A/N: Hello once again my loyal readers! I love seeing all the increasing reviews, favorites, and follows, it truly makes me feel amazing, so please keep it up! I am writing for you all as much as myself ;) I will also be attempting to thank each and every person that reviews just to show my personal gratitude. I really enjoyed writing the last chapter, as the development between all of the remaining Victors will be something I really look to keep up as the story progresses, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

I was asked via PM why I use titles for my chapters, I guess because THG does not have titles, and I'll say that its because I like using the titles as a metaphor for what's going on in that chapter. I try not to give anything big away, but just use the title as a general theme for the chapter. Like it or not, it's how I do it :). For example, all you drama/literature buffs out there, you will undoubtedly catch that the title of this chapter is based off of good ol' Bill Shakespeare's classic comedy, and there is a reason I chose to do this. So if you know the plot of 'Much Ado,' you should understand the parallels with this chapter. For those that don't, I'm sure there will be a few moments where you'll be really upset or scared... Don't be haha. It'll all end well, I just wanted to throw some comedic drama into the story. BUT! And I can't emphasize this enough: What transpires in this chapter, as in the last, will play a big role in what happens when the Careers make their full return, so pay attention :D. In honor of it being the 10th Chapter, this one will be special in some ways and longer than any of the others! With all of that said, I do hope you enjoy this chapter as much I enjoyed writing it! And as always, please review!

Change of Fate

Chapter Ten: Much Ado About Something

Katniss

The days since my hunting trip with Johanna have gone really well. The two of us are getting along a lot better and things are no longer awkward when we are together with Peeta and Finnick. In fact, I feel like I can safely call her my friend. Finnick too. I think this is the most friends I've ever had at one time in my life. Peeta was right, the four of us and Haymitch are really bonded together by the fact that we all survived the Hunger Games. As Haymitch once famously said, no one ever wins the Games, and that is so true. Looking at all of us we are all so damaged, in our own unique ways of course. But we have each other and are there for each other because we know what the rest of us has been through. And I understand why Haymitch wanted me and Johanna to sort out our problems. We need to be there for each other, because it's the only way we're gonna make it through this crazy war.

We've just finished training, and I am about to go hunting. I offer to Johanna to come with me, but she's gonna do some extra lifting with Peeta and Finnick. I can't really imagine why. Weight lifting is my least favorite part of training, although getting to see Peeta bust some iron and show off his muscles does make it easier to deal with. I feel myself blush at this thought as I continue my walk from the outdoor training grounds to the garage that lets me out into woods. The guard who is always there to put the ankle bracelet on me and I have gotten on a first name basis, and I can't help but laugh whenever I greet him.

"Hey Dogberry," I say with a smirk. His first name is really Addison or Atkinson or something like that. Dogberry is actually his last name, but it's just too amusing for me to not call him by that.

He smiles, "Everdeen, a pleasure as always. The other girl isn't joining you today?"

I shake my head, somewhat wishing she was. Johanna has accompanied me every day for the past few days. I miss having a hunting partner. "No. Just me today."

Then I hear a familiar voice from behind me, "Only if you don't want company Catnip."

Immediately I know who it is before I even turn around. Sure enough, Gale is staring right at me with his typical non expressive look on his face. I don't understand why he'd want to join me now after all this time. "If you want to come Gale that's up to you," I respond coldly.

He shrugs but I assume that he is coming as he's got his bow, and he proceeds to have Dogberry put an ankle bracelet on him, and then we proceed out of the garage. We pass through the gates, and I spot Peeta, Finnick, and Johanna all together still on the training grounds and I wave to them. I think I can hear Gale scoff lightly, but I ignore him, and we continue out and into the woods.

We walk about two or three miles into the woods in pure silence. Part of me thinks it's just because we're hunting, but there just seems to be a weird divide between us. The silence is awkward, way more so than it was with Johanna a few days ago. But Gale and I have always been able to communicate silently while hunting, not so much right now. I have no idea what he's thinking. Instead of hunting together, it's like we're two different people that happen to be hunting at the same time. He's able to kill a rabbit, and I manage to get a turkey, yet still the silence persists.

