Another update! I've got my laptop back, so that means more updates!
It was now January, and Eli and Clare were on good terms, Jake and his Dad had moved in, and her and Jake were closer then ever. Her and Julia were even closer then before, they had gone on several double dates. Kc and Eli were on Better terms too. Right now Eli and Clare were in Clare's room alone. Doing homework it wasn't like the old days, they didn't joke around as much, but they were OK and liked spending time together. It was still really awkward and quiet when they were together alone, but things were getting better.
Kc and Jenna had become study partners along with Alli, and Clare didn't like it. Kc wasn't a fan of Eli and Clare studying together either, so they were OK for now. "Julia and I had another fight, her step mom know kicked her out again and she's been staying with Imogen, and I told her she could stay with me, but she won't."
''Eli, she probably just wants a female to stay with, its not about you". She had been talking to Julia when they'd been studying at the school library at lunch alone because Eli had gotten into a fight Fitz. She was also pissed at Eli for fighting. She was always pissed at Eli, or Eli was pissed at her it was never ending.
"But I'm her boyfriend!" He pointed out sounding like he'd been told this a million times by Julia and always given been given this answer. "I'm just worried she doesn't love me". Clare didn't get this comment at all, not one little bit. But she didn't ask him what he was talking about.
" Eli, even if she doesn't you have lots of people, you have...". She wanted to tell Eli he had her, because he did, but she couldn't say it. Could she say that? It wasn't for sure they'd be best friends again, but she still loved him, she always would. "You have me, you do know that right?"He looked surprised, but he nodded at her.
"I thought you didn't want to be friends anymore." She shook her head, he'd been really fair, and he'd hugged her a lot since that night in November she felt his romantic feeling fading and it relieved her and hurt her at the same time, she knew he was really trying now. "I mean, I miss you Clare, but I don't want you to feel uncomfortable". She didn't feel uncomfortable around Eli anymore around him, she only felt the love she had for him, the less the friendship love.
" I don't feel uncomfortable around you". He smiled at her, and she smiled back at him. ''I never did, I was only worried about our friendship, so I pushed you away, I still care about you Eli''. She had to stop saying she loved him, they were playing with one another's feelings and it wasn't fair to either of them.
''I'm glad, because it hurt that you didn't like being alone with me''. He looked own at the floor, and Clare put her hand on his shoulder, she had hurt him. She didn't want to hurt him, but he'd hurt her. ''I know I hurt you, and i'm sorry''.
''Eli, It's OK, we hurt one another''. He smiled at her sadly and she hugged him closer.
''I know, promise me, we'll never fight again''. She nodded, she'd sorted out her feelings for Eli and he was over her, they were even and could be friends again.
''I promise, this time i'll keep it''. He laughed and she laughed to.
''And I promise not to be so clingy''. She giggled and felt happier then she had in month's and it was all because of Eli. She let him hold her, and they embraced the moment and Clare felt like grabbing him and kissing him all over, he smiled down at her and she lost all of her ability to speak. She loved him, she had to say it, it would eat her up if she didn't; who cared if she didn't feel the same way, she had to tell him, maybe it would work out.
''Eli?'' She asked pushing away from him a little, he looked down at her, he looked a little worried but let her speak. ''I_'' just at that moment, his phone rang. He gave her a apologetic look. She has only shrugged, probably Julia, to kill the moment. She felt bitter at Julia she and Eli were having a moment and now it was over she was about to spill her feeling to him, and now she'd never get the nerve. But she let him keep holding her.
"Hello? Jules, I'm sorry, OK I was kidding when I said_". Clare rolled her eyes Eli's sense of humor, upset Julia all the time, Eli was always in trouble with Julia. " Julia, I'm sorry look, you don't get me, when I'm upset I loose my cool, I didn't mean to hit Fitz I wasn't thinking." He slammed down his phone. She really didn't think Julia was worth Elis time. He looked mad and upset she was hurting because Eli was hurting.
"Are you OK?" She asked him scooting closer to him, he smiled at her and squeezed her hand gratefully. He shrugged.
"I'm tired of drama Clare". Clare promised herself there would be no more drama between her and Eli. They were friends again, not best friends, but friends. She was partly to blame for this, she should say she was sorry.
