-drum role -And here it is chapter 10! -and the cround goes wild with applause- NOT! Okay I'm done with all that I don't have anything to say but, r&r please!
Ch. 10 Up and Down Without Explanation
There was nothing boring about the next few days. Haruka and Sesshomaru fought several times and kept baring their fangs at each other. Inu Yasha threatened to walk out about five times a day and I considered it luck if there was only one such threat.
I was constantly in the middle of things trying to keep the peace. I was often at my wits end trying to keep things together. It was not easy being a peace keeper and I was drowning fast under the responsibility. I was fighting for air and going under. Not a pleasant feeling I must say. I had this desperate desire to run away to some dark corner and cover my ears to block out the noise. I knew I couldn't do that though because it would be running away.
Rin and Seki were my only consolations and the reason I didn't loose my sanity. The pair of them banned together to keep me relaxed and upbeat as possible. Rin was there to keep me smiling with her jokes and games. Seki on the other hand kept me busy with the kitchen work. Cutting and slicing stuff up as it turns out is good therapy for stress relief. "Miss Rei, you okay?"
I sighed and glanced over at Rin. At the moment my head hurt, bad. "I'm fine Rin, don't worry about me."
"Did Miss Rei hear the Inu Grump-Grump yelling at Lord Sesshomaru earlier?"
I had indeed heard Inu Yasha shouting at Sesshomaru earlier. I hadn't been there for the whole thing so I don't know how it began but I know it was over the sleeping arrangements when I got there. I nodded at Rin. She came over and sat down beside me. "Miss Rei wants to talk?" Rin asked.
"What is there to say? I'm supposed to be keeping people from fighting but that's all everyone is doing."
"Rin will ask Lord Sesshomaru to stop the fighting; then will Miss Rei feel better?"
I had to smile at Rin's offer although I doubted it would work. She honestly wanted to make things better. I nodded to myself, Rin was right. I needed to work things out. Well, stopping all the yelling would be a big help. Who could I talk to? Kagome came quickly to mind. She was close with Inu Yasha and good at dealing with his moods, maybe she could help. "Come on Rin let's go take a walk." I said as I stood up.
"Okay!" Rin cheered.
She jumped up and took my hand before we left my room together. I found Kagome in her room alone, resting against the wall. I took a quick glance but she appeared alone. "Kagome can we talk?" I asked softly.
Kagome opened her eyes and looked at me. "Hi Rei, what's up?"
"Trouble." I responded.
"So I've heard. Is that why you're here?"
I nodded feeling guilty for disturbing her with this. Kagome appeared to still be recovering from the trip here I didn't want to overwhelm her. "I am feeling overwhelmed by trying to maintain peaceful relations here. Would you be willing to help?"
"Of course but how?"
I shrugged helplessly. "I don't know."
"Well, we'll have to think of something." Kagome declared.
With that we put our heads together and tried to formulate a plan. I emerged from our council a short time later with a plan in place and with gentle words I sent Rin back to our room to wait for me.
The plan was simple in its design but easily undone. I was to convince Sesshomaru to go easy on Inu Yasha and Kagome would talk to Inu Yasha about doing the same. As Kagome put it, if we could convince them that this was their idea they'd both willingly work to keep the peace. Maybe. The problem was that if even one of them decided that they weren't going to give up nothing would be accomplished. Plan fail.
Well, there no was no harm in giving this plan a try. So I had to do my part. Find Sesshomaru. I was feeling slightly jittery about this meeting. The last two times we'd talk things had ended strangely. We had kissed the first time. Then I had fought with him and ended up convincing him to attempt to listen to me. All in all I considered it to be very strange and weird.
I paused in front of Sesshomaru's room and took a deep breath. Well, here goes nothing. I knocked softly as I could; hoping for no response. "Yes?" Came Sesshomaru's voice.
Okay so I'd found him, well, there was no going back now. "It's me. I'd like to have a word with you. Can I come in?" I asked politely.
"Sure. Door's open." Was the reply.
I slid open the door and went inside. Sesshomaru was sitting in the doorway to the gardens. His face was long causing him to look frazzled and tired. So now what, for a moment I wasn't sure what I should say. I was suddenly nervous to be with him. "So um, what do you want?" Sesshomaru asked.
"I came to talk to you about being the go between for you and Haruka and Inu Yasha."
"And . . ."
The word came out involuntarily, "I quit. I am doing nothing but getting overwhelmed. I can't do this anymore. You can do this with out me."
