Hey everyone, I'm back with an update. Like I said before, I update when I update. Using a review just telling/asking me to update, especially when I just did only makes me not want to. So to those of you who do that, you can expect a long wait before the next one. Now without further delay, let's return to Johnny's wacky adventures in South Park.
Disclaimer: I don't own South Park as it belongs to Trey Parker and Matt Stone. I do own the OC "Johnny Earnhardt" in the story.
Bold- PA system/Message Bulletins/
Bold Italic- Radio/TV/Facebook/Twitter
Italics-Thoughts/Letters/Flashbacks
My eyes opened after the stinging rays of the early morning sun hit them. Turning uncomfortably knowing I would have to get up for school I gave a sigh. Wait a minute… school! Oh, shit! What time is it? Bolting upright in my bed I looked at my clock and I felt the color drain from my face. School was supposed to start in ten minutes.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I jumped out of bed, tripping to my closet.
I put on the first clothes that I could find, grabbed my hat and my backpack and bolted down the stairs. Hopefully Mom or Dad was still here to give me a ride. Even though I would have to deal with the scolding on the way there, I would rather be on time that late. I reached the bottom of the stairs and sprinted into the kitchen like wild bull to find my parents getting ready for their day.
"Easy, boy." Dad lowered the newspaper. "What's got you so wound up?"
"I'm gonna' be late for school! I need a ride!" I replied, hurrying to the door.
"School's been cancelled for a few days, sweetie. Go check it out on the news!" Mom smiled at me.
After hearing that, I immediately felt like the biggest dumbass in the world. In my amped state I had dropped all thought and acted on instinct. There was no way my parents would let me miss my first day of school and one of them would have most likely woke me up so I could get ready. I could feel my face turning red with embarrassment and I pulled the bill of my favorite baseball hat down to hide my face. Leaving the kitchen, I hurried upstairs and threw my backpack across the room before heading back down to the TV. I sat down on the couch and turned the volume up on the TV.
I didn't catch the first bit of what the anchor said, but I would get my answers in a second. The little voice in my head was telling me that the reason was because I crashed a giant alien ship in the town causing god knows how much property damage.
"…and that a large earthquake and several fires in the South Park area last night woke many residents from their sleep. Here with a report is a midget in a bikini," the anchor continued.
A midget in a bikini? Just when I thought this place could not get any weirder, South Park managed to top itself. The camera transitioned to another part of town capturing crowds of people looking at the wreckage of the UFO I crashed the night before. There were military helicopters flying in the background which would give away the seriousness of the situation to anyone watching. Although I was curious about what remained of the UFO, my attention was now drawn to the tiny many wearing a pink bikini. I was doing everything in my power not to laugh at the reporter as he reported what he had.
"Tom, government workers are assuring everyone nothing out of the ordinary has happened," the man began. "They claim that the only reason huge tents have gone up to cover this area is to mask the construction of a new Taco Bell which will open sometime later this month."
Yes, because no one can clearly see the ass end of a fucking UFO sticking straight up in the air. The only logical thing can be a freaking Taco Bell. Jesus, anyone who believed that was a retard beyond help. The camera went back to the news studio to wrap up the report.
"Thanks, Midget, I do love me some Taco Bell. The mayor of South Park states that last night's tremors and fires are under control and that hopefully schools and businesses can open again soon," the anchor said.
Well, this put me in a bit of a pickle. I was grounded and without video games for the week after getting into trouble for trolling Stephen Stotch yesterday, having put my hopes into school to make the week go by quick. The only option I could see to pass the time was to go and play with Butters, Cartman and the others again, but I was hesitant after everything I went through yesterday. A loud knock came from the front door and I got up and opened it a second later to see Cartman standing in front of me.
"Agh! My God!" Cartman yelled, entering the house.
"Good morning to you too, dude," I replied, shutting the door behind him.
"They came outta nowhere! There was a huge earthquake and then, and then there was burning in my yard!" Cartman continued to rant.