" Sorry". She said putting her head on his shoulder, he hugged her close, and Clare felt her chest drop to her feet. She knew at that moment when she'd fallen in love with Eli.
They were on the school play ground, Eli and Clare were playing on the swings when Jake stantered up to them. Clare stopped swinging and Got up to leave, Eli at her heels. "Clare". Jake said walking up to Clare and Eli. Clare's breath caught in her throat, Eli put his arm around Clare. She was really afraid for Jake, he had been mean to her for no reason all year. They walked her away from Jake, Eli and Clare were always together, and that didn't change now that they were older.
" Just keep walking Clare". Eli muttered as they kept walking. That was much easier then it looked, she always let Jake get to her. "Don't let him get to you". She did as Eli said, and he kept his arm around her. Eli was going into grade six soon, and Clare was moving to a catholic school in September, today was the last day at the same school. She would miss Eli, but not Jake. She hoped to never see that ball of scum again in her life. He was mean, and nasty and annoying. She felt the tears coming out of her eyes.
" I'm going to miss you Eli". The ten year old said . He rolled his eyes and hugged her close, he always made fun of how easy she cried, and got upset. But this time he didn't run his mouth, he just kept hugging her. ''I don't want to go to Catholic school without you!'' Eli's parents would never make him go to private school. ''What if we aren't best friends by the time we get to high school?'' They were standing in the middle of the playground.
"Clare, we'll always be best friends, and I love you". Those worlds were words they both meant when they said it, they both had a crush on one another, but would never show it. This was something that would later destroy the friendship they had, Eli had a massive crush on Clare, and Clare only had a little crush on Eli, but couldn't put her finger on what she was feeling. This was something they would both forget. Until highschool that was.
" I love you too Eli". She hugged him and he hugged her. Both of they're hearts beating a mile a second. "I'll always love you too". Jake appeared. He knew how to ruin the moments they shared, it was so annoying to both of them.
" No you won't , nobody stays friends forever." He said cockily "You two won't ". Clare and Eli rolled they're eyes and ignored Jake, she kept holding onto him, she didn't want to loose him, he was her soulmate, her other half. They didn't even know what this meant but they were so sure they were. She was so scared he'd forget her when he made other friends.
" Don't forget about me". She sobbed. This was her biggest fear, and it hurt her every day. "Please Eli". She loved him, so much, his green eyes his smile, the one he gave only her, he gave nobody else this smile, he barely smiled at all, but he did to her.
" Never in my life Clare I swear to god". Little did he know, Clare was madly in love with him, something she'd deny for the next six years and something she didn't know herself, and she didn't know how much Eli loved her back. "Promise me in return, please?" Clare tackled him with a hug, almost knocking him over and making him laugh.
"Of course".
" You rock Clare ". He said and he pulled her toward the jungle gym. " Come on, let's go play ". They ran up to the jungle gym together, both of them were happy as can be now that they'd made these promises to one another. Clare was afraid to go to the top so she stopped suddenly. Eli read her mind, like he always did.
" Clare, do you trust me?" Eli asked holding her hand, as he pulled her gently towards him. She nodded, why would he even ask? She trusted him more then anyone in the world. "Like really trust me? With you're life?" She'd die for Eli, and she trusted him to protect her. She let him help her crawl to the top of the jungle gym.
"Yes". She said nodding her head. " What about you?" She had kept Eli from killing himself her whole life, he'd tried so many stupid things in his life and she'd always stopped him.
"You already have made sure I don't die". He said getting ready to jump from the top of the jungle gym her heart lurched and she crawled forward, towards him.
" Eli no!" She yelped as he jumped off the jungle gym and on to the cement. He turned over and yelped.
"My arm". Clare rolled her eyes as the eleven year old yowled in pain, this was the first time he'd hurt himself with one of his stunts, he kind of deserved it. Dispite the fact, she jumped down and knelt beside Eli.
" I told you not to jump stupid ". She accused.
Your worlds of sympathy are touching". He rasped . She rolled her eyes and stood up, she would have to go tell someone he was hurt.
Your're such a baby, I'll go get a teacher." She said. She ran towards the teacher on the other side of the playground. "Stay here".
" Like I have any other choice ".
" Sassy". She put her hands on her hips.
"Meanie". She ran to the teacher as Eli lay on the ground in pain.