We are disturbed however, when we encounter a group of big black bears. I love wild animals, and I certainly respect them, which is why I keep my distance. Yet Gale, for whatever reason decides that he wants to try and kill one of the bears. "Imagine how many people it can feed Katniss!" he says, which is the first thing he says all day.

"How are you gonna carry a bear back with us?" I snap back. One of those things has got to weigh at least three hundred pounds. These are very good sized bears.

"I'll figure it out! Damnit Katniss, why can't you just believe in me?"

I scowl at his question. It seems a very odd question for him to ask me in a situation such as this. I don't know anyone that would be able to drag a bear that big the several miles back to District 13. "Do what you want Gale, I don't care." And I begin to sulk off. If that's going to be our one conversation of the day, that's all I need to know I don't want to talk to him.

A moment passes before I feel him moving back towards me, clearly giving up his fantasy of killing a bear. "Wait, Katniss... I'm sorry."

I turn and look back at him, and he has an odd look on his face. I get the feeling he's not apologizing for the incident with the bear. "For what?"

He sighs and starts pacing around. I really don't understand what he's doing. It's like I don't even know him anymore. I've never seen Gale this awkward or uncomfortable, he's normally so headstrong and confident. "I'm sorry I haven't been around lately. It's just... you know."

And I do know. I know that he still has feelings for me and is sorting through them. I do feel sorry that he's going through this, but I don't know how I can possibly help him. A thought lingers in my mind... This must've been what Peeta experienced when I shunned him for so long after the first games. But I haven't shunned Gale, he's the one who's shunned me. "Yeah, I get it. You didn't have to come hunting with me if it's still to hard to deal with, you know? I understand you're dealing with this all in your own way, and if you can't be around me... It is what it is Gale."

His head snaps back up and our eyes meet, and I see the fiery passion in his eyes. The same passion that I have in my eyes. "It's not you that I can't be around. I want to be around you all the time..."

It's my turn to sigh as I roll my eyes. "I can't help you with that Gale."

He moves closer to me, "But you can..." He's standing a little too close now and I take a step back. "What is it you see in Mellark? What makes him so special?"

Everything. I think to myself, and that's exactly what I say. "Everything."

Gale scoffs and rolls his eyes. "I've seen him, known him as long as you have, he's just a spoiled merchant boy. I almost wish I'd let Thread kill him that day back in 8... You know he's only with you because he wants to get in your pants, right?"

I slap Gale so hard. I want to hurt him so badly, and I am sure that I have succeeded. "You know nothing Gale Hawthorne! You know absolutely nothing. But would you like to know why it is so painfully clear to me that I'm supposed to be with Peeta?" I see a bright red hand print glowing on the left side of his face which makes me feel good. "Peeta just wants me to be happy. If I did choose you, Peeta would've been ok with it. He was ok with it! Before the Quell when I had chosen you, he was determined to sacrifice himself in the arena so that I could get out and have a good life with you! He was willing to die, just so that I could be happy... But you? You're just a selfish prick Gale, I feel like I don't even know you anymore. You'll say anything you can to try and convince me to leave Peeta so you can be happy. You don't care about me, you don't want me to be happy. You just want me. And that disgusts me."

Gale looks like he's just been slapped in the face. Both literally and figuratively. That's because he has. "Well if that's how you feel..."

I can't even believe my ears. "If that's how I feel, Gale? No, that's how it is. That's the truth and you know it. I don't know what this war has done to you, maybe because you've just shut me out entirely, but you aren't my best friend anymore Gale. I don't know where he's gone, but you certainly aren't him anymore," with that I turn on my heel and walk away with the single turkey in my game bag. This will have to do for the day.

"Wait Katniss - " Gale starts as he runs to catch up with me, but I cut him off.

"Wait for what? What Gale? What more could you possibly have to tell me?"

I can see the thoughts going round and round in his head. Gale was never a very insightful person. "I just..."

I wait for several moments before I give up on him and resume walking back to 13, and Gale follows. He has evidently given up as well because our earlier awkward silence is nothing in comparison to this one. I feel anger swelling in my chest for a multitude of reasons. The fact that Gale would assume that Peeta doesn't care about me and is only interested in sex? While I'm sure Peeta has thought about it, considering he has been in love with me for twelve years and grew up with two older brothers he must have, we have never even spoken about sex. Peeta cares too deeply about me to push things before I'm ready, all the more reason I love that boy so much. What troubles me more is that Gale can't accept that Peeta makes me happy, and can't just be happy for me. That's what a best friend should do. That's what a best friend is supposed to do.

