CSI: New York – Family Ties

Chapter 10 – The Hardest Thing

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[Reed's POV]

I walk the busy streets of the city for what seems like a small eternity as I try in vain to clear my head of my tormented thoughts; but when I look at my watch I realize it's only been a little over an hour that I've actually been out here. I walk in no direction in particular with no set destination in mind as the sun threatens to set and dusk is now upon me. My phone starts ringing and I pull it out of my pocket and read Cassie's name on the call display once again; but still don't answer it. This would be my fourth call I've ignored since I left the house earlier today; one from Mac and the last three from Cassie. I'm not intentionally ignoring her, I just needed time to myself and I'm certain she'll understand that. When it finally stops ringing I decide to send her a quick text so she at least knows I'm alright. It's not like me to not answer the phone when she calls and I'm sure she's worried.

'Hey babe, I'm sorry. Just out for a walk; needed to just get away from everything for a bit. You understand right? '

I stop in my tracks and lean back against a building while waiting for her response which comes only a minute or so later.

'It's okay, of course I understand'

I breathe a sigh of relief that she's not hurt or upset with me then send her another text before continuing on my way; 'Thanks, I knew you would. Who loves you? ;)'

'You do :)' Her response comes almost immediately and for the first time all day I manage to form a genuine smile.

'I'll call you later'

'Promise?'

'Promise.'

I flip my phone shut and go to return it to my pocket when for some reason a feeling comes over me and before I can understand I find myself searching through my recently dialled list until I find Kevin's number and I hit the call button.

"Hello?"

"Yeah um, it's me... It's Reed" I practically stutter as I am somewhat surprised when he answers. Why I was surprised is beyond me; of course he'd answer it's his phone. Then again maybe I'm more surprised with myself for actually getting up the courage to call him.

"Reed! Uh hey buddy, what's going on? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine I just... I don't know, I thought maybe we could get together. Grab a coffee or something?"

"Sure, I'd love that. Tell me where you are and I'll meet you"

"Um..." I pause as I look around me. "35th and Lexington. There's a cafe about two blocks west of here, it's called Coffee Culture..."

"Yeah okay, I'll find it. I'll see you soon. And Reed?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really glad you called"

"Yeah, okay" I reply absently as I flip my phone shut and immediately wonder if I've done the right thing.

'Time to find out' I mumble to myself as I head in my new direction; the coffee shop now my destination.

[Mac's POV]

"Should I call him again?" I ask looking over to Stella for a response but she just shakes her head.

"Leave him be for now" She replies softly as takes my hand and holds it in hers.

"I hate this" I grumble. "It should never have come to this Stella. How did I let it spin out of control so easily?"

"Your intentions were good Mac" she sighs as she rubs her thumb across the back of my hand. What she really means is that I screwed up and should have told Reed about this from the beginning; but she's put her own tender and loving spin on it for my benefit I'm sure so that I don't beat myself up any further.

"I don't know how I'd get through this without you" I tell her sincerely as I bring her hand up to my lips a plant a warm kiss on her fingertips. "At least there's one thing I haven't screwed up too badly yet" I lament with a heavy sigh.

"Mac Reed is just a kid, and he's feeling lost and confused. You did what you know how to do; which is protect the people you care about; and Reed is doing what he knows how to do; which is handle whatever curveball life throws his way on his own"

"Yeah but he shouldn't have to go through this alone. I should be there; helping him through this; not driving him away from me"

"When the dust settles Mac; and it will; he's going to need you and you're going to be there for him. In the meantime though he's going to want to figure that out on his own" She explains and I slowly nod my head in agreement. I know she's right, but she also knows how much I hate feeling helpless. And I must say it feels even worse when I've brought it all on myself.

We lean back into the sofa and I hold my arm up to allow her to nestle in against me as I wrap my hand around her shoulders and hold her close. I close my eyes in an attempt to just give my brain a rest for a while and with any luck; maybe drift off for a while.

[Reed's POV]

I sit alone in a small booth in the far back corner of the cafe and every time I hear the chime above the door go off when it's opened my head pops up but my gaze is always met with the face of a stranger. I anxiously tap my phone against the table as I wait for Kevin to show up; wondering if he's going to make it at all. Finally I hear the door chime once more and I look up to see Kevin coming towards me; offering a wave and a nod as he spots me.

"Thanks for coming" I greet him as he slides in to the seat across from me.

"I was just so glad that you called" he smiles back at me; his hands nervously fidgeting on the table.