I was surprised I had found the strength for such a bold speech. I found myself going to leave but Sesshomaru grabbed my hand forcing me to stop. He said nothing for a long time He stood there holding my wrist looking back at me. "Fine then if that's what you want." He said at last.
He let me go but I couldn't move. Sesshomaru was still there holding me invisibility. "You don't want me to go."
"I'm fine. You do whatever you want."
I could sense Sesshomaru's eyes on me his anger holding me like a physical thing.
"But you don't want me to." I stated it simply, it was a statement.
"That should not be an issue. Do what you want."
I shook my head. I felt . . . guilty for making him mad. "What do you want?" I asked softly.
"I want your help. Look I'll try harder to keep things in control if that's what it takes just don't go away."
I found myself amazed that I had just accomplished my part of the plan. Sesshomaru had said he'd be willing to keep the peace. "Thank you." I stated simply.
"So you're not . . .?"
"No."
I saw a hint of a smile on Sesshomaru's face. I think he felt relieved that I hadn't walked out. "Okay then." He replied quietly.
With that I was dismissed and I left to find Rin. I had promised her we would make origami. Rin had never done it before and she though it sounded like fun. I had never done it personally either but I had the memories from instrumentality to use. I was hoping I could teach her on this.
Rin was waiting for me with a stack of paper in hand. She ginned eagerly as she held it out to me. "Can you show Rin how to make pictures with them like you said?"
I smiled and sat down beside her. "Sure."
"So how dose this start?" Rin asked.
"Pick your favorite one and set the rest aside."
Rin looked intently over her paper collection and finally settled on one. She set the rest beside her and waited eagerly for me to provide further instruction. I quickly choose another piece and showed Rin how to make the first fold. Soon we had a small collection of origami shapes around us. Rin picked up one of the paper cranes and blew into the center. The body puffed out and Rin grinned with delight. 'You like those cranes don't you?"
Rin nodded. "They're so pretty."
"I'm glad you think so."
"Miss Rei is so nice and so cool!"
"Aww. Thankâyou."
Rin smiled and placed the crane in my hand. "For peace." She said.
Rin spent the rest of the afternoon with me making more origami. We had a good time and Rin kept me highly entertained with the silly things she did with the origami. She made up al kinds of stories and adventures for them.
After dinner Rin went to take a bath and talk to Lord Sesshomaru before she went to bed. Having free time to spend I went to talk to Seki. He was cleaning in the kitchen when I found him and I quickly dove in to help. "So any improvement in all the shouting and death threats yet?" He asked
"So far no but I had a talked with Sesshomaru today so we'll se tomorrow."
"Well, I wish you luck."
"Thanks. I'll need it."
"You seem to be in a better mood this evening. Did something good happen?"
"No. I just had a calm day and am feeling optimistic."
"That's good to hear. Having hope in any situation is important."
"Agreed."
"So how long will this new found hope stick around?"
"I don't know. The longer the better."
Seki nodded in agreement and passed me some more dishes to scrub. "What do you think would cheer you up if things go south tomorrow?"
I thought about this for a minute before I came up with an answer. "Random Pointless Recipe contest."
"You got it!"
"I hope you're ready. I've got a good one in mind."
"Count on it."
The next day however I was alone in the kitchen for once; which was rare because normally I had Seki and Rin at the least with me. Seki wasn't feeling well however and was staying in bed. Rin on the other hand was collecting vegetables in the garden. So our plans were on hold for now. Things had been noisy so far and I was trying for some piece and quiet to figure out what to do.
That afternoon Haruka found me in the kitchen kneading dough for a fresh batch of soup noodles. I looked up from my work as she made her was into the room. I noticed for the first time the pungent odor of rice flour and ginger in the air.
Haruka was distressed and out of sorts. I imagined she'd come to talk considering the fight she'd had with Sesshomaru this morning. I was prepared to see her but not what to say. I nodded towards a wooden stool near the fire. "Take a seat." I offered gently.
She sat down and laid her head against the wall behind her. "What should I do?" She asked after a long pause.
"About what?" I asked.
I worked the dough between my fingers as I waited for her response. She seemed unsure of what to say at first but gradually choose her words. "My father is still not listening. He's running scared of something but I don't know what. Tell me Rei, you've been out there, what's there to be afraid of?"
I let my hands still on top of the dough when she asked the question. Was it possible she didn't know? "Are you familiar with the name Naraku?" I asked cautiously.
I had to know if she knew who he was. She considered my question before responding. "I've heard the name but I'm afraid I don't know much."
