When Kylo saw her there, crumpled over in that alleyway, he'd almost thought he was too late. He'd come close to losing her once before to Snoke, and if he lost her... It would all mean nothing without her. Never mind that he'd nearly exposed himself by bolting from the fight. Never mind that Hux had clearly orchestrated the entire event. Never mind that half the fucking galaxy would find out that Kylo Ren was in love with the last Jedi. All that mattered was getting to her and getting her off of Lothal. What was it about desert planets setting the stage for major life changes?

They were nothing, backwater planets that had been drained by the Empire and, if Hux had his way, they'd be drained by the First Order. But that was why he was there, and not Hux. Had the general been upset that Kylo had wanted to oversee the mission himself? Or had it been a show meant to push Kylo into his own death, and one that could be blamed on local insurgents? It didn't matter right now. He would deal with Hux when the time came. The only thing that mattered now was getting Rey to safety.

It wasn't the first time he'd flown with an unconscious Rey in his shuttle, but he was hoping it would be the last. Though Kylo had managed to stop her from bleeding out with his powers, she'd need to be treated properly with bacta to mitigate the scarring and any lingering pain. Kylo hated the thought of her being hurt because of him.

And now he was flying to the only place in the galaxy that had ever meant anything to him, with the woman who meant more to him than the entire galaxy. He was so kriffed. He couldn't stay long, not more than a week before he'd be expected to make an appearance. His Knights would buy him some time, but eventually, he'd have to go back.

Do you have to return? Is there another way to resolve this conflict?

Once, he'd been certain of his path, absolute in his convictions and blinded by faith. But now, uncertainty reigned supreme. His thoughts were never straightforward when it came to Rey. He was reckless for her love. She managed to override every scrap of sense that he possessed; she'd slashed apart the world that he'd constructed for himself out of the ruins of his previous life. She'd shown him that there could be more. And how could he repay her? Kylo wasn't sure of much, but he was certain that he should be helping her—that was why he'd risked his own neck to find her, wasn't it? That she'd been targeting a First Order mission was incidental to the fact that she was hurt and he needed to fix it. Every time they were together, the galaxy felt a little more balanced, but when they were at odds, when they were apart, it all became unbearable.

He'd held Rey tight throughout most of the journey as Vadon had navigated through uncharted territories before finally hitting the hyperspace lane near the Tharin sector. Rey was in and out of consciousness, though the pharma seemed to be keeping the pain at a minimum. Sometimes, he'd doze off as he held her and it almost felt as if their dreams combined.

She was young and alone. Arms wrapped tight around herself as she lay in the AT-AT that was her home; she waited and waited and waited.

He was young and alone. Droids humming throughout his home on Chandrila while his mother worked and his father wandered as he waited and waited and waited.

He knew that sometimes, in her dreams, she'd see a boy who looked suspiciously like him—dark features, sullen face, Force signature radiating loneliness. Had she dreamed of him before? He'd thought perhaps he used to imagine someone like her, waiting for him somewhere out there in the galaxy.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

They didn't have to wait any longer.

When they slipped into the Naboo atmosphere, Fuore was all smiles.

"You're learning, Master," she said. Her inflection was always faintly mocking, but given that she could see what others could not, Kylo didn't let it bother him. How could one as powerful as Fuore Ren take anything seriously when she was able to divine the outcome of the future?

"You're taunting. You think this is a bad idea," he returned.

Fuore's beautiful dark face split into a grin. "You know I don't follow fools. It'll mean nothing without her," she added, her long red hair swaying as she nodded towards Rey. Kylo had long gotten used to her being able to divine his true feelings, so the fact that she mirrored his own sentiments concerning Rey was more calming than anything. He and Rey, they were two parts of a whole. Equals. He'd always felt that way. She called out to the aching loneliness within him and now that he had her in his life, he wasn't going to let her go.

Time passed quickly once they were planetside and Vadon reiterated her desire for him to at least consider getting another ship before they were found out. "One that isn't quite so recognizable," she muttered through the vocalizer as she stared navigated. He could tell by the set of her shoulders and the cock of her dark helmet that she disapproved of everything.

