When I finally did wake up, for good this time, Tom's face was inches away from mine. His eyes were open. He was awake.
For a half a second, I was seriously tempted to feign sleep for a few minutes longer, just to put off the embarrassment of what I knew was coming. But he spoke, "Good morning." And I knew that hope was lost.
I looked away from him. I knew that I had completely humiliated myself last night, even if I was under the influence of a love potion. The worst thing was that I couldn't even bring myself to be mad at Tom. I didn't understand why he did it, but I knew that much of it was not, in fact, the potion's influence at all. So I turned away, ashamed of my feelings for him. I was certain that he knew now.
He tightened his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.
"Tom, I…I want to… to apologize for… everything that happened last night." I looked away again, "I don't really know what-"
"Shh." He placed a finger to my lips. "I want to apologize for…what I did as well. That was completely out of line." He pulled away from me, and started to rise, reaching for his shirt as he did so.
"No," I whispered.
"What?" he turned back towards me. I figured since I had already disgraced myself as much as possible already, there was no more that I could do. I grabbed him, and pulled him back to me.
"Don't leave me," I whispered. He turned back towards me slowly.
"Don't you understand what I've done?" He sounded vulnerable and afraid, "I slipped a love potion into your drink. That was despicable." This time, it was his turn to look away.
I reached my hand up and gently stroked his face. "Tom, I could never hate you, no matter what you do to others or to me. I will always… always love you." I the last few words were barely audible as the slipped from my tongue.
I never, ever in a million life times would have expected what Tom did next. He pulled my face to his, and kissed me so passionately that I felt as if I were drowning. My heart burned with a fire that consumed everything around me, except the feeling of his mouth on mine, and his body pressing me down deeper into the couch. I wanted him to hold me forever, kiss me and stay with me, like this for all eternity. But it only lasted a few slender moments before he pulled away.
"I care for you. I truly do." He looked straight into my eyes. "But I…we cant do this."
"Why not?" I breathed
"If someone were to somehow discover how much you mean to me, it would all be over. Being with me puts you in danger. I can't let anything happen to you." He reached out, brushing my hair away from my face. "I promised you that I would not let you be hurt, by me or anyone else, ever again."
"I don't care."
"What?"
"I don't care about the danger anymore. For years now, Tom, all I've wanted is you. I have waited long enough. I chose you."
He pulled me closer to him. In his arms, I felt like nothing was wrong in the world. Everything fell into place. It was all so right. I felt like I was safe.
How wrong I was.