10 – Gone Girl

"Hey, Dad. You think Judy would like Pop-Tarts?"

Rick looked up from his daughter and frowned up at his son, holding a box of the tried and true breakfast treat. Blueberry flavored ones. "Where'd you find those?" he chuckled at him.

"Me and Michonne found them a few days ago on our run. I forgot about them 'til today."

"Well you enjoy 'em," Rick consented as he continued feeding Judith her rice cereal. "I don't think your sister needs that much sugar in her diet just yet."

"Oh, but it's cool if I die from diabetes or whatever?"

"Yep."

"I knew you liked her better than me," he joked, shaking his head. He watched her for a moment, enjoying her food, as she always did, with a giant smile on her face. She had always been pretty easygoing, but Carl knew the quickest way to her good side was to feed her. "Do you think we have enough food for her?"

He looked at Carl, unsure of what enough meant. There was never enough anything, when it really came down to it. "We're runnin' low," he sighed. "She's gonna have to start living on canned vegetables with the rest of us soon."

"That's good, right?"

"It's good that she'll be able to, yeah. Of course."

Carl took a seat next to his dad and sister, excited to bite into his own stale breakfast. "You don't think she'll want to?"

"There's no telling with women, son."

"She's still a baby," he laughed.

"Don't let that innocent face fool you. She's just as complex as the rest of 'em."

He glanced at his sister then at his dad, wondering why he seemed to be in such a strange mood. "Rough night?"

"I didn't sleep all that well."

"Really? It's the first time we've been safe since we left the prison. It seems like everything is okay."

"It is," Rick assured him in a low whisper. "I guess I just worry about all this stuff I'm exposing you and your sister to."

"Dad, you can't keep us from it. The world is what it is now."

"I know," he nodded, softly running his hand over Judith's hair. "That's what plagues me."

"I guess you never get a break from thinking about this stuff, huh," Carl realized. "Even when things are good."

"When things are good is when I think about them the most," he smirked. "Otherwise, I don't have time to think."

Carl nodded as he glanced around the small church. Everyone was mostly still asleep, but he knew what conversation was going to happen once they all awoke. He still didn't know what his dad would say, but he really wanted them to be on the same page before the vote. "Hey, Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you feel about going to DC?"

"Well… " Rick narrowed his blue eyes at the thought of having to answer this question. He knew he would need to pick a side, and soon, but he simply didn't have one at the ready. "How do you feel about it?"

"I think we should go."

"And why is that?" he asked, watching as Judith began to smear rice all over her face.

"I dunno," Carl shrugged. "I just wonder if maybe there's nothing left for us in Georgia. We lost Mom. We lost Hershel. We lost the prison. Maybe it's time to start a new life somewhere else."

Rick nodded and spoke even softer than he had been. "Do you believe Eugene can save the world?"

"I don't know… Should I?"

"I can't tell you what to believe in," he exhaled sharply, looking his son in the eye. "I can tell you that I don't know if I buy it, but I want you to think whatever it is you think."

His inquisitive stare focused in on Abraham and his group, but his thoughts were on his father's words. "I think… it doesn't matter if he can save the world. We're strong, Dad. We've proven that over and over again. I think we can save ourselves."

"You're right," Rick accepted with a small smile, proud of his son for having the intellect to figure that out.

"And Carol says it'll be easier to get around now than it was a year ago. The roads aren't like they were when we left the farm."

"She's right, too…"

"So I think we should give it a try."

"And you're okay with leaving the only state you've ever called home?"

"If it means we find a safer place, yeah," Carl nodded earnestly. "The only thing I need anymore is you, Judy, and Michonne."

Rick did his best not to visibly react to the fact that Michonne was on Carl's short list. He obviously knew that the two of them were close, but he might've miscalculated just how close they'd become. "Michonne, huh?"

"She's my best friend," Carl confirmed. As he finished his first Pop Tart, he unapologetically went for the second one in the silver wrapping. "Yours, too, I think."

He didn't know how to respond to that. Not after what had happened last night, especially. He needed to change the subject. "Can you look in our bag and see if you see another shirt for your sister."

"Sure." He hopped up to rummage through their bagful of clothes, noticing Michonne's katana tucked safely beside the rest of their belongings. He didn't see her asleep, so he figured she'd probably gone for a walk. But she wouldn't do that without her sword. He grabbed the cleanest top he could find for Judith and sat back down. "Is Michonne here?"

