A/N Hello to all the new readers! Thank you all for reading and reviewing, I'm almost at 300 reviews and that means a lot to me : )

As always, thanks to my beta's AngryBadgerGirl (for being the awesome woman that she is and giving me TNGUS when I need cheering up), and LillyBellis (who almost caused me to wreck my car when I got the Rhapsody in B update today).

It seemed so unnerving
Still somehow deserving
That she could hold my heart so tightly
And still not see me here

Sleep to Dream Her- Dave Matthews

How could I have been so fucking stupid? Of course she was leaving.

There were a million questions I needed to ask, I should've asked, but I had reached my boiling point. There was no explanation she could offer that would satisfy me in that moment, no matter how plausible it might have been. I exhaled a low breath and rubbed the back of my neck, feeling utterly dejected and lost as to what I was supposed to do next. My hand moved to my forehead, smoothing the wrinkles there before I turned and reached for the door handle. I didn't look at her as I opened the door, and ignored her when she called my name.

When I entered my place, I went straight to my room, and lay face down on the bed. That wound up being a mistake. The sheets still held her scent and I couldn't help but visualize her face.

"Fuck."

I kicked off my shoes, roughly removing my jeans and shirt to add them to the overflowing laundry pile, and walked down to the guest room. I face-planted again, relishing in the cold odorless sheets that held no memories of her. The incessant ringing of my phone, and the soft chime alerting me that I had received a new text message made it difficult for me to turn my brain off. I diverted my attention to the analog clock that hung above the bed, focusing on its steady ticks.

An hour later it was finally silent and I pulled the sheets over my head, wishing the mattress would just open up and swallow me whole. I kept telling myself it wasn't something I did, and deep down I knew better. She had even persuaded me to believe that sometimes people did shitty things, but it didn't mean that they were a result of something I did. However, it was hard not to compare her actions with those of my parents. Because again, I tried to do everything right and yet another person was leaving me. She was leaving me. I groaned into my pillow, willing my mind to rest, but before I could close my eyes my body became acutely aware of her presence.

Moments later, the knocking started.

I tried to think rationally. Perhaps she had planned on moving before I arrived in Portland. That I could understand. What I couldn't understand was why she failed to tell me. A lie by omission was still a lie in my book. More importantly, where in the hell was she going? She could be moving to Italy for all I knew.

"Don't be irrational," I mumbled. She could very well be moving downstairs into a smaller unit. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, feeling the pull swell from the inside out. I wondered if she felt it too; if it was the reason she was knocking on my door at three in the morning.

I gave up on trying to be sensible and walked to the front entrance. Sliding down to the floor, I made myself comfortable, my ear trained to the door for any sound. I might not have wanted to see her or even talk to her, but my body—my heart—desired those very things. I waited with bated breath to see if she would speak or if she'd already left and completely forgotten about me.

"Edward, I know you're there. I can feel you," she said, her muffled voice barely audible through the door. "Can I come in?"

Yes.

"No," I said, flustered by my own indecisiveness. "Just…go home. We can talk tomorrow," I added, looking at my hand depreciatively as it twitched, begging me to let her in.

I pulled myself away from the door, resolving to stick with my decision. On my way back to the guest bedroom, I stopped by my own room to pick up my cell phone. As soon as I was back to the unsullied room, I called down to the lobby, interrogating Ross on the building's security. He thought my questions were bizarre, but I ignored the inquisitive tone of his voice. I needed to make sure that no one could wander up the stairs and hurt my drunken angel. After he assured me that no one could access the penthouse level without a key, I relaxed, praying she would go home and let me calm down before we spoke again.

***

As expected, sleep didn't come easy.

I woke up at six AM. I wasn't as angry as I was a few hours earlier, but I was hurt and fucking exhausted. Deciding a run would help me to clear my head (or tire me out) I headed back to my room. After I threw on my running shorts, I slipped on my black hoodie, and hastily brushed my teeth. Once my running shoes were tied, I pocketed my keys and opened the front door, nearly tripping on my way out. When I righted myself, I turned to see what I had tripped over.

It wasn't a what, but whom.

Bella lay at my front door, balled up like a stray cat, completely unaware of her surroundings, and the air whooshed out of my lungs when I saw her face. Her eyes were puffy and she had black streaks leading to her chin, presumably from where her tears had mingled with her mascara. It was heartbreaking to see her that way, yet I was oddly intrigued. I'd never seen her look so vulnerable, so small. My need to take care of her took precedent over any remnants of anger that remained after last night's revelations.

