Yosuke lifted his head then. He could only watch Souji in hesitant wonder, like a man dying from thirst and questioning whether he had stumbled upon an oasis or simply stood before another mirage. Souji, for his part, was able to take only so much of that uncertain stare for so long before his own consternation caught up with him, and he found something far more interesting to look at in the water near his feet.

"Oh, I…didn't mean to say it like that. I only meant that…shit. Sorry…" He set the cooling mug back down on the tub's ledge and made a move to pull the plug from the drain. "Would you mind handing me a towel?"

Yosuke, seeing his friend preparing to flee the scene, suddenly stood. Souji looked up at him, curiosity rewriting the abjection on his face.

"Y-yeah. I think I do, too. Like you, I mean." Yosuke fidgeted with the zipper on his overly accommodating jacket, not looking at the object of his confession.

"Yosuke…" Souji stayed his hand and watched his friend steadily. The silence bloated.

A drop of water lingering on the tap's underside broke free and dropped into the pool below, cracking the stillness. Yosuke looked back up then, and suddenly he was moving with nothing short of purpose toward the tub's edge. He fell to his knees and stretched his arms out to take Souji into an embrace born of both passion and relief.

Souji knew what was about to happen. He knew, somewhere in his mind, that it was a harmless gesture. A reaction of affection newly discovered to be requited. But seeing Yosuke come at him with even a shred of intent was enough to kick his instinctual terror back into control. He shied away violently, his shoulders knocking hard into the shower wall and his face scrunched in anticipation of something painful as water sloshed from the tub.

Seeing Souji turning his head away in fear like that made Yosuke go rigid. He had envisioned sharing some romantically deluded kiss fit for a storybook and, in a cloud of his own selfish desire, had managed to filter from his head the fact that Souji was still suffering a heavy trauma.

But what, exactly, did he even feel? A sense of hollowness? Resentment that didn't balance with the weight of what had been done to his own body? Maybe even some faint, sick pleasure at seeing his friend forced to submit like that? No, absolutely not that. That particular thought was far too perversely horrible; it had to be some byproduct of his own paranoid confusion.

His arms froze as he stared in shock at his friend, but the sensation of warm water seeping through his pants at the knees eventually pulled his mind back to reality. He quickly yanked his arms back to his sides and slouched. Feeling like an absolute idiot, among other things, he lowered his head.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Yosuke began to bite his lip; terrified he had already managed to fuck everything up.

Breathing deep, Souji forced himself to calm down. He couldn't see Yosuke's face, but could practically sense the dejection marring his friend's features.

"N-no, it's not your fault. I just…need some time, you know?"

"Yeah. I know."

That evening, after a meal of over-peppered, undercooked macaroni and cheese à la Yosuke, Souji sat in a clean set of borrowed clothes with Teddie on the floor of Yosuke's room, a deck of cards between them. Yosuke was downstairs entreating his parents, who had arrived home from work late and tired, on Souji's behalf. He had insisted it was better if he talked to them alone. Besides, he didn't want to subject Souji to any more stress than was needed. Even within that little favor, Souji found relief.

"Got any fives?" Souji asked, rearranging his hand of cards. When he wasn't met with a response, he looked up and watched Teddie fidget absentmindedly with one card's bent corner. "Teddie?"

The addressed looked up in surprise. "Huh?"

"Fives."

Teddie looked down at his cards as if he hadn't realized they were nestled in his hands to begin with. Selecting one from the group, he forfeited it to Souji.

Souji took the card, studying Teddie's restless face. "Are you bored? Wanna quit?"

Teddie shrugged and slouched, and that was all the indication Souji needed. He set his cards down on the table and began to dig a cautious fingernail beneath that of his thumb instead. He sighed. "I know Yosuke was gonna tell you all of this, but maybe now's a good time instead."

Teddie set his cards down as well, fixing his full attention on the boy in front of him.

Souji took that as an indication to continue. "Well, it's kinda hard to explain. But bear with me."

Teddie sensed his friend's deep reluctance and scooted around the table until he sat next to Souji. "I want to help, Sensei. Any way I can, you know I will." He rested a hand on Souji's knee.

When he realized he had managed to not jump at the contact, Souji actually did feel a little better. He knew he shouldn't be afraid to tell the story to Teddie, who wasn't even from this realm. If anything, Teddie was probably the one with the least likely chance out of everyone he knew to harbor preconceived judgments or carry a tendency to attach stigmas. In a way, he took some small comfort from that. Besides, Teddie was there that night. He deserved to know.

