AN: Sorry its late and short, had a presentation to prepare. I enjoyed reading all your kind words, thanks a million you guys.
Jane used the shower in the guest bathroom for the first time in years, if for nothing else than the few minutes alone with her thoughts. When she finished she put on a pair of pyjama's and went back to the master bedroom. Maura was not yet done, so she quietly snuggled into the warm bed, wondering how she was going to begin her conversation with her best friend.
When Maura emerged, unprovocative night wear in place, she slid into the blankets as well. They lay facing each other, when Maura decided to start the talking process.
''I don't quite know how to proceed from here'', she admitted.
''Don't you think you should have thought about that before you took your clothes off'', Jane spat back.
''Well you should have thought before your bought that lingerie for me'', Maura shot up from the pillow. The conversation was definitely taking a turn for the worst. Neither had expected the anger. They didn't appear upset when they where lying in silence. It's just that when their mouths opened, heated words fell out of nowhere.
''Excuse me!'', Jane gasped, sitting up as well. ''you'', she pointed at her, ''are the one that was going through my fucking shopping. You should have just left it alone when I told you to''
''What are we fighting about here Jane? That we had sex or that I don't know what to say, bec-''
''No!'', Jane put her hand up. '' You did your share of talking during sex''
''So you are upset with me'', Maura stated.
''Gee, who would have guessed''
''Your sarcasm is not welcomed right now Jane''
''Of course, because you said so. Never mind what Jane wants'', the brunette's childish behaviour made its appearance once again. Jane Rizzoli was a classic example of the work done by Psychiatrist Eric Berne - she represented and exercised the 'three ego states' perfectly. Her parent ego showed when she was with her friends/work partners/family. In this case she portrayed her beliefs and showed her caring and sympathetic side. At work, her adult ego always ruled. She was nothing but logical and analytical. And then came her child ego, where everything was based on childish emotions. Which are usually of the unflattering kind : impulsive, eager to please, self centered, angry. And this particular ego state was in action when she was with Maura.
Maura watched her intently, wondering what had set the brunette off like that. She drew blanks, it really just came out of nowhere.
''What are you implying here Jane. Are you trying to say I made you sleep with me?'', Maura asked in utter shock.
''I don't know. I'm gonna go'', Jane jumped out of bed and started for the door.
''Jane'', the name was like a spear thrown through her chest. '' If you walk out of this house, don't come back''
''What?'', Jane whipped her head around.
''If you walk out of here, I am going to take it to mean that you regret sleeping with me, and you don't care about me enough to want to discuss it maturely''
''Mau-''
''That's final'', Maura tucked herself back under the blanket. And Jane walked out, slamming the door behind her.
When she got downstairs, she headed for the kitchen and slumped on the stool. She hated herself instantly, how could she do that to Maura? Well she knew why anyway. She was afraid. Afraid of this new bond that had been formed between them was. Afraid of how strongly she felt for the blonde. Afraid that they did it too soon. Afraid that this was going to get complicated when Joyleen arrived. Afraid that things were going to turn sour in light of Margo's presence. Part of her was even afraid that she may not have performed to par. She was generally just afraid, so she lashed out at the woman she loves.
Maura was still in bed. She refused to cry over this. She had done everything right, and Jane had no business accusing her of anything. She was furious, and for the time being she meant what she said, if Jane left, she didn't want her coming back.
She's right, Jane told herself. If I care about her I shouldn't leave, no matter how terrified I am. If I go, it does come off as regretting what happened, and God knows I don't. I'm just scared, and I should talk to her about it.
Jane began making a cup of Maura's favourite tea. She set two cups in a tray and put a saucer of biscuits on the side. Gathering up all she had, she headed back to the bedroom with her peace offering. She lightly knocked, then pushed the door open with great effort because of the tray in hand.
''I brought tea'', she said in shame.
''Thank you''. Her voice was flat. She then sat up and accepted the cup amicably.