A waitress finds her way over a short moment later and we both place our drink order before she disappears from our table and now an awkward silence starts to build between us.

"So, uh..." he finally breaks it as he tries to figure out something to discuss. "How's school going?"

"It's summer..." I reply dryly and he frowns.

"Oh, right, right" he nods. "So what grade will you be going into then?"

"I graduated already. Been accepted to NYU for the fall"

"Wow, that's great"

"Yeah, I mean my girlfriend goes there already so it'll be good I'm sure" I smile and he looks at me in surprise.

"Girlfriend?"

"Yeah, her name's Cassie. She's uh... she's really great actually" I tell him with a genuine smile.

"She the one who gave you that?" he wonders as he points to the bracelet on my wrist and I smile again as I look down and fidget with it in my fingers.

"Yeah, they call it a love bracelet I guess... I don't know" I lightly shake my head with a nervous laugh.

"Yeah? I don't know, I'd call that a handcuff" he retorts and I look up at him with an arched brow.

"Why's that?"

"I don't know, how long you been seeing this girl?"

"About 10 months now"

He lets out a slow whistle as a response and I have no idea what that is supposed to mean.

"What?" I ask and he just shakes his head.

"Nothing, just... You know you're going to college and a lot of things change that's all" he shrugs.

"Well, Cassie's already been in college for a year and she didn't change" I immediately defend myself.

"I just want to look out for you, that's all" he insists as he raises his hand in the air. "You know, you're young and I guess what I'm saying is not to get yourself tied down before you're ready. That's all"

"Nobody is 'tying' anybody down. We love each other, and we want to be together" I quickly counter.

"Okay, okay I'm sorry" he immediately backs off. "It's just; well I was young once too and I just thought I'd..."

"Well don't" I snap back at him and he just swallows hard and nods his head.

"Right..."

"I'm sorry" I tell him with a heavy sigh.

"No, no, I'm sorry. Guess I don't have any business telling you things like that. So, change of subject? How's things at home?"

"You mean with Mac?"

"Ah yes, the ever so charming Detective Taylor" he goads and I find myself letting out a small laugh.

"He's just looking out for me" I offer in truth.

"Yeah, I guess I should be glad you've got somebody that cares for you right? However misguided it may be" he shrugs.

"Misguided? How do you mean?" I'm quick to wonder.

"Well, I don't know if I should be telling you this but... Ah, never mind"

"What? Just tell me" I insist.

"Well, your uh... Well, Mac he..." He begins but pauses to let out a heavy sigh. "He came to see me earlier today"

"I know, he told me"

"Yeah, well did he tell you that he offered me $5,000 to stay away from you and stay out of your life?"

"WHAT?!" I practically shout as my hands drop to the table and in doing so attract attention from some of the patrons surrounding us.

"Yeah, can you believe that?" he scoffs, shaking his head and looking away from me. "I mean, I told him right where to go, you know? I don't want his money, I'm here for you"

"He really said that to you?" I ask again in disbelief.

"Why would I lie to you" he shrugs. "I've been honest so far, haven't I?" He asks and I have no choice but to nod in agreement. "Now, can you say the same for good ol' Detective Taylor?" he asks in a low tone, leaning across the table and I feel my eyes stinging with the promise of fresh tears soon to follow.

"I uh... Look, I have to go" I tell him as I push myself out of the booth and quickly make my way to the door.

"Reed, wait!" he tries but I shake my head and continue for the door; heading back into the now darkened streets.

I spot an idling cab on the opposite side of the street and quickly hurry towards it and duck inside; feeling the need to just get out of there as soon as possible.

I rattle off Cassie's address to the cabbie without even giving it a second thought and we're quickly on our way. One thing is certain I know I can't go home to see Mac right now; I need to some time to digest all this and at least get my head on straight before I go in there ranting and raving much like I did earlier today.

[Stella's POV]

I lightly frown as I look over as I see Mac has dozed off on the couch and his face muscles remain tense rather than relaxed and at peace like they should be when you're asleep. I get up and decide to busy myself in the kitchen and make dinner for us in case Reed comes home soon. Perhaps a nice family dinner could be just what the doctor ordered. Doubtful but I'll try just about anything at this point. It breaks my heart to see them both hurting so much and knowing inside that there's nothing I can really do to change any of it.

As I pull a few items from the cupboards and refrigerator and start into my task of making dinner my phone starts vibrating in pocket and I'm pulled from my tormenting mental stupor as I reach for it and hit the answer button.

'Bonasera'

"Stella; it's me..."