"I assume so," Rick shrugged. "Haven't seen her yet this morning."

"Well what time did you guys come back last night?"

The truth was, he hadn't seen her since they parted ways in the woods. But she wanted to be left alone, so he'd kept his promise to leave her alone while she sorted through her next move. He didn't see her come back, but he hadn't exactly been looking either. "I came back ahead of her," he answered honestly. "She wanted some time to be alone."

"Why?" Carl frowned.

"I don't know," he sighed. "Sometimes, people just need a moment. Like I said, the only time you get to think is when things calm down."

He took a moment to consider this. They had certainly been through a lot in the previous two days, and it culminated with her putting her sword through a living person. It made sense that she would need a minute, he decided. "Do you think she was upset about that guy from yesterday?"

"What guy?"

"The guy she killed."

"No," Rick denied quietly, beginning to change Judith's clothes. "Not particularly."

"Oh…"

"Did somethin' happen besides what you guys told me?"

"No," Carl replied too quickly for Rick's liking.

"Tell me," he commanded. "Now."

"Nothing really happened," he promised. "He was talking a lot and we both told him to shut up, but he wouldn't. So… she did what she had to do."

"Why do you sound like you're lying?"

"I dunno…"

He was obviously leaving out a piece of the puzzle. They were so wrapped up in reuniting with the rest of their group, he hadn't picked up on anything odd at the time. But now, it definitely seemed that Carl and Michonne weren't telling him something. "What was this guy saying?" he decided to ask.

"I dunno, just stupid stuff."

"Like what, Carl."

He let out a nervous exhale. He told Michonne they would keep everything between the two of them – there was no point in telling Rick if the guy was dead. But he felt like his dad needed to know. "Like… he was saying I didn't have to listen to Michonne because she's not my mom. And… I dunno."

"That can't be all he said."

"He said that she was stupid for sitting around babysitting me and Judith. And I think he was trying to say that you're just using her, because she's a good fighter. Stuff like that."

Rick found his hands balled into fists before he knew it. "Is that all?"

Carl nodded. He didn't want to mention the part about them sleeping together. "It didn't seem like it bothered her, but maybe it did?"

Rick had a pretty good idea that it probably had. She didn't mention it, which might've been a good thing, but it could've also meant that she was actively trying to hide it from him. Sharing their insecurities was always hard for them. He looked over as Carl began to stand from their spot. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"I was just gonna check for Michonne outside."

"Carl…" he sighed, not wanting him to bother her if she were. She asked for her space, and he owed it to her to let her have it.

"What?"

On the other hand, he also did want to see her. Maybe he would be able to gauge her mood by watching her interact with Carl. Maybe she was feeling better after getting a bit of rest. Yesterday had been an exceptionally long day. Maybe things were all right now. "Nothin'," he relented, deciding to let his son go find her. "Go on." He had begun a round of peek-a-boo with Judith while waiting for him to return, which took a surprisingly short amount of time.

"Glenn's out there. Said he's been out there since dawn and nobody's left," Carl announced with a shrug. "She used to go for her jog around the prison at dawn. Maybe he just missed her."

Rick checked his watch, noting that it was past 7:00 am. It was certainly a possibility, but it was unlikely that she would've gone jogging that long. He wondered if she ever came back the night before. "Maybe so…"

He reclaimed his seat on the floor and offered to take Judith when she reached out for him. "Hey, Dad, if I ask you something, will you be honest with me?"

"Of course," he assured him with a confused frown. "Always."

"Do you love Michonne?"

Rick laughed uneasily, to the point where it sounded as though he were coughing. "What?"

"I mean, I know you love her just like everyone else. But I'm just wondering if it's like… the way you loved Mom kinda love."

That was a hard one to answer. Given everything that had occurred the night before, he wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. He felt a big, gaping hole in his heart where Michonne used to take up residence. He didn't know how he felt about her now. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Just something I've been thinking about."

"I don't know if we have that kind of relationship," he replied sincerely. "I really don't."

"Well," Carl went on hesitantly. "She loves you. So I think you owe it to her to figure it out."

"And what makes you think that?" Rick smirked.

"She told me."

"She told you what? That she loves me?"

"Yeah..."

"Carl…"

"Hand to God," he held up his hand, signifying that he was telling the absolute truth. "Yesterday, at the cabin. We were talking about stuff, and it just… came up."

