"You have nightmares."
"Don't change the topic!"
Sakura had now spent almost four days at the hospital and at Sasuke's sick bed. He was getting better, but whatever Orochimaru had been giving him was more potent than they'd anticipated and thrown him through more hells than she previously knew existed in drug withdrawal. Cramps of all kinds, seizures, one more cursed seal take-over, fevers coming and going, and the occasional hallucination. Paired with his current inability to keep down anything solid, and his body's newest tendency to get rid of whatever was left of the poisonous substances in it through profuse sweating, and you got a pretty good picture of the misery he was in.
That still didn't keep him from arguing about his treatments when he was briefly capable of doing so.
"So what if I do?" She then humored him in exasperation. "Would that finally make you drink your water?"
"That's not water," he spat at her as viciously as he could in his current position. Which was still lying restrained in a hospital bed and suffering through about every misery the human body could inflict upon itself.
"Yes, it is," she tried reasoning with him. "Well, I suppose it's closer to tea, since it's water steeped with several fruits and vegetables for a few hours and thus rich in detoxicants. Wanna know what those do? Make your metabolism burn through toxic substances faster. In other words, get you out of here faster. Also, you really need to stay hydrated the way you're sweating right now."
"Then what's this for?" He asked disdainfully and nodded at the IV he was attached to. And had to have been reattached to several times, too.
"That's for keeping you from starving," she explained, also not for the first time. "And yes, also to keep you hydrated. But I can't help but think that maybe, actually putting something unaggressive into your digestive system might help to get things on track again. But, you know, don't mind me, I'm just the medic here."
In reply, he rolled his eyes and slumped his head back down onto the pillow.
"Of course, we could also get you some green tea," she mused. "That's not as rich in detoxicants, but boosts your metabolism plenty, so it kind of evens out..."
He made a very audible sound of disgust at that suggestion. Sakura raised her eyebrows.
"Oh, I'm sorry, is common hospital green tea not good enough for you?" She asked pointedly.
"That's not it," he muttered.
"Too bad, because things being the way they are, I'd be totally willing to get a tea set somewhere and have a proper tea ceremony in this very room, if that makes you fucking drink something," she hissed. Sasuke turned his head to look at her skeptically.
"Like you have any idea how that works," he claimed in a tone way too smug for someone in his current predicament. Sakura just sighed and rolled her eyes.
"You seriously need to stop challenging me on stuff like that," she advised him. "Tea ceremonies were on the academy curriculum, you know? Just like ikebana. During those lessons where you boys got extra training session, which is totally unfair, mind you."
"Why would someone like you have nightmares like that?" He returned to the change of topic he'd been aiming for earlier.
"What do you mean 'nightmares like that'?" She asked, frowning. Sure, she'd been sleeping in this room more often than not the last few days, but... Just how much of her newly developed sleeping habits had he witnessed, being handicapped the way he was right now? He was barely conscious most of the time, for heaven's sake!
In answer, he nodded at the currently sparkling clean emesis basin next to his bed. This was a state that never existed for too long.
"This thing had vomit in it at some point this morning," he then informed her flatly.
"Oh no, when has that ever happened before," she muttered instead of giving him a straight answer just yet.
"It wasn't mine."
"I'm not sure whether it is touching or disturbing that you can tell our vomit apart," Sakura said and almost had to laugh at that.
"It had food in it," Sasuke specified.
"Good point," Sakura admitted.
Sasuke looked at her expectantly, clearly expecting her to elaborate on what had caused her to lose the high quality hospital food she had been eating while sitting at his bedside for almost four days straight. In response, she just stared back for a while, feigning ignorance, until he raised his eyebrows in annoyance.
"Well, have you ever tried the hospital food here?" She then attempted to talk her way out of this. "It's a miracle anyone can keep it down; we should have replaced the cooks years ago..."
"From what I can tell, that's exactly what the Fifth did in the past year," Sasuke rebutted without hesitation. "I know for a fact the food quality here is now way better than it has any right to be."
"Well, yeah, but someone screwed it up yesterday and now we're battling food poisoning all around, which I happen to have contracted," she quickly readjusted her lie.
"In that case you wouldn't have stopped hurling ever since," Sasuke pointed out to her. "Which I would have noticed."
"Well, maybe it's not exactly food poisoning, but I may have contracted a stomach bug of sorts." She was a medic, dammit; she knew way more reasons to be throwing up than he knew how to rebuff.
"Then you'd also have hurled a lot more," he said, his tone growing more annoyed by the second. "And they'd have taken you off the job, even the job of babysitting me, since catching whatever you have would keep me from recovering. Try something better."
...And as a medic, she knew he had one hell of a point there. Dammit. She squirmed in her seat uncomfortably.
"Well, uh..." If she sounded reluctant enough about this, he might just buy this next one. "Well, uhm, I don't know if you noticed, but... uh..." She avoided his gaze for maximum effect. "You... Well, you... Kinda... Smell? You know? And when I woke up, it was kind of overwhelming, and, uh..."
That shut him up for a moment, before he sighed in annoyance and rolled his eyes.