I closed my door as quietly as possible while my eyes searched for her keys. A metallic shimmer near her foot caught my eye, and I pocketed them, bending over to easily scoop her into my arms. She was as light as a feather, her head gently rolling from my neck to shoulder with every step I took. She moved slightly in my arms in an obvious attempt to get comfortable. When she had found her nook, she rested her head firmly against me, and nuzzled her nose deeply into my chest.

"Edward," she exhaled, a faint smile curving her lips.

I thought she had woken up, but found that her eyes were still closed. I stared at her face so intently that I fumbled and almost dropped her when I ran into the elevator door. Luckily the commotion didn't jar her from her alcohol-induced coma, and I pressed the button to take us back down to her floor.

During the ride I studied her face: the fullness of her lips, the way her dark lashes flitted against her cheek, and the way she scrunched up her nose when her head fell away from my torso. It was a struggle for me not to smile at how ridiculously cute she was.

The brief reprieve I was granted from my misery vanished when I entered her home—or what was her home. Seeing all the packed boxes brought the memories of her betrayal back, and I hurriedly deposited her on the couch. I looked around for something to cover her with but found nothing. I didn't want to search the place for a blanket, nor did I want to stay there any longer than necessary. With no options left, I stripped off my hoodie, carefully draping it over her tiny form before bolting out the door.

Once I was free and clear of the building, I jogged slowly, seeking out which direction to take. A sign marking the area as the Marquam Trail seemed like a good place to get started, so I picked up my pace. The consistency of the track was appeasing as the force of the wind picked up and sent a chill down my spine. I ran faster, feeling the adrenaline pump through my veins, and hearing the sound of my accelerated heartbeat thump loudly in my ears. Leaves and errant branches were crushed underneath my feet as I sprinted until the even trail began to bend, fully curving before splitting into two separate paths.

I gradually slowed to a stop, bouncing left to right to keep my momentum up. The straight path I was on continued and was the logical choice, yet I was curious to see what the meandering path held. I was already tired from a fitful night's sleep, and with my muscles aching, I was ready to head home and crash. The trail markers assured that both paths converged at some point, leading me back to the building. I could choose the uncomplicated route, or the one that would probably send me through a physical tailspin. I came to a standstill, the burden of making the right choice weighing heavily upon me.

***

My run left me feeling refreshed. I was able to put together a list of sorts, things Bella and I needed to discuss if our relationship was going to work. First, she needed to be honest with me, as I had so freely been with her. I needed to know the reasons for her inconsistent behavior. She had no problem touching me, kissing me, and even holding my hand when it was just us. Yet, when we were in public, I was lucky if she brushed her shoulder against mine. I knew she wasn't ashamed of me. Shame was something that caused you to hide things from those you loved the most because you feared their judgment. I had been around the people she cared for, they were my friends as well, and she never withheld from me then.

Secondly, and by far the larger issue, was her moving. There would be no relationship to work on if she was moving halfway across the country. We would definitely have to discuss that before all else. I just needed to hold it together long enough for us to get through Sunday brunch.

I stripped down and hopped into the shower, letting the steaming hot water alleviate the tightness in my muscles; it did nothing to assuage my nervousness about seeing Bella again. After I towel dried my hair, I collapsed naked on the bed, setting the alarm to go off at nine. The movement ruffled the sheets and I breathed in the scent that I tried so hard to avoid.

I fell quickly and soundly asleep.

***

I arrived approximately one minute early for Sunday brunch to find a note—addressed to me—taped on the outside of the door. The note simply instructed that I go to the rooftop. I had never been up there, but was aware that it held some type of garden, one for communal use and another only accessible by the main penthouse—the Cullens' penthouse. The building was part of a go green initiative, and this was their way of encouraging the tenants to plant and grow…well, anything. The developers hoped that neighboring communities would see they were supporting the environment and forget that they'd plowed over several thousands of trees to build the exclusive community. The ploy seemed to have worked.

When I opened the door, it was just as I expected. There were rows of vegetables, herbs, and even a few fruits planted. Each miniature garden was marked by apartment number. To the right was a patio area that housed barbecue grills covered by a cloth awning, shielding the area from the sun. I walked until I could go no further, reaching a door that was labeled private. Another note was there, simply instructing me to come in.

The space behind the door was pretty fucking amazing. It was a greenhouse, peppered with roses, lilacs, and I could smell lavender in the air. I took a deep breath, letting the flowery aroma assault my senses, and admiring all the rich colors. I had no idea Esme's decorating extended outside of the home, but she had truly outdone herself. Realizing I hadn't heard any voices, I moved through the vines and shrubbery, finally arriving at the center of the room.

