"But 'just friends' don't look at each other like that."
Chapter Nine
Nanami stood in pitch darkness and a thick mist enveloped everything around her. Despite the darkness and the mist, Nanami could see pretty clearly around her thanks to her cat-like senses and she quickly realized she was back in her home of Kirigakure.
Her eyes caught sight of a figure in the distance with long silver hair and a sparkling sapphire hair clip.
"Who's there?!" Nanami yelled urgently at the figure and the woman turned around, a soft smile gracing her lips. "M-mother? Is this real? Is it really you?"
Nanami looked down at her body, noticing she was still a teenager, not the young girl her mother had last seen when she died. But was her mother really dead? Had it all been some illusion?
When she looked up, Nanami saw her mother turn her head around and begin to walk away from her.
"Mother, wait for me!" Nanami called out and took off running towards her. But Nanami's movements were sluggish and slow. It was as if Nanami was running through a backward current. No matter how hard or fast Nanami tried to run, her mother got farther and farther away from her.
"Mother! Please wait! Don't leave me here!" Nanami begged through tears.
A shadowy figure appeared in front of her mother and raised its sword.
"NO!" Nanami cried out. "Momma!"
With a slash of the sword against her body, Nanami's mother faded into the mist.
Nanami woke with a gasp and sat up in the bed, clutching at her chest. She looked around her, seeing a room with grey walls and practically nothing occupying it except for a dresser.
Where the hell am I? Nanami wondered, feeling her panic rise. She looked towards the window and her eyes caught a vase of lilies that were beginning to wilt. Right, I'm in Konohagakure, she remembered.
Nanami closed her eyes and focused on her breathing, taking in full deep breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth just as she had taught herself to do all those years ago. Ever since Nanami had confided in Kiba out on the dock when he'd spent the day with her, she was having reoccurring dreams. Nanami could never remember the dreams upon waking, but considering the state she would wake up in, she could guess their contents. This was the first night Nanami was able to remember her dream after waking up and she wished she could go back to ignorance.
Nanami reached a tentative hand for the glass of water on her bedside table. Her hand shook and right when Nanami thought she had a grip on the glass, it slipped from her fingertips and crashed to the hardwood floor. She held her hands close to her chest, eyes squeezed shut, trying to will the shaking away.
Aozora meowed at her and walked towards the head of the bed with a concerned look on her face.
"I'm okay, girl," Nanami lied. "I've got you here with me after all."
She settled back into the bed and turned onto her side towards the window. Aozora padded towards her and curled up in her chest, letting out a soft purr to try and ease her owner's nerves.
Nanami put her arm around the soft cat and buried her face into her fur, keeping one eye on the vase of lilies. She was too scared to fall back asleep, fearing the dream would come back to haunt her.
They started back again because of Kiba, Nanami thought. She knew the dreams weren't his fault, but the events of her past were something Nanami had been successfully pushing away from her psyche for the past couple of years. Nightmares were something she hadn't worried about for quite some time.
Nanami knew there was no way to keep from talking about it with Kiba. She'd never planned to confide in him those few times she had, but the more often Nanami was around the dog-boy the more she felt all of her walls being chipped away. Every time she found herself telling him something new, something she thought she had successfully forgotten, Nanami would be dumbfounded by the words tumbling out of her mouth. Kiba made her feel vulnerable, and that was an emotion Nanami was uncomfortable with and that her father wouldn't approve of.
If my father saw how weak I was being right now... Nanami thought, cursing herself. I need to stay away from Kiba as much as I can.
For several days, Kiba had trouble finding Nanami and felt perplexed as to why he was unable to locate her whereabouts. He'd track her scent to places she was nowhere around. It was almost as if she was wandering around the village, rubbing traces of her scent wherever she could so Kiba couldn't pinpoint her exact location. But why would she do that? Each time Kiba went to Nanami's apartment, she was either not home or wouldn't come to the door.
Why doesn't she want to see me? Kiba wondered. Is it because of what happened when my mom saw us? If only Nanami would let me talk to her, then I could apologize.
Apologizing wasn't Kiba's strong suit, because his pride often wouldn't allow it. However, Kiba would endure the temporary discomfort and possible ridiculing if it only meant he could see her again. After watching the captivating sight of Nanami training on the water, Kiba couldn't get the image out of his head. He often found himself thinking of that moment during his sleeping and waking hours.
Kiba knew that Nanami couldn't avoid him forever. Eventually, he would see her and then he would let her know.
The past few days had been both mentally and physically exhausting for Nanami, because it turned out that hiding from someone who could easily track your scent was extremely difficult. It was even more punishing when Kiba would come to her house and she had hide out in her bathroom, covering her ears as she ignored his relentless pounding on the door, begging her to come out and talk to him. She tried to pretend like she wasn't home, but she had a strong sense that Kiba knew that she was avoiding him. That alone almost broke her heart.
But this was for the best, or so Nanami told herself. She couldn't relive the events of the past and there was no way that Nanami could be the friend that Kiba wanted and deserved. Even knowing that, Nanami still thought of Kiba every day and refused to let go of the lilies he had given her.
With war approaching, the village and all of its ninja inhabitants were doing all they could to prepare while civilians worked tirelessly to rebuild the village back to its former glory. Nanami reported bright and early to Ino to help with food inventory for the war.
"Hey, Nanami!" Ino greeted her.
"Hey, Ino," Nanami said back, trying her best to look chipper, but Nanami wasn't sleeping well and she knew it showed on her features.
Ino looked like she wanted to ask Nanami how she was doing but, sensing that Nanami wasn't in the mood to talk, she let the subject go. After checking her clipboard, Ino informed Nanami of her tasks and gave her a small smile.
