Chapter Ten - Mrs Kim Explains It All

Saturday evening had arrived and the whole of the Stars Hollow community had gathered at Miss Patty's school of ballet for Mrs Kim's impromptu town meeting.

Taylor Doose took the stage. "Before this begins, I'd just like to make it clear that this is not an official town meeting," he informed everyone.

"Thank goodness for that," came Babette's voice.

"Go, Mrs Kim! Go!" yelled Sookie.

Lorelai wasn't quite as eager, as she waited for Mrs Kim to take the stage and lambast her mother. She wouldn't know whether to cheer or boo. She looked at Rory, sitting beside her, also apprehensive.

And then the lights went down.

"Why has it gone dark?" asked Lorelai. "Have I been struck blind for my mother's misdemeanours?"

"No, Mom," said Rory. "Or I've gone blind too."

"I think I can hear something," said Luke. "People climbing on the stage."

"Maybe she's brought the rest of Korea with her," mused Lorelai. "They take their kimchi very seriously."

"I'd love some kimchi," said Kirk, from behind them.

"Is that a cymbal crashing?" asked Rory.

"Maybe she's brought a marching band," Lorelai guessed.

And then the lights went up, and a power chord sounded. There, standing on stage, were Hep Alien.

"I've seen the future of rock and roll and its name's Mrs Kim," said Lorelai, squinting and blinking in the bright light, her ears ringing, as the band sang a cover version of Don't Fear The Reaper.

As they reached the chorus, Zack suddenly yelled, "Thank you, Stars Hollow, and here's the star of the show, Mrs Kim."

The band fell into silence as Mrs Kim strode onto the stage to thunderous applause and Kirk whistling.

"Hello, Stars Hollow," Mrs Kim said. "I guess you wonder why I gathered you here today. I brought you all together in this one room, all of the possible suspects, since I'm going to reveal who stole my kimchi recipe. I reveal the evil dog who took it." She looked round the hall. "I know Caesar made it at Luke's, but I will name who gave him the recipe, who brought shame upon my family, upon my ancestors, upon Stars Hollow."

"Tell it how it is, Mrs Kim!" shouted Miss Patty.

"Thank you, Miss Patty," responded Mrs Kim. "Now, where to start?" she said, walking up and down the stage. "Dean!" she suddenly barked, pointing at Dean.

Everyone looked at Dean. Surely he wasn't the criminal mastermind.

"You still need haircut," she told Dean. "Need it bad."

"Yes, Ma'am," he responded, his face turning red.

She pointed again. "Kirk, you eat too much kimchi."

"You're right," wailed Kirk. "I have a problem."

And so it continued, with Mrs Kim, striding the stage, naming all of the attendants, supplying a quick summary - "Sookie, I like you", "Luke, backward baseball cap never fashionable", "Gypsy, when will car be ready?" - all, that is, except Lorelai and Rory.

"But enough of the pleasantries," Mrs Kim finally said. "No more Mrs Nice Kim. Time for serious business. I track down the pawn in the evil one's masterplan. One who had no choice when faced with such a delicious recipe. Ladies and gentlemen of Stars Hollow, I give you Caesar." There was a tumultuous uproar from the crowd.

Caesar took to the stage, waving to the crowd. "Good to be back!" he shouted.

"Hail Caesar!" shouted Kirk.

"Now, Caesar has promised to never use my recipe again," said Mrs Kim. "Right, Caesar?"

"Yes, Mrs Kim," said a compliant Caesar.

"Now, Caesar, look around this crowd, and tell me, can you see the vile pig beast that gave you my recipe?"

Caesar looked around, as the room held its collective breath, and finally said, "No, Mrs Kim." Everybody gasped, although admittedly that was because they could finally breathe again.

"Was it a Gilmore?" Mrs Kim asked, as the whole town turned their eyes on Lorelai and Rory, as if forgetting Caesar's previous answer entirely.

"Yes, Mrs Kim, yes it was."

"That's right," said Mrs Kim. "It may not have been Lorelai and Rory, but it was someone close to them. Maybe they were even protecting the guilty party, trying to maintain family honor. That's understandable."

"Who was it, Mrs Kim?" yelled Kirk.

