Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters, I just like playing with them.
(APOV)
Bella was still sitting on the bed where she had been when I hustled my family out of the room. She was idly tracing the lines of the bandage on her wrist. I sat down next to her, but she didn't take notice.
"You want to talk about anything Bella?" I asked softly.
She shook her head. "I'm just so lost Alice."
"If you need anything, just ask. If you want to talk, or read, or write, or listen to music, just let me know and I'll do whatever I can to help. You'll find your way again Bella, I promise."
"It's funny, the one thing I wanted most is now being handed to me, and I really don't know for sure if I still want it. Either way, neither can be undone."
"You are making the right choice Bella, you just have to trust me. I would tell you not to do it if it was going to go badly, you know that. Take it one day at a time and everything will work out."
She nodded and the corner of her mouth twitched up for a moment, but she just seemed so empty. I knew she would be happy again, but it hurt so much to see her having to go through all this. I wished there was some way to show her my visions the way Edward saw them. It would make it so much easier for her to trust me. I got up and searched through the drawers until I found the pale blue lounge set I'd bought her. The pants and top were both warm and soft, and I added some thick wool socks to the pile. She took the clothes from me and went to the bathroom to change.
"Are you sure you don't need any help?" I asked before she closed the door.
"I'll be fine."
When she came out, I motioned for her to sit on the bed, and I grabbed a brush from the bathroom. Bella started to protest, but I cut her off. "Bella, just let me do this." As I pulled the brush through her hair, she seemed to relax a little. I mentally made notes as to what hair care products I needed to buy in order to put the shine back into her long locks, and she definitely needed a trim.
I put the brush away and returned to stand in front of her. Gently cupping her face in my hands, I tilted her head up so I could look her in the eye. "Bella, we love you, and you will always be a part of our family. Don't ever doubt that, ok?" She gave me a slight nod. "Are you ready to go downstairs now?" Another ever so slight nod. "I won't leave your side if that's what you want." A small forced smile and a deep breath.
We left her room and headed down the stairs. I made sure to hold onto her so she didn't trip or fall. Esme and Carmen were sitting on one of the couches waiting for us, worry etched into their marble faces. Irina and Kate were at the dining room table playing a card game, but they stopped and watched as Bella came into the living room. I helped her over to the couch closest to the fire and made sure she was comfortable.
"Can we get you anything Bella?" Esme's musical voice floated through the silence.
"No thank you Esme." Another forced smile. Looking over at the table, she continued. "Thank you all for welcoming me into your home. I'm sorry I brought trouble with me...seems to follow me everywhere." She mumbled the last part.
Irina and Kate were instantly by her sides on the couch, hugging her. "Please don't think that Bella. No one blames you. We're glad you're here, though of course we wish it was under better circumstances. We've heard so much about you and were looking forward to meeting you."
Bella shook her head. "They should never have brought me here, now I've put your whole family in danger too."
"No Bella, Tanya put our family in danger. This is not your fault." Kate patted Bella's leg firmly.
Carmen stood up and came over to the couch, indicating to Irina she'd like to sit next to Bella. Irina gave Bella another quick squeeze and then moved to one of the empty chairs. Carmen pulled Bella into her arms. "Mi niña preciosa, we are family now. Your trouble is our trouble. Your danger is our danger. You did not force yourself on us, we welcomed you with open arms. Your vampire family has been sick with worry and grief. They never wished to leave you, and will not make that same mistake in the future."
Esme stood up. "No we won't Bella. We will not leave you again, even if one of our children asks us to." Kate gave up her seat on the other side of Bella and Esme sat down. "I consider you a daughter to me now, and your wellbeing and opinion matter just as much as anyone else." She took Bella's hand into her own, and her voice softened. "I hope one day you will be able to forgive us Bella."
"There is nothing to forgive you for Esme. Edward is your son, and you had to protect your family."
"You are our family too. Never doubt that Bella. We will protect you and we will fight for you, always." Esme tried to reassure her.
After a few moments of awkward silence, Esme hugged Bella once more and stood up. "Now, we're going to go fix you something to eat. You just sit here and rest and let us know if you need anything, ok?"
Bella nodded slightly. "I'm really not that hungry."
"I know dear, but you have to eat in order to heal. At least try to eat a little of it." Esme patted her shoulder gently.
Bella shrugged and turned her attention to the fire. Esme, Irina and Kate ran off to the kitchen to figure out how to cook Bella's meal. At least I knew it would turn out edible. Cooking was not something that held any interest for me. I had no memory of ever eating human food, let alone preparing it.
