9. The Breakup

As summer approaches my life had a new routine, one I didn't think it would have at the beginning of the year. Class, homework, read, dinner, try my mom's latest and greatest fade, talk to my boyfriend, get ready for bed, read, repeat. We would go on dates every couple of weeks or so and while I think he was getting frustrated that I still wouldn't kiss him he never verbalized it.

The last day of school was exciting. Of course my travel plans to see Charlie were made and I would be leaving in a week. I was happy to see Charlie, but even though my parents got me the beautiful Garnet Pendent, I was not so happy about the return to Forks. I guess I was spending more time thinking about my return to purgatory than what my boyfriend had on his mind so I was stunned when he said he wanted to talk.

"Ummm, Bella, I think we should just be friends. I mean you're a nice girl and all, but well you are going to be going away for a while and I just think it would be best if we were friends." Chris said the words, but I am not sure what they meant. I mean I know what they meant, it is just I don't know what he was getting at. I know… WHAT?

"What do you mean; you want to break up with me?" I could feel tears coming and quick.

"Yeah I think you are a really good friend and I just think it would be better for us to be friends. Hang out and stuff, but not be boyfriend and girlfriend."

Tear now free falling I look at him through a watery haze, "OK, if that is what you want." He gave me a hug that reminded me of the ones I gave him in the beginning and ran off.

I stumbled back to mom's car and dropped on the seat like a sack of potatoes, tears free falling from my eyes. My mom took one look at me and understood. She said a few words of encouragement that I couldn't remember for the life of me and took me home. By the time I got home there were three messages, two from Brenda and one from Susan all saying how sorry they were and they just found out and if everything was OK. I don't know, I thought to myself. Is everything OK?

I dragged my feet to my room and flopped face first on to my bed so my sobs would be muffled. I had to think, but I couldn't. I don't think that has ever happened before. So I just cried. A little less than half an hour later my mom came up to see how I was doing and if I was OK. Again with the, 'if I was OK'.

I thought about it for a second and much to my surprise, yes I was. I liked him, but I really didn't think of him as a major part of my life. Certainly not someone I would spend and eternity with. So wiping the water from my eyes, I looked at my mom and nodded.

Smiling, she kissed my forehead and said she would make dinner tonight. "No, no, I got, might as well get back into the swing of things. Besides I need to call Brenda before she freaks out on me." Mom nodded and went to the den and I headed for the kitchen and grabbed the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey Brenda, it's Bella, I figured I better call you back before you exploded."

"I am sooo sorry he did that to you, I can't believe it, he is such a jerk!"

"It's OK I was upset, but it didn't do me any good so I just had to get it out and I'm fine now."

"So did you want to go to the pool before you head back up to that dreary old place?"

"Yeah that would be good, my last reminder of what the sky is supposed to look like." We laughed and talked for a little while longer while I prepped dinner then I called Susan.

"Hello."

"Hey Susan, its Bella."

"Hey Bella, you sound like you are doing OK."

I smiled; she could always read me so well, "Yeah, I think I am. It was hard at first not sure why, shock maybe, but once I thought it through I decided maybe it was for the best. It wasn't like it was going anywhere. Like you said, guys aren't going to stay around until I decided I was ready for more."

"True, I'm sure he likes you, but I think he wanted more than you were willing to give. Sounds cruel and I guess some guys can be, but you are strong and I can tell you are going to be fine." I was nodding to myself as she said this. I guess I knew Chris was wanting more, but I never thought about it, never wanted it.

"So are you going to the pool Friday with Brenda and me before I do my time in isolation?"

"Well yeah, who do you think came up with the idea?" I laughed.

Once we planned the times and got a few more words of encouragement from her, dinner was ready and we got off the phone and I called my mom to come eat. She was unusually quiet. I guess she was letting me work through this and just making sure I was healing. I know in the near future I would see Chris with another girl and they would be making out. I felt certain he wanted to move further with me, but I really wasn't ready for it so I decided I would respect his decision to breakup with me and move on. It would be quite easy since I was about to spend a month in another state without seeing him.

The pool was the same as it always seemed to be, reading and reapplying sun block with a couple dips to cool off. I had a good time and thanked Brenda and Susan before I left and told them I would miss them and they had better email me and let me know the weather here was horrible, rainy, and cold. We all laughed as I got in my mom's car and headed home to pack.

Since I didn't wear cool weather clothes that often I never had many so it never took me long to pack all that I had. I dug out my rain coat that I hadn't worn in a year and took everything downstairs so I would be ready to leave tomorrow morning and headed back up to get ready for bed and read.

