She once again walked into Derek's hospital room the next day. He was laying in the bed reading a book and didn't notice her until she had sat down.
"Hey" He smiled.
"Hello again. So what are you up to today?"
"Oh, just reading, then I will have lunch, then I will read some more, then eat dinner, then maybe watch a little tv." He joked.
She giggled. He seemed to be transfixed on her giggle. He was like a baby who recognized its mothers voice. "How are you feeling today?"
"I'm fine. I wish I could just go home. I have a trailer you know."
She gasped in suprise. She had no idea. "No I didn't. How long have you had it?"
"Oh about three years. Ever since I moved here. I own the land."
"Why didn't you build a house on it insted of getting a camper?"
"First of all its a very high end trailer. Second of all I want to wait until I find the person that I will grow old with to build a house. I want it to be special." This put her back. She must not be that person. He never even mentioned the land or trailer. It wasn't her. "You know that I found that person. I had the plans made up before I got hurt but I don't know who she is."
"You don't remember anything about her?"
"No, my mother won't tell me anything that I said about her. She said that if she wasn't here then she wasn't the right woman." Tears began to well up in her eyes. He was right. She left him when he needed her the most. "Mer, are you crying?" He asked. The nickname rolled right off his tounge like he used to.
She lets the tear fall as she tries to come up with a good explination. "Um...I just wish...you were with me...your...like...perfect." She choked out.
"Come here." He said as he waved her closer to the bed. She slowly made her way over to the bed with Liz in her arms. He pats the bed motioning her to sit down. "Let me see her." He slowly reached out and took Liz out of her arms. He heald her close to his chest and looked down at her. "You know after you left yesterday I was thinking the same thing about you. Your a great mother and...just...you seem perfect. Like I already feel totally confortable." He didn't look at Meredith when he said this. Just kept looking at Liz. "Does she look like her father?" He asked.
"Yes, she has his eyes and his smile." She said as Liz giggled and reached for his nose when he rubed it against hers. "She is just lucky she didn't get his nose." She giggled lightly.
"Are you in love with him?" He asked seriously. Finally meeting her eyes.
"Yes" his eyes shifted back down "and no" She took one of his hands. "I love him with all my heart. We just can't be together right now." Her eyes start to tear again hoping that Derek wouldn't take that as a reason to stop trying to get her. Her fears were denied when he wrapped an arm around her waist pulling her down to her level. She placed her head on his chest and just cried. Derek dropped a kiss on the top of her head. He rubbed her arm as he held her close to him. She put her hand on his chest and watched it rise and fall.
She should tell him. She was the woman. She was his. Liz was his. And they loved him. They wanted to be with him. They needed to be with him. She had never seen Liz accept someone this quickly. Meredith hadn't made many friends when she moved but the when she had been held by others she didn't like it. Yet she was totally content in Derek's arms. She knew who it was. To bad Derek didn't.
She suddenly got off of Derek leaving him feeling cold and lonely. "I'm sorry. I can't believe I just broke down in front of you. I am such an idiot."
"Hey." He grabed her hand and pulled her back to him. "Your not an idiot. Your the smartest person I know." He said running his thumb over her hand.
"You have amnesia." She stated dryly. "You don't remember a lot of those people." She said taking Liz out of his arms. His face fell.
"So what. I might not have known you for very long but I know that. You are incredible." Meredith took a deep breath.
"Thats the thing Derek." She said as she placed Liz in the carseat. "You do know me and I'm tired. I'm just tired and I don't know how long I can do this."
She picked up the carseat and began to leave the room. She turned around when she got to the door. "I love you, Derek."