Chapter Ten

"I'll just be going, then," Lily said, but Sirius held up a hand.

"No, wait. I think I need to talk to you as well."

I felt a sickening twist in my chest. I really didn't want to lose Sirius to Lily. If he was at all insecure with James as a best friend, that still couldn't compare to the repressed envy I'd always felt in the face of beautiful, smart, kind-hearted Lily Evans. She was a brilliant girl, and I wasn't shallow enough to despise her for it, but I still recognized that she was likely everything a guy could want.

But Sirius sighed, leaned on the wall with his hands in his pockets, and said, "I don't know if James told you, but I made a remark before disappearing that he got Hazel 'too'. That was in reference to the fact that in third year, I fancied you, Lily, and made no secret of it. James and I started this quiet competition to see who you would pick, but at the time, you hated us both. I gave up; I didn't fancy you that much, and I expected James to give up, as well. Then you actually gave James a chance, and he fell in love with you so quickly. There was no stopping it. And I was bitter every time he told me about the two of you, and that bitterness grew. Then I found Hazel, and couldn't trust that she would actually stay with me. That's why I was kind of an ass to her at first."

I nearly snorted, but couldn't find any humor in it. Before he could continue, Lily hurried out of the room, and I saw only that her face was red, but couldn't see more of her expression to find out why. Sirius turned to me.

"Hazel, I-"

"You should go to Remus," I said softly. "I don't know how much you heard of mine and Lily's conversation, but it is the full moon and he is your best friend."

"No," Sirius said. "If he's already changed, and by now he has, then he's not going to take well to seeing me. It's not an easy process, getting him calmed enough not to attack on sight."

"And yet Peter's there as a rat. You should go to him."

"Hazel, we need to talk."

"Not tonight, we don't!" I snapped, having lost my patience. "Tonight, my duty is staying here with Lily, keeping her safe and happy until James gets back. You've already compromised that. If you can disappear for a week, you can disappear for a day longer."

"You don't mean that. My disappearing is the last thing you want, I know-"

"What do you know, Sirius?" I huffed, running a hand through my hair. "Do you know that I've been heartbroken all week because you're still upset that you couldn't get your best mate's girl? That you had to settle for stupid Hazel Drummond?"

"You're not stupid-!"

"No, Sirius, I am! I am because I actually thought we had a chance. I thought you'd be happy to see me again. I thought you'd understand that I only wanted you to be safe, that I would never date James Potter, and that I love you! And yet it seems that for the past year just about, you've been finding every way to avoid having to be with me. Yeah, the past few months have been great, but everything before that? Not so much. Between you ignoring me, dating anyone else, denying we'd be together and then getting jealous when you thought I might fancy someone else- nearly kissing me while dating someone else- I can't take it anymore. Then I finally get back, worried sick about you, and you almost immediately disappear for a week. So yes, I feel pretty stupid right now for ever thinking we would work. That you would want this more than you would want to be with someone else, even another Gryffindor."

His jaw dropped at that, and his brow furrowed. He snapped his mouth shut. "Hazel, you really think that has something to do with it?"

I chuckled bitterly. "Why wouldn't it? It has this whole time."

"No, it hasn't! You know I've always seen you as more than a Ravenclaw!"

"Always!? No, I think not. I think if you saw me as a Gryffindor, you would have fancied me a long time ago."

"Because I would have been around you longer if we were in the same house, not because I think badly of you due to what house you were sorted into when we were all eleven!"

I sighed, tired of fighting. "Sirius, I really don't want to argue about this."

"Then let's not." When I looked at him, there was a sad hope in his eyes; but I didn't feel it.

"You should go back to the cottage, or wait in James's room. I think I need to talk to Lily. She's been a good friend to me, you know, and I don't blame her for any of this. If anything, she's also a victim."

Sirius flinched slightly, and nodded, stepping back. I walked past him, but as I moved in front of him, his fingers wrapped lightly around my wrist. I glanced down at them, the long slender fingers that had caressed my face, held my hand, cradled my waist as we danced… The fingers I thought might one day wear a matching wedding band to my own. The fingers I never wanted to see pale and lifeless. I sighed heavily.

"This isn't over, Sirius. We'll talk. Just not tonight."

And with that, I walked upstairs to find Lily. She was in her room, sitting at a vanity table and brushing out her long red hair. Tears glistened in her emerald green eyes when she glanced at me, and she looked quickly away.

"Mind if I come in?" I asked from the doorway.

"If you still want to," she replied, her voice soft, either from crying or plain emotion I couldn't tell. I stepped into the room and closed the door, coming to sit at the end of the bed. Lily stopped brushing her hair and set the brush on the vanity table, and then hung her head so that even in her reflection her face was shielded by hair.

"Lily, I don't blame you."

"I know," she said. "I heard your conversation."

I forced a grin. "Yeah, Sirius and I didn't try very hard to conceal it. Sorry about that."

She shrugged, and my grin fell to a heavy-hearted sigh.