"You have been sleeping in this room," he then reminded her, his voice making it clear that he was forcing himself not to start yelling at her in anger. "You would have been used to the smell so it couldn't overwhelm you. Also, you're a fucking medic and deal with this shit all the time. They wouldn't have you on the job if you were too delicate to handle the smell."
"Ugh..." He had her there. Again. Why was his brain working so well right now? Was he finally getting some kind of better? If so, bad, bad timing there. "So the next item on my list for causes that wouldn't get me taken off the job just yet would be pregnancy. But... Yeah, let's not go there," she sighed, admitting defeat and started massaging her temples. This conversation was too much of a headache already.
"So?"
From the sound of his voice, she mused that if she agitated him any further, Sasuke might just activate his juin voluntarily and then actually try to harm her. Something he hadn't done on the instances the seal broke loose. Yes.
"I'll trade you," Sakura then offered, taking the jug containing the detoxicating water from his nightstand and wiggling it in front of him slightly. "You drink a cup of this and I'll tell you all about my nightmares. But only if you keep it down."
"I have no control over that," Sasuke informed her grimly.
"When it comes to taste, not throwing up is actually a matter of willpower," Sakura replied, pouring some of the water into a cup and holding it to his face. Glaring at her with several degrees of contempt, which some time ago would have sent her running away crying and screaming, Sasuke opened his mouth. They'd had attempted this a few times before, and each and every time Sasuke had insisted on getting at least one hand tied loose to keep at least some of his dignity intact and taking the cup himself, but Sakura would take no risks. And also, she mused, after all they'd been through these past four days, he kind of had no dignity left to lose when it came to her.
And if this kept going the way it was headed, at the end of it all, the lack of dignity would be mutual.
Sasuke gulped down his water slowly and deliberately, never taking his eyes off her just to make the extent of his rage known. This also didn't bother her anymore. Because on one hand, she was his goddamn medic and it was her job to do what was best for him no matter what he thought of her methods. And on the other hand, this was one hell of a humbling experience for him, especially when it came to her, and would maybe make him think twice before filing official complaints about her again.
She put down the cup when he had emptied it about half-way, nodding approvingly when he didn't spit it out immediately.
"See?" She smiled that smile she usually reserved for slowly recovering patients who probably didn't possess two brain cells to rub together anymore. Some ninja's indulgences could lead to that. "You can keep this stuff down if you just put your mind to it!"
"Your turn," he hissed, apparently struggling quite a bit with both his urge to spit out the admittedly less than pleasantly flavored liquid, and the urge to punch something in irritation. Preferably her.
Well, annoying him always had been her specialty.
"Why do you even care?" She tried to evade the topic once more. "So I have nightmares that make me throw up. Big deal. Half of the shinobi we employ do, actually. Comes with the territory."
"Just making sure you're not emotionally unstable," he grunted, unimpressed by her baiting and evading tactics.
She drew in a hissing breath.
"If I didn't know any better," she then said, forcing her voice to remain calm and steady and not to punch him in return. "I'd say you're hell-bent on getting rid of me, aren't you? First I'm supposed to me emotionally compromised, and now this? Wow. Really, wow, Sasuke, I'm impressed."
"What the hell?" Sasuke seemed genuinely confused, before glaring at her with disdain again.
"But you know what?" She continued unfazed. "The emotionally compromised complaint? That might even have worked initially, since, yeah, okay, we have history, and that history really doesn't play out in my favor, does it? And while it was a low blow to even insinuate that that history could, even for a second, compromise my professionalism, well, at least your concerns weren't completely unfounded. But claiming that between your issues and Naruto's situation I'm the unstable one on this team? You are not going to get through with that."
Sasuke had watched her rant with mild interest, but seemed to grow more and more pissed with each word.
"Between my issues and Naruto's situation, you are the one throwing up from nightmares," he then hissed after she had finished and calmed down enough to listen again.
She froze for a second, the slumped down in her chair, all the anger and energy leaving her at once.
"Fine. Good point. I'm sorry," she murmured. "Ugh... It's just... Nothing for you to worry about, okay? I'm not unstable, or anything. And you're not getting me off the team, no matter what you try."
"You keep going on about that," he grunted. "What the hell am I supposed to have done?"
"Filed an official complaint about me, how I'm emotionally compromised and not fit to be on a team with you," Sakura explained, but it slowly dawned on her that something about that was off. "You… didn't do that, did you?"
"Why would I?" He snarled back. "It's not like the alternatives are any better."
"That bitch," Sakura moaned and buried her head in her face, laughing. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, I should have seen right through this..."
"That explains why you were so pissed off all the time," he noted, then flinched in disgust. "Please don't tell me that's what you dreamed about. Because if that's it, I might file an actual complaint about you."
She laughed even louder at how ridiculous this situation had gotten. Seriously, how could she have ever believed Tsunade that Sasuke would even concern himself with such trifling matters in the first place? And if he wasn't beyond filing complaints, why would he do so now, when she was actually showing her work, instead of back when she hadn't?
"No, no, don't worry, that's not it," she giggled, wiping the tears off her eyes. God, laughing felt good after being holed in here for so long. "It, ah... It has nothing to do with you, in any case," she then admitted. "Not directly, at least."
"Just fucking tell me already," Sasuke growled, fed up with all of her evasive tactics.