I was so caught up marveling at my surroundings that I didn't notice the small table set for two sitting in the center of the room. My heart sped when I saw Bella standing awkwardly at the table, nervously pulling at the hem of her shirt. She looked like a lamb before slaughter. My steps became careful and measured as I approached her, sure that she'd flee if I made any sudden movements.

Resisting the urge to reach out for her, I bowed my own head, offering her a clipped hello.

"Where's everyone?" I asked curtly, knowing that I sounded like a jerk. Although my anger had diminished, I didn't think she deserved to be let off the hook too easily. There was still a chance that things could go horribly wrong and my animosity would be restored.

"T-They went out for b-brunch," she stammered. "I asked them for the key, so that I could bring you here."

"Well, you didn't exactly bring me. More like led me here under false pretenses," I scoffed, trying to avoid looking directly at her.

"I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for so many things, but you wouldn't speak to me. Please let me explain," she replied through hiccups and sobs.

At the sound of her crying, I swiftly swung my head in her direction. She was enveloped in my arms before my mind registered I had moved. I brought her body close to mine, resting my chin on top of her head, and rubbed soothing circles up and down her spine.

"Why didn't you tell me," I whispered.

She tightened her grip. "It was before you came…"

"That's no excuse," I interrupted, taking a step back from her to look her in the eye.

"I know I messed up, trust me I know. Please, sit and hear me out. Please."

Scrubbing my face roughly with my hands, I relinquished, sitting at the table as she started to pace around me. After a pregnant pause, she spoke.

"I was never supposed to move here. Things were tough for a while, and I needed somewhere to escape. Phil—my stepdad—said I could stay here until I was able get my head on straight," she disclosed, taking a seat opposite me. "I planned on moving back to campus this semester, but when Ro said she was transferring to PSU we decided to find a place together."

I'd figured that much, but that didn't answer why she waited to tell me. It only led to more questions like, why wasn't she supposed to move here? What was so tough that it forced her to runaway? I discounted the new barrage of questions, wishing I could just figure the 'filing it away for later examination' concept out al-fucking-ready!

I released the hair that I had been brutishly pulling, wincing at the pain I felt down to my scalp. Again, I focused on what was most important.

"That doesn't begin to explain why you lied to me. You knew this whole time, and failed to mention it. You just let me walk around like everything was fucking dandy," I yelled, flinching as she did. I knew she didn't like to be cursed at, and it wasn't my intention to raise my voice. I closed my eyes, filling my lungs with air before quietly exhaling. "Jesus, Bella, we're practically together every second of every day, you didn't think to bring it up? Not once? You said you'd be there for me," I finished somberly, getting to the root of my problem.

She stood, reaching a tentative hand out to touch me. I didn't move, allowing her fingers to tenderly comb through my hair.

"I'll still be there for you. If you want me to be. At the most I'll be a few miles away. We haven't found a place yet. There aren't a lot of vacancies at the places we can afford," she babbled, and then kneeled to catch my eye. When she had my attention her citrusy breath hit my cheek. "I'm sorry, and I need you to forgive me. I never wanted to hurt you."

I turned to face her, drowning in the sincerity I saw. I knew she was being honest with me. "Just, trust me with these things okay? I don't want you to hide anything from me," I urged.

To say she nodded her agreement would be an understatement. Her body vibrated with an energy I hadn't witnessed until that moment, and her head jerked up and down as if her neck was no longer attached. I could see her fighting the smile that began revealing itself in the slight lift of her cheeks, but she suppressed it, possibly waiting for my encouragement.

There were still issues that had to be addressed, but I was tired of talking. I missed her touch, which I rectified by pulling her into my lap. She conceded, molding her body around mine.

I kissed her lips lightly, savoring her taste and the all encompassing calm I felt when inhaling her unadulterated scent. God, I missed her. It was clear to me that I never wanted to have her kisses through memories or to be reduced cuddling my sheets just to feel her close to me. Second-hand would never do, I needed Bella—all or nothing. Entirely lost in the sensation of having her back in my arms, I mindlessly uttered, "I'll help you find a place."

***

As fate would have it, Bella and Rosalie were set to see a few apartments that afternoon. However, there was a new girl, at the shop—hired to take the day shift when the girls started school. Rosalie or Bella needed to be there to train her because apparently there needed to be two trained employees working at all times. The inconvenience seemed to be the reason they could never go see apartments together. Since Tanya was already scheduled, Rosalie had to stay, giving me an opportunity to aide Bella in their search.

"I'm sorry. We won't have any vacancies until January."

"Thanks for your time," I sighed, tightening my grip on Bella's hand.