" Mrs smith, Eli jumped off the jungle gym again". The lady huffed and stormed towards Eli who was still laying on the ground.
"What are you his wife?" Jake said rolling his eyes at Clare. Clare almost thought Jake was Jealous of Her and Eli's friendship.
"No I'm his best friend". She crossed her arm's , and he shoved her and smiled at her, she smiled back a little. " Are you Jealous? " He narrowed his eyes at her but kept that little smile.
"Maybe". She knew it, she'd always knew he needed a friend. She wanted to kiss him, like her and Eli had, she didn't know why but she did.
" Then kiss me, I dare you". He blushed and shook his head.
"No way!"
"Chicken!"
"I am not!" He said hotly.
"Then kiss me weasel!" She punched him and he yelped, and she smirked, she could hit hard. That was when she was mad at someone. "Prove you're not chicken." He leaned in to kiss her and she thought of Eli she couldn't let Jake kiss her! Eli had kissed her, only Eli could kiss her. She bolted towards the door and left Jake standing there He was yelling at her but she ignored him and walked into the nurses office where Eli was sitting on a chair, she sat down next to her. ''Are you OK?''
''Oh fabulous''. He smiled at her and she got lost in his eyes she loved his eyes. But then he turned to her and nodded slightly and let her kiss his cheek.
''Now that you're here''.
Her smile had never been bigger.
''Its not you're fault,'' he laughed and he squeezed her tight and she giggled he pulled her over and started to tickle her and she screamed and he laughed. There , there was the way they used to play around, the way she did with Jake now, it felt strange doing it with Eli now. Eli let her go and his tone grew serious. ''I'ts Julia's she doesn't get my sense of humor like you do''.
''That's not her fault''. Clare pointed out as he released her from his grip. ''She just doesn't get you''. Nobody got Eli like she did, and no one ever would, thats why he belonged with her.
'' I wish she did, I need a girl to get me like you get me''. Clare looked up at him, she wanted to tell him, that he needed her, just her and no one else, no one understood her Eli like her.''But that's a rare thing, maybe i'll find someone like KC, someone who gets me like Kc gets you''. She looked at her feet, Kc did get her, even better then Eli, that's why she loved Kc.
''I'm sure you will''. She said, giving him a fake smile, he used to know when her smiles were fake but he never did anymore, she hated he couldn't read her like Jake did. He kissed her forehead and smiled at her. ''I promise''. He could always choose her but he was over her, it wasn't fair it just wasn't, why hadn't she acted on her feelings when she had the chance?
''I love you Clare''. he said, Clare sighed she hated those worlds now, they had no meaning to them anymore, Eli didn't know how he felt about Clare anymore, he was playing with her mind. There was a knock at the door and Jake appeared at the door, both of them looked up and he sat down next to Clare and put an arm around her, he could sense her heart break, he could read her like no one else and she liked it, there was no friendship like they had. Not even her and Eli's.
''Kc's here''. Eli's face changed and he began to color his nails black with a sharpie. She felt bad so she squeezed his hand giving him a warm smile. Kc appeared at her door and Eli got up and walked to the door.
''I better leave you two love birds alone, I need to go grovel to my girlfriend''. Clare and Kc laughed and he smiled at her, that smile, the smiled she used to give only her, she'd missed it so much. He went to kiss Clare's cheek but didn't, he only smiled at her again the left. She waited till Eli left, the she stood up and kissed Kc on the lips and Jake stood up and walked out, shutting the door behind him, this made Clare feel nervous, she didn't like this situation. She wanted to be out in the open, where she wouldn't do something she'd later regret. However, she was strong enough to say no.
''I've missed you.'' Kc said, and he put his arms around her and began to make out with her, dispite her uneasy feeling she kissed back. ''I love you so much Clare''. They fell onto the bed. She began to feel even more uneasy, she was only fourteen years old and she'd made a promise to be a virgin till Marriage, however she would be fifteen in two month's. But she was still to young for sex. ''Can you show me you love me back?'' She stood up backing into the door.
''Kc, I'm not ready''. She was sorry, but she shouldn't be it wasn't her fault he wanted sex, and she didn't. ''I'm only fourteen''.
