I made him swear to never say a word of it ever. To no one under no circumstance. He wouldn't look me in the eye as I spoke through tears. I think he was crying too. I felt too disgusted with both of us to even consider comforting him. We didn't deserve comfort. True, I was not on the best terms with Edward at the time, but I highly doubted that it constituted having sex with his father.
I had to pretend it didn't happen. That was the only way for me to be able to look at myself in the mirror without being sick. We didn't speak, not a word after as he gathered his things and left. I never saw him again but I know I will one day. Hell, I dreamt of being with Edward one day, reconciling…Was that even a possibility with this hanging over me?
No. If he knew…He would not want me. I just knew it. So I kept it in, bottled up so no one would be hurt. After Carlisle left, I cried myself ragged.
Sitting on the bathroom counter, I tried to look at myself in the mirror hundreds of times over hours and hours.
Every time I did, all the thoughts of what made me a horribly disfigured soul came rushing back. Flashes of Charlie breathing onto my naked flesh, his excitement pressed against me, would intertwine with Carlisle's scent that still lingered all over my body.
I knew in my heart the two were unrelated but it still made me gag.
The warmth had been what I craved from Carlisle, and now that was gone.
It had been so fleeting anyway. How could anyone love me after this?
How could I explain this to Alice? She thought I didn't trust her with something, that I didn't consider her my best friend because I couldn't confide this one thing to her. But that was the furthest from the truth. I couldn't tell first because I couldn't admit how disgusted I was with myself for this let alone watch her disgust with me. I knew this could very well be the end of our friendship. This was an unforgivable deed.
So yes, I gave into the dare, I let the mystery man touch me in front of everyone. Prying eyes no doubt watching my every reaction as his mouth set down warmly onto one of my breasts. It warmed my blood but at the same time I couldn't help but be reminded of Charlie.
This was a sickening situation and Alice knew it. Charlie had done similar things to me. Made me close my eyes as he touched me those first times, so I wouldn't see him stroking himself to a finish. But I could hear him panting hard, murmuring my name.
"Keep very quiet my Bella." He would whisper when he started coming to my room in the months before he died.
He was becoming more careless in his abuse of me.
I was thirteen, starting to develop, it was only a matter of time before he took me as a woman. Soon, I knew he would be careless enough to do what I feared the most of him.
What I despaired in every night…Him entering me. I cringe at the thought and at the same time I feel the mystery man start to lave my nipple.
I bit into my lip to keep from sobbing as I let him lick my flesh and probe me with curious fingers.
I can't help my body's reaction to him when I start to shiver and shake with anticipation of this horrible dare. It feels too good. When I feel him begin to push into me I hold my breath. It feels utterly thrilling and sickening at the same time. But I just want this to be over. My mystery man seems determined to end my unusual suffering quickly, as he thrust into me at a faster pace, using a bit more force.
For this I was thankful, and whimpered beneath him.
Tears spilled down my face without my control when I felt myself come and I am filled with shame and embarrassment. Moments later I feel him coming too, his body shuttering into mine.
Then I hear a whisper in my ear-
"It's me love." A voice as soothing as a warm bath breathes. I cry all the more harder and cling to him desperately as I sob without restraint. It was Edward who Alice had chosen. He slips the blindfold off of me and his beautiful green eyes bare into mine.
Silently reassuring me that it is okay.
He quickly hands me my clothes so I can dress as he zips his pants back up.
"That was void! You told her! She wasn't ever supposed to know who it was." Alice cries indignantly, her voice was a little higher pitched than normal, more strained which lead me to the conclusion that she must be very drunk.
"Shut the fuck up Alice! Shut you fucking mouth!" Edward barked.
"Don't talk to me like that! A deals a deal. You can't go fucking with the terms!" Alice countered hotly as I quickly dressed. Everyone looked away guiltily when I glanced in their direction.
Apparently the funny little game wasn't so funny when it made one of you friends break down and cry.
"Alice I said shut you fucking mouth right now or so help me I will shut it for you." Edward warned venomously. Alice laughed bitterly and replied
"What are you going to do Edward? Hit me? I wish you would. Don't act like your above this, you just participated didn't you?" Alice spat
"Your ridiculous Alice, I did it because if I didn't someone else would have!" Edward replied looking like he would like nothing better than to choke the life from Alice. Everyone was watching and listening in stunned silence.