He turned to the TV to see that I had been watching it and seemed to calm down for a moment. The last thing I needed now was to go deaf from his yelling.
"It's horrible. You don't understand. The elves… they took the stick!" Cartman gripped his staff tighter.
Wait a second, how did they get the stick? When I started playing this game with them yesterday, I knew that one of the biggest rules that both factions agreed on was that no one could take the stick during the night and only during game time. While I did not omit the elves from being the thieves, I also kept an open mind. Even though I found Cartman to be a dick, I considered him my ally, and I could tell he would not be freaking out about this if he had something to do with it. I crossed my arms as I tried to mull over the possibilities in my head, but nothing else made any sense.
"And it's bullshit, because that is totally cheating! We specifically said no trying to take the stick at night! Elves are dirty little liars! And we have to lay waste to their base!" Cartman continued.
Aw, crap, I don't like where this is going. My bullshit meter was starting to be filled and it was barely past eight. This was going to be another long day and I was sure it would involve me doing more bitch work again.
"You have some incredible ability to make friends quickly, Sir Douchebag. I'm sending you on a quest to go out into the lands of Zaron and recruit a whole other faction to Kupa Keep," Cartman said, turning to me.
"Who are we recruiting?" I raised a brow.
"Find the goth kids and give them this letter."
Cartman handed me a simple folded up piece of paper and I tucked it away in my pocket.
"Get them to join our kingdom and we shall lay waste to the Drow Elves once and for all!" Cartman walked back to the door and opened it, slamming it behind him a second later after muttering something that sounded like, "Fucking cheaters!"
Goth kids, huh? This was going to be so much fun. I pulled out my phone and shot Butters quick text asking him to meet me outside my house to give me a hand. At least having the help of my buddy would make things easier. It did not take me long to come back downstairs with my gear to continue playing the game. After tucking my nightstick back in my belt and gripping my bat with my right hand, I was ready to go.
"Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad! I'll be home later!" I called out.
Stepping out into the cool mountain weather, I gave a light shiver. I was no stranger to cold weather since I moved from Wisconsin which was notorious for having some of the coldest winters around, but this would take getting used to. The sound of crunching snow met my ears and I turned to see my partner in crime walking over with a smile on his face.
"Hey, Butters." I nodded.
"Morning!" Butters chirped back.
"So how did it go for you last night?"
"Good, surprisingly."
"How so?"
"When my dad came back, he didn't even try to talk to me and just sat to watch TV."
It seemed as though Butters was able to shut his dad up with his words last night before heading home. There was still a chance that Stephen was just trying to calm down and had no desire to face Butters while he was still able to talk back to him, and if that was the case, Butters would have to be on his guard and go at him again when he tried to say something.
"So, anyway, what are we doing now?" Butters asked.
"Cartman wants us to go recruit the Goth kids," I replied, holding the letter between my fingers.
"Oh, okay! They like to hide behind the back of the school."
"Good, let's get to work!"
Butters and I had to take a few detours on our way to the school because some main roads were closed off to be cleaned up from the space ship debris. While were walking, I asked Butters if he saw the news that morning to which he nodded and said he was excited for the Taco Bell. A small grimace came to my face when he said that. I knew Butters wasn't stupid, but he was very innocent about his surroundings. As much as I wanted to tell him that it was not a Taco Bell that they were building and in fact it was an alien spacecraft that abducted me the night before, he would probably think I was insane. Instead, I took a more subtle route by asking him if he thought it was a possibility that it was a cover story and that the authorities were hiding something. He seemed to think about my question, but only shrugged a second later saying that he would have to see it to believe it. I think that could be arranged. Maybe we could sneak by that site later today.
We were passing by the mayor's office where I met Annie yesterday and my eyes landed on a park bench. Sitting on the bench was a priest reading a passage in the bible. Being a Catholic and a kid who went to church when I could, I walked over to ask him when masses were being held.
"Yo, Padre," I began, gaining the priest's attention.
"Oh, what sad times these are when the nation's youth run around in dungeon clothes playing the games of Satan!" He said, after getting a look at me.