''Well so am I''. He stood up and began to kiss her again. ''Come on Clare''. He tugged at her shirt, and Clare began to panic, she wasn't ready for this. She thought he'd respect this. ''Please?'' She pushed him off her, she was a little bit afraid of him now, but she shouldn't be he was her boyfriend, all the sudden, she wanted Eli.
''No!'' She said backing up and Kc looked annoyed. ''Kc I already said no!'' She was almost shouting now she'd never seen this side of Kc, and it scared her . ''No means no''. She looked at him sternly and Kc's face changed to understanding.
''Fine''. He kissed her cheek, and she felt better. ''I get it, I love you Clare, and I'll wait for you''. She was relived, he did get it he was okay with it. But she wondered, why he'd given in so easy. ''But we will have sex? When you're ready?'' Clare wished he would drop it, but she shrugged.
''Kc, i'm saving myself till marriage.'' Kc's face changed to anger,a nd she knew they were about to breakup and she already began to cry, she wished she could be strong but she couldn't.
''Why? Clare you love me, don't you?'' She didn't know anymore, she'd never seen this side of him and it was scaring her. ''Don't you?'' She felt tears in her eyes and she nodded, she loved him, or maybe she just liked him. She didn't know.
''I do''.
''Why don't you want to have sex then?'' Clare had already told him but she didn't want to fight so she just answered him with the same answer, but it came out in a angry tone.
''I'm not ready!'' She shouted in his face. She didn't care about how he felt anymore, he was being a total ass to her and she didn't want to put up with it, if this was how it was going to be. ''Kc come on! I told you twice''. He picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder, she began to cry harder, but she was mad to, mad about this fight and mad that he and Jenna were so close now, she knew they'd probably hooked up.
''Fine Clare, I already made out with Jenna anyway''. That hit Clare like a ton of bricks. How could he? She knew it, she did but she didn't want to believe it. Now it was true to her, he'd cheated on her, she was mad at him for using her, and she felt the redness in her face and she turned around and faced the wall.
''Screw you''. She said and he glared at her, and left her room slamming the door, behind him leaving her in tears. She was sobbing so loudly that Jake came into the room, and hugged her and tried to talk to her, make her feel better about it. ''I was so stupid, I thought he loved me''. She said between sobs. ''But he didn't, he was using me!'' He sat her down on the be and sat across from her.
''Its okay Clare, you don't need him. He's just a horny dick, you are worth so much more then him''. He let her cry into his shoulder.''You deserve to be loved, and you will be loved, just not by Kc''. The door opened and they didn't looked up, they were to wrapped up in Clare's tears. ''Just wait, you deserve someone better.''
''What if it never happens?'' Jake shook his head and kissed her forehead not knowing they were being watched. ''What if no one ever falls in love with me again, all I do is screw up Jake''.
''Then you have your big brother''. She smiled at him through her tears.
''Thanks''.
''Anytime, you do have me Clare, you're my best friend''. He wiped a tear from her eye and then someone spoke.
''You have me too Clare, just like you said I have you, we have each other''. This was the first time the two of them had worked together, but both of them cared about Clare and both of them hated to see her upset like this. They made eye contact and Jake nodded, he knew only Eli and him could make Clare feel better. All the school yard fights had been forgotten for now. She voiced what was on her mind.
''I thought you went to see Julia''. She managed to say, Julia was his girlfriend she came before Clare in his life, and she always would and that hurt Clare even more. he saw this and hugged her as well as Jake.
''I knew something was wrong, I didn't make it to her house I came back here''. She managed a smile, she still came over Julia in Eli's life and this time she was happy about it. ''What happened?''
''He wanted sex, and I didn't''. Eli's tone darkened.
''Did he hurt you?'' She shook her head, Jake looked down at Clare at this question, he'd never thought to ask this.
''He stopped when I told him too.'' They both let out a sigh of relief and hugged her tighter. ''He got mad at me''. She choked out another sob and they only hugged her tighter. ''I can't believe he got mad at me Eli''. Eli's phone rang but he ignored it and kept hugging her. But the phone didn't stop ringing and Clare felt Eli's annoyance, and anger at whoever was calling but she felt for Julia, Eli was with Clare and not her. ''Get the phone, it might be Julia''. He nodded still holding her with one arm he picked up the phone.
''Hello?''