"Yeah I am so ridiculous! You must feel so noble. But it's a far cry from raping her in the closet now isn't it Edward?" Alice sang. Now I love Alice with my whole heart but she was going too far, but anyone who knows Alice, knows that she is unstoppable.
"You don't know what you're talking about Alice. Just shut up already, you have no idea what your talking about." Edward hissed, his jaw clenched in anger.
"I don't huh? You think I don't know everything about my best friend? She told us what you did to her!" Alice laughed.
"Alice please, just stop." I plead.
She was trying to wound Edward, knowing full well that it hurt me to see him hurt.
"No, no, no. You started this Bella. Edward thinks he is so high and mighty. But everyone else doesn't know what happened in that closet like I do." Alice slurred.
"Please Alice, this is old. I told you many things in confidence, are you going to betray me now just to hurt me?" I try reasoning.
"You've already hurt me first Bella. You won't tell me the truth." She pauses then turns to everyone else.
"So guys did you know that that's what happened that night when Jasper hit Edward? That he shoved her down on the counter, covered her mouth and forced himself inside her?" Alice asks no one in particular, her small frame wobbling as she continues her tirade. I see Emmett put his head in his hands and he looks sickened. Tanya is covering her mouth in shock. And Alice is laughing and it worries me more than the reaction of anyone in this room. Alice never behaves like this. She must be a little more than drunk.
I look across at Rosalie and we exchange worried glances, she too sense that something is up with Alice.
"Alice please just calm down." Edward says, his shoulders slumped at her proclamations of him. Everyone else is still looking pretty disgusted only now the conversation is too juicy to turn away from.
"Shut up, your nothing but a pervert. You're a rapist." Alice spat "Well Bella, shall we finish the game then? Truth or dare? I choose truth. So why don't you ask me how I know your keeping something from me huh? Go ahead and ask." Alice says and she is starting to look too pale and her face is a bit sweaty.
"No. Alice, I am done with this game." I say shaking my head.
"I'll tell you anyway, maybe this will rings some bells. The Hotel Vine? Maybe you remember a particular stay there?" Alice ask and my heart skips a beat. It is the hotel I stayed at my night with Carlisle. Panicking, I wonder how in the world she could know this.
"That's enough Alice, sit down and cool off. Your just tripping. Its okay." Rosalie says getting up and trying to sit Alice down.
"Sure, Rosalie. I'll sit, since you're the only girlfriend I have that doesn't lie to me." Alice says taking a seat next to Rosalie and Emmett.
"I think we should go now Bella." Edward says taking my hand. It's comforting to feel his touch. He wasn't mad either for all the nasty things Alice said about him. Or that I told her some of the details of the night in the closet. For a second as I rise with him, I am able to think that maybe he and I do have a chance.
Maybe this time it will work out. Maybe its time we tried us again the right way. But all these thoughts are interrupted by Alice, yet again.
She is shaking now, even though she is sitting her body is shivering.
"Where are you two going? You haven't even heard the best part, you might want to pay attention to this too Emmett." Alice adds groggily. Something is really wrong with her. Her eyes look too wide all bloodshot and her breathing is labored.
Emmett looks taken aback to be included in Alice's little rant.
"Alice, if you ever loved me…If you were ever my friend you will not say another word." I plead, I don't know how she knows. But she knows.
She knows and apparently means to spill the beans right here and now.
"How sweet! Well if you ever loved me Bella, you would have told me this a long time ago and saved yourself this trouble huh? But no, you had to lie to your best friend." Alice chimes standing again but looking like she might faint any minute.
"Hey she doesn't look so good guys." James pipes from across the room.
"Yeah, guys I think this is enough for one night, Emmett help me take Alice home?" Rosalie says turning to Emmett.
"Uh no, not until I have said what I want to say!" Alice says and she is now gasping for air but fighting away the hands of those trying to assist her.
"Does any of you guys know what she took?" Rosalie asks worried holding onto Alice's hand tightly.
"I saw her taking some pills when the club closed with a couple shots." Irina says from the corner where she sits with James. I hadn't even noticed she was there until she spoke.