"Noted and unnecessary," Kylo replied, knowing full well that Fuore had already disabled the tracking system on his command shuttle.

So what if his ship was recognized? He was Supreme Leader of the galaxy and he could come and go as he pleased. Part of him wanted his mother to know that he was in Naboo at Varykino. Would she wonder if Rey was with him? Or did she already know? She'd always seemed to know when he was about to do something as a child, even before he did, despite the fact that she was always busy with her Senatorial duties.

In his heart, he knew that Leia was aware that there was more going on between Rey and him than Rey let on. He wondered if she approved, but dismissed the thought. He'd long since stopped worrying about what his mother wanted, right? The shuttle hummed, settling into the landscape as Kylo held Rey close.

Liar.

Rey nudged up against his consciousness, picking at his loud thoughts as he disembarked with her, taking long strides over the gravel leading up to the entrance of his family's great home. Varykino really was stunning even if its familial history was one that was steeped in tragedy. Mid-afternoon sun shimmered off of the lake, giving the surrounding forest an ethereal look. Despite how much had changed for him, he still loved this place.

Bright summers spent as a child while the Senate was adjourned. His mother's smile. Sunburn on his pale skin. His father's laugh.

Every thought that he'd tried to erase came rushing back and Rey picked through them all, sleepily rummaging through the memories in his mind.

I'm envious, she admitted.

Kylo sighed while carefully taking the steps to the entrance, one by one.

Maybe... We can make our own memories?

Rey rubbed her nose into his chest. "Mmmmm...," was all she could manage with the sedative still running through her veins.

Ben... I would like that, she thought while the huge door to his childhood opened once again. As Kylo Ren took his first steps into the beautiful, ancient home, he realized that there was no turning back now—not for Kylo Ren or for Ben Solo, either.

The staff wasn't the same and the familiar faces from his childhood had long moved on. It was lucky that Rey was with him. They might not have seen the familiar shadows of his mother or father in his face, but the servants did know Rey and they rushed to ready a room—a shared room—for them both.

"Alert General Organa that Rey the Jedi is in Varykino and that she's safe," he instructed a meek-looking human male who went by Cordin. Small, his ochre face youthfully rounded, Cordin avoided eye contact and ducked his dark head before asking, "Emm. Yes, sir. And from whom should I say this message is from?"

"Tell her...," he paused, taking a moment to consider his next words carefully. Things had changed and, though he did not agree with his mother's methods, he'd come to understand that he wasn't unaffected by all that had happened. That he wasn't quite Kylo Ren any longer, at least, not here.

Here he was something else. He waited until Corbin was staring into his eyes before he instructed, "Tell her that Rey is with her son, Ben. And that she's safe and will be returned to the Resistance unharmed."

Corbin straightened when he realized that he was talking to General Organa's son. "Of course, sir. Is there anything else you require while you wait?"

He stared into his eyes before letting his Force powers connect with the man. He could feel his fear and desire to gossip, which wouldn't do at all. "I require your discretion. Use a secure connection and only give your message to General Organa herself. No one else is to know we are here. Once you have given this message, you will forget this conversation. Do you understand?" Ben's voice resonated with the power of the Force as it flowed from him.

Corbin's shoulders sank a little as Ben's power seemed to settle over the man. Finally, he nodded. "Of course, sir. I understand, sir."

"Leave us, then. Only return once our room has been prepared," Ben directed.

As the man rushed to obey, Rey distracted him with her thoughts as she shifted in his lap. Ben...

Hmm?

You feel different here.

Sleep, Rey. There's a medical droid on reserve here. It will help you, but so will sleep.

Rey grunted softly. You're trying to distract me, Ben.

Ben... Ben... Ben... she thought, the feel of his name resonating from her through to him. For the first time in a long time, it felt natural. He felt like Ben. Not quite Solo, just Ben. But she could feel it too and as she fell asleep in his arms, he could feel the happiness radiating from within her and couldn't help but share it.

