voice steady. There was no point in lying. Bella had once told him that all Blacks were taught to be excellent Legilimens, and while Sirius hadn't believed her at the time, he didn't want to risk it now. He and Regulus were already in trouble for being in the study. He didn't want to add being caught in a lie.
"And books in our general library didn't suffice?" Orion said, and a small laugh from the doorway reminded Sirius that there was another person with them.
"Orion," the figure said from the doorway. Sirius could make out a silhouette of a feminine dress robe and a soft, velvety voice that definitely did not belong to his mother. The figure came closer to his father, and Sirius waited to see if this would be an ally or foe. "Why don't you let the boys go? They'll pretend they were never here, and no one will get in trouble? Hm?" She spoke to his father, but Sirius could feel her eyes on him and Regulus. He could feel Regulus nod, eager at the opportunity to avoid punishment and escape the study. "Regulus agrees, don't you dear?" she asked.
Regulus nodded again. "Y-yes Ms. C-carrow," he stuttered.
Sirius squinted at the figure in an attempt to see her facial features more clearly, but she was still unrecognizable to him. He could see her hand move to touch his father on the shoulder, and Sirius suddenly realized he could never recall his parents ever touching once another. He didn't know quite what to make of this information, but he watched as his father turned to look at Carrow before redirecting his attention back to him and Regulus.
"You two are dismissed. Not a word to anyone, understood?" Orion said as he stepped aside, allowing the boys a clear passage to the open doors of the study.
"Yes sir," Sirius and Regulus said in unison. The brothers made their way out of the study, Orion following them to the door.
"You two are to go downstairs back to the party, where you have been all night. Is that understood?" In the brighter hallway, Sirius was able to see his father's face clearly as he stood in the dark study, and the look of cold anger had settled behind his grey eyes urged Sirius to mindlessly agree to his father's demands.
"Yes sir," he and Regulus repeated again.
Orion gave both his sons one last look before nodding slightly and closing both the study doors, leaving the boys alone in the hallway. It was only then that Sirius could feel how tense he was and consciously relaxed his muscles.
"Sorry," Regulus whispered next to him. "I tried to warn you," he said, biting his lower lip and fidgeting with his hands, unsure of what Sirius's reaction would be.
Sirius let out a long, slow exhale and reached to grab one of his brother's hands in his. "It's okay," he said dejectedly. He knew they weren't ever going to get a second chance to go back into his father's study alone. It would most likely be locked and warded now that his father had caught them in there once. He felt a lump in his throat at the thought of the book that was so close to him. "Let's just go back downstairs," he said.
The next morning, on his way to his lessons in the library, Sirius walked past his father's study and was unsurprised to find that the silver handles on the doors had both disappeared, and the solid wood wouldn't budge, even if he put all his weight against them. Sirius rubbed absentmindedly at his left arm as he continued his way to the library.