"I see. It's time he is properly explained to you. Naraku is a hanyou although he hides it well, and is very powerful. He is merciless and wants nothing more then to cause pain in the name of furthering his goal."
"A hanyou? Surly he can't be that bad I mean Inu Yasha . . . ."
I cut her off abruptly, "Don't make a comparison between them. The difference is that Naraku is composed of thousands of demons attached to a human soul. That is where all his strength comes from."
"But how? Did a human . . ."
Haruko's eyes grew huge as an awful realization hit. "Do you want me to tell you what I know of his story?"
Haruka nodded soundlessly. I turned back to kneading the dough as I recalled what I had learned about Naraku during my servitude to him. "He began life as a human named Oni Gumo. He was an evil bandit who tricked and hurt many people. Then one day he was betrayed and badly injured. Covered with burns and having multiple broken bones he was left for dead. However a kindly young Priestess named Kikyo found him and saved his life. She hid him in a cave and cared for him for many months. Now this Kikyo was charged with the protection of the Shikon no Tama. When Oni Gumo found out that combined with his lust for Kikyo drove him to call the demons to him."
"What happened, after that?" Haruko asked timidly.
She seemed to want to know but was afraid to hear. "He tricked Inu Yasha and Kikyo into hating each other. Kikyo sealed Inu Yasha to a tree then died taking the Sacred Jewel with her. After that Naraku was free to roam the land and spread his evil."
I could see my tale had made Haruka uncomfortable but she wasn't entirely convinced. It looked like it was time to bring out some of Naraku's most recent atrocities. "You need to trust me on this Haruka," I said seriously "Naraku is not one to be messed with. Over the last fifty years he's become even more powerful and conniving. In my first encounter with him I had just been in a fight with my cousin's and was still weak. He found me drained and defenseless in the woods. He took me captive because he felt my abilities would help him. Naraku took advantage of my weakness to possess me and make me into his servant."
I took a pause to catch my breath. "If it wasn't for me your father wouldn't have gotten out of there and he had to turn around and save me. Once you're in his grasp he exploits your every weakness and makes it virtually impossible to escape."
"He's that bad?" Haruka asked.
"Worse. Let me tell you about Kohaku, Sango's little brother. He went with a party of demon slayers on his first mission. Naraku possessed him and forced him to kill everyone in the party. Sango barely survived but Kohaku was killed. Naraku used the sacred jewel shards to bring him back and force him to work for him. Kohaku has no will left and has served him blindly since."
"So the same would happen if he caught me?"
"No worse. Not only would he destroy who you are he would use you to gain access to the Westernlands. If any of us tried to rescue you chances are he'd make you kill us."
I watched her shutter as I uttered the bone chilling truth. Her face was white and she looked near to vomiting at the images her mind was conjuring. I felt bad for what I'd done but I knew at the same time she had to know. She needed to understand what was out there if she left. I couldn't bring myself to bring up the barrier that was Sesshomaru's job but I felt she had to know the danger. It was the least I could do.
Haruko sat in silence for a prolonged period of time. I was beginning to wonder if she was ever going to speak again or not. "Rei, you mean that. All of it . . ."
"Yes," I replied with out any hesitation.
"Unbelievable."
I had to agree but Naraku was a serious threat. None of us could defeat him individually; we had to stick together if we were to do this. "You should relax as long as you're inside the Westernlands you are safe."
If I had known then how I would have to eat my words in the worst way I might haven chosen different ones. However I did not have the luxury of foresight only hindsight so I didn't know any better. "How, how do you know?"
"The barrier is too powerful for Naraku to penetrate on his own. So as long as it is in place he can't touch anyone or anything here."
Haruka gave me a slight smile of relief. I got the feeling I had done the right thing. Inform her of the danger and then assuage her fears when they threaten to overwhelm her. Haruka rose to her feet and left murmuring her thanks as she went. I smiled back at her as she went.
That evening I met with Sesshomaru. I met him in a spare room at the far end of the palace. He wasn't there when I entered so I had to wait for him. It wasn't long though and he showed up in no time. "Good evening."
"Same to you. Any luck with talks today?"
"Yes and No. I did have a better them normal talk with my brother but I had a horrible fight with Haruka this morning and we didn't speak sense. Why do you ask?"
"Haruka came to see me this afternoon. She wanted to know if there was anything to be afraid of out there so I told her about Naraku."
"You did. How did she take it?"
"I think I convinced her of the danger."
"Good maybe now we'll stop fighting."
