She kept expecting him to show up at the cafe, but it'd been weeks, and there was no sign of him. It wasn't like she missed him, of course, she was just concerned, in a purely professional capacity. He used to be there nearly every day, and since he didn't know that Mogami Kyoko and Mistress Setsu were the same person, it didn't make sense that he'd suddenly stop coming in.
"Looking for someone?"
She jumped, spinning around.
"Chiori! Don't sneak up on me like that."
"I called your name, twice."
"Uh-ahem, well, I guess I didn't hear you," she mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly.
"Clearly. You're thinking about him, huh?"
"About who?" she asked, playing dumb, as she grabbed a rag and wiped off the counter for the third time in the space of five minutes.
Chiori rolled her eyes and put a hand on her hips, "so, still in denial, I see."
"In denial about what?" Kanae asked, stepping out from the back room.
"About her ho-"
"Nothing!" she yelled, clamping her hands over Chiori's traitorous mouth. "Hahaha, our Chiori, always teasing, what a kidder!
"Mmgrrbrrmm."
Struggle as she might, there was no way in hell Kyoko was letting go now.
"It's nice that you're such good friends, who trust each other enough to keep secrets."
"Mmmmooooko-saaan!" she yelled, letting go of Chiori and waving her arms wildly, "I didn't tell her anything, she figured it out on her own!"
"Oh really," Kanae huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, "and what, exactly, did she figure out?"
Shit. She saw Chiori scamper away to the kitchen, ginning like the cheshire cat, but Moko-san was a more pressing concern. Being kept out of a secret like this probably made her jealous, and of course, she could never admit to that. Kyoko couldn't fault her though, her own emotional responses not exactly being the healthiest either.
"Moko-sama," she bowed deeply, "please forgive your humble servant."
"Tch, sama am I now? How convenient."
"I didn't tell you, because I knew you'd be angry with me."
"Mo, what the hell kind of excuse is that?!"
She bit her lip, pouting, "a really, really bad one."
"You're damn right it is! Friendship means being honest with each other, or do you not remember that?"
"... I do," she whined.
"Then, you'd better start fucking talking, Kyoko, or so help me."
She paled, heaving out a colossal sigh, and hazarded a glance upward, finding herself trapped in Kanae's piercing glare. There was really no way to avoid it now, unless she wanted to create a bigger rift between them, but did she have to tell her everything? That thinking was horrible, she knew, but some things she wasn't ready to say out loud to anyone, lest she be forced to admit them to herself.
"You were right about my sub, the sessions were a mistake."
"Are you alright? What happened?"
She thought about letting Kanae draw her own conclusions, but she couldn't let her think badly of Ren; it just wasn't right. No, she'd wronged him enough without throwing him under the bus to save herself. The trust, in assuming that she couldn't possibly be culpable, stung more than anything, and she wondered if she'd ever get back the respect she was about to lose. She'd fully expected an 'I told you so', and not hearing it was so much worse.
"It wasn't him, it… it was me."
Kanae's brows creased in confusion, and she clenched her fists, taking a deep breath.
"I got too personal, and let things go too far. It's my fault, Moko-san," she cried, clutching her chest, "I knew better, but I did it anyway! You're probably disgusted with me now, and I don't ever want to speak to me again, but I'm sorry, and I learned my lesson."
Thump. She looked up, rubbing her head where Kanae chopped her, and was taken aback by the softness in her best friend's eyes.
"You're an idiot, but it's okay, I already knew that. Why would I be disappointed now?"
"You," she sniffed, "you mean you're not upset with me?"
"I'm upset that you didn't talk to me. You think it's the first time this kind of thing has happened, you dummy? It's totally normal."
She breathed out a sigh, feeling a little better, and a whole lot worse.
"So, has it ever happened to you?"
She clasped her hands together, her eyes widening with the faintest glimmer of hope.
"Are you kidding? Of course not!"
Kyoko deflated immediately, and Kanae put a hand up, her mouth hanging open, realizing what she'd just said, and backpedaling for dear life.
"You're different from me, you care. It's not necessarily a bad thing, you just have to exercise caution."
She bowed her head in acknowledgement.
"And anyway, someone with your experience should be able to bounce back quickly."
Her face fell, the subtle suggestion that she was still wet behind the ears, cutting deeply. It was justified though, for someone with her years in the industry, to have made such a rookie mistake. Deep down, she'd known what was happening, and she'd chosen to ignore it, over what, pride? Being reprimanded was exactly what she needed, and now she could -
"You're not going to see him anymore, are you?"
She shook her head, biting her lips.
"I ended our sessions; the contract has been dissolved."
"That doesn't answer my question, Kyoko."
There was an edge of censure, which was warranted given the circumstances, but for some reason, she didn't want to say the words. It felt as though voicing them would give them a weight that she wasn't ready to burden herself with. Even if she couldn't admit it, she didn't want this to be the end.
"Ren, are you listening to me?"
"Huh? Oh, of course, Yashiro. What it is?"
A gloved index finger pushed his glasses up his nose, as he leveled Ren with an accusatory stare.
"You haven't heard a single thing I've said."