''Julia?'' He stood up and began to pace back and forth, Eli did this when he was at his snapping point. ''Damn it Julia, I'm sorry OK?''. He kept pacing back and forth. ''No, I don't need to see a therapist.'' Clare began to wonder what had been happening with Eli lately. ''I was stressed OK?, Stop micromanaging me!''. She stood up and squeezed Eli hand and he loosened his intensity majorly.
''Eli, you need to calm down''. She said carefully wrapping her arm around him, he was shaking all over. He put his arm around her and they held one another for a long time and he smiled at her.
''We know how to help one another''. He laughed and she did too. ''I missed this''. He said. His phone rang and he picked it up and and Eli was smiling like crazy, it was Julia, Clare watched him. ''Everything will be OK''. he told her and she held him she knew why he was her best friend now. ''I promise you Clare''.
''Thanks Jake''. Was he talking about Kc? Or Eli, he was talking about Eli he knew how she felt about Eli, he'd been the first one she'd told about her mixed feelings for Eli. She began to listen to the conversation making her even more upset.
''I love you babe, promise me we'll never fight again''. Clare rolled her eyes, like that would happen all they did was argue with one another. He'd said this to her! Was she not more special then Julia?''I love you''. Great he and Julia were good, but her and Kc had broken up and this left her and Kc in awkward place having the same friends. He hung up his phone and Clare gave Eli a fake supportive smile.
''You two good?'' He nodded and gave her another hug. ''Great''. She didn't mean it of course but she had to say this even if her and Eli weren't best friends anymore, they might be friends but he was closer to Imogen now, he was likely to care more about her opinion then Clare's.
"Are we good?" He asked giving her a hopeful smile. "Like friends good, not best friends of course, but good?'' Jake felt Clare's upset and hugged her tighter then ever, squeezing her hand.
''We're good''. She promised and she tossed Eli a shirt she still had of his. ''Sleep over?'' She asked and he grinned and smiled at them both, Jake smiled at Eli, hopefully making a truce between them.
''Sounds good''.
''Good''. Clare felt awkward but she was glad she and Eli were starting over. Even if seeing him with Julia killed her. Jake hit Clare over the head with a pillow and wrestled her to the floor and Clare screamed in shock, this always happened why did they always scare her? ''Eli!'' He looked down at her and she was smiling at him. ''Save me!'' Eli gave her smug smirk and so did Jake.
''UGH Could you two be more smug?!''
''Absolutely!'' Eli said tickling her and Jake poked her.
''Of course I could''. Eli and Jake smiled at one another, Clare looked only at Eli, his eyes, oh God those eyes, she hoped that Julia realized what she had when she looked into those eyes. How lucky she was to have Eli, she'd do anything to have Eli, lately he was the reason she woke up in t he morning. She realized they were still on her at that moment.
''GET OFF ME!'' She yelled and Jake laughed.
''I knew she was going to Yell Eli didn't I say it? I can read her like a book''. Eli gave him a huffy look, but then smiled and lightly punched Jake in the arm.
''We both can, we ARE her best friends!'' he said and Clare had never been so happy, she had then both as her best friend, she never thought this would happen, she'd wanted it for so long and now she did. Eli's eyes met Clare's nervously and she only smiled and smacked them both.
''Unfortunately so''. She smacked both of them on the head. ''I'm not prepared for this you guys''. She wasn't she wasn't expecting both of them coming together to both support her but she was glad it was happening. ''Not at all''. They all shared a smile.
''It doesn't matter, you'll be to busy with all you're cool friends too care about us''. Jake said it in a fake bitter voice, but Eli was looking at the ground, she rubbed his shoulder and rolled her eyes at Jake he was upsetting Eli and she didn't like it.
''That is not true, look at me!'' Clare pointed to herself, she was anything but pretty with her long stringy hair and glasses. ''I was only remotely popular because of Kc, all that is going to go majorly down, now that we aren't together''. Eli and Jake shook their heads.
''Clare first of all your gorgeous, second of all who cares? You have us and Alli.'' Clare felt better these amazing boys made her feel so much better.
''You guys are right, now lets go to bed''.
''Its seven thirty!'' They both said at the same time.
''Its a school night''. She pointed out.
''You are such a geek!'' Eli said exasperated with her.