The next morning I was on the plane heading back to Forks to see Charlie. The whole flight I kept debating how to bring up my dislike for this place and how we could compromise on my visitations. By the time I arrived I decided to wait, at least till most of the way through. I would wait for a very rainy dull day, I would get a little temper and demand that next year we meet in California for a couple weeks so we both could be on vacation. That way he could spend some time in a warm sunny climate and also be on vacation.

The first few weeks held no surprises, no excitement and no sun. Charlie worked, went fishing and took me to the Black's house up on the Quileute Reservation near Forks to play with his daughters that were older and had boyfriends and were not in the mood to do anything, but talk to their boyfriends and his younger son Jacob who was sort of cute, but too young and very immature, and of course liked sports and was really into cars. He said he was learning how to fix them and would help one of his friends' dad change the oil in their car and check fluid levels. I was impressed he like working with his hands and was good at it too. But he was something like a year and a half younger than me though, so not really interested, as we didn't have much in common to talk about.

One morning I got my chance to approach the subject of mutual vacations. It was pouring rain on a Saturday and dad was stuck inside with nowhere to go. I got ready and put on my comfy clothes grabbed my book and went down to grab breakfast. As I flopped on the couch with my bagel I gave an, over the top, sigh.

"What's wrong Bells?"

Excellent, "Nothing dad it is just," pause for dramatic effect, "well this is my vacation, but it really is supposed to be yours to you know. I can't see being stuck in the house you live in with it raining over half the time I am here would be a vacation for you. I was thinking maybe next year, how about we go to California or something for a couple weeks. You can see the sun and we can be tourists for while." I looked hopefully at him and I could tell he wasn't much into the idea.

"I don't know, I still have my job here and it works out that I can spend time with you and still work."

"Yeah, but dad, your Chief now, doesn't the Chief of Police of Forks get a break every once in a while? I mean I like spending time with you, dad, but I kind of feel trapped and would really like to go somewhere together. You know, other than where you live, like a real vacation." Plastering please all over my face in hopes that he would realize this is what I really wanted and relent.

"Well, I'll talk to Renée about it and see what we can work out."

"OK." I was banking that was the best I would get for now so better to let them figure it out later.

Now I had to get to mom and really push her to convince him this is what I want. I am sure she would need little encouragement. After all she left Forks when I was only a few months old. Confident in my victory I turned to my book to escape the rain soaked green forest and moss covered ground. If I didn't fly here I would swear this had to be a different plant, not that I was totally convinced it wasn't.

The last week of my punishment went by at a snail's pace. Nothing changed after our talk, I was hoping he would take me to Seattle or something to do some site seeing, not that we hadn't seen everything there, twice, but still. As we headed to the airport he assured me that he would talk to mom and we'll figure something out. I thanked him as I got out, told him I loved him, and headed in the airport. I was glad Charlie wasn't mushy and overly emotional like my mom. We seemed to get along well; he let me be most of the time so all in all it wasn't a bad trip, just cold and wet and I hate cold wet things. If it was sunny then I might not mind it as much.

Once I landed and got my bags in the car I gave my mom the heads up about my idea of a Californian vacation with Charlie. She smiled; I bet she was thinking why it took me this long to put my foot down. Once home I started another summer in Phoenix, much like last years, and the year before. I wondered to myself if there was anything exciting to do. I never had a pull towards anything around here or in Forks. I just went about my days following the dots of my life, no real purpose to it as far as I could tell. It was like my purpose in life hasn't found me yet. I was destined for greatness. I laughed at myself. Like anything about me would ever be great, I am plain, boring and I don't fit in with any group in school. I am an outcast of the outcast group. With the exception of a few friends that tolerate me in their life I don't fit in with anyone.

Enough self loathing, it was time to start my real summer vacation. First thing on my agenda was going to the pool and drying off. In attendance would be me, Brenda, her new boyfriend, Susan and her Gary. Those two seemed to be much closer than when I left, but I didn't want to pry. There were sleepovers, movies, dinners, back to school shopping and more of the same old things for the rest of the summer. It held my attention and kept me going, but that is about the extent of it.

Before my eight grade year I got a letter from my English teacher and we were to write two essays, not long, about 1: What we did over the summer break. and 2: What we wanted to be after college. I had to think about it. Summer break question was easy, spent a month in a town where nothing interesting or exciting happens. Then came back to Phoenix and dried off. What do I want to be when I grow up? I honestly wasn't sure, how about I stay young and stay in school, forever. I giggled a little at that crazy idea. Truthfully though there was no desire in me to be anything. With no direction I decided to play it safe and stick with my mom's career path of teaching. At least I could pretend it was something I was interested in, as I knew a little about it. It was a short essay to say the least.