The hike back continues on in silence, but I no longer care. As we approach 13, I can see that Peeta, Finnick, and Johanna are still out on the training grounds. I am surprised by this because I thought we'd been gone longer, and they should all be off doing the stuff they do in the afternoons. I guess we weren't gone long. Regardless, it will be nice to go and spend time with them right away after this debacle of a hunting trip with Gale. We are almost close enough to where I can call out their names to get their attention, but Gale speaks once again.

"Katniss, just let me say one thing," he says.

I roll my eyes, but turn around to hear what he has to say. I am shocked and mortified when I feel Gale's lips press up against mine. Time freezes and I don't know what to do... Quickly I regain my composure, shove him off of me and slap him again, this time on the other side of his face and just as hard as the first time. Part of me knows that I let that kiss linger for just a second too long. "Damn it Gale. God damn it. You're really just making us being friends impossible." I turn my back to him once more and I won't look back again.

As I pass through the gates, I look over to the training grounds. I want to just go run into Peeta's arms and kiss him as passionately as I can so I can forget the feeling of Gale's lips on mine. And to rub it in his face. If Gale wants to act like a child, I'll make him pay for it. But as I look over, I no longer see Peeta. Just Finnick and Johanna. Peeta must've gone to the kitchens, it was weird that he was still out on the grounds anyways. That works, because I have to drop off the turkey anyways.

But when I get to the kitchens, Greasy Sae there tells me that Peeta hasn't shown up today. That's weird. I wonder where he is...

Peeta

*A few minutes earlier*

I've spent much of the day doing our physical training instead of weapons training. Finnick thinks I'm doing well enough with weapons but that I need to do better with my running times. I don't like hearing this, but he's probably right. I'm quick to point out that he needs work in his weight lifting regiment, which elicits a rare laugh from him. He knows I'm right though. Finnick is faster and more nimble than I, but I'm stronger and being a former wrestler I have more formal training in hand to hand combat. Regardless, we're evenly matched, and I have no doubt that getting my speed up will be a great help on the battlefield. Johanna is with us too, as she's working on her weight lifting. I designed a circuit for her, and I think it'll really help.

I've just finished a one lap sprint in under two minutes, just like Finnick instructed me. We've been doing these sprints all day, which he alleges will really help me with quickness, yet all it feels like right now is that the wind has been significantly knocked out of me. I lay down on the bench in order to catch my breath. My mind drifts to Katniss... We saw that Gale was accompanying her today on her hunting trip. I know that they're friends and I trust her, but I don't trust him. Not with her anyways.

Johanna sneaks up from behind me and dumps a bottle of cold water on my face. This causes me to laugh and snort some of the water up my nose, which stings a little bit even as I continue to laugh. "What was that for?" I ask.

Johanna has what I like to call her 'evil mastermind' smile smeared across her face, "Your favorite is on her way back from the forrest."

I sit up and take a look over my shoulder. Sure enough there is the girl of my dreams walking down the road that leads to the woods and I smile. Gale is with her too, but I couldn't care less at this point.

"Don't distract him," I hear Finnick say. "Peeta, give me another set of squats before you run off for the day." I roll my eyes dramatically, but I oblige. I pump out my last set and dry myself off before looking back at Katniss.

I wish I hadn't, because what I see makes my heart drop. No, its more like I have thousands of hot needles poking and jabbing at my heart. Gale and Katniss kissing. I feel time freeze as images flash before my eyes that bring back painful memories of watching as Katniss ignored me for so long in favor of Gale. Rejecting my love for his. Choosing him over me. Making me feel that she did feel something for me, when it was really Gale all along. Pretending to love me in the first games, only to reveal later it was all for the cameras. I want to throw up. I want to be dead. The flames of anger, despair, and jealousy are slowly stoked until I feel an inferno set ablaze inside of me. I feel myself being consumed with these emotions, the same emotions I've fought for most of my life. I can't take it anymore, and I storm off of the training grounds without another word. I know where I'm going. I'm going to the one person I know who knows how to completely drown out his feelings. Haymitch.