We had visited three apartment complexes, all of which I'd called prior to our visit, yet suddenly there were no vacancies. I was losing my patience with the whole process.

"Let's just go back home. Ro and I can try this again later," Bella said.

I tried not to laugh at her. The same girl that fell asleep outside my door with her keys left in plain sight for any deviant to come by and…there was just no fucking way I was letting her choose a place alone. I had seen some of the places on her list, and after I checked them out online, I quickly ignored her list and made my own. The problem was that all the places were filling up in record time.

"No," I stated calmly. "Let's just try one more place, and then we'll go back. Your time is limited as it is."

I wanted to punch myself. If she ran out of time, there was a possibility she wouldn't have to move at all, right? Why was I so hell-bent on seeing this through? I took a calming breath, my hand softly grazing Bella's knee as I maneuvered the streets. She wanted to move, and I would do all I could to give her what she wanted.

A few blocks later I pulled up to another building. The place was nice. Not far from school, but even closer to me. Walnut trees stretched as far as the eye could see, and from the acreage it sat on, I could tell that in the spring it must've been a wonderful sight to behold. I removed the keys from the ignition, and hastily undid my seatbelt. Once out of the car I ran to Bella's side, opening her door with gusto.

"Maybe I'll just stay here while you check for openings. The disappointment is starting to feel…personal," she stated.

I didn't disagree; I felt equally flustered. I crouched down, running my fingertips from her brow down to the line of her jaw, before handing her the car keys.

"Stay warm," I told her, rising up and pressing a chaste kiss to her lips.

I left her with the smile that she liked best, relying on it to uplift her spirits. Bella didn't need to be upset, I would work things out.

Walking towards the office, I took in every miniscule detail. The grounds appeared to be well maintained, several street lamps were filtered throughout the property, and beyond the visitors parking area was a secured garage.

It seems safe.

I tried not to get to get too excited about the prospect as the visit could very well be a waste of our time. Yet, the area was the best we'd seen so far, and I really wanted luck to strike.

I was bordering on the line between angst and depression, but really couldn't pinpoint the exact reason. Part of me felt like I had been missing something all afternoon—something huge—and I couldn't focus on it long enough to work it out. It was hard to center on anything when I had been looking at Bella's sad expression all afternoon. The other part of me agreed with Bella. Despite the fact that it was a building, the rejection felt personal, and no one wants to be rejected three times in an hour.

Nevertheless, there was a positive side—silver lining and whatnot. Bella had held on to me all day, like a koala bear clutching to a tree, and I appreciated it more than she knew. It was hard for me not to imagine that we were looking for our new a place, our home.

Maybe my perceived notion that this was us being rejected is what had me feeling so affronted.

When I opened the door to the office, the smell of burnt popcorn wafted up, causing my nostrils to flare. I followed the scent until I arrived at a small desk where a lanky man was manically pressing buttons on a microwave.

"Motherfucking shit goddamn it. Ally!" he cursed, turning redder as he handled the hot bag of popcorn.

I cleared my throat, already too far into the room to back out undetected, and too far determined to go back to the car with bad news.

I cleared my throat. "Hello? I'm here about the two-bedroom."

His face was still red from his outburst, but his features—along with his voice—had seamlessly shifted into a mask of collected cool. Putting away the charred kernels, he approached, extending a pale hand towards me.

"Sorry 'bout that. My girlfriend has a habit of doing too many things at once, and then forgetting them altogether," he explained with a lazy smile on his face.

He couldn't have been much older than I was, if he was indeed older. Towering over me an inch or two, and only slightly more defined than I was, he unleashed a mega-watt smile. As genuine as it seemed, it reminded me of a used car salesman. Manufactured. His blond hair fell into his misty gray eyes, and he puffed it away as our hands made contact.

"I'm Jasper, and you are?" he questioned.

I gave him a tight lipped smile as he relinquished his firm grip on my hand. "I'm Edward. I don't have an appointment, although I did call earlier," I said when I saw him glance back at his desk calendar.

"No worries," he said, motioning for me to take a seat.

I waved him off. "I'm just checking to see if you have places available. Now," I appended.

"You seem…tense," Jasper noted. "If you're concerned with credit checks or your past references don't fret. As long as the manager likes you, none of that's really important."

I shook my head; he was way off base. "I'm helping my girlfriend find a place. Well, her and her friend, and there aren't many available places," I finished, my stress evident.

"Looks like you're in luck. We happen to have a two bedroom unit available. Now will you relax?" he questioned, shaking with silent laughter.

I slowly eased my fingers from the fists they had unintentionally formed, and exhaled. "Yes. I will."