Oh, crap, he was one of those old school priests that viewed anything fun as sinful. Don't get me wrong, I believe in God and I'm religious, but I'm not a bible thumper.
"Look, I just wanted to know where the church was so I can go to mass," I answered.
"Young man, if you want power, there is only one thing you must do," the priest replied.
"Confess my sins to you?"
"No. Find Jesus. When you find him, return to me."
I blinked and scratched the back of my head. Find Jesus? I thought when somebody wanted to find Jesus they just went to the damn priest so they could be forgiven for sins and then get baptized and all that mumbo jumbo. This priest, however, was telling me to go find him and then come back to him. I glanced back at Butters who was motioning for me to follow him.
"What the hell just happened?" I whispered to him.
"Nothing," Butters replied. "We can go find Jesus quick, though. Those goth kids won't be going anywhere soon."
"Butters, when people tell you to find Jesus they mean it figuratively, not literally."
"I can take you to him, Johnny. I know where he is."
"I guess we're going to the church, but we won't find him there! Jesus has been dead for thousands of years, dude!"
"Just trust me, Johnny."
I decided to humor Butters and followed him down the road and past the police station. After walking for almost ten minutes, we were standing outside of a large church with big red doors. We entered the church and shut the doors behind us. The church itself was bigger than some of the other ones I remember going to when I was younger and it looked a lot nicer as well.
We walked down the aisle between the pews and my eyes scanned the church trying to find Jesus. Hanging above the altar I could see a large cross on the wall with a Jesus nailed to it. If this was what Butters dragged me over to see, I would be a little frustrated since I had a hunch this is what he was getting at. That was until I heard a couple chuckles nearby. Who else was in here? I heard them again and I turned my attention back to the podium near the cross.
"Butters, hit the lights over there," I whispered.
Butters shut the lights off and the two lights in front of the podium shone on it, illuminating the shadow a man. The shadow was tall and I could feel my heart speed up a bit in anticipation. It couldn't really be him, could it? I glanced back at Butters, but he only smiled and walked towards the podium. My legs carried me to the shadow that I had yet to take my eyes off of. We stopped shy of the podium and the shadow that was spread over the cross on the wall shifted and vanished as the figure revealed itself. If this was an old 1940s cartoon, my jaw would be scraping the floor now.
In front of me was Jesus Christ, my lord and savior. Closing my jaw, I continued to stare in shock at the man before me. Butters was not lying and I could tell he was getting a kick out of my dumbstruck look. Not finding any words to say, I merely crossed myself and knelt in front of him, but my shock got the better of me.
"Oh my Jesus Christ monkey balls," I muttered.
"There's no need for that kind of language, Jonathan." Jesus looked at me.
"I'm sorry. I was just shocked."
"You are forgiven, my child. I'm glad to see that you found me after Father Maxi told you to."
"I was honestly skeptical, but Butters told me you were here and he wasn't kidding."
Jesus smiled at Butters, thanking him for bringing me here to meet him. He walked around the podium and reached into his robes for something, pulling out a silver rosary.
"Remember, Jonathan, I will always be at the side of those who have found me," Jesus said, handing me the rosary.
"Thank you, Jesus." I bowed my head.
"Come on, Johnny! Let's go talk to the goth kids!" Butters hurried to the exit.
"Yeah, I'm coming!"
We cut through open field behind the school to reach the back of it. The playground was deserted since no one was at the school. I followed Butters until we reached the side of the school and saw four kids dressed in black. There were three boys and one girl. I pulled the letter that Cartman gave me earlier out of my pocket and walked up to them. When I stopped in front of them, they gave me a mixture of annoyed and disinterested looks.
"Who's that?" Asked the boy the red highlights.
"I think it's that new kid people are talking about," the girl answered him.
I only nodded to after the girl said that to confirm their thoughts. Holding up the letter in my hand I got ready to invite them to play the game and play on Cartman's side, but that was not going to happen. The second I opened my mouth to speak, the taller goth that was sitting on the steps interrupted me.