It didn't take long for the staff to get the room together and the medical droid was quick and efficient, assuring Ben that there shouldn't be any scarring, but that there might be some residual pain for a few days. That wasn't quite good enough for him, so he reached out with his powers and was sure to ease the healing along as best he could.

One of the maids left out some loose clothes for Rey to wear, but Ben declined her offer to find something suitable for him. For all he knew, the only clothes left in Varykino may have belonged to his father and he wasn't quite ready to have that confirmed. Luckily, he'd traveled with clothing that he'd intended to use on Lothal, which Vadon had transferred from the command shuttle.

After changing into some loose pants, Ben watched as Rey slept. She lay curled away from him on the big, canopied bed. The staff had aired out the room, opening the glass doors to the balcony that overlooked the lake. Spring was settling over Naboo, which he secretly loved. When the flowers bloomed, the fragrance mixed with the gentle breeze from the lake and wafted through the entire home. It made everything feel like a dream. And that Rey was with him—really with him—no with distractions to hinder them.

The sun cast Rey in an otherworldly glow as she slept and Ben thought that he'd never experienced a more perfect moment in his life. Still, he could feel her through the Force. She must have been dreaming, for the loneliness echoed through her Force connection. Maybe remembering her past on Jakku? Her parents were lucky they were dead. Ben took a breath to calm himself and instead focus on the beautiful woman sleeping nearby.

He knew what it was like to grow up lonely. Memories of Rey wrapping her own arms around her middle as a child, trying to mimic the feeling of being held, filtered into his mind. He could make this better. He could fix this. Ben crossed the room, slid onto the bed carefully moved towards where she lay before curling his big body around her small frame. He didn't want to hurt her, but he wanted her to know that she wasn't alone. That, if she let him, he'd make it so she'd never be alone again.

Rey murmured, just faintly enough that he couldn't make out her words.

"What is it?" he asked. Maybe he'd done something wrong—maybe she didn't want him touching her. The bond they had through the Force was one thing, but maybe she was able to dismiss it all as some sort of strange fantasy? Did he pale in comparison when they were both faced with reality?

It took her a minute to come around enough to ask, "Ben. Is this real?"

"Yeah, it is," he murmured against the corner of her brow. She rolled around till she was facing him, snuggling tight against his chest as he worked his arms around her again.

"It's so comfortable. Your bed is kriffing awful and my bunk is always so cramped. What is this? This is...," she trailed off.

"Rey?"

"Mmm... Don't leave, okay? Promise... Promise that you won't go...?" she added quietly.

Ben's heart lurched. He, of all people, knew what it felt like to be alone and waiting.

I'll never leave you. No matter what happens, I'll always find my way back to you. You never have to be alone again.

He waited for her response through their connection, but she was snoring softly against his chest, which was possibly the most endearing thing he'd ever experienced. She was perfect to him but so human. Strong and fragile. A living, breathing contradiction that he simultaneously was worried for and impressed with. She didn't need him, if anything, he needed her. But she wanted him, and that made all the difference to Ben. For the first time that he could remember, someone was choosing him over everything else, even though it was dangerous for them both, even though the Resistance would brand her a traitor for her actions. She loved him, against all odds and sense.

It was the only thing he'd ever really wanted, and it had come from the last place he expected. He'd never be good enough for her, but she'd chosen him just the same. Ben lay there, strong arms wrapped around the slight body of Rey, thinking of all the ways he would cherish this moment in the days and weeks to come. Finally, he fell asleep, his big body curled around hers. His last thoughts were of how he'd give anything to be able to keep her, just like this, forever.

Ben woke up to the realization that Rey was still with him, with her head pillowed on his chest, and her legs entwined with his own. It took him a moment to realize that it wasn't a dream—not even the Force connecting them—she was really and truly beside him in bed. Part of him wanted to lay there for as long as possible, just take in the moment and let it wrap around his heart until the only thing that remained of him was this one, perfect moment. Part of him wanted to press gentle kisses to her brow until she woke.

Unfortunately, neither of those fantasies was fulfilled as Rey startled herself awake, pulling back abruptly before she exclaimed, "Oh, shit! Finn! They're going to think I'm dead—my friends. They're going to be so worried!"