I'm walking up to his office, if you can call it that, and I remember he's been forced to be sober since getting here to District 13. That's fine though, because I know where the secret stashes are in the Kitchens. I'm sure he'll be happy to hear that. When I get there, I don't even bother knocking on the door and just open it to find Haymitch talking with Plutarch.

"We need to talk," I say.

Haymitch just gives me his routine grimace, "Nice to see you too. Take a seat, I'll be with you in just a second."

I'm fuming, and if it were anyone other than Plutarch or maybe President Coin, I'd light into Haymitch right here and now. As it is, I hold my tongue.

"Good to see you Peeta. Haymitch and I here were just talking about the return of the fallen tributes and the threat they present..." He trails off in his familiar tired voice. Its only now that I realize they've got the TV on behind me. I see Brutus, Gloss, and Cato leading the Peacekeepers in a battle taking place in District 6 on the far west coast of Panem. The sound is muted, but the point is clear. Having their own victors to rally behind is giving the Capital exactly what having us has done for the Rebellion. It's given the Capital hope that they can win this war. "What's your thought on the matter?" Plutarch asks.

I glare at him, "I don't know Plutarch, how would you like having to deal with the idea of fighting people that you've already had to kill?"

He chuckles, "I guess I wouldn't like that very much. I can tell you want to talk to your mentor, so I'll leave you to it. Haymitch," he says turning to him, "strategy meeting with the President tomorrow."

Haymitch nods, "I'll be there." As Plutarch leaves, Haymitch leans back in his chair to stretch for a moment before slapping his face a few times and looking back at me. "Now, what can I do for you lover boy?"

I feel the flames inside of me being stoked at the sound of his nickname for me, "Don't call me that," I snap back at him.

He looks a little taken aback, "Ooooohh trouble in paradise?"

"Shut up Haymitch!"

He must hear the pain in my words, because he backs off. "Alright, my bad... Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

"Not really," I admit.

He lets out a little laugh, "Well then what did you need to talk to me about?"

I ponder this for a moment. I don't really want to talk about why I'm so upset, but I also don't really want to leave because that'd mean I'd have to encounter Katniss at some point and she's the last person I want to see. "I don't know. I just, I didn't know where else to go to be honest."

Haymitch smiles, and for perhaps the first time, I get the feeling there is no sarcasm intended behind it. "Well I'm glad you came to me. It's good to see you kid."

I try and smile for him, but it's hard at the moment. "It's good to see you too."

He nods and kicks his feet up on his desk, "So if you don't want to talk about your issues in the romance department, what do you wanna talk about?"

I think about this, but then I remember the reason I came here, although I'm gonna work him into it. "Why do you drown out your sorrows with booze?"

His body stiffens as our eyes meet, "I thought we were talking about you."

"We will, but I'm just curious. Why is it you choose to bury your feelings?"

He sighs, "Kid, it's a long story."

"I can make it worth your while..."

His eyebrows raise, "Oh yeah? What do you know?"

"I know where the alcohol stash is in the kitchens." Oh yeah, I've definitely piqued his interest.

He laughs as he claps his hands, "Now we're talking! But, to be honest, I've found that it's always easier to talk about such... dark things once I've got a little booze in my system, and I'm sure you will too." This makes sense. "So why don't you run along and raid that stash of yours, and I'll run to my room and get a little surprise that I think you'll like. We can meet back up here in about..." he trails of as he looks at his watch, "15 minutes, sound good?"

I smile, "Yeah. Sounds perfect."

"Here, take this," Haymitch tosses me a backpack. "Grab as much as you can," he says with a grin on his face.

We both leave, pretending to act very stealthy, cracking up as we do so, and heading off in our separate directions. I make my way down to the Kitchens and I see Greasy Sae, who I've gotten closer with because we both work in the Kitchens together.

"Peeta! Good to see you! How come you didn't show up at your shift earlier?"

Crap. I forgot about that. "Oh, I'm not feeling very good. I think I've gotten a flu of some sort, didn't want to contaminate anything."