"Beat it, New Kid, this area is strictly for the goth kids," he said.
My brow furrowed at his answer. Technically speaking it wasn't their spot since it was a public area, but the childish response was something that I was not expecting. However, I wasn't one to back down that easily. I crossed my arms and returned my own stare at the taller goth kid.
"I don't see your name on it," I said with a smirk.
"Beat it, kid. Do you know what we did to the leader of the last group of kids that tried to mess with who we were?" The taller one replied.
Since I just moved to South Park I had no idea that the goth kids had a reputation for getting into fights, but then again, that was most likely the reason Cartman sent me to recruit them. They must have been aggressive fighters otherwise I would not be talking to them now. I turned to Butters for an explanation to which he shifted in embarrassment. Was he somehow involved with what they were talking about? It turns out he was. He pulled me aside and told me about something that happened a while back when they were being confused with wannabe vampire kids after the Twilight fad came through town.
Ironically, Butters thought they were real vampires and that he became one himself which gave him the courage to stand up to his parents.
The goth kids, Pete, Henrietta, Michael and Firkle, were in danger of being affiliated with being labeled as vampire kids as well and to put a stop to it, they ended up kidnapping the leader of the vampire kids, Mike Makowski, and sent him to Scottsdale as punishment while they cleaned up the mess. To finish their job, they burned down the Hot Topic in the mall where the vampire kids were getting all of their fashion clothes and ended it all by giving a speech during a school assembly explaining the difference between goth kids and vampire kids. Needless to say, I now had another wacky story about this town.
"Goddamn, does everyone in this town have a criminal record?" I wondered, handing the letter to Pete.
Pete took it and gave it a quick read through. He then passed it to Henrietta who read it before passing it on to Michael.
"What's this?" He asked, pulling out his cigarette to read it. "Join the Kingdom of Kupa Keep to battle the wicked elves. All recruits welcome."
He looked up at me and then crumbled up the paper. Well, I guess that was my answer for now anyway. I had a gut feeling that they would only do it if I did something for them.
"Sorry, Frodo. We don't play Dungeons and Douchebags," he said, putting his cigarette back in his mouth.
"Dungeons and Douchebags? I like that one." I laughed.
"Yeah, beat it kid!" Pete added.
Talk about hostile, right? Before I opened my mouth to retort, Firkle, the smallest goth kid, spoke up.
"Aw, come on, let's do it. We never do anything."
"No way! We can't do what this kid asks us to do! He's a conformist! Just look at his clothes and hair!" Michael retorted.
My clothes and my hair? God forbid I dressed up to play a game with my new friends, but that did not make me a conformist by any means. I opened my mouth to retort and give Michael a piece of my mind, but Pete beat me to it.
"Yeah, tell you what, New Kid. Get the right clothes and some cigarettes and coffee and then come talk to us again," he said.
Crap, here we go again. One small favor turning into a giant line of favors to accomplish the first. Pinching the bridge of my nose to calm myself down, I made a mental note of everything that Pete told me to bring. I needed clothes, cigarettes and coffee. Two of those would not be a problem, but the cigarettes were the iffy item. Unless I could somehow steal a pack, there was no way I would get my hands on them.
"Yeah, if you wanna' prove you aren't a conformist then you need to look exactly like we do. Then maybe we'll consider hanging out with you," Michael said.
"Fine, whatever." I shook my head, walking to the side gate.
Butters opened the gate and walked out and I was about to follow suit, but I stopped and turned around. If I was going to do this, I could not leave without getting a little jab of my own.
"By the way. A conformist is defined as a person who conforms, especially unquestioningly, to the practices or standards of a group," I said.
"What's your point?" Michael asked back.
"I am becoming a conformist to you goth kids by pretending to be goth myself."
Closing the gate behind me, Butters and I walked away, but I could have sworn I heard Henrietta say something like, "I think we just got goth served."