"You do realize that you're chained to a bed and actually don't have any leverage to make demands, don't you?" She was still laughing a little just at how ridiculous this had become.
"I can make your job harder for you," Sasuke argued. "Make us stuck in here for another week or so. And I already did my part. You better deliver if you want to keep any kind of leverage."
"Fine, fine, whatever." She waved dismissively before straightening up in her chair again. What was she actually afraid of here? It's not like she didn't know what his nightmares were about... Then again, so did the rest of the world since it wasn't really any kind of secret what had happened to his family. Well, the exact circumstances kind of were, but nobody could argue with the results. And nobody thought any less of him for it... Then again, it's not like she had any kind of trauma to keep up here. Ugh.
"Remember the guys you were with when Naruto and I found you?" She then finally caved in. Pun not even intended. "Before Naruto chased you down?"
Sasuke frowned.
"What of them?" He asked sternly. "None of them were anything special. Nothing to give anyone nightmares."
"One of them transformed his arm into a spiky whip and they all grew extra body parts," Sakura responded. "That's pretty nightmare-ish on its own, don't you think?"
"You sound like the Inuzuka," he pointed out flatly. Sakura blinked.
"Oh god, I do," she realized. "I'm sorry. I won't make a habit of mentioning the whip guy. Oh god, that sounds like some weird fetish. Oh god. I think this is traumatizing me even more..."
"This is not what makes you throw up," Sasuke cut through her ramblings. "Get to the point."
"Well, I was kind of overwhelmed by these guys," she continued her tale. "I mean, there were... I don't even remember, a dozen or so of them, all of them had a seal like yours, and they all transformed and ganged up on me, so... I had to find a way to get out of there alive, and... Well..." She brushed her hair back nervously, vehemently avoiding his gaze. "I brought the hall down on them."
When he didn't say anything in response to that, she glanced at him quickly. He seemed moderately impressed, whether by her skill or quick thinking was impossible to say and didn't really matter to her all things considered, but still didn't seem to get it. Okay. So nobody in this hospital had informed him what had happened to a majority of the patients they still had around.
"And while that seemed like a good idea at the time, bringing down the hall caused... Problems on the surface," she continued hesitantly. "Namely, a... landslide that did in most of our opposition at the time... But also a sizeable amount of... Our people..." Her hands were shaking, as she vigorously tried to suppress the images of the carnage that came to her mind due to this memory. The images themselves didn't exactly make her throw up, but the dreams always included a more... Real image altogether, including the smell of the clearing where she had saved Tenten, and the sounds she imagined had been there when the ground gave in. All of that was enough to trigger her actually quite sensitive stomach; it just wasn't sensitive to anything related to her medical profession.
"So what?" Sasuke asked, still not getting it.
"So I killed a whole lot of our own people!" She explained defensively. "And... Well, Neji took me to the place after, because Tenten was still alive but hadn't been taken by the medical squad at the time, since they were busy... And... I saw... And..."
"But that was on accident," Sasuke pointed out. "You did it to save yourself."
"Because my life is worth so much more than the many people I killed, and the many more people I injured, right," she deflected bitterly, fighting back tears.
"How did you affect the combat situation at large?" Sasuke now wanted to know. Weird how chatty he was being.
"Well..." She swallowed down the tears. "As far as I know, it wasn't looking too good... We weren't losing per se, but getting swarmed by enemy ninjas from all sides, until... Well... I killed them all... Indiscriminately. Which turned the battle around, or something."
"So you won the battle," Sasuke pointed out.
"Nonsense," she waved this off. "I made it more difficult. I killed people! People on our side!"
"Collateral damage," he claimed. Sakura jumped to her feet.
"How can you just say things like that?!" She asked outraged. "Those were comrades I killed! And I saw the kind of injuries caused by this, and they were not pretty, so most of them died of being crushed to death, which is one of the most horrible ways to go, and..."
"This was war," he interrupted her. "They knew they were likely to die in horrible ways from the start."
"But I caused this!" She insisted.
"And won the battle," he brought up again. "It's not the first time methods like this were used to win a battle in a war zone, you know that. And if I recall correctly, winning a military encounter outweighs a few lives lost. Or a lot."
She had to concede to that point; that's what they had been taught in the academy quite a few times, just to get the point across. All in all, there had been even more despicable acts that were celebrated as heroic deeds in their village; a very popular strategy to winning wars had been the tearing down of bridges, just in case the enemy couldn't walk on water or build new ones on the fly. These measures were known to have caused the collapse of several civilian economies at the time. But still...
"And what about that thing Kakashi taught us?" She asked bitterly. "How your comrades are more important than the mission?"
"Kakashi is full of shit and a horrible teacher," Sasuke said. "Why listen to him of all people?"
She tried to come up with a counter argument to this but... Failed. And yet, in some odd way, this conversation, as despicable as Sasuke's arguments were, did cheer her up somewhat.
"But that still doesn't change the fact..." She started again, but Sasuke just groaned.
"Yes, you caused the death of all these people. And you can wallow in guilt or self-pity about that as much as you want, that fact isn't going away. So what. Look at it mathematically."
"Mathematically I still accidentally killed a lot of people!" She argued.