Sae just smiles at me, "You're such a good boy Peeta, always thinking of everyone else," Phew. Dodged a bullet on that one. "I'll grab you some soup to take back to your place. Sound good?"

I smile and nod, "Sounds great! Thanks Sae."

She pinches my cheek and then rubs it lightly, "Wait here, I'll be back in a minute," she says as she walks to a separate part of the Kitchens. I look around covertly, and notice that no one is around, so I make my move. I head over to the pantry and open a large compartment on the left that's hidden by everything else in the pantry. Inside, there is more alcohol than I'd ever know what to with. There's wine, there's rum, there's mead, there's champagne, there's really everything. I grab one of each until my bag is full. I notice when I swing it back onto my shoulders that the bottles are clinking. Damn. I take the bag off and, thinking on my feet, grab a freshly baked loaf of bread and use individual slices as insulation between the bottles. I throw the bag back onto my shoulders and not a sound is made. Only a baker's son would've thought of that, I think to myself proudly.

Remembering that Sae is still bringing me soup, I rush out of the pantry and head back to the place where she left me. Just in time, because she reappears not a moment later. "Here you go sweetie... By the way, Katniss came by earlier asking for you."

The sound of her name is like a knife to the heart. I really need to get this booze in me. "Oh yeah? What did she want?"

Sae gives me a peculiar look, "I'm not sure, just to see you as she does every day here in the Kitchens I'm sure... Were you just up in your room?"

"Oh. Yeah. You know, because I'm not feeling well."

Sae gives me a huge smile and I feel incredibly guilty for lying to her so much in one day as she pulls me in for a big hug. "Oh well, I'll send her up your way if I see her again."

I smile and nod as I give her a kiss on the cheek and leave to head back to Haymitch's. Still, the last thing I want is to have to talk with Katniss right now. Just the idea of seeing her makes me cringe in anger and jealousy and sadness and distrust... All things that I don't want to feel right now. Yet as I turn the corner at the end of the hallway towards Haymitch office, I see him standing outside with Katniss.

"... Have you seen Peeta at all today? I haven't been able to find him since I left to go hunting this morning," I hear her say.

Haymitch and I make eye contact and I shake my head profusely to indicate he's not to say a word. "No. I haven't. Little twerp, I never see his face around here anymore."

"Well, if you see him, will you tell him I'm looking for him?"

Haymitch nods. "Of course sweetheart. But hey, I've actually got a meeting with Plutarch over here in about five minutes, so I gotta get ready,"

"Yeah. I get it, I'll see you later Haymitch," She says after waving goodbye and walking down the hallway opposite of where I am.

Once the coast is clear, Haymitch waves his hand at me and I hurry down and into his office. I set the bag down and pull out the first bottle. A beautiful bottle of red wine from District 11. Haymitch looks at me and says, "Please tell me you got more."

I laugh and pull out the rest of the bottles. He grins widely as he licks his chops and locks the door. He grabs a bottle of a clear liquor and two glasses, he drops some ice cubes in each glass before pouring the alcohol over it. And handing me a glass along with a white pill. "What's this?" I ask.

He chuckles, "Morphling."

My curiosity has me intrigued, "Really? And mixing the two won't kill me?"

"Nope. Just helps with the numbing of emotions. Which is what you want, right?" I don't respond. I just put the pill on my tongue and wash it down with a large gulp of alcohol. I want to gag from the booze, but I manage to catch myself. This elicits a laugh from my old mentor. "Now, are you going to tell me why you're avoiding the girl you've been in love with since you were five?"

Ouch. The reminder of this stings. But the flames are gone. There is no inferno of rage burning inside of me. Hmph. The drugs must be working. "I don't really want to."

"But you're gonna. Cause you see Peeta, if we're gonna have drug induced bonding time here, you're gonna open up to me, and then I'm gonna open up to you, and we're gonna be closer because of it in the end."

I sigh and roll my eyes, but smile nonetheless. He's right. And I did want his help, so what the hell? "I saw her kissing Gale," I admit quietly.

Haymitch's reaction is not what I'd thought it was gonna be. "She did WHAT?"

"I mean, you clearly heard me. Please don't make me have to say it again, it hurt enough the first time." Although it didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Man, this morphling stuff is good.

"It hurt? Here, take another," he says handing me another morphling pill.

