Oh Gosh guys, I just - how have we gotten this far? I wasn't ever going to continue this, but thank you so much for reading it and I'm so happy that I did and just. You're all the best. I think this is going to be the first fanfic that I ever finished after planning to finish it. Thank you, but now back to the OTP. We still have a lot to go through.

I picked up the cellular device and brushed it against my ear.

1 tone.

2 tones.

I slammed down on the off button and cancelled the call before the phone could even catch onto what was happening. The shitty piece of human technology must've taken about 2 minutes to close down the Phone 'application'. UGHHHHH, YOU STUPID PIECE OF CELLURLAR DEVICE. I threw it across the room until it landed over in the corner. This must be becoming some form of tradition now. Immediately, I sunk into the same position I'd been in pre-call, WITHOUT the phone. My eyebrows contorted together. Muscles on my face twitched in confusion. My entire body couldn't reciprocate to this sort of crap: my eyes told themselves to start tearing up; my tearducts would refuse; my heart would thump; it would skip a beat; my air sacs would decide they had enough oxygen; I would gasp for air - none of it made any sense to me.

My teeth sunk into my cheek tissue so much that soon I could taste blood. There was this swarming misture of what felt like blood, anxiety, longing, and desire inside of me. I NEEDED to do it. I didn't WANT to do it. I lifted my weight onto my feet and dragged myself over to the 'iPhone' laying on the floor. "Why me? Why fucking me?" Came a spur of pure irritance and stress from my mouth.

I didn't even pick the device up from where it was against the wall. I just sat down, legs crossing, next to it as though it was a live species. "You know," I said, voice quivering unexpectedly. "You've caused a lot of fucking problems in my life for an inanimate object. In fact, you're probably the most shitty device on this puny carbon based planet, and believe me there's a lot of shitty stuff on this carbon-based planet. You're the EXACT reason why my life is more miserable than the weakest, most likely to get culled, mutant blooded wriggler on Alternia, and I don't see any possible way that you could be a cure to this disease called emotion I'm feeling now. Which was caused mostly by you - in case I didn't mention it enough." There was a pause in my words. "I don't see how you could cure this. Or my cureent degrading situation."

"I don't even know if I should get back together with that idiot anymore." I laughed slightly deliriously as my throat went thick. "I don't even know what to do at all. I don't know if I'll forgive John for whatever he did or didn't do if he did anything at all. I don't know anything. It's just a blur. Everything's blurry." And in fact as I said that, molecules of a salty solution gathered in my vision spheres that blurred my alien vision. That was all I was to everyone; an alien on Earth, alienated even by my own species on my own destroyed planet .

A human sounding sniffle errupted from me. My clumsy, nubby nailed fingers swept my face clean of tears which could and had rolled down my cheeks.

"But," I continued on. "Nothing's going to get better just by talking to a human mobular device, is it?" I sighed. I looked over at the phone and to a certain level it looked back at me. "So there isn't too much harm in at least trying to cure myself or forgive JOHN." I picked up the metal piece of techology and squinted at it, suddenly aware it was just a piece of technology. "Why the fuck am I talking to you?" I asked, not even stopping talking to it. As though it had no objection to my attempt, I was able to plug in my password in one go and the phone application opened back up.

As though on queue vibrations and one of those repetitive aggravating ringtones went off. John's name filled the screen and on reflex, I answered it.

"JEGUS EGBERT YOU LITTLE FUCKFACE THIS ISN'T HOW IT WORKS I WAS JUST ABOUT TO HIT YOUR NAME ON THE CONTACT PAGE. I WAS GONNA CALL YOU. WHAT THE HUMAN HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, THANKS FOR RUINING YET ANOTHER ASPECT OF LIFE IF YOU COULD EVEN HAVE THE DIGNITY TO CALL THIS A LIFE." I breathed heavily. I hadn't meant for that to come out, it just did.

"Hi to you, too, Karkat." Came that nerdy asshole's voice and I was suddenly aware of what was going on. "If it isn't too much trouble." Egbert added on. I wanted to talk, I knew I needed to talk or else nothing would ever feel right, I just didn't know what to say anymore. All that came out from my mouth was a craoky series of stammering sounds as I tried to decide what to bring up.

"Karkat?" Came my name after a long pause, which must have been eating away at John's phone credit. A long breathy sigh came out of his mouth via phone. "Well, since you're not doing any of that talking you said you'd called me for, let me start. Umm, wow, this is awkward because I'd been thinking of what to say when this call happened, too. I'm really surprised no one's asked me about any of this. I mean, Dirk and Rose brought stuff up, especially Dirk, but ot one else." So that's why Dirk was so insistent about this all. Ugh I shouldn't known. Karkat you fuckass. "Don't you think that's strange, Karkat?"

"Yes." I hissed, probably sounding as suspicious as I was.

"Karkat, I ddn't do any of the stuff that everyone's accusing me of." Egbert said, getting straight to the point out of the blue. "We were just playing video games – you saw it, I think – and then I'd lost, he was irritated that I was being a sore loser, which I'll admit I was being slightly sore-loserish, and he tackled me. Nothing happened but that. We weren't making out or going to or anything, promise."

