CHAPTER TEN
As had been scheduled in an email, commanded by his boss, and persuasively argued by Amy, Sheldon entered the Physics Building's conference room bright and early on Thursday morning for the delegates to the Meeting of the Science Education Commission. According to the email, elite science institutions throughout the U.S. had been invited to send professors who, ahem, "had an invested interest and altruistic desire to lend their professional expertise in spearheading and implementing bicoastal initiatives that would enrich the nation's high school and undergraduate science programs, building better scientists for tomorrow." There was quite possibly nothing Sheldon wanted to do less. Other than kill crickets in the bathroom. That was Amy's job.
As was typically the case, he arrived early, took his seat towards the head of the table, and… waited. The conference room began to fill up, and soon became noisy with the sounds of chatter, laughter and persons partaking of the free coffee and donuts that served as the consolation prize at these occasions. Sheldon, disinclined to socialize, retreated into the pages of some work he'd brought along. Soon enough the meeting begin. Unfortunately, it didn't end soon enough.
Dr. Gablehauser sat at the head the conference table in the overcrowded room and was bringing his speech to a close.
"…Caltech is happy to be a part of this initiative, and we hope that all of you will make the most of these workshops in Washington, DC so we can fortify our outreach efforts and undergraduate program here at the University." He stood. "Unfortunately, I won't be able to field questions at this time, as I am due for another appointment. If you have concerns, send them to me by email, or leave written inquiries with my secretary, and I will get back with you as soon as possible." He scanned the room. "And… you are dismissed." Then he pointed to Sheldon. "May I speak to you a moment?"
Sheldon looked around himself curiously and then, realizing Dr. Gablehauser was speaking to him, walked forward.
"Yes?"
"Dr. Siebert let me know that you approached him in regards to this event."
"Indeed I did, and—" Sheldon began, but Dr. Gablehauser interrupted.
"Please direct any future inquiries to me and to me only. Are we clear?"
Sheldon was startled by Dr. Gablehauser's uncharacteristic severity.
"Well, I would hate for you to take it the wrong way, but—"
"Sheldon," he said with a scolding tone, "Are we clear?"
Sheldon didn't miss the fact that Dr. Gablehauser had omitted his title. He nodded.
"Excellent," Dr. Gablehauser said, and promptly left.
"Well what's got his bloomers in a bunch?" Sheldon said after the man had left. Sheldon tucked his folder under his arm and was turning to leave when Leonard, along with Leslie Winkle, walked up behind him.
"Hey, Sheldon," Leonard called. Sheldon turned around at the sound of his name. At the sight of Leslie, his shoulders sunk.
"Hey, Dumbass," Leslie said, smiling brightly.
"Leslie," Sheldon began, frustration in his voice, "when are you going to recognize that my name is, in fact, not 'Dumbass' but Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper?"
"When you stop being a dumbass," she said.
Leonard snickered at that. Sheldon's head snapped in his direction.
"And I guess you find her funny?" he asked.
"She has her charms."
"Charms that you have been intimately familiar with," Sheldon said.
"Classy," Leslie said, sarcastically. "So let's just forget all about that knocked-up broad he has at home."
"Anyway," Leonard said, skipping over both comments, "I had no idea you were a part of this thing. Honestly, I'm a little surprised to see you here."
"Trust me, I find my presence here just as surprising as you do," Sheldon sighed. "Especially now that you and Little Miss I'm-a-Terrible-Scientist showed up." He chuckled.
Leslie looked at him with dumbfounded silence.
"Ouch," she deadpanned.
He smiled smugly to himself. "Words hurt, don't they?"
She rolled her eyes. "Dumbass," she muttered, and walked away.
But Leonard couldn't shake Sheldon's earlier comment, and blinked his eyes with agitation. "Why are you surprised I'm here?" he asked, preparing to be offended.
"Well the missive clearly states that they are looking for delegates with professional expertise," Sheldon explained. "Your selection leads one to believe that you could only have been chosen for your expertise in scientific redundancy. Either that or as cautionary tale for young scientists of what not to do."
"My research is not redundant, Sheldon."
"Leonard, recognizing that you have a problem is the first step to change."
Before Leonard could address the barb, the secretary made an announcement.
"If anyone needs travel arrangements for this trip, please see me within 48 hours. Requests after that time will put you at risk of not being approved."
"Don't remind me. An all-expense-paid trip to our nation's capital with air travel, hotel stay and a food allowance included." Sheldon shook his head. "I swear this job gets less attractive by the day."
"Aw, it's not all bad," Leonard said. "Look at the bright side. This will be a chance to get a little time away from home."
Sheldon visibly perked up at that notion. "That is one way to think about it," he said. "I could probably use a break away from home."
Leonard took a step back, shocked. "That's funny coming from you, Mr. Family Man."
"While my devotion to my family is unwavering, and my excellence as a father and life companion are indisputable," Sheldon began, as Leonard rolled his eyes, "even the most capable of men need respite from the quotidian cares of life. I was subjected to a rather rattling spectacle of tears and tantrums last night, and a brief reprieve may be just what the doctor ordered."