Butters and I came out of Tweek Coffee after deciding to get something to drink and so we could get some coffee like Pete told us. I had been in a bit of a sour mood after the talk with the goths, but it went away after I bought myself my morning Rockstar energy drink. The sweet caffeine goodness rotted your insides and made your farts smell rancid as hell, but it tasted great! I was about to ask Butters if he knew where we could score some cigarettes, but movement caught my eye. Four boys dressed as elves surrounded us and I silently cursed myself for letting my guard down. We were at a disadvantage, but I knew that the two of us could easily take two each.
"Hey, there he is! New Kid!" Said one.
"New Kid, the Elf King has requested your presence. You can either come quietly or you can fight," said the second.
Now, had this happened shortly after I met Cartman yesterday, I may have considered it. Now, it was a different story. I already had a lot of work to do and I no desire to get dragged on another detour. I could feel my good mood slowly vanishing and being replaced with annoyance. There was no way I was going without a fight and after sending a glance at Butters, he got the gist of my intentions. I watched as Butters' hand rested above his hammer, getting ready to attack.
"I warn you, fighting this fight at this point in the game is a complete waste of time and you might as well skip it and come with us," the second elf continued.
My hand gripped my bat tightly while my free hand trailed down to my side to the nightstick.
"You don't know who you're dealing with, do you?" I asked.
"You're outnumbered!" Another elf retorted.
"The dynamic duo may be outnumbered, but we're never outmanned!"
Giving a loud cry I jumped at the first elf with my bat and nightstick drawn, catching him by surprise. I swung my bat into his stomach and smashed the nightstick on the side of his face. He stumbled away as he tried to deal with the pain I inflicted on him, but I quickly moved to the side and swung my bat to block a strike from another elf. Taking a second, I spared Butters a quick glance to see how he was doing, but he was holding his own without any problems. I smirked when I saw Butters parry the attack of another elf before swinging his hammer up and into the crotch of an unsuspecting elf.
"My balls!" The elf cried out, falling to the ground.
"Nice one, bro!" I praised, blocking another attack.
"Thanks! Whoa, boy!"
Butters ducked under a swing from another elf and jumped to get away, but he soon found himself under fire from an archer near me. I pushed the elf that I was facing off and drove my knee into his stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Just when I was running to intercept the archer, I saw a hammer fly out of nowhere and smack him in the head, dropping him to the ground. Holy shit, nice shot, Butters! I picked up the hammer and tossed it to him just time so he could block the strike of another elf.
My back went rigid after I felt something solid hit it and I peered over my shoulder to see another elf glaring at me. I spun around and swung with my nightstick as a distraction which worked perfectly. He moved out of the way to dodge it, but was not expecting me to do a jumping strike with my bat. I smirked when the boy fell to the ground in a crumbled heap, but it left my face when two elves got back up and made their way towards me. Maybe I did bite off more than I could chew with this fight. These elves were a lot tougher than the ones I fought yesterday outside of Jimmy.
I jumped hurried back and tucked my nightstick away to pull out my baseball. Throwing it up in the air, I swung my bat when it came back down and set it straight at one elf. The ball smashed into his chest and sent him tumbling back into another elf. They both fell to the ground and I pulled out my nightstick to begin my onslaught.
"Ah, dual wielding! Twice the pain, twice the fun!" I grinned.
I gave one strike after the next on the two elves that were on the ground before me, doing everything I could to make sure they would stay down for me and Butters to make a clean getaway. Catching movement out of the corner of my eye, I narrowly dodged the attack of another elf.
"Johnny, I can finish them off!" Butters said, coming to my side.
"Be my guest," I replied.
Buttes held out his hand and a monarch butterfly landed on it before he ushered it away. He tucked his hammer back into his belt and a sinister smirk came to his face as he rubbed his hands together.
"Let's see how you like dealing with me!" Butters said, giving a maniacal laugh afterword.