"Human emotions are really complicated. But I'm sure you've discovered that on your own," Souji began. He didn't need to look at Teddie to know that he was nodding. "Well, my uncle wasn't an exception. His Shadow got the better of him for a while. Yosuke and I…we were attacked."

"You couldn't fight? But you two are the strongest people I know."

Souji could feel his hands begin to sweat. "Well, it was in a different way than what you're thinking."

"What do you mean?"

Souji covered his eyes with his fingers. "Teddie, please promise me again that you'll keep all of this a secret."

"Of course I promise. I already said I would."

Souji nodded and moved his hand away, but kept his eyes closed. "Okay." Not knowing how to better proceed, he droned a brief, textbook-like summary of what unhealthy sexual repression can lead to before he paused to look for his next words. What he hadn't expected was Teddie to pipe in immediately afterward and save him that discomfort.

"Oh! I think I understand. I've seen lots of Shadows in my world that smell kinda like that."

Souji couldn't help snorting at the strange way that sounded, even though he was used to Teddie's jargon.

But Teddie continued unfazed. "Traveling with you guys has helped me realize certain things about them, and about humans, too. Kanji, Yukiko and Rise. They all had buried feelings like that, because it was a part of their Shadows. After all that, I feel like I understand a lot more than I did. Like it all kinda came together."

"I'm glad for that, Teddie."

"But, that doesn't really explain what was different about this time."

Souji took a deep breath. He chose his next words carefully, describing to Teddie in the manner of an adult speaking to a maturing child that what happened among them that night wasn't consensual. About Dojima's guilt as a result, and the reason he was staying with them that night.

Teddie appeared thoughtful. "So, that kind of thing between humans is pretty scary, isn't it? I hope I never experience it."

"It's not supposed to be that way. It's different between people who love each other." Souji began to tire, and had no real desire to carry the conversation much further. Still, he was almost grateful that Yosuke wasn't in the room after all. If he had even once imagined he would ever be in this situation, explaining the psychological facets of human sexuality to Teddie, he would have doubled over in hysterical laughter. Now that he had made this bed, however, he was beginning to find it a very uncomfortable place to lie down.

Teddie pursed his lips in deep thought. "Hmm. But, I think I love all of you guys. Does that mean—"

"That's different, Teddie," Souji broke in, not wanting to even entertain mental images of whatever Teddie was about to say.

The door suddenly creaked open and Yosuke stepped in, eyeing the two of them. His mouth turned down slightly at the corners when he saw Teddie sitting with his shoulder actually touching Souji's, and it appeared they had been that way for a while. Remembering the way Souji objected to being touched not long ago, he paused before shutting the door behind him.

"Am I interrupting something?" He had meant for that to come off in a laughable manner, but its delivery betrayed a slice of jealousy. Souji looked up at him as if he couldn't believe those words had just passed his lips, and Yosuke forced his frown away to reinforce assurance that he hadn't meant it.

Teddie, on the other hand, shook his head rather naively. "Don't worry. Sensei just told me what happened."

"Oh." Yosuke wasn't sure what else to say at the moment. Though he had every intention of letting Teddie know, something in his gut tightened with the absolute fact of someone else knowing all the same. He moved deeper into the room and took a seat on his bed's edge.

"Well? What did your parents say?" Souji finally asked, seeing that Yosuke had misplaced the reason for his absence in the first place and brooded on something else entirely.

"Oh, right," Yosuke glanced at his friends as if he had forgotten they existed. "My dad was a hard sale, but Mom was actually pretty cool with it." He shrugged. "It was weird; I didn't even have to argue with her. She's the one who pretty much convinced Dad for me. But yeah, she said you're welcome for as long as you want."

"Thanks," Souji smiled thinly, feeling like an inconvenience.

"That's great news, huh, Sensei?" Teddie cried with jarring jubilance. "It'll be like a sleepover again! But just us boys."

"No, it won't, Ted," Yosuke corrected with a wave of his finger. "You've got your own room, remember? And hey, speaking of which, isn't it about your bedtime?"

Teddie looked dismayed. "Geez, Yosuke. Way to kill the mood."

Yosuke glared at him. "What mood? You're the only one acting like a little kid about all this."

Souji's smile grew more genuine as he listened to his friends argue. It felt like an eternity had passed since he had been in an amusing situation like this—something that used to be commonplace. He realized he had been taking them for granted.

"Tell you what," Souji joined in, "I'll take your room and you can sleep with Yosuke." The gaping expression on the blonde kid's face was enough to actually make him laugh.