"Isn't it obvious?" asked Mrs Kim, although she knew that was a question you should never ask Kirk. "The evil vile filth pig dog is..." there was silence from the crowd, as Mrs Kim milked her reveal for all it was worth, and a bit longer, and a bit longer still, "... Paul Anka." There was a confused reaction from some parts of the audience. "Not the singer," she added. "That the name of Lorelai's dog."

The whole of the crowd was now looking at a bewildered Lorelai.

"Yes," continued Mrs Kim, "I sometimes feed Paul Anka. He often sneaks round, preferring my kimchi to whatever take-out food Lorelai feeds him. But Paul Anka is filth dog, bad boy. Somehow he find my hidden recipe, steal it, discard it in Caesar's backyard. Caesar find scrunched-up recipe, realize the goldmine it was. The rest is kimchi history."

"That's ridiculous," protested Lorelai. "Paul Anka is innocent."

"I once had a dog like that," said Miss Patty. "Took everything I owned piece by piece, and buried it in the garden. Come to think of it, that might have been my second husband."

"Now. I have revealed the culprit," said Mrs Kim. "There is only one thing I can do… You are very bad, Paul Anka. I will pray for you." And with those words, having bestowed ultimate shame upon the culprit, she exited the stage and the gathering.

Lorelai looked around in disbelief as the eyes of Stars Hollow set upon her.

"Don't worry, Mom," said Rory. "Paul Anka is strong, he'll get through it."

As the rest of Stars Hollow left the meeting feeling elated, finally having closure, and knowing that Mrs Kim would no longer be asking them whether they'd stolen her recipe, Lorelai was left in a state of confusion.

"I have to go and see Mrs Kim," Lorelai said to Rory. "Find out what just happened in there."

"Are you sure? You could just make things worse."

"I'm sure. Have to do it for myself, have to do it for Paul Anka."

"Well, good luck with that," said a concerned Rory, seeing her friendship with Lane once again thrown into potential jeopardy.

"I don't need luck," said Lorelai. "I've got the truth on my side."

And so, once again, Lorelai found herself knocking on Mrs Kim's door. However, this time, Mrs Kim opened it.

"Lorelai?" said Mrs Kim. "Why you here?"

"Well, I haven't come to apologize for Paul Anka," she said. "I don't know what Caesar told you but-"

"Your mother stole the recipe."

"No, my mother stole the- Wait, you knew?"

"Of course I know. I suspected Caesar was being hidden at your mother's poolhouse when I visit Friday. I also stumbled across some DAR DNA results when I was there, from lab in Yale. When I visit Rory to check on one of her many boyfriends, cheesy Logan, I visited same lab in Yale. They broke easily, told about kimchi analysis."

"Oh, you did know," said Lorelai.

"I confronted your mother last night. Demanded retribution. She tough cookie, bargained hard. Reached an understanding."

"So, no samurai duel?"

"If there was, I keep it secret," said the inscrutable Mrs Kim.

"So, if you knew it was my mom, why did you blame my dog?"

"Like I say, we reach an understanding."

"Aren't you mad at Mom?" asked Lorelai. "Don't you want revenge?"

"You need to learn forgiveness, life too short for grudges," said Mrs Kim. "Besides your mother will still pay. Just financially."

"So, you're blackmailing her?" gasped Lorelai.

"How can you think that?" said Mrs Kim. "No, she is to sponsor a tambourine band I'm putting together. Emily very generous patron of the arts."

"Well, she can definitely be patronising," said Lorelai.

"Sorry I slander your dog, but he get over it."

"I guess so," said Lorelai. "At least this way, I won't get dirty looks because of what my mother did. Have to say I liked the bit about Paul Anka sneaking to you for food, very creative."

"Who say I made that up?" replied Mrs Kim.

Lorelai smiled at Mrs Kim and her strange sense of humor. "One thing I don't understand though…"

Mrs Kim stared at her silently.

Lorelai continued, "You asked everyone else in Stars Hollow if they stole your recipe, but you never asked me."

"Why would I need to ask you?"

Lorelai smiled, tears coming to her eyes. Mrs Kim clearly trusted her as a friend.

"You a criminal mastermind?" continued Mrs Kim. "Very funny."

Lorelai was about to respond when Mrs Kim closed the door on her.