''And you are a dweeb''. She turned around and smacked him, then she looked into his eyes and wanted to kiss him, but she wouldn't, or couldn't but she flew into his arms and hugged him with all her might he just held her for what felt like forever. Jake smiled at Clare over Eli's shoulder. She wished she'd accepted him when she could. ''I still love you Eli''. She said it silently he didn't hear her, part of her wished he did, but the other was glad he didn't.
The next day at school Clare and Alli walked to class together. ''I'm so sorry Clare, I didn't know Kc was such ass, he seemed so nice''. Clare laughed bitterly she was so sure he wasn't in it for the sex till last night she was so stupid.
''It's fine, its better we find out now, so we don't fall for people like him anymore, I can't trust any boys at all.'' She huffed and hugged her books closer to her chest, Eli and Jake, she could only trust Eli and Jake. ''Well, I can trust two''.
''Maybe you and Eli are meant to be, you love him don't you?'' She shut her eyes thinking of Eli, his green eyes, his smile everything about him, and he didn't love her she wanted him to love her.
''I do, and I trust him but he doesn't love me back''. She looked across the hall and Eli and Julia were locked in a kiss, they were holding onto one another tears stung her eyes. ''Excuse me''. She took off down the hall to the bathroom. Eli and Julia looked up and Eli looked uneasy but Julia pulled him back into the kiss and Alli smacked Eli on the head and then followed Clare to the girls bathroom.
''Clare!'' Clare slammed the door to the stall and Alli leaned against it trying to talk to her. ''Just tell him how you feel, then he'll know... and you can move on with your lives''.
''I can't, Alli if I do it could ruin our friendship we've already made up and I don't want to ruin it.'' Alli sighed and shook her head.
''Come on Clare we have Class, Eli and Julia'll be fighting by the end of today anyway''. Clare laughed in despite of herself, when her and Alli walked out Eli and Julia were yelling at each other.
''What the hell is wrong with with you today Julia? Clare and I are only doing the project alone together, because you refuse to help!'' Clare rolled her eyes, Julia's grandmother was dying Eli was being a little harsh ok a lot harsh.
''I'M SORRY IF MY GRANDMA IS DYING''. Everyone turned to looked rolled they're eyes and went back to what they were doing. ''All i'm saying is I wish you wouldn't spend the night at her house''. Eli threw his hands in the air.
''JAKE WAS WITH US! AND WE SLEPT IN THE LIVING ROOM!'' Imogen and Adam walked by and snatched Eli away from Julia, pulling him towards Clare and Alli.
''Eli take a breather, and lets all go to class''. He said to Clare and Alli. Clare hung back with Eli as Everyone else left them alone.
''Do you wanna skip and go to the Dot before we get caught?'' Eli smiled and hooked his arm through Clare's and together they walked out of the school, this is the first time they'd been alone since the last fight, and both of them were OK with it. ''So whats up now?'' She asked as they walked down the road.
''As if you don't know, the whole school does now, are fights are so public.'' Clare stopped walking and so did he.
''Eli...'' he narrowed his eyes.
''Are you OK?'' He asked, she shook her head.
''Seeing you with Julia is hard for some reason, and I don't know why''. he stopped and looked at her for a long time, and she just shuffled her feet. ''I think... I might have feelings for you Eli, I think you were right before''. Clare and Eli were both looking at the ground now not knowing what to say. ''It was eating me up inside and I just wanted you to know so I could be sane again''.
''Clare_''
''You don't have to say anything Eli, I know it can't work out, I just wanted you to know, you love Julia, I understand.'' She didn't but he was her best friend, and she wanted him to know.
''I'm sorry Clare, really sorry but your right.'' She nodded through her tears. ''I just got over what happened and Julia and I are... sort of happy I feel good, you were right we should have just been friends''.
''No I get it''. She said and Eli was looking at her like she was weak he felt sorry for her. ''I do Eli, and I agree with you.''
''Good''. He pulled her into a hug, Just then Julia came running down the street and began shouting at Eli again, Clare wanted to slap her, Eli seemed so unhappy with her. Yet he still loved her, she watched him with sympathetic eyes and he shrugged at her and she just nodded at him and walked back to the school leaving them behind hearing them yelling for a long distance.
So this was how he felt.