''I'm am an asshole''…''And I'm allowed to swear this time, because it's the only word that fits''. Maura turned her lips up a little, sipping on her hot beverage. Jane was sitting at the edge of the bed, trying hard to find the finest words to use. ''What I said was wrong. I should never have used that tone with you, you have done nothing to deserve it'', she swallowed hard. ''Making love to you was one of the best things that's ever happened to me. It's a dream come true actually, and it's something I can NEVER regret Maura. I want to do it again and again, for the rest of my life. I'm just afraid, so I lashed out at you''….'' A little insecure even'', she added quietly.
''I understand Jane. But don't ever walk out on me when you feel that way. I'd rather fight with you here, than have you miles away ignoring me''
''I understand, and I'm so sorry Maura. Its not going to happen again I promise'', Jane said sincerely, glad she had been understood.
They sipped on their tea for a little while, both unable to come up with something relevant. When the silence had gone on for too long, Maura began. ''What does this mean in terms of our relationship status?''. She wasn't one to make beating about the bush a norm, she much rather preferred to get straight to the inevitable point.
''I don't know'', was all Jane offered.
''I don't know either Jane, but me asking you is means of better defining the situation''
''Do we have to label it just yet?''
''If it was any other day Jane, I would have said no. But given the circumstances and the pending situation, I would venture to say it is required that we indeed attach a name to what is happening'', Maura said as she munched on a biscuit and sipped on her tea.
Jane sighed heavily, clearly not ready (or willing) to label themselves yet. It was an even bigger issue for Jane, given that it was also going to be an entire identity change – from heterosexual to…..bisexual?...or homosexual?. She wasn't even sure. Despite popular opinion, Jane was completely straight until Maura. It may have been that she suppressed her gay feelings just to prove everyone wrong. Bottom line is that she had never been with a woman. In any case, she hadn't found one that was worth the effort of dissecting her sexuality. But Maura was, so now she was faced with having to deal with closeted issues.
''I don't know what label to put to us Maura'', she said sadly. She really didn't know.
''Can we at least try to figure it out….preferably now''
''I don't want you to take this the wrong way Maura'', Jane said seriously. ''But the reason why I didn't want this to happen was because of the problem we are in now – having to define it. We have FOUR AND A HALF days before Joyleen gets here. What do we tell her?''
''We tell her whatever it is that we agree on right now'', Maura reasoned.
''Sure….'hey Joyleen, this is my best friend turned girlfriend four days ago'…'', Jane said sarcastically.
''Those roles are not mutually exclusive Jane. Being my girlfriend doesn't mean you are no longer my best friend''
''That's not the point Maura'', Jane raised her voice.
''Well what is?'', Maura returned equally as loud.
The brunette placed her tea cup down and rubbed her face vigorously. ''You don't want to start motherhood, and a relationship at basically the same time''
This got Maura thinking. She didn't respond, Jane had made a fair point.
''The pressure is going to be too much. Balancing your time with me, and your time with Joyleen. Trying to please two very different people who have equally important roles in your life. How do you explain to a twelve year old you've just met that you are in a four-day lesbian relationship with your best friend who is just staying over for two weeks? What role do I then play in her life?''
''I hadn't thought of it that way'', Maura whispered.
''Well you do that then!''
''Jane…don't yell at me please. This isn't easy for either of us''
''I'm sorry'', Jane said once again that night.
They shared a silence once more, while the doctor mulled over what her friend had said.
''So we don't have sex again until she's settled and we can explain our relationship better to her?'', Maura asked quietly.
''I didn't say that'', Jane very nearly shouted again.
Frustrated, Maura raised her voice again, ''So what are you saying? You seem to want to have sex again, but are reluctant to label us lovers…..what are you saying Jane?''
''Sorry Maur…this isn't coming across well at all. I don't know people who fight after sex, its usual before'', she chuckled humourlessly.
''Right…make-up sex'', Maura stated.