"Well…" He didn't know what to say. He was stuck between wondering why she would tell Carl and wishing he had reacted the right way when she told him. "That's nice to know, I guess."

"Dad. Please don't let that be your response if she says it to you."

Already fucked that up, he thought to himself. "It won't be."

"I know she's not Mom. I don't want to replace her, and couldn't, even if I did. But she's been taking care of us, and we've taken care of her… she's a part of this family. So don't take that for granted is all I'm saying."

Rick nodded absently at his son's assessment. He was so right that it bordered on annoying. "Thanks for the pep talk, son."

"I'm serious."

"You should take your sister and go… read. Or somethin'."

The only book Carl still had in his possession was the last Harry Potter novel, which he'd read more times than he could count, but he obliged, taking Judith outside to sit on the front steps with Glenn.

Within a couple of hours, most of the group had convened back in the sanctuary, prepared to have the discussion Abraham wanted to have the night before. It was time to decide whether they were taking their show on the road, or if they'd be parting ways then and there.

They all sat in clusters among the church pews, while Abraham stood in the middle of the room, noting that the main person he needed to be there was nowhere to be found. "Where's Rick," he posited, his eyes landing on Daryl. "I ain't waitin' all damn day to have this vote."

"Probably wherever Michonne is," Sasha giggled under her breath in amusement. They were always sneaking off, like no one was supposed to notice.

Daryl glanced over at her with a smirk, but shrugged as he went back to Abraham. "I dunno. I ain't his shadow."

"Does anybody know?" When no one could provide an answer, he became visibly and audibly irritated with the situation. He didn't understand why they didn't understand the urgency of this mission. "I spend all morning fixin' that bus so we can get the hell outta here, and you people can't find your leader?"

"I'm here," Rick declared, strolling through the doors with his son and daughter in tow. He'd been out looking for Michonne, under the guise of taking a walk with his kids, hoping he'd be able to find her before anyone noticed she was gone. "I didn't tell anyone I was leaving. That's my fault," he told Abraham calmly and sincerely. "I'm sorry."

Abe nodded in understanding and walked toward the altar to face everyone. "We ready to do this?"

"No," Rick replied for everyone, quickly scanning through the group to make sure Michonne hadn't returned yet. "We're missing Michonne."

Sasha looked up at his announcement with a frown on her face. "What do you mean 'missing?'"

"It means she's not here, and I don't know where she is."

"How long has she been gone?" Tyreese wondered with a grimace identical to his sister's.

"I don't know…"

Sasha was quickly becoming annoyed with his cluelessness. "Rick…"

"I haven't seen her since last night," he admitted quietly. "Have any of you?" There was a general response of head shaking and looking around in confusion, so he went on. "I don't think she would just leave without sayin' anything, so I have to assume she'll be back. And we're not voting on anything until she does get back."

"And how long is that supposed to be," Abraham asked, his eyes narrowed on Rick.

"I don't know." He hated to sound like a broken record, but all he had was a handful of uncertainty.

"So I'm supposed to just sit around and wait for some indeterminate amount of time for someone you can't say for sure will be returning."

He wanted to say that Michonne wasn't one to just pick up and leave. Or that she would never stay gone too long. But he couldn't. That was practically all she did at the prison. Leave when she wanted, come back when she wanted. "She'll be back," he answered a little more forcefully this time.

"Well, no offense, but I don't have that kinda time, Officer. That bus out there is ready to go, and so is Eugene. Come high noon, it's tail lights for us. Whether you're on that bus, is up to you, sir."

"I'm not makin' any decisions without Michonne," he promised, quickly walking from his end of the church to the front, where the Sergeant stood. He tilted his head, as he often tended to do when he meant business, and his voice got lower as he spoke. "And I'm damn sure not leavin' without her."

Abraham hoisted his rifle over his shoulder, not as a threat to Rick, but as a sign that he was ready to go. "Well you better hope she hurries the holy hell up then."

"You better hope it," Rick shot back, scowling at him. "Unless you plan on leavin' on foot."

"We fixed that damn bus ourselves," he was beginning to yell.

"There's a lot more of us." He glanced back at his people, reminding this man just how many people were standing behind him. "You'd still be in a train car if it weren't for us. We saved your life!"

"And I'm trying to save yours! Save everyone's!" He and Rick were standing face to face now, their crazy blue stares boring holes into one another. "I'm not risking it all for one person. She took off."

"She's coming back," Rick insisted through gritted teeth.