"What, was that the first time you killed?" Sasuke asked incredulously.
"Not... Really..." She tried to think back. All the killing she'd done during the war had kind of muddled up her memory a little when it came to that. "Just... Never on such a grand scale... And..." She brushed through her hair again. "It's like... During all my training, a key point has always been that I learn to fix the damage I cause alongside with causing it, you know? When I punch someone and break their bones or damage their organs, I can fix that. If I punch a hole in the ground, I dig it back up. If I punch down a wall, I help rebuild it, but this..." Sakura stared at her shaking hands, fighting tears again. "I can't fix this! Any of it! And I've treated patients who have been in the landslide, but... Most of them lost some sort of body part that was crushed so badly it can't be restored and... It's all my fault!"
"So pay better attention to your surroundings next time," Sasuke commented on her monologue. "I still see no alternative, and to keep going on about this is pointless." He shrugged best as he could with the restraints in place. "Also, this just shows you're a better fighter than healer. Isn't that something you've wanted?"
She looked up at him in confusion. True enough, she was a little more proud of her fighting skills than she was of her healing skills. Healing had come to her a lot easier, for various reasons. Still, she was aware that her fighting skills were nothing much out of the ordinary, and mostly just basically what was necessary to have a future in the business, and to say she was a better fighter than healer was preposterous, but... Hearing it from Sasuke kind of made her proud all over again, and calmed her down significantly.
"Your line of argument is despicable and you're kind of being an ass about it," she said, suppressing a smile, and taking his hand closest to her in both of her hands. "But somehow, you have managed to make me feel better, so... Thank you? I guess?" She smiled at him.
Sasuke stared back, first in confusion, then he rolled his eyes in annoyance and avoided her gaze.
"Don't blow this out of proportion," he demanded while trying to wrestle his hand out of her grip. "I just made sure you're not going crazy or something like that. That would be bad for me, considering we're stuck here together."
"Well, if you're strong enough to hold a conversation like this, probably not for much longer," she noted, and then took the glass he had emptied half-way earlier and held it in his direction. "Drink up."
Sasuke was released from the hospital soon after, spending about a week and a half there. Sakura felt like she was being released with him – the hours she had spent not at his bedside could be counted on one hand, and her mother had made some pointed remarks about hardly even recognizing her anymore. Well, she got what she wanted; Sakura was off-training for four days to recover from the strain the constant vigil had put on her, giving her mother time to take care of her for a change. Still, there were only so many elaborate dinners and bubble baths Sakura could endure before growing restless once more; her boys were still receiving special training, after all, while she was sitting around being idle. Hell, Naruto had a whole week more training than them, since there had been nothing else for him to do while Sasuke was hospitalized. He tried visiting a few times, but was followed around by a few... Not so nice girls who were trying to find out where Sasuke's room was, so Sakura pretty much told him to stay away but kept him updated frequently. In the rare hours she was not in the hospital, giving her mom more cause to be upset... She just couldn't win, could she?
Nevertheless, after just a few days, Naruto dropped by her window in the evening and informed her they had a team training session the next morning, at the usual place.
"About time!" Naruto remarked. "I can don't even know your faces anymore!"
"You sound like my mom," Sakura said darkly.
"I've never met your mom, have I?" Naruto then wondered and tried peeking past her into the house. "Maybe I should go and introduce myself, what do you think?"
"I think she might try beating you with a broomstick for breaking and entering," Sakura answered and chuckled. "And also for loitering in front of her daughter's bedroom window, which for civilians is something only creeps do. But go right ahead."
"...Nah, I think I'm good," he gulped, looking a little paler. The thought that a small, petite woman with a broomstick could scare him so much made Sakura laugh. "See you tomorrow!"
"Yeah, see you!" She waved as Naruto left her window by climbing onto the roof, now apparently extra careful not to be spotted by her terrifying mother.
"Where's Kakashi?" Were Sasuke's words of greeting the next morning when he turned up last. True, that had usually been reserved to Kakashi, but ever since Jiraiya was his co-sensei, he had been on his best behavior and only been fifteen minutes late, tops. Today Sasuke was fifteen minutes late and had already missed a little, non-serious sparring session Sakura and Naruto had been having, under only Jiraiya's supervision.
"Out on a job," their remaining sensei told him. "Nothing to concern yourself with."
"He's been gone for two weeks," Sasuke reminded the older man, who just rolled his eyes.
"And you got your special training so far, didn't you?" He pointed out. "Well, granted, being out of commission most of the time helped. Don't worry, if he's not back before your next scheduled session, I'll have some other special stuff ready for you."
Sasuke didn't seem okay with not worrying here, but let it go for the time being. Jiraiya nodded in satisfaction, clapped his hands and looked around gingerly.
"Well, if you're so concerned about not getting enough training, why don't you and Sakura have the first fight today?"
"Uhm..." Sakura started to protest. "I, uh, don't think that's a good idea... I mean, a full out fight isn't..."
"I was cleared for training," Sasuke reminded her. "You cleared me for training personally."
"Yes, but not for all-out fighting," Sakura explained. "I mean, not to the extent we usually do... And you did suffer significant regression of muscle mass and physical capability, so it would probably be best to try and regain that before trying something like this..."