"I took some pills so what? I feel fine." Alice says distracted momentarily.
I move to leave with Edward once more before she notices. She won't continue with her rampage if we are no longer here.
"Nope. No you don't. Edward I really think your going to want to hear what precious Bella did." Alice says smiling. "I don't care what she did okay? I love her, is that what bugs you Alice? That I love her and she loves me? Loves me and not you?" Edward asks antagonizing her.
"Nice try Edward, really. But how can you value that love when she gives it to everyone huh?" Alice says.
"Your just jealous. That everyone likes her more than you, everyone wants her." Edward concluded, his hand still holding tight to mine.
"Jealous? Ha! You should be jealous, after all you and your brother aren't the only members of the family she has fucked. Isn't that right Bella? Did you ever tell him about you and his daddy hmm?" Alice asked and her smile is sickening as she continues to gasp for air at the same time.
Comprehension of Alice's words seems to have dawned on everyone as there eyes slowly roll to me. Edward and Emmett's head's both snap to me with their mouths agape. It feels like someone has dumped ice water over me. My instincts tell me to flee, but I know I won't get far.
"Didn't think so…" Alice says as I feel Edward drop my hand from his.
My heart ripped jaggedly in half. That's it. Something snaps inside me. In a flash I have snatched Alice from Rosalie's clutches and I fling her down onto the floor as hard as I can and swing my arm back to hit her but I am immediately captured by Jasper holding me at the waist as I struggle against him.
But I stop as soon as I note Alice on the floor. She is not moving. Her eyes are closed and her chest doesn't appear to be moving. There is a silent moment of horror before everyone strikes to action.
An ambulance is called and Rosalie is trying to do CPR, pumping at Alice's small chest. Time speeds up while I am frozen. The ambulance comes and takes her away and soon everyone is gone, heading to the hospital too. I stand alone in the room and cry for a moment. I still feel like I am moving in slow motion, with time speeding ahead of me.
Numbly I head down stairs and lock up where no one else saw fit to.
I try to remain calm as I hail a taxi to the hospital and I note that it has taken me nearly an hour to get going. I find it hard to do anything when I feel half dead.
When I arrive at the hospital, I see the group in the waiting room.
Rosalie and Jasper sit next to each other, looking weary but quite. Irina, Tanya, James and Jacob are sipping coffee quietly talking amongst themselves.
Emmett and Edward are off in the far corner having a pretty heated looking discussion. Rosalie sees me first and gets up to hug me.
"I am sorry we all just left you like that, we were so worried about Alice you know." Rosalie admits.
"Its okay, how is she?" I ask quietly. The others are starting to notice that I have arrived and are looking at me in the strangest ways. I ignore them.
"She is going to be okay they think, overdose they said. Her alcohol level was extremely high and she had a hand full of different drugs in her. Luckily we called when we did, or else she might not have made it." Rosalie explains.
"So did me pushing her have anything to do with it?" I ask nervously.
"No, I don't think so. It just made her pass out I think. Which she would have did any minute anyhow. They should be coming out pretty soon to update us." Rosalie assured me. I turn to look around and Edward notes that I am there too but turns away like he doesn't see me.
"And uh, have they said anything?" I ask indicating Edward and Emmett.
"No, not to any of us. But they have been arguing over there for a while. I guess their dad is the emergency room doctor here. We saw him for just a second. He is taking care of Alice right now." Rosalie says informatively. I nod and take a seat. Fucking fantastic.
How in the world is it possible for one person to have such shitty luck?
Why did he have to work at this hospital? Why me? I hear Edward call my name and then Emmett telling him not to do this now.
"Please Edward man! This is not the time or place to do this." Emmett pleads tugging at Edward's arm to keep him from coming forth.
Shit…Do what? I wonder. I don't look up but I know that everyone is looking at me now. Edward jerks away from Emmett's grip and if before me. He says my name with desperation.
"Bella just answer me this and I will never speak to you after…" He says, his voice dead serious and tears leak from my eyes. It hurts to breath.
"Did you really fuck our dad?" Edward asks and the pain he feels in asking this is evident in his voice.