Leonard shrugged. "Yeah, Penny and I have hit an impasse in the baby-naming department. Things are a little tense on the home front."
"Then are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Sheldon asked.
"Absolutely. We can room together like old times and blow off a little steam."
"Actually," Sheldon said, "I was thinking that we could play to our strengths: Amy and I could name your child while you and Penny could oversee a bedtime ritual that Amy and the twins would find physically and emotionally satisfying. Respectively, of course." He paused after this, thinking a bit, and then continued as if he were a genie bestowing Leonard his third wish. "However, I'll concede that your idea sounds more feasible."
"And then again," Leonard said, already weary from that foreboding bit of crazy, "maybe it doesn't."
"Nonsense. As we will be travelling together and, no doubt, have some leisure time in the evenings, I will begin to compile an after-work itinerary for our trip away."
The thought of that, frankly, scared Leonard. "Um, I was thinking of something a little more spontaneous."
Sheldon wagged his finger. "It would be much better if we went in with an established plan, Leonard. Spontaneity is the enemy of fun."
"Where in the hell did you hear that?" Leonard asked.
"Nowhere," Sheldon said, smugly. "I came up with that myself." With that he started towards the door.
"Of course you did," Leonard said, and started behind him.
It was dinnertime, and Amy was furiously stir-frying vegetables when Sheldon walked through the door. She turned her head to him briefly before returning to her cooking. Dropping his keys in the bowl and his bag to floor, he approached the kitchen with hesitation.
"Hello, Amy," he said, a tacit effort at reconciliation.
"Hello, Sheldon," she said without looking up. She was less than angry but not quite cheery. Sheldon advanced into the kitchen's political borders and washed his hands. He then pulled a packet of Kool-Aid from a canister on the counter, along with a pitcher. As he stirred the blue mixture into icy water, something popped back into Amy's mind.
"Would you have any idea why I found Robert this morning balled up in the corner asleep?"
"Most likely because he shares your stubborn personality and indomitable will," Sheldon answered.
"Right, because I'm the stubborn one."
"You do have a certain unrelenting nature that can be rather persuasive."
"You're evading my question."
"Fine," Sheldon said, and paused from stirring. "You will probably be elated to learn that I put him in time-out. All by myself."
"Elated no, but I am glad that you actually are beginning to discipline the children without my assistance. Contrary to popular belief, I do not enjoy being the bad guy around here."
"As you have informed me repeatedly."
"And I appreciate that you have listened."
Sheldon stood up a bit more erect and, tapping his spoon along the side of the pitcher, moved to place it on the table. "Thank you."
"Although you failed in some key areas of its execution, and thus did not get the desired results."
Sheldon rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "The only results I sought last night were some means by which I could swiftly and painlessly off myself." Amy looked at him with a hint of pity. "Last night was one of the more harrowing nights of my life."
Amy walked towards him, placing a hand on his arm. "I'm sure I contributed to that," she said, contritely.
He turned his head away, fidgeting with his fingers. "You might have played a minor role."
"I admit I used childish and hostile communication methods last night that likely confused you further and didn't contribute to the peace of the home. For that, I am sorry."
Sheldon was relieved. "Well, at least I got one apology."
"But you owe me one as well."
He wilted. "For what? Being summarily attacked at every angle? Sustaining permanent damage to my hearing? Suffering a night alone in bed?"
"No. For not being willing to communicate with me about the important things." She drew a little closer and her tone grew tender. "We aren't just parents, Sheldon. We're also a couple."
"A fact I'm aware of."
"But I think you forget sometimes."
"Well, for that… I'm sorry."
Amy drew closer and touched his arm. "I forgive you."
"And, while we're communicating," Sheldon said with a renewed freedom of speech, "I should have you know that I've been called upon to attend a conference in Washington, DC in a couple days. The timing has been forced upon me."
"Aww," Amy said with some disappointment.
"Lest you think this is some ploy to return to my days as a swinging bachelor," —Amy mentally chuckled at this bit of revisionist history— "I assure you that if there were any way to get out of it, I would."
"I know about the academic world, and honestly you have traveled very little since we've been together. I don't begrudge you that, Sheldon."
"But I seemed to detect some disappointment."
"Oh that," she said. "It's just that my first job interview is coming up and I'm sorry that you will be away when I go to it."
"Wow," Sheldon said, looking away. He'd forgotten. "Is that already upon us?"
"It is."
"I rue the fact that I won't be there to accompany you."
"I don't need you in the interview with me Sheldon. I'm quite capable of promoting myself without your assistance. I merely was hoping you'd be around for moral support."
"Then pardon my absence. Perhaps you can keep me posted from afar."
She nodded. "I imagine I can."
She returned to the food, transferring it to a bowl and then to the table.
"And, returning to last night's adventures," Sheldon said, "I think you should know about some fascinating conclusions that Leonard's mother has reached regarding the 'monster under the bed' phenomenon."