"You weren't exactly exercising on a daily basis yourself," Sasuke pointed out, glaring at her. "And I can definitely still take you on."
Sakura rolled her eyes in annoyance. Since when was he so competitive when it came to her? It's not like she didn't remember their current track record, and while she could have beaten him before his drug withdrawal if she took him by surprise, he was still in the lead on victories scored. She was doing this out of concern for his health, for heaven's sake, and not to spare her own skin! Or his. Well, kinda. Whatever.
"Well, don't think I'll hold back now," she then cautioned him while moving into the center of the designated sparring area. "Remember what I told you about challenging me on things?"
"Stop talking and fight already," Jiraiya yelled at them from the sidelines, with Naruto sitting by and grinning at them.
So fight they did. And while Sasuke was by no means bad, he was far, far from his usual superiority, so Sakura couldn't help but hold back a little herself. She didn't want to unnecessarily injure him, or wound his pride. Much.
She was just about to actually land a pretty nice blow to his face, briefly wondering how she'd manage to catch him off guard enough to get such a good shot, even considering his recent decline in ability, when suddenly, the world started spinning.
Well, not the world, actually. Just some… Nice little black thingies… With a red backdrop…
…Mmh, she liked those colors. Pretty colors. And they made such a pretty pattern, too! Pretty spinning pattern… Hmm… For some reason, she just felt like… Putting down her fists, and maybe… Maybe lying down for a nap… Yes… Yes, a nap would be nice. Naps are awesome.
…Wait a minute. Wasn't she supposed to be doing something else? Like not staring at the nice spinning red and black circles? Yes, maybe, but… That nap… And didn't the floor look inviting?
It didn't, actually, she realized, because it wasn't there anymore. Only some sort of black void she for some reason wasn't falling into. Weird. And definitely not something to lie down on. So much for the nap, then.
She looked back at the spinning spheres. Huh. She'd seen them somewhere before. Definitely. That was odd. They didn't seem dangerous, though, not like something that would hurt her…
…And yet they made her feel dizzy. She didn't like feeling dizzy. And she started to seriously dislike this weird black void she was apparently in.
It's okay, just lie down and sleep… You are tired, aren't you? Yes, all that training must be exhausting…A very, very appealing and sort of familiar voice started whispering into her… Head.
Oh, right. Training. Right. Whatever happened to… Oh.
So that's what had happened. He'd pulled the same stunt on Naruto recently, hadn't he?
Considering how she was apparently trapped in some sort of Genjutsu induced by his eyes, Sakura did the sensible thing; she tried to dispel it. It didn't work.
That was odd; usually, her performance of the standard dispelling move was enough to break through any kind of genjutsu that had been thrown at her. From weak academy training sessions to Kabuto taking out the entire village by putting everyone to sleep, much like this thing was trying to do now.
Hm. Unless… This was no usual genjutsu. It was definitely Sharingan based, she could tell that much due to the swirling around her. Unfortunately, how to fight that hadn't exactly been on the curriculum… Wait, wait, yes it had been. She remembered pictures of the Sharingan in some textbook, with a brief summation of the Uchiha family history, which she didn't care about back then since that had been before Sasuke became a popular choice of guy to have a crush on among academy girls.
Which had been before his family was killed.
And now that she thought of it, they had received updated textbooks very shortly after the fact, and when she had looked in there for the Uchiha information again, you know, to know more about the boy everyone had a crush on, her included, it was gone. There was a quick note on how there had been an Uchiha clan once and they'd been involved in founding the village, just like that red haired woman whose last name was blackened out of older copies and not present in newer ones, and any other information had been taken out.
Ugh, so much thinking, so much remembering… It made her eyelids grow heavy. So what if there was no actual ground under her, a nap would be so nice right about now… No. No, no, no, focus.
Okay. Sharingan. Not a genjutsu. Sharingan swirling in front of her. Oh, what the hell. It's not like she had any better options, so she did the only remaining, sort of sensible thing; she poked the swirling thing in front of her.
To the resonating sound of a sharp cry of pain, the black world around her shattered, and she was on the training grounds again, still feeling a little dizzy, but at least reality was back in place.
To her feet lay Sasuke, clutching his eyes and growling in pain. She kicked him for good measure.
"Why would you do that?" He asked, sounding enraged.
"You tried to hypnotize me!" She answered, equally enraged. "With your date rape eyes! That is so not okay!"
"Date rape eyes?" Naruto snorted. "Nice one."
"Thanks for helping out there, by the way!" Sakura spat at him. "And you, too!" She addressed Jiraiya, who did nothing to hide his amusement.
"Hey, this took, like, five seconds!" Naruto defended himself while Sasuke was still on the ground, covering his eyes. "And it's not like you helped me when he did it to me!"
"No, his was different," Jiraiya said, a frown on his face. "Something stronger and a lot nastier."
"This wasn't even against the rules!" Sasuke said, his voice still sounding strained from the pain. "The only thing not allowed was the Chidori!"
"And all other techniques you built upon it," Jiraiya added. "A rule you are neglecting close to every time. Oh, and also, your cursed seal."