"Edward, I…Please just let me explain things to you, lets talk in private." I plead through gasps of air I try to take in as I finally look around. Everyone looks beyond curious. His strength wavers for a moment and he frowns as though he wants nothing better than to speak to me alone. But just as suddenly his face becomes that unreadable mask again.
"No, there is nothing to talk about. It is a yes or no question." He barks angrily.
"Yes or No Bella?" He demands in a voice so harsh, I don't recognize it. A sob is caught in my throat. I can't help but cover my face in shame as I whisper yes and begin to weep openly, unable to control myself.
"You disgust me Bella. Your dad fucked you up so you go and fuck my dad? What did you want to relive the old days with daddy Bella?" Edward taunts. His words don't just sting, they rip through me like razors, dragging slowly down my body. I can't believe the things he has just said to me, but I know I deserve every word.
I deserve so much more. Edward's hands are shaking as he looks down at me with disgust and hatred clear in his eyes. He looks like he wants to hit me.
I wish he would. I welcome any physical pain that would distract me from this emotional agony I am in. But again, I know this is what I deserve.
He turns away from me and I look up and see him staring towards the doorway at the man who has just walked in.
"Uh, Everyone? Miss Brandon is pretty much stable now. She is still unconscious though. We will have to keep her for a few days or so. You all can visit her in a few hours when she wakes up." Dr. Carlisle Cullen announces to the room looking down at a chart.
He looks up, his glasses sitting at the edge of his nose. His bright blue eyes scan the room and land on his sons.
Edward begins to stride towards him purposefully and Emmett leaps after him quicker than I thought possible and grabs Edward around the chest holding him back. Carlisle steps back startled, not knowing what is going on.
"You fucking asshole!" Edward seethes from Emmett's arms.
"Son, are you okay? What's wrong?" Carlisle asks concern in his eyes, he reaches a hand toward Edward only to yank it back as Edward tries to bound toward him again.
"What's wrong? Think about it dad! Did you plan to keep it from me forever?" Edward demands, writhing in anger.
"Emmett? Please tell me what's wrong with your brother." Carlisle pleads stepping closer only to jump back when Edward tried to swing at him.
"Dad, uh. Damn it Edward! Calm down!" Emmett says trying to talk and hold the struggling Edward at the same time.
"Maybe we should talk in private?" Carlisle asks gently.
"Yeah." Emmett manages as Edward fights with all his strength to free himself from Emmett, but its no use as Emmett has a cast iron grip around his little brother and his isn't letting go.
"There is another waiting room down the hall if you all want to excuse us for a moment." Carlisle says kindly.
"No, we talk now! Emmett let me go! You should be pissed too. He's a fucking pervert!" Edward pants, his eyes ablaze. He looks crazed, manic.
"No man, he is our dad. Just calm down bro okay?" Emmett says steadily.
Everyone starts to move to leave the waiting room though everyone wants to hear the conversation that will ensue.
I get to my feet still crying and attempt to head for the door but the door is blocked as no one has left yet, they are all waiting for something to happen as Carlisle finally takes notice of me.
"Bella?" He says and the color drains from his face as he looks back to his sons and realizes what this is about.
"Yeah, her." Emmett says simply letting out a breath.
"Edward I think this is a matter to be discussed in private, please lets go to my office." Carlisle pleads noting that no one is leaving this room. I again try to leave but Edward grabs my arm roughly and pulls me to him. His grip is so tight I cry out from the pain of it.
"Dad you know I love this girl! You knew that! And you kept this from me! Did you do this to hurt me?" Royce cried thrusting me back away from him where I stumble and fall to the ground. No one seems to notice.
Shakily I get to my feet.
"No son, I never meant to hurt you. I didn't even know you knew her when it happened, I swear." Carlisle said softly, guilt heavy in his voice.
"Oh you swear? And what about Esme dad? Does she know about your little affair? Always be the good guy my fucking ass!" Edward screamed, veins bulging in his neck.
"I wonder dad if you were being the damn good guy when you were fucking a girl half your age? The girl I love no less! You ruined any chance of us being together, and you ruined…ah you ruined my life…" Edward said breaking down, he collapsed into Emmetts' arms as sobs rack him and tears stream down his face.