"I will listen," Amy said, "but I think Aditi just wants to be with us. That and she's at an age where she has difficulty distinguishing between reality and fantasy. Honestly, it's not rocket science. I am a neurobiologist as well, and I find some of Beverly's conclusions rather… what's the word…" As she groped for the elusive word, she poured two glasses for the twins. Suddenly, the word hit her. "Ah, crazy."
Sheldon shook his head. "You discredit her, but she had some rather telling information on the unresolved disappointment that a child feels at being ejected from the metaphorical cocoon of babyhood, which manifests itself in said child's nocturnal avoidance of sleep."
"Didn't Leonard wet the bed into puberty?"
"I believe he did."
Amy nodded. "Honestly, Sheldon, that's all I need to know."
Leonard was in the bedroom packing a suitcase and having even more trouble than usual determining what to bring. Penny usually helped him with this kind of stuff, but since their argument from a couple days earlier, they were still on shaky ground.
That's what Leonard hated most about asserting himself. He sometimes wasn't sure if it was worth the fallout.
Just as he was swapping out his striped ties for the paisley ones for the fifth time, Penny appeared in the bedroom door. He took a glance over his shoulder then returned to packing.
"I get it," she said.
Leonard stopped moving, but didn't turn around. "Yeah?" he said.
"Yeah," she repeated. "It totally got past me that you didn't like Rhiannon."
"It's not that I didn't like it—" Leonard said, but she interrupted.
"No, I know. I barged ahead without making sure about how you felt about it." She entered the room and drew closer, standing just behind Leonard and placing a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry."
Leonard smiled because… that was exactly it. He turned around and gave Penny a hug.
"I'm sorry, too," he said over her shoulder. "I… probably could have told you in a better way." He rubbed her back. "I hate us fighting. I really do."
"I do, too," she said. She pulled back and they looked at each other awhile. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. She closed her eyes.
"I want this baby to have the best life ever," she said.
"Me, too," Leonard agreed.
"And if she grows up to be an actress like me, I want her name to sound totally awesome."
Leonard hedged a bit. "Or if she wants to, you know, get her degree, her name should look good on her thesis."
Penny laughed. "Yeah, that too." She patted his chest. "So, think about some names while you're in D.C. and I'll think of some names, and we'll go back to the drawing board when you get back."
"That's a plan," Leonard said. "So are we good?"
"Yep," she answered, and maybe even smiled a little. Then she looked down at his suitcase. "Oh we are so not good."
He turned back around and looked at the suitcase. "I thought you said those were my summer colors."
She pulled free and started sorting through clothes. "Not this. Not this. Not this. And hell no."
"Why do I even have those shirts if you never let me wear them?"
"Good point," she said. "They might not be here when you get back."
Leonard and Sheldon were two days into the conference and, predictably, Sheldon was wilting fast. Turns out the majority of the workshops only mentioned science in passing, and instead were composed of long stretches of some of the worst role-playing games Sheldon had ever come across. Leonard kept telling him they weren't actually RPGs, but exercises in learning to think like young scientists, but it was all hogwash as far as Sheldon was concerned. After dragging themselves back to the hotel, Sheldon had his mind set on a night of room service and online gaming—after a Skype chat with the family. But Leonard thought differently.
"Remember? Friday night was going to be our Bro Night," he reminded Sheldon. "Men being men; boys being boys."
"That plan was borne of the mistaken notion that after a long day of mental abuse we would still have the energy to prowl this city seeking further diversion."
"Well, I promised James T. Olson that we would accompany him for dinner tonight."
Sheldon's head snapped to Leonard. "The James T. Olson?"
"Yes, the James T. Olson."
"The James T. Olson that has spent a career making discoveries through deep inelastic scattering experiments?"
"The very one. I ran into him at the urinals. Really cool guy. He invited me to join him for dinner."
"Did you tell him you have a friend?"
"Of course I did. He said we could both come."
Sheldon clasped his hands together in glee, and instantly became lost in reverie. "O Washington D.C. – I fear thy Potomac River, hallowed buildings and four quadrants have not seen the raucous havoc we are due to inflict on thee."
Leonard squinted at him in confusion. "Yeah, watch out D.C. Nerds on the loose," he said sarcastically. "Anyway, his car is coming for us in about 25 minutes, so we have to get ready."
"Oh drats," Sheldon moaned. "What shall I wear?"
"I dunno. Penny picked out an outfit for me," Leonard said.
"I should have had Amy do the same," Sheldon said with regret. "Since the moment we've met she's had a certain flair for fashion that I never could be bothered with."
Leonard shook his head. Maybe he should have had Penny pick out an outfit for Sheldon, too.
When the James T. Olson first had told Leonard that as they dined, they would ponder the most basic triggers of man's existence, Leonard imagined an evening discussing the Big Bang Theory, abiogenesis, and maybe even a little quark theory.
Turns out, Dr. Olson was talking about the strip club.
ENDNOTE: Thanks for giving this thing the ole' look-see. See you around next chapter (hopefully). Meanwhile, my betas will be working overtime for no pay. There's probably a human's rights violation in there somewhere.