Glenn quickly hopped up from his seat, knowing that things could get ugly fast if no one intervened. "Abraham, he's right," he affirmed, stepping between the two men. "Michonne is a part of this group. She helped saved your life. There would be no way to get to Washington if it weren't for them."

"And I'm grateful for that," he returned calmly.

"Then act like it," Rick snapped back.

"Rick, you can't take their bus," Glenn went on. "They fixed it, it's theirs."

"Glenn…"

"It can be ours. If we join them and go to Washington."

"Fine, we've got one vote for Washington," he nodded, finally beginning to back away from the confrontation. "We'll finish the count when Michonne gets back." With that, he walked off, gone just as quickly as he'd appeared.

He trudged outside, headed back down the route he and Michonne had taken the night before, looking for absolutely any sign of her. Footprints, maybe. Or an old candy wrapper. Anything that said she wasn't far. It was driving him crazy, not having any way to reach her. But he would sit at that boulder all day, waiting for her to come back if he had to. He needed to believe she would be back.

"Ay, Rick!"

He didn't have to turn to know it was Daryl calling after him. He just stopped and waited for his friend to catch up. "She come back yet?"

Daryl shook his head disappointedly. "Nah. But her sword is still back there."

"Yeah, I know," Rick nodded. "We figured that out earlier this morning."

"So then she probably didn't come back last night."

"Probably not…"

"Where'd y'all go? When you left the church last night."

"Out here," he replied hoarsely. He suddenly felt a lump in his throat, having to face the fact that he had likely driven her away. "Just to talk."

They continued through the woods, quickly finding the spot where Rick and Michonne had spent the majority of their good evening turned bad. There was absolutely no sign of her, which left them both to sigh in frustration. Daryl watched his friend lean against the large rock, studying how distraught he seemed by the whole thing. She had only been gone a matter of hours, but Rick was utterly bothered by it all. He didn't know what to say to comfort him, besides the fact that there was no reason to give up yet. "She wouldn't go too far without that sword, man."

Rick shook his head in uncertainty. "I'm not sure she was all that attached to it," he revealed, remembering what she'd said in one of their many private talks. "It reminded her of a lot of bad stuff."

Daryl bit his bottom lip, as he tended to do, trying to think of a response. "It still don't make sense she would just up and leave. She was happy last night."

He closed his eyes, remembering the smile that had been on her face before he took it away. She was happy at the church, and he ruined it. "We broke up last night."

"You what?" he looked at him, his blue eyes squinting at the information.

"I don't know what to call it," Rick sighed. "I don't know what we were, but it was definitely more than friends."

"I knew it…"

"But she wanted… not more, but… I don't know. Something else. And I couldn't give that to her. I didn't…" He opened his eyes again, unable to stop himself from seeing her when they were closed. "I don't know."

Daryl then understood why he was so upset. He'd been there himself many times, even going back to when Sophia went missing. Even though she had just gotten tragically lost, even though Sasha and Beth were physically taken away, it was nearly impossible to come to grips with. When someone leaves, it's hard not to feel like it's your fault. And in this case, maybe it was Rick's fault. "So maybe she left."

"So maybe she left," he conceded, remembering the car that had gone by the night before. She said she wanted to be alone, but he never considered that she meant permanently. "Maybe she found a car and just… got the hell outta here."

"So maybe we go back to the church and figure out how we get the hell outta here," Daryl offered quietly. "Your kids are back there. You gotta figure out your next step."

Rick nodded, knowing he was right. But for reasons he couldn't quite explain, it all felt wrong. "This doesn't feel right, though. I don't think she would just leave Carl."

Daryl nodded now, figuring that was probably true. He didn't know Michonne as well as Rick did, but he knew enough to know that. "What you wanna do then?"

A/N: Yep, I'm ending it there, lol. I really loved and hated the ending to 'Four Walls and a Roof,' where Michonne asks Daryl about Carol and all he gets to say is, "Come on out" before they cut to the credits. So I thought I would do that to you guys!

But seriously, I just wanted to take a second to say thank you all so much for the feedback on the last chapter. I've been waiting to get to this point since I started this story, so it's really exciting to hear you guys' thoughts… even if you would like to kill me and/or Rick right now! It's been super fun to follow the general outline of the show, but take a bunch of twists and turns to get there. Next chapter (I almost said episode. Ha.), we catch up with Michonne! Stay tuned! –Ash