Chapter 10: The Forgotten Planet
Notes:
I added an epilogue for a little extra something something...
Hera was packing up all their new supplies and food from the Rakatan. Kanan was standing by the edge of their rocks staring out at the planet. He seemed deep in thought. She wanted to comfort him, but she wasn't sure he knew what was wrong. Waalek was sitting with Chopper playing Pazzak. The two had somehow became friends over the last week. After the Rakatan had established them officially has allies they had spent the next seven days in meetings and debriefings. Kanan had missed most of the meetings. The ones he had attended he had spent with his eyes closed and his legs crossed.
By the end of the first day she wanted to smack her head on the hyperdrive engine. She had sat herself in her pilots seat to stew. She didn't want to fight with Kanan, besides he probably wouldn't hear her. Now, she spent almost all of her free time away from Kanan. She understood he was doing whatever he was doing but she was in important meetings. Today, she had been given contact information for an agent named Fulcrum who was organizing a rebellion and the allies spanned over seven galaxies. The Fulcrum had been skeptical of her at first. After an entire day of meetings they had arranged contact information and a general plan for her cell. Of course, Kanan wasn't present for this meeting. Anger coursed through her as she tossed the omnitool she was holding at the wall. It stopped and hovered above the comms panel and landed calmly on a shaft. Waalek's father was standing behind her.
'May I sit?' His eyes were soft and his voice was gentle. He seemed tp have changed a lot since they had arrived. She motioned towards the seat next to her and continued brooding.
'You know he isn't doing it on purpose? He is in pain.'
'I don't know what your talking about.' She had snapped at him. She knew it wasn't nice after all he had done for them, but she was upset.
'You cannot imagine what Kanan is going through.'
'No. I don't. He never tells me what he's going through. I thought he would be happy. He wasn't even at the meeting today to meet our contact! He knew it was important. It's like he abandoned me, he's probably not going to stay with the Ghost.' There she said it. It was done. She was terrified Kanan would leave. She looked up at the Elder, he was looking at her sadly. Dread began to fill her lungs until she felt she could not breathe.
'Kanan. He's..' she started choking on whatever was in her throat. She felt warm hands gently pat her shoulder. Suddenly her whole mind felt like it had been wrapped up in a warm and safe pod. She had never felt so safe. She felt it gently recede from her until she was on her own again.
'What was that?' She whispered.
'That was what Kanan grew up with at the Jedi Temple. After the order was given, everything was ripped from him. His home, his friends, his safety. As a result he cut himself off from the force, so as not to feel the pain anymore. It was why we didn't want to help you during your fight with Darth Malak. We thought he was Sith, or some bounty hunter sent by the Empire.' He paused and looked up sadly.
'That is why he is acting the way he is now. He is mourning what he had lost. He spent years burying the force and everything it represents to him. When he came here he found a part of his people and he didn't feel so alone. When he leaves this planet, he will again feel alone and thrust into a battle with those that killed everyone he loved.' He looked up and smiled. He stood and headed for the door.
'Almost, everyone he loves. Hera, please give him time. He needs your support.' He turned and lifted his head.
'Kanan. I was just on my way out.'
Hera turned to see Kanan walking through the door. He looked short of breathe and a little sweaty. He must have been running.
'Are you alright?' He said as he slumped into the chair. She looked up at him inquisitively. Why was he asking her if she was alright. She was fine. He was the one who was secretly falling apart!
'Are you leaving me? I mean the Ghost. Are you leaving the Ghost.' It came out sterner than she had meant it to and more of a demand. Kanan looked as if she had slapped him. He took a deep breath, sat down next to her and stared at the floor.
'Do you want me to? Because I will. I don't want you to keep me around for charity.' His eyes were fixated on the edge of his shoe. He was sitting on the side of the copilots seat so he was facing her. She whirled to face him.
'When have I ever kept you for charity? We are equals. We work together. Until...' she stopped abruptly. Did she want to bring up what Waalek's father had told her? She was upset but she didn't want to hurt him. He already hurt so much.
'Until, what? Hera why do you think I would leave you?' He was looking directly into her eyes.
'I wouldn't blame you. They're your people. You could stay here.'
'What?'
'The Rakatan. They're Je-'
'No. They're not. My people were different. Yes, they wield the force but not in a way the Jedi did. Even if there was a Council. I would not go back. I don't belong there. Hera. I know where I belong and it's with you. I don't need options and I don't need a choice.' He fell silent.
'But this last week... the meeting today. You weren't interested in any of it. I thought you were preparing yourself to leave.'
'No. I was preparing. But I was preparing myself to leave this place. I need to bury my past, as much as I can. I didn't go to the meeting todat because this contact asked me not to attend. Jedi are more likely to be interrogated than a regular rebel. The less I know the better.'
'You would never betray us.'
'I don't want you to ever be put in the position where you wouldn't know if you were compromised.'
'Your not worried about me?' She raised her eyebrows. His face was a mask of shock at her question.
'I would never let anyone take you.' He said. His face was stern leaving no room for compromise or any arguments.
She lifted herself off of her seat and wedged herself in his lap. She could feel his smile as she rested her head on his shoulder.
'So, do you want me to stay?'
'No.' She whispered. 'I need you to stay.' He lifted her chin his lips hovering just over hers.
'Forever.' He whispered and kissed her.
Epilogue:
Kanan had put a blanket over Ezra and Sabine. They were huddled together fast asleep. Ezra had been telling her about their battle with the Inquisitor. Zeb was asleep on his bunk and Chopper was powered down. His kids were safe. He stopped by Hera's door and peered in. It had been a long couple of days being held prisoner. He never thought he would get home. Hera wasn't in her room. Maybe she was speaking to Ahsoka again. He turned around and headed to his room. He slid his door open to find Hera sitting on the floor holding one of his old shirts by his bed.
'Hera? Are you ok?' He sat down next her.
'It doesn't feel real, that your here. I was so scared I lost you. I came in here to sleep, but Ezra was already here so I held him while he cried. He didn't see my tears. But I held him. The next day he woke up with a fire to find you. The next day I woke up feeling broken. Please Kanan. Never again. I can't make the decision again. I won't.' He felt tears sting at the back of his eyes. He never expected to ever feel this loved or to love so much after Bilaba had died. After he lost his whole world. But here he was.
'I know. Your the only reason I survived the torture. I love you.'
'Forever.' She whispered. He smiled at her.
'Forever.' He whispered. He smiled lightly took her hand and pulled her to bed with him.