Ren smiled winningly, instead of scowling like he wanted to. Last night had been rough, and he wasn't having the best day. It was unusual for him to be distracted like this, but even a momentary lapse in behavior wasn't permissible. How was he supposed to prove his capabilities, when he'd allowed his personal life affect his work. There was no excuse, and it couldn't happen again. Someone his age needed to have better control of his emotions.
"I am sorry," he offered sincerely, bowing his head, "could we please start again?"
"I don't suppose there's any use in asking about it, so I probably have no choice but to pretend there's nothing going on."
Ren just smiled even brighter, "It really is nothing. Last night I didn't sleep very well, so I'm a little overtired."
"You," he remarked, incredulous, "who comes in early, leaves late, and regularly functions on less than four hours of sleep per night?"
"What can I say?" he shrugged, "maybe it's finally catching up with me."
"It would serve you right, you know."
"That's probably true," he chuckled.
When he got back to his apartment, the first thing he did was head straight for the liquor cabinet. He poured three fingers of whiskey, and downed it in a single gulp, enjoying the burn in his throat, and the resultant warmth in his stomach. He shifted the glass in his hand, the ice cubes clinking as they slid back and forth. It was little things, ways to pull himself out of his thoughts, but then they'd shift to somewhere else, so much better, and so much worse.
He sat on the couch, head leaned back against the cushions and eyes closed, as the memory overtook him. He could still feel it, shivering beneath her touch, as she traced random patterns on his body with the slowly melting ice. Her fingers were always so warm, grazing his skin, and creating such an odd sensation in the places he'd gone numb from the cold. What he wouldn't give to feel nothing now, when the darkness she'd once made safe, was trying to devour him whole.
He was an idiot he knew, holding onto the delusion, though he'd long accepted the truth. It was better this way, his being alone. Lingering around her at the cafe would've been a violation of her boundaries, and he'd grown too familiar with the place anyway. There were a hundred other shops to get his coffee from, without stolen glances and teasing from the staff. No, this really was for the best.
It's not like she'd have let him get closer to her, or as close as he wanted to get. Besides, even if she did, he was not only unworthy of her comfort, but ultimately, he would've just dragged her down with him. Had he somehow forgotten? He wasn't allowed to have anyone, and just because it was a one-sided fiction, nothing had changed. She was better off without him, and it was her good fortune that she wouldn't have to see him again.
Kyoko should've been mad that Chiori was shirking her duties, but running around the city with food deliveries was a great way to keep her mind occupied. Part of her wondered for the briefest moment if maybe it was her way of helping, but then Kyoko realized her only intention was probably self-serving. She shook her head, wondering what they were going to do with that girl, before the door opened and she jump back, letting out a loud squeak.
Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit! What was he doing here?! Well obviously he probably lived here, but what was he... had he just been getting deliveries instead of coming in? But why would he do that if he didn't know who she was? His wide eyes and open mouth seemed to indicate that he was just as surprised to see her as she was him, so it didn't seem like a set up, but... Chiori! She clenched her fist, crushing a tiny Chiori figment into dust in her palm.
"Mogami-san," he began, hesitating, "what brings you here?"
She lifted the delivery bag up so he could clearly see it, while she stared at the floor, fighting the urge to look him over.
"But I didn't… Chiori-chan," he realized, drawing the exact same conclusion she did.
"Haha, I guess she got us both, that Chiori…" she laughed, voice strained as she rubbed the back of her neck, leaning her head to the side and trying her hardest to smile.
"Excuse me please, I need to get my wallet."
"No, that's okay. You don't have to - just... consider it hazard pay."
"That's alright, I don't mind."
"Tsuruga-san," she insisted, her voice firm as she finally raised her head to look at him, a much easier thing with his back to her. "I mind."
"... alright, Mogami-san."
He turned to face her and she caught his eyes, deep, brown pools that she could feel herself being pulled into, and it felt like she was liable to drown if she did. She didn't know how long they stood like that, frozen, him half sideways, and her holding the bag of food. The air seemed to be sucked out the room, and her heart beat furiously, hammering inside her chest. Still, she couldn't help noticing there seemed to be bags under his eyes, and did he seem thinner?
"Are you… how… how have you been?" she asked awkwardly, shifting her weight back and forth. "You haven't been to the cafe for some time.
"I've just been busy," he lied, smiling his best gentleman's smile, and pulling his arms to his chest, so that he wouldn't be tempted to reach out to her.
"Oh, of course, I see. Well, I… I don't want to keep you. I hope… you enjoy the bento."
"Yes, thank you. I'm sure I will."
She nodded, a little emphatically, handing him the food, and then rushed out the door.
"Goodnight," she called, from the hallway.
"Goodnight," he whispered after her, knowing she couldn't hear him.
He'd be lying if he said part of him wasn't thrilled to see her, but seeing her again only made it hurt worse, because he had to watch her leave his life forever, for the second time. He pushed the door closed and leaned his back against the smooth, metal surface, sliding slowly to the floor. He clutched the bag to his chest, struggling to breathe as the air was strangled in his lungs. Better, he told himself, it was better this way.
A/N: So… at least they got to see each other?