"You don't fucking GET IT." I facepalmed, going soft. " It's not JUST about the tackling or the nearly having a sloppy human makeout session, that very same day? I got a text from Dave that was supposed to go to you but with my luck it went to me. Then there were the nights Dave'd come over late back home without saying ANYTHING and you guys are SO FUCKING OBSCENE TO THINK THAT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT COMBO MEANS." I take a deep breath, but I'm far from over. I've just begun. "And THEN, THEN THE VERU DAY I'M UPSET ABOUT IT AND BARGE OUT MAKING IT REALLY OBVIOUS I'M NOT OKAY, WHEN MY HUMAN MATESPRIT – BOYFRIEND FOR YOUR STUPID UNDERDEVELOPED BRAIN – IS SUPPOSED TO BE THREE FOR ME AND TALKING THINGS OUT THEN I FIND HIM TACKLING YOU AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES OR SENDING TEXTS INSTEAD? THAT'S WHY I'M ANGRY, EGBERT. GOG HELP ME, I MAY GET AGGRAVATED FOR TINY LITTLE THINGS BUT THIS TIME I'M ANGRY AND THIS TIME IT'S WORTH IT. IT'S NOT A LITTLE DEAL. IT'S A MASSIVE PROBLEM, AND YOU'RE ONLY FUCKING HALF OF IT THAT'S HOW BAD IT IS."

I expected a sorry. Expected a slow stringed apology or maybe even an angry retort from Egbert; but I didn't get one. No, I got "Oh my god. Karkat! Oh freakin' mother of god, Karkat, it all makes sense! All of it!" Came a HAPPY and not even REMOTELY SARCASTIC reply.

"Excuse me?!"

"KARKAT, I'm sorry, but, you're all wrong. Karkat, nothing was on those times. It makes sense for it to've, but nothing was on. Dave came over to the house and we'd play videogames or make youtube videos on his vlogging channel, and then after that it was just talking."

I was silent, then when I spoke I probably sounded more aggravated than I actually was. "You expect me to believe that?"

"No jeez, you'd only believe it in one of those crazy obsession blurred fanfics. No, you don't have to believe it, but it's true. Promise. Do you even know what he'd talk about mots of the time? He'd talk about you. He'd fall asleep laying on the floor talking about you – in a good way as well, not like he was bored. Then that same Karkat-induced sleep would make him late to go home at night to his Karkat."

"'Had the coolest time with you yesterday, Eg, great break from the usual. '" My mouth uttered the words that had been sent to me earlier on this month.

"No, no - Karkat," FINALLY SOME SADNESS. "Karkat, that's to do with how he was working shifts with Dirk every day at the pancakes place and he didn't feel comfortable talking to Dirk about his problems, but then for the first time since, like, the 6 years I've known Dave, he finally opened up and talked about his problems. It's all that 'I can't talk about my feelings, I'm a guy' crap."

I faultered trying to come up with something, then after a few seconds it came. "ONCE AGAIN, you expect me to BELIEVE THAT? 'THE COOLEST TIME WITH YOU'."

"We had a cool time together."

"COOL TIME UNTIL 1AM, JOHN JEGUS FUCKING-DO YOU THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY THINKPAN? DO YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?" I was imploding. I was exploding. I was I don't fucking know.

"It means we had a cool time!" The oblivious prick sounded a tinge confused.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?"

"We had a cool time?"

"NO JOHN, IT MEANS THAT YOU WERE FILLING UP HIS HUMAN PAIL, OR SHOVING YOUR WOOD INTO HIS FUCKING ASS OR WHATEVER HUMANS DO YOU TRUE FUCKASS."

A pause.

"Karkat?"

"WHAT."

"I am NOT A HOMOSEXUAL. I NEVER HAVE BEEN. I NEVER WILL. WHY DOES EVERYONEE THINK I AM? WHAT MAKES PEOPLE THINK," I never knew humans, especially John, could screech. "I AM A HOMOSEXUAL. I AM NOT. NOT EVEN IN THE WAY THAT HOMOSEXUAL IS AN INSULT. I JUST AM NOT. COOL TIME MEANS COOL TIME. I DIDN'T SCOOTILYPOOP OR DO THE UNDERCOVER COUPLE TWISTER OR THE SIDEWAYS TANGO WITH DAVE STRIDER. I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL."

I was silent. Did I just get yelled at by John Egbert?

"Did I just get yelled at by you?"

"KARKAT, I TOLD YOU. I AM NO- oh wait, no, wait. What did you say?"

"I think that's the most angry I've ever heard you."

"Yeah, well." He still sounded ticked.

"All those nights? NOTHING?" It hit me what we were talking about.

"Karkat, the douchey hipster still crushes on you. I heard about all the things he did for you. He has to love you." Part of me, a good chunk, forgave John Egbert at that point. I realized that I wasn't angry at HIM. No, there was not a bad bone in that human's frail, easily-broken, scrawny body. If anything had gone on, it wasn't with John. Human hell, if anything had happened that a normal person might be able to cover up, John wouldn't have been a good enough liar to lie like that.

"I can't believe this." I put a hand to my forehead. "I have to fucking forgive you."

"What?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT I SAID YOU IDIOT. DON'T MAKE ME CHANGE MY MIND." I screamed into the phone and the microphone recoiled away. "But, it's just, different. There's more to it."

"I'm sorry." Came his voice.

"What?"

"You forgave me, so I figured I might as well say sorry to balance it out."

"NO JOHN THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS."

"Yeah it is."

"YOU'RE SUCH A PREPUBESCENT SACK OF STUPIDITY."

"Karkat, I'm going to be 17, I think I've gone through puberty."

"IT'S AN INSULT YOU MORON. DON'T YOU THINK I'VE PICKED UP ON HUMAN BIOLOGY. INSULTS DON'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE."

"Of course I know you picked up on human biology. I know about that stash of books that you keep at home about human biology and how you've read everyone one of them."

"GOODBYE, JOHN."

"It's been nice talking to you, Karkat. Goodbye. Or, toodle-oo in Jake's words."

"GOODBYE, EGBERT." I said and I hung up on him. "Fucking shitsponge." I mumbled into the phone. And I guess for a moment I experienced the thrill of 'happy'. Then I realized what the next step of this all would be.