Rey looked frantic as he worked to keep himself from feeling jealous. He liked that there were people who cared about her. She deserved to be loved and cherished more than any person he'd ever met, still, it wasn't exactly thrilling to hear her call another man's name after she'd been sleeping with him.

With a huff, he assured her, "The servants sent a message to my mother. She knows you're safe."

Rey visibly relaxed at that news, except there was more to it than he was sharing and she knew it.

"You told her." It wasn't a question.

"I did," he admitted. "I wasn't going to hide it from you."

"I know. I just... I think she already knew? Chewie knows. He doesn't really approve, but I think he still cares for you, Ben."

It wasn't really the conversation he wanted to be having right now, and she seemed to sense that and let it drop.

"Do you think she'll tell the others?"

Do you think they'll think I'm a traitor? floated, unspoken between them.

You owe them exactly nothing, he reminded her.

The same goes for you, Ben. In this, we're something that's not quite right. Something outside of their experience. The only time I feel as if I fit is when I'm with you—the one person in the galaxy that I shouldn't feel this way for.

So, I don't have to worry about you running back to... your friend?

He couldn't help it, couldn't ignore that little voice inside of him that said he was worthless, and that there was no way someone like her could see anything in someone like him. Rey cocked her head to the side, not understanding until she reached out with her feelings and finally understood.

With a frown, she cupped his scarred cheek and said, "Finn is my friend and I love him as I love all of my friends. But Ben, you have to understand that what I have with you isn't like what I have with my friends. I'm in love with you."

He was being insecure, and he knew it. Why couldn't he just enjoy the moment with her without his issues getting in the way? Rey leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on the edge of his mouth.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"Thank you... and thank you for saving my life," she said with a smile.

"I would do anything to keep you safe. Anything in my power," he assured her.

Same, she replied. If we were together more often, it would be a lot easier to keep our promises.

Ben's sigh shuddered through him. He couldn't go back with her. Not to the Resistance, but maybe he could change things from the inside? He'd consider that thought later, but for now... The thin fabric of Rey's sleeping gown slipped low over her shoulder, exposing her precious freckles.

What? she asked as he stared.

You look like an angel, he told her as he blushed, and she grinned at him.

"If I'm an angel, what does that make you?"

"Tempting devil?" he replied, which made Rey laugh.

The corners of his own mouth twitched in response before curving fully. It felt strange, but right, smiling with her. She drew out the happiness from the dark spaces of his soul and forced him to revel in her love.

This time, Rey blushed.

What's wrong?

Oh, you're just very handsome when you smile like that, she admitted before leaning into his body and ducking her head under his chin.

Wasn't I handsome before? he teased. He was getting better at this. He'd do better for her.

I think you have known how handsome you are for a very long time. It's just that you're usually so serious looking, it's easy to forget that you can be quite charming.

Only with you. Only ever with you.

Rey laughed. I almost believe that.

"How do you feel?" Ben changed the subject. He wanted them both to enjoy this moment as much as possible.

"Mmm, good and bad," she said before snuggling further down on his chest. Her nose brushed against his nipple and Ben had to catch his breath. This was going to get out of hand if he didn't do something to control his reactions.

Don't. Don't control it, she urged him. And who was he to deny her? He'd never been very good at suppressing his feelings, anyway.

"What do you want, Rey?" he asked around the sudden thickness in his throat.

"I think you know what I want. What I've wanted for some time now." Rey lifted herself up to look at him, hazel eyes clear and determined as she caught his gaze. "What do you want, Ben?" she asked. Ben was suddenly quite breathless as he scanned her face before his eyes focused on her lips.

You. I've only ever wanted you.

He felt through their connection that it was enough for her, more than enough, for it mirrored the sentiment in her own heart.

Rey nibbled her lip as her nervous energy slipped from her to him. "I've never done this before—well, not really."

Ben blushed. The only person I've ever really been with at all is you.

So, we'll figure this out together? she thought as her lips curved into a smile.

Figure this out? he wondered and Rey scrunched her nose at him before sending him thoughts of exactly what she wanted to happen between them.