What the hell, why not? And I pop that baby right into my mouth and flush it down with another swig. "Ahh... Much better. Well yeah. You heard me Haymitch. I was out on the training grounds with Finnick and Johanna, and we saw Katniss coming back from her hunting trip with Gale. Nothing crazy. Turned away for one second, turned back and boom. Her lips were on his." Yeah these drugs really must be working because I feel like I couldn't care less anymore.

Haymitch just shakes his head... "I'm sorry Peeta."

"Don't be. You're not the one who... who cheated on me," I am being remarkably more calm talking about this than I thought I'd be. Although the idea of Haymitch and I being in a relationship makes me laugh out loud. Damn, morphling is awesome. I can see how people get addicted to it so easily. "You know, I finally thought we were on solid ground. Building trust, a real relationship. I know it's Katniss but I thought we were working through her issues, tearing down her walls... And then this happens and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't even want to look at her right now. I know that I couldn't talk to her without yelling my brains out! After everything we've been through, I just thought we we're past all of this nonsense."

He nods and pours himself another drink, evidently having finished his first glass already. "You know, before the Quell I told that girl that she could live a hundred lifetimes and still not deserve you. She's just proving me right."

Normally I'd be jumping up to defend her in this moment. Normally, I'd tell Haymitch to shut his mouth. Normally, I'd be fighting off the urge to tackle his drunk ass to the floor. I don't know if it's the drugs, but maybe I actually think he's right. "After everything I've done for that girl, after every time I've saved her life and was willing to die for her, she's put me through hell and back..." Haymitch fills my glass up again because I guess I've finished my drink and he clinks our glasses together. "I was willing to die for her, Haymitch! I was going to let her live so that she could get out of the Quell and be with that guy. I even told her to do it! I told her to kill me so that she'd win and go and live a happy life with Gale. Then when we were rescued, she made me feel like she chose me! She told me that she loved me! All of it.. Bullshit. All of it was nothing," I say as I take huge swig of my drink.

This is the first time in this conversation where Haymitch really stops me. "I mean, I don't know if it was nothing kid. That girl has some issues, and I'm sure you know better than I, but I think she really does feel that stuff for you. She just sucks at expressing it."

I howl in laughter, "Oh yeah? What makes you think that Haymitch?"

"She came over here looking for you, didn't she?"

"Yeah, but that's probably only because she asked Greasy Sae down in the Kitchens where I was, and she didn't know," I can hear my words beginning to slur together.

"That furthers my point Peeta. She went to the Kitchens to ask where you were? She came up here looking for you? She's out there looking for you in general... She might've fucked up, and I mean royally fucked up, but she does still care about you Peeta," I make to interrupt him, but simply holds up a hand to stop me. "She obviously still cares Peeta. She still loves you. But it's Katniss. That doesn't make it right, but it means she deserves a chance to explain herself and you know that. You two will work through this, I'm sure of it."

"I just don't know about that Haymitch... I just don't know." Maybe we will. But what could she possibly have to say about what happened? What kind of explanation can she give? This whole Gale thing has just been such a huge elephant in our relationship for so long now, we've got to solve it if we're ever gonna move forward. Even though the drugs are covering up a lot, I can still feel where the pain should be. I can still feel all the little holes and cuts that are in my heart. I can still feel where the flames burned my insides... Now though, I turn my attention to my old mentor. "Alright Haymitch, now that you've heard my story and we're both significantly liquored up, it's your turn. Give me your best shot. What pains and sorrows do you cover up every day?"

His mood turns from happy and giddy, to sullen and dark rather quickly. "How about the deaths of every single person I ever cared about weighing on my conscience every single day?"

I frown and don't understand. "What do you mean?"

He sighs, "I mean exactly that. You saw how I won my games right?" I nod, during our training for the Quell, Katniss and I watched tape from all the recent games, including Haymitch's. Haymitch had discovered that the force field around the arena would bounce anything that hit it right back. So when the last remaining tribute was chasing after him, Haymitch let them throw an axe at him, only to have it bounce right back at them. That's how Haymitch won. "Well, the Capital was not happy about how I used the force field. They were not happy at all with me. Almost as unhappy as your stunt with the berries. Snow was still relatively new to being President at that point, and the whole matter embarrassed him deeply. So what did he do? Killed every single that was important to me. I mean everyone. Friends, family, almost anyone I had a relationship with in 12."