"C-come on now, Souji," Yosuke whined, catching his friend's improved mood like a contagion and running with it. "You wouldn't really stick me with someone who snores like a rusty chainsaw would you? I'm begging you, please don't do it!"

"Oh, the nerve! I assure you I do not snore!" Teddie yelled and stood up, hands firmly planted on his angled hips with a true aristocratic flair.

"Riiiiight. That's just an earthquake shaking the entire house around the same time every night."

Teddie lunged at Yosuke, who pulled a pillow to his body like flimsy armor and shrieked in such a ridiculous manner that Souji thought his stomach would cramp up from laughing. It felt good to have a distraction like this, and he didn't want it to end. But it would end, the same way all illusions fade into the background for a more unforgiving reality. He knew that. Even still, he would enjoy the few scraps that fate tossed out to him while he could.

Once Teddie had retired to his room—or what had previously been the Hanamura guestroom—and Yosuke had laid out the last of the blankets meticulously upon the floor next to his own bed, Souji actually began to feel tired enough to sleep.

"You're sure you don't mind the floor?" Yosuke asked for the third time as he smoothed out an upturned blanket corner.

"It's fine. Really," Souji assured him.

"The couch downstairs seems nice and all, but it's a real bitch in the morning. Your back'll hurt for days."

Souji watched Yosuke continue to fuss. "I told you, it's cool. Would you stop that already?"

"Oh, yeah." Yosuke stopped what he was doing and looked embarrassed. "Well, guess we should hit the hay."

Souji nodded. "Mm."

Yosuke climbed into his bed and situated himself beneath the blankets. Once assured that Souji had done the same, he switched off his bedside lamp.

"'Night, Partner," Yosuke said in the midst of a wracking yawn.

"Goodnight."

Yosuke stared at the dark ceiling for some time, listening to the clock tick the seconds away. He thought he had been tired before, but each of those seconds eventually seemed to stretch thinner and thinner until he imagined he could fit an eternity between them. He reached up and rubbed a hand over his eyes, wishing he had a switch to make his brain shut off. Finally, thumping his arm back down at his side, he exhaled loudly and rolled over to face Souji's direction.

"You sure you're comfortable? I still feel kinda bad."

Souji snorted softly. "You know, you really do sound like a mom, Yosuke. Go to sleep already."

"Heh. Well, um, if you change your mind you can sleep up here. I mean, if you start to cramp up or something. I won't toss or anything. Er…" Though Yosuke wished it possible to unsay things on a near-daily basis, he wanted that ability now more than ever. "You know what I mean."

Souji's quiet, amused chuckling met his ears but the boy didn't reply. Yosuke figured Souji's mind was hardly as prone to spend as much time in the gutter as his own, but it was too late now. His face warmed and he was glad for the darkness. He flipped over to the other side of the bed and clamped his eyes shut, forcing images of white sheep to jump hurdles in his mind. After a few minutes, the whirring in his brain slowed and began to gray as sleep's first dusty breath descended over him.

He had barely registered the slight incline of the mattress as another body crawled beneath the blanket next to him. But his body responded to the new warmth emitting over his back, and he turned to face it. Sensing solid flesh there finally registered in his head, and his drowsiness dissolved. Yosuke opened his eyes and saw, even in the dark of the bedroom, Souji curled up on his side there before him. He studied the way his friend's head lay tucked down near his chest, Souji's arms braced beneath his head under the pillow.

Yosuke didn't move, he simply watched. He wasn't sure how long Souji had been lying there, but he seemed to be asleep now. A sudden, powerful urge to touch him seized Yosuke like blind impulsion and he reached his hand out. Pinching a small bit of Souji's hair between his thumb and forefinger as gingerly as he could, Yosuke tested its texture with approval. He had often wanted to know what that hair felt like, but now that he was able to find out, he felt a bit guilty for some reason. It wasn't as if he was leaning in to steal a kiss or anything. How stereotypical could a guy get?

That particular shift of thought made Yosuke swallow thickly and his gaze automatically redirected to Souji's closed lips. His tongue darted out instinctively to wet his lower lip and he wondered just what in the hell he was thinking. Was he actually considering it? No, he couldn't. That internal declaration didn't stop his pulse from speeding up, however. Nor did it stop his heart from practically stopping when Souji shifted his head to look up at him. Even though it was difficult to see clearly, he knew their eyes had met. He wondered if Souji could feel the beating of his heart through the mattress.