With a swing of his cape, Butters transformed into a much taller being that looked insanely powerful. I could only watch with disbelief as Butters then began to hover off the ground with his arms crossed. What was he doing and how the hell did he turn into that? Butters then landed on the ground and began charging up a golden ball of light between his hands and then fired a destructive beam of light destroying anything it touched. Jesus, did he just kill those kids, and was that attack what I thought it was? It looked a lot like a supercharged Kamehameha. The light vanished to show all the elves on the ground out cold.
"We did it!" Butters cheered, reverting back to his normal form.
"Damn right we did!" I high-fived him. "We should come up with a name for our ass kicking mode.
"That's a good idea. What did you have in mind?"
"Have you ever seen those Sandy Ravage videos on Youtube?"
"I think I've seen a couple."
"We will call it Duke Mode. Whenever either of us goes into badass mode and crushes everything, that's what we will call it."
We were both wrapped so wrapped up in our conversation that we did not notice the elves we defeated had gotten up. The next thing I know, I was on the ground after taking a hit to the back of my head. I saw Butters being dragged away by two of the elves and around the side of the coffee shop. He tried to break free to get to me, but it did not work.
"Let go of me!" Butters shouted.
I looked up at the elf that struck me and saw him glaring back down. It was the same one who told me to surrender. I only felt anger at the cheating elves for breaking the rules after we beat them fair and square.
"We tried to warn you it was useless, but you just had to try and fight," said the elf.
He brought back his foot and kicked me hard in the head. Not only was I going to be taken to the elf king against my will, but I would have a headache to go with it. To say I was mad was an understatement. I was very pissed. The last thing I heard before drifting into unconsciousness was, "Put him in the wagon! Let's go!"
When I came to, I had no idea where I was. Cracking an eye open I could see I was being carried in a wagon. I tried to move my hands, but they were tied tightly behind my back, but I could still to move my legs. Just as I was about to sit up, I felt my head give a sharp throb of pain. That's right, that dick cracked me in the back of my head when I was talking to Butters. Wait a minute, Butters! What'd they do to Butters? The wagon came to a stop and I managed to sit up and see that I was in someone's backyard, probably the elf king's.
There were a ton of elves in the yard and they left a clear path that led up to some throne where three people were. One was wearing a red poof ball hat, the other was wearing a green hat with a crown of twigs wrapped around it, and the last member was a blonde haired kid. I was pulled out of the wagon by two elves and forced down the path. I ignored the glares that the elves gave me and did not grant them a look. The elves stopped me and stood on my sides to keep me from escaping. The boy with the green hat looked down at me when he spoke.
"So… you're the new kid everyone has been talking about. What's your name?" The boy asked.
I was not going to grant this kid an easy response, so I decided to be the most difficult bastard I could. Smirking up at the king of elves, I merely tilted my head.
"No hablo inglés," I replied.
I smirked at seeing the boy's brow furrow in frustration. I knew little Spanish, but I was going to try and get him as riled up as I could. Even though he was king, if he really wanted to talk to me he could have come to get me himself, but instead he used his errand boys.
"Answer the king!" One of the guards jabbed my side.
"I did answer him, you retard. I just didn't give him my name," I said, giving him a hard kick to the shin.
"He doesn't talk much, Elf King. He thinks he's hot shit or something."
"I don't think I'm hot shit. I just don't answer to a bunch of cocksuckers like you."
The elf king spared the kid at his side a look before getting off his throne. He walked down the small stairs and stopped in front of me, his glare back on his face. He jabbed a finger in my chest. Strike one, kid, don't get to strike three with me or you will regret it.
"You're playing for the wrong side, dude," the king told me.
"Oh, really? What makes you say that?" I answer.
He shoved his shoulder into mine and walked down the path with his arms behind his back in thought. Strike two, kid. He was breaking the strike system faster than Cartman did yesterday.
"What did wizard fat ass tell you?" The king asked, looking back at me. "That we broke the rules and took the stick last night?"
"Maybe." I shrugged.
"He's lying!"
"You'll have to better than that, King Douche Nozzle."