"Reed, hey! Listen Mac's asleep but if you want to talk to him I'll just..."

"No, Stella, don't put him on the phone. Please" he quickly interrupts and I'm slightly taken back by it.

"Is everything okay?"

"Listen, I'm not coming home tonight, Will you just let Mac know that I'm staying at Cassie's"

"Just hang on a sec, let me put him on the phone" I try once more.

"Please Stella" Reed lightly begs and I stop in my tracks; a few steps from Macs sleeping form.

"Will you just give him the message for me? Please!"

"Okay" I finally agree with a heavy sigh. "When are you coming home?"

"I uh... I don't know"

"Reed..."

"I gotta go Stella; I'm sorry" he quickly mentions and suddenly the line goes dead.

'Damn it' I huff as I return my phone to my pocket. I look up to see Mac wide awake and his eyes narrowed at me with an intense stare.

"What was that about?" he immediately wondered.

"It was Reed" I let out another heavy sigh than slump myself down next to him.

"And?" he immediately wonders.

"And... he's not coming home tonight... Said to tell you he's staying at Cassie's"

"And he called you to tell me?" he huffs as he shakes his head but as I reach over and take his hands in mine he takes a minute to take a deep breath before finally looking up at me with sorrow now filling his eyes.

"Tell me I haven't ruined everything" he mutters in a low whisper that nearly breaks my heart.

"You haven't ruined everything" I assure him as I grip his hands a little tighter in mine. "Mac I know you always say that Reed is the best thing that ever happened to you..."

"He is" Mac lightly scoffs.

"Yes, he is, but you're forgetting one important thing"

"Yeah, what's that?"

"You are also the best thing thats ever happened to him" I gently remind him and he finally rewards my efforts with the slightest inkling of a smile as one corner of his mouth tugs upwards and I know that's really the most I could hope for.

"So" I begin again, letting out a fresh sigh. "Remember that sometime; very soon I would imagine; that that boy who means the world to you is going to need the guy that he thinks the world of to be there for him. And you've got to pull yourself together because you will be that guy Mac. You are that guy. You're his parent; to hell with what the state of New York or some piece of paper out there may or may not have to say on the matter; you're his father in every other way that matters because you love him, and he loves you"

Mac looks at me and slightly nods but remains silent. After a few moments his fingers finally curl around mine and he brings my hand to his lips and plants a warm kiss on it and rewards me with a very small but genuine smile.

"Thank you" he mentions with a soft sigh. "I honestly don't know how I'd get through this without you"

"Hey, what do I always tell you?" I ask as I lightly nudge his shoulder with mine. "We take care of each other. Right?"

"Right" he confirms with a nod.

"Well, we've got the early shift in the morning" I gently remind him as I stretch my arms over my head.

"I guess you're right" he frowns, looking at his watch. "Go ahead, take my bed"

"Mac?"

"I'll be in in a bit, I'm just going to sit out here a while"

"You sure?"

"I'm sure" he tells me with a small smile as he pulls me towards him and plants a warm kiss on my forehead. "Goodnight"

"Okay, goodnight"

[Mac's POV]

I watch Stella as she pushes herself up from the couch and heads down the hallway and into my bedroom to call it a night. I know she probably is worried that I won't sleep much tonight, but it's not as if it's anything new to me so I don't see it as anything for her to fuss over. So as I hear the bedroom door quietly shut behind her and am now certain that she is going to be able to have some uninterrupted sleep that she has more than earned after today's trying emotional events, I allow myself to collapse back into the soft cushions behind me as I run my hands over my face and through my hair; letting out a muffled sigh of exasperation in the process.

"Goodnight Reed" I mumble into my darkened and still apartment.

It's killing me inside to know that I've alienated him to the point where he doesn't even want to sleep at home because of my stupid actions. Stella is right though; when I go into my protector mode as she calls it I tend to be an act now, ask questions later kind of guy. Maybe I took the completely wrong approach to this whole situation from the beginning but all I was trying to do was spare Reed the pain of possibly being let down again; but it seems now that I've only caused more pain for him. I guess the only thing left to do now is to take Stella's advice and give him the space he wants and just hope that he comes around. Sooner rather than later; preferably because if I'm being honest; I've gotten very used to having him in my life and don't want to imagine my life without him. These past few days have seemed like a nightmare that I just can't seem to wake up from. I'd give anything to have things back to the way they were, and if having that means I need to do nothing, then I guess that's what I'll need to do; as much as it might kill me to sit idly by and wait for things to unfold before me.

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