Carmen and I left Bella on the couch and moved to the one opposite of her. We started discussing decorating details for the new house, and I ran upstairs to get one of the binders I had started putting together with Esme. We became engrossed in the details while Bella just rested by the fire. She was staring intently into the flames, I assumed thinking about everything that was going on. Carmen noticed me watching Bella and whispered too low and fast for human ears. "She's been through too much for her mere eighteen years of life. It's not fair."
"No, it's not fair. I mean, eventually good things have to start happening."
"Si. Such a strong character, such bravery. Something good is coming for her, it has to be."
Not a while. I sighed to myself. Bella still had a rocky road ahead of her, but our family would see her through it.
The guys were coming back now, I could hear them just a few seconds away. When the door opened, the blast of cold swept through the room. Bella turned her head towards the door, but she wasn't really seeing anything. Her eyes were so empty and flat. Carmen and I got up to greet our husbands, when an odd noise caught everyone's attention. Carlisle locked his gaze on Bella and a concerned look crossed his face. It was a cough. Bella was coughing. Vampires don't get sick, so it was quite a foreign sound to most of us. Both Carlisle and Edward flew to her side, laying hands on her forehead, quickly checking out her vitals with their vampire senses. Not that anyone in the house couldn't hear her slightly accelerated heart rate and breathing. Edward was watching Carlisle and nodding, the usual sign they were having a silent conversation.
"How are you feeling Bella?" Carlisle asked.
"Tired." She shrugged.
"She's just coughing from the water Carlisle, right?" Edward asked pleadingly.
More silent conversation.
"She's been sitting in front of the fire." He protested.
"Would you two stop that!" I demanded. "I'm sure everyone here, especially Bella, would appreciate knowing what's going on."
Everyone stared at me for a moment before turning their questioning gazes back to the pair.
"Bella is sick. She has a fever, cough...probably pneumonia. It's common for humans, especially considering what she's been through. She'll be fine." Carlisle replied calmly, but the panic shone in Edward's eyes.
Bella laid her head on her knees weakly as she tried to choke back another small cough.
"So what do we do?" I asked the obvious.
"She needs as much rest as possible, liquids, all the normal things for an illness. I've got some general antibiotics I can give her. But if it gets too bad, we have to consider our alternatives. I might be able to use my credentials to get access to a clinic nearby if it comes to that. We just have to wait and see."
I was already ahead of them, my body stiffened as my mind reeled forward until I saw what I needed. Pulling back, I took a moment to compose myself. Relief flooded Edward's face.
"Three days until the fever breaks, one week until she is feeling better."
"Thank you Alice." Edward whispered. Illness was just one of the many things that scared him when it came to Bella. He lost both his parents and then his own human life to the Spanish Influenza. Of course he'd followed the advancements that medicine has made since then, and knew logically that Bella would most likely be fine, but there was still that deep rooted fear that he would lose her to something as mundane as a cold. All the more reason for the idiot to change her.
That normally would have earned me a glare, but all I got this time was resignation and a nod. "Soon enough Alice."
"It's really ok guys, I've been sick lots of times in my life. You heard Alice, I'll be fine in a week." Bella spoke up.
"I know love, I just worry. You're already weak, and then pneumonia on top of that..." He was sitting beside her now, resting his hand on her arm.
"I'll be fine Edward. If slitting my wrists and almost drowning didn't kill me, this won't either." She replied firmly, pulling away from him.
Talk about an uncomfortable silence....
"Well I smell something cooking, and Bella needs to eat." Carlisle headed into the kitchen, taking Esme into his arms.
"We just have to cook the steak." The smell of the raw meat permeated the air. It didn't smell as unappetizing as other human food, probably because it was full of blood, but it didn't smell good either.
"Well if Bella's going to be a vampire, maybe she should try eating it raw." Emmett's voice boomed from the stairs.
Edward scowled. "It's dangerous for humans to eat undercooked meat Emmett." He grumbled.
"Chill out, I'm only joking. Thought the mood could use a little lightening." Rose followed him into the living room, but then went to the dining room table when Em crossed over to Bella.
"Hey Bella." Crouching down in front of her, he hugged her gently. "I hope you're feeling better soon. I'm glad you're a part of our family now, and I'm looking forward to having you as a little sister. Rose and I are going away on vacation for a while. We'll be leaving in the morning. I'll miss you, but I can't wait to see you when we get back. Take care of yourself, and don't be too hard on my brother, ok?"
"Ok, I'll miss you too Em. I'm so sorry..." She started to choke up again.
"Nothing to be sorry for squirt, ok? You just get better." He spoke softly. "How about I get you some orange juice? That's suppose to be good for you right?" He grinned.
"Sure, thanks." He playfully punched her arm and then pushed himself up and headed towards the kitchen. Everyone was staring at him because of the unusually tender moment they just witnessed.