I could see a flash of anger in the king's eye after I hit him with the insult and I was about to continue them until the kind in the red poof ball hat spoke up from the throne.
"Cartman is the one you should be fighting against. He's hiding the stick, which is cheating, and acting all betrayed and sad to get you to recruit more people for him," he said.
"I wasn't talking to you, Powder Puff," I replied. "Your king's a big boy and can tell me himself."
Although I said that, I mulled over the boy's words in my head. I did not even think that Cartman was possibly hiding the stick to do that, but I still stayed firm to my belief from this morning. I was pretty good at telling if someone was lying and the way Cartman was acting this morning did not suggest he was. Plus, it would take a lot more than that to convince me to even believe the elves, especially after they jumped me earlier.
"If we want to talk about cheating, let's talk about you douchebags breaking the fighting rule to bring me here when I had no intention of doing so!" I shouted.
That seemed to throw off both the king and his partner. They were caught and obviously knew that they did cheat to bring me to them after I resisted and won the fight fair and square.
"We tracked a Twitter raven who says you are trying to recruit the goths for the wizard." The king changed the subject. "Go recruit them… but bring them to us. Then we can ransack Cartman's stupid kingdom and get the stick back once and for all."
"Do you know how stupid you sound asking a guy you forced over here to recruit for your team?" I asked him.
"I'm willing to grant you amnesty and let you join my kingdom."
"Oh, that sounds great, but let me tell you something. The day I willingly help you out is the day you suck my dick."
The king got in my face and gripped the front of my shirt tightly. I waited for him to hit me, but he cut me loose instead.
"I'm trusting you to do what's right. And kid… if you betray us, we'll tell everyone you're a butthole," the king said, climbing back to his throne.
Strike three, Elf King. I only glared at him and was doing everything I could to giving a retort of my own. It took Cartman a whole day to break my strike system with his third strike being at Jimmy's house yesterday when we walked into the ambush, but the elf king accomplished it in under five minutes. I had a score to settle with both of them when the time came and I could not help but smile at the thought of it.
"I'll see what I can do, Elf King," I said with a bow.
"That's more like it." The king glared back at me. "I'll be sending my best ranger to guide you. The Bard is also at your disposal now if you need him."
The boy with the poof ball hat came down the stairs and sent me another warning look to which I just shrugged off.
"I'm Stan," Stan said, holding out his hand. "Don't take us lightly, New Kid."
God help me, I am surrounded by assholes. I said nothing as I shook his hand in return and he called over to a nearby elf. The elf came over and handed me back my baseball bat, but my nightstick was gone. I began to wonder if they left it at the coffee shop after they subdued me.
"Let's go, New Kid," Stan said, going to the gate.
"Don't get your panties in a bunch, Powder Puff. I'm coming," I answered, following close behind.
That's the chapter everybody. As you can see, Johnny is not in a good mood, especially with Kyle and Stan threatening to slander his reputation as the new kid if he doesn't do as they say. Anyway, I'll again when I get the time. Check out the statements below for further information.-Captain
Statements:
1.) South Park has started its new season and so far I'm so/so on it. It's had its funny moments, but it seems to be losing its punch. The one episode I can say I had a lot of laughs at so far was "Handicar" with Nathan and Mimsy.
2.) I'm not going to lie here. Between Cartman and Kyle when it came to the game, Kyle pissed me off a lot faster than Cartman, as you can see from Johnny's reaction to him and Stan in the chapter here.
3.) Remember. Anything Johnny says/does is exactly what I said/did in the game and what I would actually do/say in real life if I was in his position.
4.) Johnny and Butters now enter what they call "Duke Mode" when on a knockout streak. Yes, that is a reference to Sandy Ravage as Johnny pointed out. On that note, I decided Johnny's battle theme whenever he is in a fight is "Big 4 in 4 Minutes" by Charlie Parra Del Riego.
5.) I was happy with the midget in a bikini gag in the game, so it inspired me to bring back a few old running gags when the show first started and some of my favorites ones. So you can expect to see a few of them later in the story.