"No. She will accept her confinement for now but she has to know. You must tell her that she is in charge of the barrier."
"Why?" He grumbled. "She'll accept her confinement to the Westernlands."
"Under false pretenses. She doesn't know the whole truth."
"So as long as it gets the job done."
I could feel it a deep burning anger welling up within me. He had absolutely no idea. "You can't possibly comprehend what it's like to do something for reason's that aren't clear or fake. It's horrible. It's worse then you can possibly imagine. When the one person you're supposed to trust keeps you in the dark. It's like a slow poison slowly eating away at you until it drives you crazy."
I stopped ranting long enough to catch my breath that's when Sesshomaru spoke. "What would you know about such things. You sound like you got some experience."
I looked away to hide the blush on my cheeks. "It's nothing."
"It's not nothing. Come on you can tell me."
I found my mouth full of lead and unwilling to move. It was all I could do to utter one single word. "No."
Sesshomaru stared intently into her eyes, "Tell me, Rei, who is Rei Ayanami? What are you running away from?"
He saw a flash of intense anger and wondered what kind of can of worms he had opened. "Tell me," she demanded defensively "Do you think I'm capable of murder?"
"What kind of scale are you talking?"
"Genocide; Three million lives gone just like that."
Never. She was too kind. "No. You don't have the will to kill. If you had you would have come in even faster the other day when we sparred."
"Do you think I would dedicate myself body, mind and soul to someone else's dream?"
"No you worked hard to come out from under Naraku's hold."
"Do you think I could destroy myself or others to satisfy another's wish?"
Sesshomaru shook his head. Rei was such a strong independent spirit. For her to do that was . . . unthinkable.
Rei face melted for a split second and he read raw pain there. Then the anger washed over and he heard her mutter in a barely audible voice, "Then you know nothing."
She turned and left swiftly. Sesshomaru felt stunned and shaken, wondering what had just happened. He had clearly just seen something but what was the question.
I don't know why I had lashed out like that. I hadn't meant to, but when he'd started to press I'd gotten so mad . . . I rested my head against the pole beside me and let the tears come. I had quit fighting them but I still didn't like anyone see me cry.
Why? Why did I have to be so cruel? I guess it was because I was ashamed of what I'd done and I feared other's reaction so I lashed out before I got hurt. It was a defense mechanism, of course. Instrumentality had taught me how to work out the real issue under the surface was but I had no idea how to do anything about it. Stupid. "Miss Rei?"
I glanced up to see Rin looking at me. She was clearly concerned and distressed at the fact I was in tears. She placed her hands on top of my own and starred up at me. "Yes, Rin? Something wrong?"
"Miss Rei seems sad." Rin replied.
Rin looked so intent and serious it was hard not to crack a smile at the girl who almost never frowned. "Its okay, Rin. I'll be okay."
Rin did not believe me and refused to take the fixed attention of her studying eyes off me. "Rin . . . you're staring."
"Miss Rei is not happy but she insists she is. Rin is confused."
I had to smile weakly as Rin pointed out my lie. Rin was good at that. She was so straight forward with everyone that she easily caught anyone who wasn't. I wiped my nose with a square cloth and tried to force a smile. This move did nothing but make me feel foolish and squeeze a few stray tears down my face. "So do you really want to see what I'm upset about?" I asked reluctantly.
Rin nodded enthusiastically. "Tell Rin." She insisted.
I sobbed as I realized the simple truth. I was a horrible messed up person. I had a brief flash back to my conversation with Armisael shortly before the second's death. She'd hinted that I feared darkness with in myself. I wondered if it was my angel side taking control and consuming myself. Or maybe it was the darkness of my own personality. "I'm not such a nice person. I have a mean side that isn't a very decent human. If fact you could say I'm a terrible person. "
"Why?"
"I spend so much trying to defend what I don't want others to see that I lash out."
"How can Rin help?"
"Can you give me a personality transplant by any chance?"
Rin shook her head. I sighed and closed my eyes as a few more tears escaped my eyes. What was I going to do with me?
Sesshomaru watched Rei from the safety of the door. He'd wanted to humble himself to her and apologize for being so forceful. But by the time he had gotten there Rin was already talking with her and he'd lost his nerve. He could do nothing but stand there watching her. Sesshomaru saw as Rei shuttered from the force of a sob, "I'm not such a nice person. . . . . " She said.