We spent the next three minutes going over a few of the questions I wanted to ask without Bella. She would probably be upset, but it was a chance I was willing to take. I checked on the security of the area, wondering if there had been any home invasions. How far was the nearest police station? Fire station? If she got locked out, would someone have a spare? Jasper was more than patient with my impromptu interrogation, answering the questions as soon as I could fire them. The area was known for its safety, nine-one-one response visits usually took about five minutes, but he had never tested it as there was never a need for them to call emergency services.

Good answer.

Besides being a good neighborhood, they had an on-site security guard—James I believed his name was—that had spare keys to all the units to get to a resident in case of an emergency. He added that it wasn't really needed, but as they had competition with some on the swankier places, they needed to add certain amenities. I didn't miss that he looked South, toward my building, with disdain.

"What's the deposit?" I asked, wanting to sign the paperwork for Bella and Rosalie instantly.

"First month's rent, and we'll have to pro-rate the days since we're past the first. If ya'll moved in today, a little over a thousand," he quickly calculated.

I groaned, already knowing that amount was outside of their budget. "Is it negotiable?"

"Of course, they can pay today, or when they sign the lease," he deadpanned.

"And to think, I was just starting to like you Jasper," I mumbled.

"Well, shit. I do like you Edward," Jasper chuckled. "If they can put down half, we can add the rest to the monthly rent."

It was a good deal, and thinking of how happy Bella would be once she found out that her search was over…

"I'll pay the deposit. Can you come up with some type of move-in special that uh, covers it?"

"Done deal," Jasper accepted.

I decided right then and there that I actually did like Jasper.

***

Bella smiled all the way from the car to the office. She smiled on the guided tour. She smiled as she called Rosalie to tell her about the place. She smiled when she signed her name to the lease, promising that Rosalie would sign off on it after her shift. She smiled as we ate a late lunch, and stopped by her job so she could tell the story to Rosalie again in person. She smiled as she called her father and he gave his approval of the community. And she smiled as we lazed around in her room packing the remainder of her things.

All of her smiles were directed at me.

She had a suitcase packed of things she needed for the next few days. Except for that, we had her belongings stored and sealed shut in record time. We spent the rest of the night making out. Light kisses from petal soft lips that suddenly became urgent with both of us trying to consume one another. We took breaks to breathe, snack, and occasionally converse—leading us to formulate our final plans for the Gala.

"So tell me what to expect when meeting Mrs. Dwyer?" I probed, maneuvering around her until her feet were in my lap.

They didn't look so bad. They looked like, feet. I let my index finger trail small circles on the top of her foot, peeking in her direction for any reaction, and waiting for my repulsion to kick in.

"Charlie calls it a 'Sarah Jane complex,'" she began, laying her head back and closing her eyes.

I wrapped one hand around her heel, just behind her ankle and squeezed lightly. Her eyes fluttered but did not open.

"I don't follow," I said, encouraging her to continue as I used my thumbs in slow firm strokes to knead from her toes to her ankle. Her breath hitched before she progressed.

"Sarah Jane is a character in some movie Charlie would bring up when he and Renee would fight. She was a light-skinned black girl who spent her life passing for a white woman. She was never happy to be just who she was. Like, she thought things would've been better for her if she was dealt a different hand in life."

"So your mom wants to be white?" I asked confusedly.

"No…I don't know. She just thinks that certain cultures should conform to the ways of others if they want to have any chance at a 'successful' life," she nodded absentmindedly, her tongue darting out to wet her lower lip.

"So," I smiled, taking in her labored breathing. "What does that mean for you?"

She moaned when I hit a specific spot, and elongated her leg, inviting me up to her thigh. I obliged, obviously, and waited for her reply.

"It means that every opportunity she feels she missed is my burden to fulfill. She'll undoubtedly be upset about something I did wrong as soon as she lays eyes on me."

I worked my way up her body, her eyes popping open as she felt my weight shift above her. "Do you think I'll be enough to keep you distracted from her antics?" I asked, using my hand to free her lower lip from her teeth.

"God, yes," she said, bringing her lips to mine in a searing kiss.

Kissing her and having her back in my arms reminded me of my run. There were three paths I could've taken to get back home. In the end, I decided it didn't matter what path I took to get there, as long as it led to my home. To Bella.

Clearly I chose the quickest route.

A/N

The character Sarah Jane is from the movie Imitation of Life. If you've never seen it, check it out. On a side note, the actress that plays Sarah (the fair-skinned black woman who passes for Caucasian) is Susanna Kohner, mother to Chris Weitz (the director of New Moon).

Thanks for reading! Those who review this chapter get a outtake from BPOV. Be patient as I finish it. *winks*