"What?" He exclaimed. "Just because I watch TV all the time doesn't mean I don't learn anything. They have OJ commercials every five minutes during cold and flu season." Everyone just grinned and shook their heads.
He brought Bella her glass of orange juice and joined Rose at the table. She was scowling and intently studying her nails. Everyone was tired of the way she treated Bella. Her sour attitude was disrupting the family, and it was good they were leaving to give us all a little space. Their timing could have been better though. How much could you really love your family if you took off at the first sign of danger? Thankfully I knew their absence would not affect the outcome of the Volturi's visit. I hoped that being apart would give her some time to think about what family really meant, and though unlikely, maybe she would be more accepting of Bella when they came back. Maybe I could get them to bond through shopping. I mused.
Bella joined Rose and Em at the table when her dinner was ready. The rest of our family made their way over to the table while she ate, the Denali clan waited in the living room.
"You guys really don't have to watch me eat." Bella blushed. "This is really good though, thank you." She stuffed a bite of spinach salad in her mouth.
"It's not a problem. We want to discuss some things when you're through, and we've missed you." Carlisle spoke.
She nodded and pushed her plate away, half eaten. "I'm done."
"Bella, are you sure?" He asked.
"Yes."
"We wanted to talk about the Volturi's visit and your changing so you are prepared. We hope that we'll be able to negotiate some time, maybe a year or two, but if they require it to be immediate, we want you to be ready for it." He leaned forward on the table. "Do you have any questions?"
"What do I say to the Volturi?" She asked.
"Just answer their questions. They are interested in you being turned into a vampire, and what our plans are for that. We haven't set a date, but they will probably insist on that before they leave, so we probably should figure that out."
"Whenever." She shrugged.
"Is there anything you wanted to do first Bella, as a human?" Edward prompted.
"I guess I would have liked to finish high school, but since I had to leave Forks anyway, then I could probably just do that next time around, right?" She asked Carlisle.
"We could probably work something out if they give us time. Maybe homeschool or we could move closer to town for a little while."
"Ok." She nodded.
"Anything else?" Edward pried.
"Not that I can think of right now. It's not like there is a lot I could do as a human that I couldn't as a vampire."
"What about getting married, or having children?" Rose asked.
"Well if I'm going to have to become a vampire or be killed eventually, it's not like I could really have any of that now can I?" Bella snapped back.
Edward reached to take her hand, but stopped himself. "Do you want those things though?"
"If I ever found someone to marry, being a vampire wouldn't make a difference. You all got married as vampires, and if that ever happens, I can too. I'm not having a child only to leave them without a mother. It's not an option, so it doesn't matter Edward." He flinched at her tone.
I knew what he was thinking. He was blaming himself again. Thinking that if he had just been strong enough to stay away from her, she'd never be in this position. It didn't matter how many times he saw the vision in my head of Bella as one of us, he insisted he could change it.
"Well then, we'll see what we can negotiate and play it by ear. If you think of anything else, just let me know."
"I will Carlisle."
He took a deep breath. "Do you have any questions about being turned?"
"It's going to hurt, right?" Her lips formed a grim line.
"Beyond anything that you can imagine Bella. Though I have planned to give you a hefty dose of morphine that should help to dull it, but I can't be certain."
Jasper leaned in to join the conversation. "The transformation takes about three days. Three days of searing pain, during which you will wish you were dying Bella."
Edward growled and jumped to his feet. "That's enough Jasper!"
They faced off across the table. "She deserves to know the truth Edward. You can't protect her from everything. This is her life, this will be her pain. She should know exactly what she is choosing!"
"Jasper is right Edward. She should know." Carlisle interrupted. "Jasper has more experience than any of us with newborns, his expertise is welcome in this discussion."
"Are you scared Bella?" I asked her, gripping her hand under the table.
"Of course I am. I'd rather know everything though, so at least I can be prepared. So what will I be like as a newborn?" She turned back to Jasper.
"It's hard to say. In general newborns are wild and uncontrollable. The thirst for blood is foremost in every thought and they are driven almost by pure instinct. You won't be able to be around humans for a long time, until you are able to control your thirst. As you know, even after decades, some of us still have trouble." Jasper looked away, wracked with guilt from her last birthday.
Carlisle cut in. "But Bella, we will be there right beside you every step of the way. As wild as newborns may be, they can be reasoned with, they can learn. Edward, Esme, Rose, Emmett...the evidence is right here."
"Just promise me you won't let me kill anyone, ever." She pleaded quietly.
Edward leaned into Bella and tipped her chin up. "We'll do everything we can to keep you from hurting any humans, love. We can't promise you that you will never slip-up, but we will do whatever we can to prevent it."