"Which is way easier to handle than the eyes," Sakura muttered, choosing to ignore the fact that every time she had dealt with Sasuke's cursed seal, it had been under exceptional circumstances and he had not been at full power. Or any other experience she had ever made with the cursed seal in general.
"Well, why are you complaining?" Jiraiya then asked her for some reason. "It's not like he bested you or anything, quite the opposite."
"Yes, but this was not a genjutsu, or anything else I could defend myself against," Sakura argued back. "I have no idea what it was, but… Ugh, it was creepy."
"So is that what Kakashi has taught you in your special training sessions?" Naruto asked, understanding dawning on his face. Sakura bit back that she could completely understand why the Third hadn't been comfortable with having a little boy learn this technique. Being completely at the mercy of some swirling black-on-red spheres was... Creepy. Among the creepiest things she'd ever experienced, even more creepy than having Ino invade her mind or shove out her consciousness... Though the sensation was somewhat similar, all things considered.
"Yes, among other things, I would hope," Jiraiya answered when Sasuke just rolled his eyes. "And girly, really, you defended yourself just fine. I'd have interfered if he made you do truly fucked up things. However, don't use this on Naruto," he then addressed Sasuke directly.
"Huh?" Naruto looked offended. "But he already did! And trying to put Sakura to sleep is okay and me not anymore?"
"This was something else," Jiraiya repeated. "Something nastier than just putting you to sleep like last time. Something Sakura can resist, as she just demonstrated," Jiraiya pointed out. "Main reason I didn't interfere. You on the other hand? Nah, not this thing. We're still working on that."
Sakura had meanwhile gone over to where Sasuke was by now sitting up but still clutching his eyes. She pried his hands away from his face and quickly checked whether she had caused any actual damage.
"Your eyes are fine," she told him, applying a little chakra to them nevertheless to soothe the pain somewhat. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"
"No," he answered and stood up, refusing her help, "So what now?"
"Now you fight Naruto," Jiraiya instructed. "And do not try that on him if you want to get any training done today, got it?"
"But we did that creepy genjutsu resist training!" Naruto protested. "I can totally take him on!"
"It's not –," Sakura started, but Jiraiya was faster.
"Because that totally worked last time," he scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Also, this is not a genjutsu. Well, not exactly, it's more like invading your subconscious and telling you what to do. And we do not want him in your subconscious, understood?"
Sakura bit back that this was probably just edging Sasuke on and also kind of the definition of a genjutsu, but on the other hand, Sasuke had seemed more exhausted by whatever he had used on her than she had been by breaking it, and a lot more exhausted than he had been after putting Naruto to sleep some time ago. She was about to point out that it might be smarter to just let her get beaten up by Naruto for the time being than to send Sasuke in again, but Jiraiya had apparently noticed this as well and amended his instructions.
"Also, only taijutsu now. That means just your fists and weapons, no Sharingan, no Bunshin, and of course nothing shiny and sparkling. Get down to it."
"Shouldn't you be supervising instead of... Uh... Doing your... Side job?" Sakura asked when Jiraiya took out a notebook with a quite telling title carved into the cover and started scribbling in it.
"This is actually my main source of income," he corrected her, smirking a little. "And Naruto won't harm him. Much."
"That's... Not exactly what I was worried about," Sakura admitted, biting her lips and choosing not to ponder on the village's apparent preference in literature. Jiraiya just chuckled.
"The Uchiha won't hurt him, either," he assured her. "He can't, anyway. That little mind trick he pulled on you drained him too much."
"He might still try," she reminded him darkly. "Especially after you tempted him. What is it with Naruto's subconscious you don't want him to see?"
"Not my story to tell," her new sensei shot her down immediately. "And also, that little mind trick was what drained him in the first place. Plus, he only did that to show you who's the boss."
"You are," Sakura pointed out. "And I'm just saying that he does have a tendency to break rules, especially after having them spelled out to him. Remember how he electrocuted Naruto in the very first fight after you had just told him not to?"
"Yes, he did that to set the record straight about who's the stronger guy around," Jiraiya explained mockingly. "Fat lot of good it did him, Naruto's still in the lead when it comes to their normal sparring."
"You're actually keeping track?" She hadn't expected that. Whenever she was in shape enough to actually pay attention to what her senseis were doing while her boys were sparring, they mostly talked about their shared taste in literature. Which was precisely the reason Sakura didn't pay too much attention to them.
"Aren't you?" Jiraiya shot back at her.
"Well, only about the fights that involve me," she conceded. So far, she had beaten Sasuke exactly twice, but had lost more often than not, and she'd never been able to win against Naruto. Not the most motivational statistic, that.
"Fair enough," Jiraiya said. "Well, for your information, Naruto's in the lead for now, and I don't expect that to change for a while, not with the Uchiha being out of shape as he is now. And, well, your abilities are just... Uh..."
"Yes, he's totally out of my league," Sakura finished, rolling her eyes. "I got that message, loud and clear."
"Not even," Jiraiya said, rolling his eyes in turn. "In all-around examinations, you'd rank about the same, you'd probably be in the lead because of your theoretical knowledge even. No, the thing is just that your fighting styles are incompatible; you'll never beat him with taijutsu, and for now, that's all you can do. To great effect, don't get me wrong, but... Nah." He laughed again. "You ever heard of Mushi-Ken?"