My jaw drops, and suddenly everything becomes so crystal clear to me. It all makes sense now why Haymitch is the way he is. "Wow... I'm sorry Haymitch. I never knew."

"Because I never wanted you to. I never wanted to burden you with it. Either of you for that matter," indicating Katniss. "It's something that I carry with me every day, and it's something only I can do."

"But you don't really," I point out after killing my drink and indicating I want a refill. "Deal with it, I mean. Not if you drown yourself away with booze every single day."

Haymitch laughs as he pours me another drink, "Says the kid who just passed me in number of drinks for the day."

"Hey, having to deal with feelings like this is new to me! You've had 25 years to drown your sorrows. I think you really need to forgive yourself Haymitch... You don't need to keep punishing yourself for trying to survive in the Games all those years ago. You may have lost all your loved ones back then, but that doesn't mean you can't find new people to love now."

He smiles, "I already have."

I wrinkle my brow, not really following, "What do you mean?"

He chuckles and says something that touches my heart even through the state I'm in, "You and Katniss. I love you kids. You're the closest thing I have to family anymore... You two might be the best things to ever happen to me. I used to drink all day and night because of my family, and that will always weigh on me. But lately, at least right before the Quell, I drank so much because I was worried about you two dying as well. It seemed like a cruel twist of fate for life to take away my family, then give me you two, to only have you reaped again a year later."

I am usually so good with words, yet Haymitch has taken that power away from me. "I-I don't even know what to say Haymitch. I'm touched," I say as I throw back the remainder of my drink in one chug.

Haymitch laughs, "Just follow my advice: stay alive. That's all I can ask for. This war is going to bring us to much darker places, more so than even the Games did. You want to see how bad things can get? Because this is just the beginning," he says indicating the still muted TV behind me. I look over my shoulder and see that the entire battle had been broadcasted live. Hundreds of rebels lay dead and I see Cato's brutish face cheering triumphantly as he kicks a rebel who surrendered in the gut. "We've got to stick together," he says as he refills both of our glasses. We're apparently already on another bottle, I hadn't realized we drank that much. I bet it's still daytime. "That's why I'm glad to see you and Finnick getting along so well, that's why I made Katniss and Johanna sort through all their girl drama..." He trails off and I have an idea I know what he's gonna say next. "That's why you and Katniss are gonna need to figure out all your issues."

I sigh. Inside, I know he's right. I know we're gonna have to talk eventually. She still doesn't even know why I'm avoiding her, she probably doesn't realize I saw what she did. It can wait though. I don't want to see her in this state. For my own embarrassment and the fact I'm sure I'd say many hurtful things to her. She can wait till tomorrow, I'm going to enjoy the bender I'm on tonight. "Can I get another morphling?" I ask.

Haymitch laughs as he shakes his head. "Sure, why not... But you've gotta promise me you're gonna talk to her tomorrow. Deal?"

"Deal," I say as he tosses me one more white pill. I immediately put it in my mouth and drain it down with another swig of alcohol. I think I can safely say that for the first time in my life, I am fucked up. I laugh to myself, this is how Haymitch feels all the time, and I don't know how he can handle it.

"You alright over there champ?" He asks me.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," although I'm starting to get really light headed. I try to change the subject, "What do you think of the careers being back?"

He grunts. "Can't say that I'm pleased..." His voice is starting to drift in and out. I can't tell if it's him or me. "They do present a difficult challenge for us. And you better believe that you're gonna be running into them on a battlefield again someday..." That is literally the last thing I want to happen. I can't imagine having to fight all of those people again. The very idea of it gives me nightmares. I open my mouth to say this to Haymitch, but nothing comes out. I try to speak again, but again, nothing comes out. My lightheadedness is getting to the point its hard to keep my head upright. It feels so heavy I just want to fall asleep now. "Peeta, are you sure you're alright?"

I can't respond though. I watch as the world begins to blacken around me, and the last thing I remember is my head hitting the floor as Haymitch shouts my name one more time...