She pulled her face away and mumbled her thanks. Bella looked up again when she had thought of another question. "Will my eyes be like yours?"
"Not at first. They'll be red, but as long as you stick to our diet, they will eventually fade to the same butterscotch color as ours." Jasper answered her.
"How long?"
"A couple of months maybe?"
"Ok." She exhaled. "Anything else I should know?"
"There is a lot more, but most of it you will have to experience or learn after the change. It's hard to put it into terms that you would understand as a human. You know we have incredible strength and speed, and you'll have to learn to control them if you want to fit in with humans."
Emmett grinned. "Shattering doorknobs or streaking across the parking lot in front of them would be fun, but it's not a good idea."
"What about hunting?"
"Purely instinct. You'll see. Your heightened senses will locate the prey and your body knows how to react. Which is why it's important to gain control. The instinct takes over when you are thirsty or scent blood. It can be very difficult to hold yourself back from that, but you will learn."
Bella nodded weakly.
"Are you ok Bella?" Carlisle was concerned it was too much for her. She was flushed and her eyes were glassy.
"Yes, just tired."
"Well that's probably enough for now. Why don't we get you back to bed?"
Edward stood up, ready to pick her up. "I'll take her back up."
"No." Bella protested. "I can walk just fine." She made her way slowly over to the stairs.
"Bella..." Carlisle started.
"Oh right, who wants to babysit me this time?" She scowled.
Edward was still standing, and took a couple steps forward, pleading with his eyes. She shook her head at him. "Bella how are we supposed to work through this if you won't even talk to me?" He asked.
"In a matter of just a few days, I almost died, lost everything that mattered in my human life, and now I have to choose between death and becoming a vampire. The last thing on my mind is trying to reconcile with you. Right now I just want to be alone, but of course no one trusts me enough to even allow me that. So I guess one of you needs to come with me, I know you're all thrilled with this arrangement. I'm sorry for being such a bother." We all stared after her as she turned and stormed off up the stairs. Without tripping once. I thought proudly.
I immediately followed her, and Carmen joined me. "I'll come too." Edward just stared after her, pain etched into his stone features.
We closed the door behind us, and Bella collapsed on the bed. She didn't move for hours except to cough, but she didn't sleep either. Carlisle came to check on her twice and gave her some antibiotics and ibuprofen for the pain. Somewhere around three in the morning, Jasper and Eleazar came to join us. Jasper went over to the bed to check on her.
"Bella, do you want to sleep?" She nodded. "Do you want me to help?" Another small nod. He gently placed one cool hand on her fevered cheek, and after a moment, and a hefty dose of lethargy, she was asleep. I watched my beautiful man tenderly stroke her arm for a moment before he turned to me and we shared a small sad smile. He could feel everything Bella was going through and the past few days had been so hard for him. I stood up and he walked into my embrace, kissing the top of my head. We held each other for a little while, and I could feel the tension melting from his body now that Bella was sleeping. He pulled back to kiss me properly.
"Carlisle sent me up, knowing that she needed her rest. He's been waiting for her to fall asleep, and she wouldn't let him give her anything. Eleazar said he'd take your place, why don't we go have a little time to ourselves while she's sleeping."
"Sure...and thanks."
"You know I'll do whatever I can to help." He smiled down at me.
"Thanks Eleazar. Carmen, we'll talk more later, I can't wait to see your ideas for the kitchen. Now that Bella will be living with us, we'll actually get to use it."
We left the room and Edward was sitting against the wall next to her door. "Thanks Jasper." He whispered. We headed across the landing to the guest room we shared and laid in each other's arms.
"Alice, are things really going to be ok?" He murmured in my ear.
I nodded. "They will be eventually Jazz. It's just going to take some time."
"Did we do the right thing...saving her?"
"Honestly, I don't know. But I do know this family would never be the same because we would have lost Edward too."
"Just let me know how I can help Alice, and you know I will."
"I know Jazz. One day, you might tell her about your scars. You saw hers?"
I felt his cheek rubbing against mine in a nod. "She's in a bad place Alice. I don't know if any of us are capable of giving her the help she needs. Shouldn't she go to a therapist or something?"
"Absolutely not. How could she honestly talk about anything with another human? They would end up trying to hospitalize her, not to mention the questions that can't be answered. It wouldn't help at all because they wouldn't know the full scope of things. We'll have to help her ourselves. It will all work out, it really will. She's going to be whole and happy again."
"I trust you baby." We sat in silence for another little while before he spoke again. "Hey Alice?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you"
"Love you too." I twisted around and gently pressed my lips to his, my hands raking through his silky hair. The kiss deepened before we both pulled away gently, neither in the mood for taking it further. We were content to lay in each other's arms until dawn.