"Uh..." Sakura had heard that term somewhere before and started rummaging through her brain for it. "Isn't that... An old word for rock-paper-scissors?"
"Sort of," Jiraiya confirmed. "Just that it was played with animals instead. Makes more sense for them to be fighting each other, anyway. Well, more than for inanimate objects, at least."
"Is there a point to this?" Sakura wanted to know while trying her best not to sound rude.
"Yes," Jiraiya assured her. "And it's funny and ironic and kinda depressing too, all things considered. Can you guess the animals?"
"Hm... Zodiac signs, maybe?" Sakura tried. "Like with the hand seals..." She hesitated for a moment as an old memory resurfaced. "Now that you mention it, I think they taught us the hand seals in kindergarten with some version of rock-paper-scissors between them, I think..."
"Yeah, some freaks still play that." Jiraiya shuddered, sounding mildly scared. "Total nutjobs, who can ever remember the correlation between all twelve of them..."
Sakura did a quick run-down in her mind as to how many of the correlations she remembered, and while she didn't get up to all 66 there were, she came... Until somewhere around forty-five or fifty at least. She remembered dragon being unfairly over-powered in comparison to everything else, too. Which helped her a great deal to win the little competitions they'd had in kindergarten. It had also been one of the least popular signs, as it was one of the most complicated looking out of all of them. The least popular in total had been the boar, which placed your hands at awkward angles, and had been Ino's go-to sign for... Reasons. Well. Dragons were fond of roasted pork, so that hadn't helped her.
"Well, the point is, they weren't zodiac signs," Jiraiya then brought her thoughts back on track. "Actually, that's not my point at all. Dammit."
"You seem a little scatter-brained, for a writer," Sakura pointed out. That made him laugh again.
"If I weren't, I could never be a writer," he corrected her. "Anyways. Try and look up the Mushi-Ken and then feel devastated for the rest of your life, or something. Well, and also to figure out that you totally do have a place in this team, even if you're winning the least battles out of you three. Give it time, blah."
"…Did Tsunade put you up to giving me a pep talk?" Sakura asked suspiciously. "If so, thanks, but no thanks, I don't think I need one anymore."
"Nah, I just feel like talking to you," her sensei said, shrugging. "Beats counting the form breaks in their performances, in any case." He suddenly grinned. "Yes, that's an excellent point; both of them lack the personal and formal skills to ever be an efficient team on missions on their own. Just imagine them trying to go on a mission together without you; they'd never get anything done in time."
"With Naruto's super-luck, they'd get everything done in time due to some insane coincidences after they kept screwing up all the way until the showdown," Sakura argued.
"Probably," Jiraiya admitted. "But with you to keep them from squabbling, they'd do it in half the time."
"So I get to be an over-glamourized calming agent," Sakura concluded. "Yay. Your pep-talk sucks."
"Eh, to be an effective calming agent, he Uchiha still has to come around enough to let himself be calmed," Jiraiya pointed out. "So far, you usually just egg him on more."
"Not on purpose," Sakura assured him darkly. "And I am so sorry for failing in my primary function. So far I thought that would be healing, but things being the way they are, I guess I better adjust my behavior."
"Nah, don't be that way," Jiraiya said, sounding a little exasperated. "He's just pissed because he's gotta get used to you not being... Uh..."
"Oh my god," Sakura groaned and buried her head on her knees. "What exactly do you know?"
"Girly, come on, give me some credit," her new sensei demanded. "Little girls were in love with pretty boys on their team way before my time even. It's a time honored tradition. One we quite frankly set you up for with the team constellation, if you ask me." He scoffed. "Which nobody does, but hey, I wasn't around when this wreak of a team was conceived, so what do I know."
"Hm," Sakura murmured, trying to fight down her blush at the reminder of days past. "Well, you're right, looking at, uh, personal attachment, our team set-up was something of a worst case scenario."
"You don't say." Now he sounded quite pleased with himself and her. "Out of curiosity, what would you have done?"
"Hm..." Sakura started thinking about this. "Uhm, given the... Crush I had on Sasuke-kun, and the crush Naruto had on me..."
Jiraiya snorted.
"Your use of the past tense amuses me," he informed her.
"...In what way?" She asked him, trying not to sound as concerned as she actually was. If he was referring to her own feelings for Sasuke then, uh, good, because she had no idea what those were at this time herself. Whatever she felt for him was strong, sure, but... Different. Different from what it had been before, and definitely different from what she felt for Naruto, which was also strong, but... If Jiraiya was referring to Naruto, then that was just... Bad...
"Eh, don't worry your pretty little head about it," he tried to calm her. "It'll pass. Whatever you're worried about in this. Yes. Now please continue."
"Okay... Uh..." She tried to refocus her thoughts. This was a teacher giving her an assignment, nothing more. "I mean, I do think the other two teams are set up really well. Their abilities harmonize and their interpersonal relationships are stable. And while assigning a genjutsu specialist to a team of trackers seems questionable, well, they do make it work, so it would seem like a waste to break them up."
"I see your point," Jiraiya admitted, sounding annoyed again. "But just humor me for a minute, okay?"