''Okay'', Jane slapped her hands on her thighs resolutely, deciding she just had to open up and be honest ''I can't promise to sleep next to you on this bed for the next three weeks and not make love to you again. That isn't possible. I could go back to my place, but that isn't the best solution either – it will still happen. And besides, I promised to be here while Margo is around'', Jane breathed in deeply before continuing. ''What about remaining the best friends that we are for now. And if we sleep together again that's fine, it is what it is. When Joyleen comes I'll just be the best friend I always was, and then when things settle down a bit we can then work on building a proper relationship''
''If I didn't know any better I'd say I'm being used for sex here''. Maura was facing down and Jane took it seriously.
''Oh my God Maura, you know I would never-''. She was cut off by the blondes laughter. ''Heeeeey'', she threw a pillow at Maura's face, which the doctor caught in time. ''That wasn't funny''
''Well now you know what your humour is like at times''. They both laughed, enjoying the dissipating tension.
''It sucks when you're this side of it''
''Well there you go Detective''
''So are we good?''
''I suppose. What do we tell Margo if she asks?'', Maura asked tentatively.
''That its none of her business'', Jane responded immediately.
''Jane! She is going to be leaving her child, I think she has the right to ask about our relationship status''
''I don't know….we tell her we aren't in a relationship. Because technically we aren't right?''
''Right'', The word came out painfully from Maura's mouth.
''It's not her concern whether we are sleeping together or not, okay? We'', she gestured between the two of them, ''are trying to figure this out. And we deserve to do it on our own terms – alone. People get to know once we figure it out. So when we define this, that's when we tell everyone. We just have to keep the….you know…kissing and stuff behind closed doors''
''I see your point'', Maura didn't look happy.
''Look. Maura, look at me baby'', Jane moved from her position to go closer so she could lift Maura's face to look into her eyes. ''Don't confuse this as me not wanting to be with you or anything along those lines. Its just the situation that's all. I just want things with Joyleen to go smoothly. You know I ain't going anywhere, so there's nothing to worry about. And we can still make love whenever we want'', she finished with a smile.
This seemed to appease Maura, who smiled genuinely in return. ''I love you Jane'', Maura caressed Jane's tanned cheek with her hand.
''I'm guessing I didn't tell you that did I. I love you too Maura. I'm in love with you. You are amazing, and I love you just the way you are – everything about you. You have the most wonderful heart, so kind and generous. Thank you for putting up with me all these years. I can't wait to be in a proper relationship with you, to call you my own and kiss you wherever and whenever I want'', she demonstrated by pulling in the blonde for a passionate kiss. ''My mother wont be happy to hear that her only daughter has fallen in love with a single mother'', she joked.
At this, Maura laughed out loud. She was proud to be in love with a woman such as Jane. ''I'm glad I have you to make me laugh Jane. Your humour is pretty pleasant if exercised appropriately''
''Come here you. I think its time for that make-up sex you mentioned earlier''
Jane gently pushed the blonde into a lying position and got on top of her. Her hands immediately landed on the blondes abundant bosom, causing Maura to moan out loudly as Jane kneaded them powerfully. ''We're going to have to work on tuning your volume Dr Isles. There's going to be a kid in here soon''.
Maura was inexplicable turned on by Jane's returned confidence. Practice did make perfect, and it helped that the detective was a very fast learner. The brunette had not missed that freckled zone on Maura's neck that made her lose all her modesty. Jane sucked on it really hard as her hand continued its ministrations on the full breast.
''Oh Jane'', she moaned. ''Keep going'', she begged not wanting Jane to remove her lips from that very arousing spot.
''I didn't intend on stopping baby….''. Maura began grinding into Jane, seeking whatever more contact she could. And just like before, they both loudly moaned at the friction against each other's sex's.
''Take this off me'', Maura pulled irritatedly at her night wear.
Jane made quick work of disrobing the blonde and then herself, before falling into yet another session of phenomenal love-making: less instructions this time.
AN: The earliest I can get the next chapter out should be Sunday night (my time) - if all goes well.