Katniss

I've spent most of the day looking for Peeta, and I'm starting to get really worried. I didn't see him in afternoon training, and I don't think he's missed a session yet. But Finnick was also missing, so maybe they're off doing something together. I return back to my compartment to find Prim lounging with Buttercup on her bed.

"How's it going little duck?"

Prim smiles, "Alright. I had a test today in class, so I hope I did alright."

"I'm sure you did well, you're so smart Prim," I say affectionately, to which she roles her eyes.

"What did you do today?"

I sigh as I collapse next to her on her bed, which elicits a hiss from Buttercup. Should I tell her? I don't want to worry her, and Prim is getting to that age where I can start opening up to her about things like this. "Nothing good."

She sits up, "What do you mean?"

I meet her gaze, "I went hunting with Gale today... And he kissed me."

Like the innocent little school girl that she is, she gasps and covers her hand to her mouth. "Oh my god! Katniss, what did you do?"

"What was I supposed to do? I shoved him off of me and slapped him."

Prim looks equally satisfied and disturbed by this. "Well... I guess he deserved it. Have you told Peeta?"

"No, and I don't know if I should..."

"Katniss, you have to! You know he'd want to hear it from you and not someone else!"

She's right about that. "Well, I'd have to be able to find him first. He's been missing all day, no one has seen him since earlier this morning."

Prim frowns showing plenty of concern. "That's not like Peeta. He doesn't just disappear for hours at a time..."

"You're telling me..."

"Seriously though Katniss, you have to tell him."

"I don't know... Gale is just such a sore spot between us, I almost feel like it would be better if I just put it behind me and act like it never happened."

All of a sudden there is a loud pounding on the door. My heart jumps hoping that it's Peeta, but something tells me it's not him. He'd have the manners to knock. I go to open the door, and Johanna is standing in front of me with her arms crossed, clearly unhappy about something.

"You've got a lot of nerve," she says as she strides past me, and I close the door behind her.

"Excuse me?"

"Oh yeah, you heard me. And you know exactly what I'm talking about."

"I'm sure that I don't so why don't you just tell me."

Johanna scoffs and looks at me in disbelief. "You. And Gale. We all saw."

My heart drops. "It is not what it looked like at all Johanna, I swear. Gale and I had been fighting the entire time, didn't you see me slap him right afterwards?"

Her eyes narrow before uncrossing her arms and seemingly relenting. "Sure, I saw that. Finnick saw that. But Peeta sure didn't. He was so distraught after seeing that he stormed right off the training grounds."

It all comes together for me. That's why I haven't been able to find Peeta all day. He's not missing, he's avoiding me. "Where is he Johanna?"

She scoffs, "Like I'd know... Evidently, he's pretty good at not being found when he doesn't want to be. Maybe you've rubbed off on him a little more than you thought."

I don't even know what to think. The last thing I wanted was for Peeta to see that... I've got to find him, I've got to explain everything. He'll still believe me. Won't he? My thoughts are interrupted with a knock on the door. I find this far more likely to be Peeta so my mind races as my heartbeat increases. As I open the door it is not him, but rather Haymitch. He smells familiar though, like alcohol.

"Hey sweetheart," he says.

"Hey, any sign of Peeta?"

He looks... worried. Like he's got something to say. "Yeah... I may have lied to you earlier when I said I hadn't seen him."

I give him a death glare. If I wasn't more interested in what he was gonna say next, I'd probably have already slapped him. "And? Do you know where he is now?"

His worried look turns to one of guilt and horror. "Yeah. He's in the hospital wing... He overdosed on alcohol and morphling. It was completely accidental, but..."

I feel my heart stop. Time freezes. My hearing is gone. Peeta was so upset with what happened that he almost killed himself. I fall backwards into Prim's arms and let the tears run freely down my face. What have I done?

Maybe I lied when I said everything would turn out alright... I was planning on giving you an end to this dilemma in the chapter, but it was just getting too long so I decided to just push it into the next one. Now, will you guys let me know what you honestly think: Is this too romancey-angsty? I don't want to go overboard with the love triangle (in all honesty, I struggled reading parts of Catching Fire because I thought it bordered on too excessive), but this will play a role later on in the story. Anyways, let me know what you thought please! I really hope you guys liked this chapter!