"Okay, so based on how things were when we graduated the academy and ignoring the fact that there is no way Ino, Shikamaru and Chouji wouldn't have ended up in the same team..." She paused briefly. "Well, Ino and Naruto would have to be in a team to avoid emotional compromise, if we stick to the two boys, one girl rule. Hm. Third person would be hard, though. They'd really need a calming agent, but... I don't know, I'd be tempted to put Kiba with them, which would probably be a disaster at first, but once they get their act together, they'd be really efficient, and have strength in numbers, which makes Ino's ability less hazardous. Also she has the tendency to be very, very bossy and Shikamaru and Chouji give in rather than endure that nine times out of ten, so less compliant people would provide a lot of growth for... Well, everyone involved."
"Interesting," Jiraiya commented her thoughts. "But why Ino and not the Hyuuga girl?"
Sakura looked at him incredulously. Apparently, her sensei wasn't quite as well informed has he had her believe.
"Well, the least intrusive change would be to simply make Hinata and me switch places," she admitted. "But I thought you wanted a complete reboot."
"True," Jiraiya admitted. "So, what else?"
"Well, Sasuke-kun would have to team up with Hinata, and Chouji I'd say. They'd make a well-balanced combat unit as well, and also Hinata and Chouji are both so sweet, they'd probably solve his attitude problem in no time at all," she mused. That one sounded way better than Naruto's re-imagined team, and Sasuke having to deal with people who were sweet but not affected by his antics at all was an amusing thought. Hinata had always been completely resistant to everything related to him, probably because she was used to, well, his type. Silent, mysterious and super-talented people weren't all that hard to find in her family, and had never been all that nice to her. No wonder her type was the complete opposite, really.
"Ah, I can see where you're going with this," Jiraiya chuckled. "Good thinking. So that leaves you, the Nara and the Aburame?"
"Yes," Sakura confirmed. "Well, we'd not be much of a combat unit, but strategists and very efficient in more subtle missions and things like that. Not so much for flashy fighting, but highly specialized and well, uh, being surrounded by people who were born with subdued, professional attitudes and little emotional involvement would probably have done me a lot of good. I'd also assign Kurenai as a sensei there, since I get the feeling Shikamaru also has some aptitude for genjutsu. Kakashi-sensei would need to stay with Sasuke for Sharingan training, and Asuma would do best with a loud and boisterous wrecking unit."
"You raise a lot of good points," Jiraiya praised her. "I have come to the same conclusion, if whoever assigned your teams had been thinking... Practically, it should have turned out that way. That way you'd have had three solid teams, instead of two good ones and a wild card." He paused, considering something. "Also, except for the other two girls, you assigned people by their final academy grades, didn't you? Placing the top scorers with the other top scorers and the like."
"Uh, sort of?" Sakura admitted. "I mean, sure, I never was a fan of the top scorers dragging the people along who had bad grades, but it also just... Kind of works out, hypothetically, you know? And also, I'm convinced Hinata could have scored higher than Ino if she hadn't had... Uh, reasons. And if she had been better at giving presentations and stuff like that."
"Yeah, I've been wondering why they'd score a Hyuuga so low," Jiraiya muttered. "I mean, it's been known to happen the shoehorn in low grades for members of their side branch to force them into the system, but..." He shook his head. "Well, thanks for showing me that even a thirteen year old could come up with a better team arrangement than Hiruzen did."
"...You're welcome," Sakura said a little confused. "So... Was there a point to this?"
"Huh?" Jiraiya had been looking at his notebook again. "Oh, well, uh. Just be aware that the Uchiha is pissed you're no longer his doormat and can hit him now. Keep up the good work, or something."
"Right." She glared back at her knees. "But... You're not going to assign different teams, are you? For efficiency?"
Jiraiya laughed.
"Now that we have you all trained up?" He asked. "Naah. There's a damn good reason we're putting so much effort into the three of you. Or did you think Tsunade-hime kept you around out of pity?"
"...Occasionally," Sakura admitted. "It's why she took me as a student in the beginning, at least. That and maybe nostalgia."
"You call it nostalgia, I call it whatever works, works," Jiraiya said. "And you guys? You are so totally going to work. With a little more fine-tuning, mind you, but damn, are we going to make you work."
That sounded a little too ominous, and quite plainly, creepy for Sakura's liking, but hey. At least he and Tsunade seemed to have some sort of plan, and when in doubt, she'd at least always trust Tsunade.
A/N: So, that's it. That's all I had done last November, minus a scene I cut from this because a) that would have made this chapter extremely long and b) it fits in better next time for tonal reasons. The main theme of this chapter was conspiracy theories, if you couldn't tell. Try counting how many things mentioned in this are mysteries for the characters for now.
And while we're at it, action and plot will return in the chapter after the next. There will be fighting. And mystery solving. I promise. After one more chapter of character development stuff.
Also, if you feel like stalking me and always being up to date on Threats, consider following me on tumblr where my URL is .com. If you hover over the Sakura picture on the right, you'll see that Threats has its very own tag and page! And I recently published a playlist with all the chapter titles in it there, with a rant about music and this fanfiction in particular. Feel free to check it out, and all that.