Oh, he thought, eloquently. He had been expecting more of what they'd already shared when she'd anticipated something else entirely.

"I really don't know what I'm doing, then," he started and Rey laughed.

"How much don't you know? I mean, I can explain it to you...," she teased while trying her best to smother another laugh.

"Funny. I know how it works, I just haven't ever..."

"And here I thought I was going to have to have explain the logistics of it all," she said with a grin.

Alright, sweetheart. You've made your point.

"Well, Ben. When two individuals love each other very much, or maybe when they like each other very much..."

"How is your shoulder?" he interrupted, suddenly serious, which seemed to surprise Rey.

"Urm?" She wiggled her body. "Feels pretty good, actually. Anyway, as I was saying, when two aliens love each other very much..."

But Rey couldn't finish because she quickly found herself pinned beneath the big, hard body of Ben. Hands pressed into the pillows above her head, Ben held her tight as he lay half on top of her.

"Hey!" Rey squeaked.

Ben pressed his mouth to her neck and murmured. "How about you put that mouth of yours to better use?"

"Speak for yourself!" she joked.

Ben shifted so that both of her wrists were held in one of his big hands before slowly trailing a path down her body.

Oh... Her thoughts were muddled and expectant, which meant she wouldn't see it coming. All at once, Ben's fingers dug gently into her side, tickling his surprised captive.

"Ben!" she squealed between peals of laughter.

This isn't fair!

Has no one taught you that life isn't fair?

Rey wriggled helplessly beneath him until he finally stopped.

"You're an ass, Ben," she pouted, but he could feel her happiness radiating through their bond.

"Your ass, sweetheart," he reminded Rey as he pulled back to look at her. Breathless and beneath his body, Ben thought she'd never looked more lovely. Rey's lips parted slightly as she waited.

As she wanted.

Ben swallowed thickly as the mood shifted between them into something tense and expectant. Be patient with me? I don't know what I'm doing here...

Our experiences would suggest otherwise, she teased. But I trust you. We can do this.

Touch outside of that shared space in the Force was somewhat overwhelming. Ben was more inside his head than ever.

What if I don't do this right? Can I make her happy? What if she hates it? What are we doing here? This isn't going to end well.

Rey, as ever, had a calming effect on him.

Ben. Just start small. This is a lot for me too.

He rolled onto his side and stared down at her before another important thought entered his mind.

"Are you... urm. I have an implant," he offered.

Ben groaned internally, had no idea how to bring up the matter of contraceptives without sounding like a complete moof milker, but the last thing they needed to worry about was a pregnancy.

Rey laughed. "Implant, too. Standard issue?" she joked before reaching out and gently pressing her hand to his scarred face.

"Standard issue," he replied, though his thoughts drifted to the past, yet again, and his childhood of feeling like a burden. Rey brushed her thumb over his lip before shaking her head.

If we decide ever to have kids, it will be because we're ready and because we both want to. I promise you, Ben. Never before that moment.

It meant so much to him that she understood. She understood him better than anyone else.

"Changed your mind yet?" he breathed, hoping she hadn't come to her senses.

"Not on your life, Ben."

This is just the beginning.

And the night was long before them. Being with her in the flesh was a gift and one Ben didn't intend to squander. But as Rey smiled at him, he couldn't help but think that, after this night, nothing would be the same.

SO the entire rest of the chapter is smut so it's cut off here. Sorry for anyone who reads exclusively on FFnet, but their terms are the way they are. You won't miss anything story-wise, just the smut. It's all posted, unedited, on AO3. So if you wanna read it... it's waiting for you.

Thank you all for the lovely comments/follows/ favs etc. I appreciate it more than you know. Have an awesome weekend!

Any mistakes, as ever, are my own darlings that are there to keep me honest and human.

Come visit me on Tumblr pacificwanderer. My inbox is always open if you need it. If you've enjoyed this fic, please feel free to share with a friend. Thanks again for all the follows, favs, and the comments. I love to hear what you think and I absolutely appreciate all of the support (and I am absolutely fueled by it).