He swallowed again, more dryly this time. Souji was still looking at him, like he awaited something. Yosuke parted his lips uncertainly and adjusted his hips to drag his body a bit closer to Souji's. Seeing that Souji wasn't backing away, he reached out an arm, curling his fingers around the back of Souji's head, through that fine hair. He brought his face in close, closer. Still no resistance. He felt encouraged to finish the job.

He was deft, careful, like the handler of a paper-thin China cup full of scalding hot tea. The reward was chaste, but deeply satisfying. Still, the touch of Souji's lips against his was better than he had imagined it would be. Yosuke initiated movement, but hardly dared to open his mouth. Souji did it for him. Yosuke had stopped breathing when he felt Souji's tongue slide hesitantly over his lips, but he readily complied by allowing that rover access.

Pulling his body in closer, feeling Souji's curves and angles pressed up against him, Yosuke couldn't help responding. Their cocks, though not quite touching, were so close that Yosuke had to suppress the urge to shift closer and start grinding. That and Souji's tongue massaging his own were all the stimulation he needed to become fully aroused. Yosuke could feel himself getting harder and he intensified their kiss. Souji's tongue paused for a moment, but resumed when Yosuke sucked lightly on his lower lip. They stayed that way for some time, exploring every inch of each other's mouths.

The heat between them had been mounting, but it rose to the point where Yosuke suddenly wanted nothing more than to strip off his t-shirt before setting to work on all of Souji's clothes. His cock ached to be touched, and though he had been refraining from finding out whether Souji's shared a similar state, he found he couldn't wait much longer. He sat up slightly to lean over Souji, his right hand snaking out beneath the pillow. Finding Souji's hands, he closed his fingers over those wrists. His left hand was strangely steady as it reached out to grope between Souji's thighs. Once his eager fingers found their destination, just as smooth and hard as he remembered feeling it that night, Souji jerked away completely.

"N-no."

That one, simple word sent Yosuke's euphoria crashing down and he pulled his hands away as if he had set them on a red-hot burner.

"I can't…"

He could feel Souji shaking, even though they were no longer touching. He wanted to apologize, say anything to comfort his friend's desperate unease, but the words wouldn't surface. Instead, he backed away and sat up. Allowing himself a few seconds to get his bearings back, he exited the bed and made his way to the door.

"Yosuke, you don't have to—"

He could hear Souji shifting to face him, but he didn't stop. "No. I'll go sleep on the couch."

Yosuke had the door opened and shut with him on the other side before he could fully comprehend what had even just happened. The nightlight in the hallway outlet led him toward the stairway, and he was relieved to find that Souji hadn't followed. Once he passed the bathroom door, however, his feet stopped.

Yosuke fought to catch his breath, to calm down, but no matter how much he concentrated he somehow knew this wasn't just going to go away. Rerouting, he shut himself inside the bathroom, locking the door and switching on the light. It hurt his eyes, and he shut them against the glare immediately, not bothering to open them as he leaned against the door and reached into his pajama bottoms. Grasping his achingly stiff cock, he began his work right away, pulling just the way he liked it. Hard but not too rough, he stroked himself with a firm, steady pressure guaranteed to get him off quick. He felt sick. What the fuck was he doing?

Still, he continued. He had been so thoroughly turned on not moments ago that it didn't take long for his peak to come around. Gritting his teeth, Yosuke pumped the tip of his erection with fervor until his orgasm came. He shuddered as hot semen drizzled down his fist, seeping between his fingers, and he breathed in deep to compose himself. It wasn't intense, or even very good at all, but it was enough to sate his body. Maybe now he would even be able to get back to sleep.

Finally opening his eyes, he yanked a wad of tissues from the box on the counter and wiped the sticky mess away before flushing the evidence down the toilet. Moving to rinse his hands off, he caught his reflection in the mirror and quickly averted his gaze. He hadn't felt guilty for masturbating since he was a kid. It was like those times all over again, but for far different reasons.

Escaping the bathroom, he made his way carefully downstairs before flopping onto the living room sofa. His eyes burned as if he had been holding in tears for far too long. But he wouldn't cry. Allowing himself that sort of empty self-pity was unthinkable at this point. He shifted, burying his face in the cushions.

Souji had trusted him. Given himself over to that desire Yosuke had wanted to illustrate at the bathtub's edge earlier that day. But in the end, he wasn't worthy of caring for that trust. Perhaps he was only capable of profaning things he should've revered as fragile and sacred.

Yosuke clenched his teeth and curled into a fetal position. Despite the horrible things he had seen in the TV world that fateful night, the things he had been through, he had never felt more disgusted than he did at that moment.