The room was filled with boxes and Nanami had a sinking feeling that this was likely going to be a full day's work.
She looked up towards the second floor and her eyes caught black slit pupils staring at her. Kiba was carrying a box with Shino, but he was frozen in place. Nanami's heartbeat quickened and guilt washed over her. She knew it was impossible to avoid Kiba forever, but now that he was standing there looking hurt and confused, Nanami felt ashamed of herself.
"Uh, Kiba?" Shino piped up. "We need to move this box and... you're doing the opposite of that."
Kiba's attention snapped back to the task at hand. "Oh, yeah, right."
As Kiba continued to move boxes with Shino, he felt rage build up inside of him. Clearly, Nanami wasn't in the hospital and was perfectly healthy, albeit a little tired looking. The shocked and ashamed look on her face was all it took to confirm to Kiba that she'd been avoiding him this whole time.
Nanami kept her distance at the opposite side of the warehouse, busying herself with her own tasks. As the day moved on, Kiba let Nanami continue to avoid him, deciding that if she didn't want to see him, then perhaps he shouldn't care. However, the fury in Kiba's gut continued to build and he was sure by the end of the day, it would explode out of him.
Nanami continued busying herself, but it was impossible to stay on the opposite side of the building from Kiba forever. She went to pick up a heavy box and was puzzled when the weight suddenly became lighter. Fingertips touched her hand and Nanami peered up to see Kiba holding the opposite side of the box. She jerked her fingers back and fumbled with her end for a moment, nearly dropping the box.
"I got it," Nanami said, meekly.
"It's fine," Kiba replied. "I don't mind helping."
Nanami watched Kiba's face and although he was trying to appear unfazed, it was clear that he was hurt. She gazed into his eyes, feeling her senses melt and those pesky walls slipping away.
"Hey, lovebirds!" Ino yelled out to them. "We don't have all day for you two to stare at each other all googly-eyed. Move it!"
Nanami violently shook her head as if trying to clear all the emotions that were stirring up inside her.
"I said I've got it!" Nanami snapped at Kiba, then jerked the box away.
"Tch, fine!" He yelled back at her and turned. "Do whatever the hell you want."
He didn't call me 'baka,' Nanami thought. He's really upset.
Nanami stubbornly brushed past him and finished all her duties away from the two boys. Kiba watched her the rest of the day as she found excuses to preoccupy herself as far away from him as possible.
This is freaking ridiculous, Kiba thought to himself. I don't care what she wants, I'll make her tell me what the hell I did for her to treat me this way.
Nanami glanced over her shoulder and quickly walked away from him again, rounding a corner. Kiba followed, determined to catch up to her. After he rounded the corner, Kiba sprang forward, and grabbed Nanami's wrist, pulling her to a space that was closed in by boxes and pinned her against the wall.
She gasped and stared up at his wild-eyed expression as his hot breath poured over her. Nanami's cheeks flushed as Kiba kept a firm grip on her wrists. Nanami instantaneously felt consumed by the sense of wanting to push Kiba away but also wanting him to press his body against hers all at once.
As Kiba stared down at her, his expression faded from aggression to hurt.
"You've been avoiding me," he stated, voice hollow.
"No, I haven't," Nanami croaked out. It sounded like such an obvious lie, even to her own ears.
"Yes, you have. Why?" Kiba almost pleaded with her.
"You've been imagining things, baka," Nanami replied, trying to laugh the situation off, but Kiba was clearly not amused.
"Don't bullshit me! Is this about my mom? Because I don't ca-"
"It has nothing to do with you!" Nanami yelled. She knew that her avoiding him would cause him pain, but she also couldn't stand the thought of him believing that her own stupid hang-ups were his fault. "It's...I...uhm..."
"Just spit it out already!"
"I-I just..." Nanami felt tears pool in her eyes and even though she tried blinking them away, they spilled over onto her cheeks. She gritted her teeth, knowing she had to tell him, but the words were so hard to say. Finally, she spit it out. "I don't want to share any more of my past with you!"
His shoulders sagged and Kiba looked even more hurt if that was possible, but he still held onto her. Nanami knew she didn't say the right words, so she continued. "Talking about my mom and brother... It's something I've never really done before. It's been bringing up a lot of pain and regret that I've managed to keep tucked away all this time... Until now." She looked harder into Kiba's eyes. "I don't know why, but I- every time I'm around you, it keeps coming up. But that's not your fault, it's mine."
"But I'm your friend, Nanami," He said, almost desperate and moved himself closer into her. "You can talk to me. I like that you confide in me, baka!"
"But I don't want to!" She yelled back. "I'm not a good friend to have, Kiba."
He stared at her long and intensely, contemplating what she said. Finally, he spoke up, "Did you ever think that maybe bottling everything up isn't healthy for you? You're just afraid because emotions are resurfacing that you never dealt with. And you're afraid of getting close to someone only to be hurt again."
Anger flared inside Nanami, almost causing her vision to go red. "What do you even know about me! You don't, it's none of your business!"
For a long moment, Kiba and Nanami stood in place, him still pinning her against the wall and their eyes staring so intently at one another. Nanami was almost surprised the looks they were giving each other didn't leave them trembling.
At that second, Shino came around the corner and stopped in his tracks. He looked at the two uncomfortably, taking in the scene. "I... didn't realize I was interrupting something."
Kiba let go of Nanami's wrists and stepped away from her, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Tch, you're not apparently." Kiba began to walk off. "I'm leaving."
Nanami knew she should run after Kiba. But there was nothing left that she could say and she feared anything she did would hurt him more than she already had.