The wind tousled the ends of her hair and Sesshomaru longed to go there and comfort her. Still something kept him rooted in place. Why? What was keeping him from moving? I'm scared. Sesshomaru realized. He, the great Inu lord was terrified of a girl. Was it because . . . no, never. I fear no man. Sesshomaru declared to himself. He took a deep breath and started forward. "Rei?"
She turned and looked at him. Her eyes were red from crying and she looked so sad. For a minute he couldn't find the words to speak and he stood there dumb founded, entranced by those red irises that reflected so much hurt. Sesshomaru looked away and tried to force is lips to move, "I . . . I . . . I'm so . . . so sorry." He hurried out.
Rei starred back at him with a strange expression on her face. "I don't think you're so horrible." He continued.
"Yes, yes I am." Rei insisted between sobs. "I'm a horrible person who has nothing."
Her head had bowed as she was overcome by her tears. "I am nothing . . ." he heard her chock out in barely intelligible words.
Sesshomaru had lifted her chin and stared into her eyes, "You have me."
Rei had buried her face in his shoulder and wept uncontrollably. Her pale hands twisting his kimono. Sesshomaru felt a pang of guilt now. What had he done? He felt responsible for Rei's break down and wished he could make her feel better. After some faltering the words came to him. "I don't know what you're so upset about. You're the only person here who doesn't like you. We all see this kind, strong, beautiful person but for some reason that we can't understand, you don't. So unless you care to fill using on why we should hate and abhor this hideous creature known as Ayanami Rei I suggest you let it go. Quit being so hard on yourself."
I made myself look into his face as he said those words. Was what he said true, "Do you mean it?" I asked.
He nodded. "If I hadn't seen something worth saving I won't have come after you nor spent all this time trying to protect you from Naraku now would I? What about Rin, I don't know if you noticed but Rin is actually quite shy but she's taken to you. She treats you like a sister or best friend. Seki and Haruko too; they also like you and are trying to get to know you. They also want to be your friends."
He was right, I knew. I had been so wrapped up in hating myself I had ignored the fact that others had grown to like me as a good person. I didn't want to loose that. I also wasn't sure I was ready to acknowledge what I had done. Those two forces over took my desire to say anything. So I kept my mouth shut. "Yeah."
The next two days looked like a return to peace. Sesshomaru and Haruka began to talk a little and Inu Yasha wasn't shouting with Sesshomaru as much. I even was able to have two long conversations with Sesshomaru just to kill time. I think he was still silently accepting my unwillingness to speak about my past because he never brought it up. So all in all I considered our time here a success and was feeling confident again. However it was the calm before the storm.
Early in the morning I was preparing to go down for breakfast when I was told to go meet Sesshomaru first. So I went to his room to find him. When I entered Sesshomaru was looking unusually grim and resolute. "Something wrong?" I asked as I sat before him.
"A message from my mother. She claims to have invited Meiki, the daughter of a high ranking Youkai lord, to the palace. I need to return or risk dishonoring her family. However I believe my mother wishes me to marry her."
"So you're options are create an uproar by disgracing a prominent family or risk being forced to marry."
"I know that. I have to go back, no we have to go back, and I just thought you should be aware things will be even harder from now on."
I nodded calmly in acknowledgement but I felt inwardly uneasy. My instincts told me that this would be trouble.
Two days later we were completing the two day walk back to the main palace. Rin was holding my hand with her small ones. I walked grimly beside her trying not to show fear. Sesshomaru was a few paces ahead as close to us as he dared to be. Haruka stood near him looking slightly uncomfortable. They were back on uneasy relations once again and neither wanted to ruin it. I hoped that they could build on what they had. Of course that meant the real reason for Haruka's confinement was known. That was still a sticky situation but I optimistic that it would be resolved soon. Ha! That would be the day.
The gates were open when we neared and there was a group of Inu Youkai waiting for us. A young woman ran from the crowd shouting, "Sesshomaru!"
She bowed to Sesshomaru and took him by the arm. "It's great to see you again. It's been way too long!"
She pulled Sesshomaru through the crowd without a second thought. I watched him go unable to intervene. A new emotion gripped me making my chest tighten at the though of this girl being so close to Sesshomaru. Was I . . . jealous? Yes. You are. Came the voice in my head.
I went through the gates holding Rin's hand. Waiting near the front door was Lady Ririku. She smiled cynically at me. "See you don't own any power over him." She said in a mocking voice.
"If I have no power why are you so worried?" I asked.
I gave her a firm glare and walk past without a second look. I would not let her get the best of me I resolved.
What will all this mean for the next chapter? Well, you'll have to wait and see.