"Lily, I'm sorry you had to find that out. Especially like that. James explained it to me a week ago, and-"

"And you still came over?" She turned around on her stool and looked at me. "If I had found out the man I love cared about his best friend's girlfriend like that, a girl I considered my friend, I wouldn't speak to any of them."

I shrugged. "I don't blame you, Lily. It's not your fault Sirius is an ass."

"And James."

"Are you going to forgive him for it? For competing for you as a game with his friend?"

Lily smiled. "I don't blame him, either. He's always been the type to play games; that's why it took so long to give him an actual chance. By the time I did, it wasn't a game anymore to him; you heard Sirius- James fell for me, as real and true as any love."

"And apparently, so did Sirius."

"I don't think it was that… I was going to say serious, but it doesn't feel appropriate now."

I chuckled a little, remembering all of the times we had used his name as a pun, and then sighed again. "It might not have been, but I still despise the fact he held onto a third-year crush long enough to still be bitter about it while he's dating someone else. That means he's been bitter through all four hundred girls he's dated since then." I pursed my lips. "Okay, not four hundred, but still the point is valid."

Lily shrugged. "As you said, he's an ass. What do you say we watch something on the tele? Euphemia bought one after her muggle cousin explained it to her, and it's quite fascinating."

I chuckled. "I know what a tele is. That sounds fine, but would you like to bake brownies first?"

Lily grinned. "I think that would be perfect!"

And just like that, I had a very good friend again, who was trying as hard to cheer me up as I was to cheer her up. As we headed downstairs to make brownies, I vowed not to ever despise her for being her own kind self. And I could almost ignore the persistent ache in my chest at the thought of what had just gone down in the kitchen with Sirius.

X~X

The Potters' living room is one of few rooms outside of Hogwarts with truly exquisite lighting.

With a lavender couch against one wall, a burgundy sofa on the wall perpendicular to the couch's, a series of dark-wood bookshelves lined with all sorts of books, rich hardwood floors almost as dark as the shelves, an arm-chair across from the burgundy sofa, and a coffee table, three end tables, and a smaller shelf hanging from the wall, it would seem the room would be too cluttered for truly great lighting. But Euphemia Potter had a gift for home-making, and it had never really occurred to me before sitting in her living room how important lighting is. A lamp on the end table at the end of the couch, a lamp next to the burgundy sofa, a small lantern next to the dark green armchair, and a series of tea-light candles strewn about the room all gave off the perfect golden glow, which radiated throughout the room with warmth and gentle light, leaving no truly dark shadows and allowing the eyes to be at ease while still able to take in every detail.

I sat on their couch in a pair of cozy gray sleep pants and a pink camisole, both of which I had borrowed from Lily, and my hair pulled into a loose side-braid falling to my left. Having finished Pride & Prejudice, I was now reading Sense & Sensibility; Jane Austen had become a favorite muggle writer, if a little wist-inducing. It was just as the story was growing interesting that I heard a series of scratches against the back-door, across the dining room and through the kitchen.

I held the book steady and glanced off to the right, listening. The scratches came again, accompanied by a plaintive whine. A plaintive dog whine.

Of course I had regretted telling Sirius to disappear earlier; the last thing I wanted was him out on his own in times like these. I was terrified of losing him, which was most of the cause of my reaction earlier. Nonetheless, I was still pissed at him- even if I didn't want to be. I wanted things back to normal; I wanted Sirius to want me as much as I wanted him, and for the two of us to co-exist with all the ease I shared with Remus Lupin but also with all the romance I had only truly known from Sirius. No one else had offered that sort of love, and no one else could.

So at the next, and more emphatic, whine, I sighed and stood. Beetle-brained fleabag. I reached the back-door and opened it. There on the stoop, amid Euphemia and Fleamont Potters' well-groomed backyard with the perfectly trimmed trees and frequently mowed grass, was a shaggy black-haired dog with the most pathetic brown eyes I had ever looked into. He let out another whine, his tufted, wolf-like ears going flat against his head as he stared up at me. He pawed at the door-frame, still whining.

Suppressing a groan, I finally stepped aside. "Come in."

The rotten animagus trotted across the kitchen, trekking mud and dirt, and went into the living room. After closing the backdoor, I peeked around the corner to see him laying on the couch, gnawing his own paw. A trail of dirt followed him all the way in there. I glared at him and he gave me another pathetic look.

Rolling my eyes, I strolled off and grabbed the broom, sweeping up behind Sirius and then tossing the dirt into the waste-bin. Once it was cleaned up, I returned to the couch and sat down at the very end, away from Sirius, and grabbed my book. I began reading again, just to get barely a sentence in before Sirius began to inch his way closer. I glared at him and he froze, still pathetic as ever, and then crawled forward a little more, and a little more, and a little more.

Once he'd set his head in my lap and whined again, I rolled my eyes and began petting the great pathetic beast. "Maybe I just get along with you better in dog-form."

My response was a big sloppy lick on the cheek.

"Maybe not that much."

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A/N: An early update in honor of - - -

My birthday!

I'm like unreasonably excited about it. Finally eighteen, which, in America, means one thing: freedom. So, I decided to honor the occasion, I'll update twice today- once now and once in about twelve hours. Enjoy!