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Gone Daddy Gone

"Closure," Jude said as she walked into her house Saturday afternoon. She'd spent the morning recording Lyndsey's vocals, and she should still be at work mixing the final song, but the conversation with Diana the day before kept running through her head, distracting her, so she came home. She looked down at Rocky. "Maybe Diane was right. Maybe I need closure, then I wouldn't feel so crazy all the time." It was the first thing anyone had said to her about Quincy that made real sense. She never got to end it with him. She never got to look him in the eye and say, 'I'm done and I'm over you.'

She started up the stairs to her bedroom. She couldn't fight with him. That wouldn't be productive at all. In the end, getting up-close-and-personal with Quincy about things that happened three years ago would only upset her more. No, Jude needed to work it out by herself. She had all the pieces now. She knew why he didn't come back. Why he'd gone to Chicago. Why he'd married someone else. She didn't like any of the answers, but at least she had them.

Jude walked through the closet and into her studio. She sat in her oversized swivel chair, opened the filing cabinet door, pulled out folder after folder of sheet music and laid them on the console in front of her. They were the songs she'd written since he'd be gone. She opened each folder, read through what was there, then put it aside. Some of it was good, some of it was crap, but all the songs had one thing in common. There was a thread of pain that ran through them. Jude realized she'd never written a song about the end of a relationship. Not the break-up part, she had tons of those, but the point passed the break-up. The point where the girl was okay again. The point of closure. Wow, Diana really was right.

Jude knew herself too well. If she hadn't written it, she hadn't experienced it. She thought she was over Quincy, had let it all go, but until she wrote a song that said those things, she was still hanging on. Well, it was time to end it once and for all. She put the music back in the cabinet, grabbed her journal and her old Gibson, and waited for inspiration to strike.

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

By the time Sadie called on Sunday and suggested a late afternoon brunch, Jude was going stir-crazy. She'd spent all day Saturday writing and re-writing, and still hadn't come-up with a song that expressed her feelings properly. She decided a break would be a good thing, even if it meant spending a few hours with Quincy at her sister's house. She quickly showered, threw-on an old pair of jeans and her ancient Violent Femmes t-shirt, packed Rocky in the car, and drove to Sadie's.

She sang along to the music on the radio and tapped her hands against the steering wheel in time with the beat. She had to admit, she was in a good mood. At least now she had a plan; she wasn't floundering. And once the song was finished, she feel even better. She even decided to give Quincy a break. Not all of this was his fault. She was as much to blame as he was. She'd drop the attitude and treat him like she did the first day he walked back into the studio. Polite and free of anger. It nothing else, it would make brunch a more pleasant experience.

Jude walked into the house without knocking. "Sadie!" she bellowed from the foyer as she unsnapped Rocky's leash. "I'm here!" She didn't see anyone in the living room, so she wandered through the dining room and towards the kitchen. Still no one. She yelled again. "Where is everyone?!"

"They're outside," Jude jumped at the sound of Tommy's voice suddenly coming from behind her.

She spun around, her hand resting over her heart. "Jesus, Quincy. You scared me to death."

"Sorry. I didn't realize you were that jumpy." Tommy smiled at her as he stepped further into the kitchen. "They're out on the back porch drinking mimosas. I was upstairs talking to my relator, but I was about to join them. Care to come with?"

Jude linked her arm through Tommy's as she smiled back at him. "A fantastic idea. Lead the way."

It took a second for Tommy to start moving. Jude's smile combined with her touching him voluntarily confused the hell out of him, but he recovered quickly. He bent his head close to her ear. "What's with all the drinking? I don't remember this being a big booze crowd."

Jude patted his arm and laughed. "Only here at home. Growing-up, we always had wine with dinner. Mom let Sadie and I drink a small glass, half wine-half water. And it isn't a real Sunday brunch without mimosas. Don't worry, we're not a family of lushes. I promise."

Tommy held open the back door and let Jude walk through first. He tried to follow, but something sprinted out in front of him, almost tripping him. "Hey, Rocky. Didn't see you there."

Sadie was talking to Kwest, but she turned when she heard her sister approach. She gave Jude the once over and frowned. "Thanks for dressing-up."

Jude sat down at the small table tucked into the corner of the porch. "You should be happy it's clean. I haven't done laundry in over a week." She took a flute off the tray, poured in the champagne and topped it off with orange juice. She took a sip, the bubbles tickling her nose. "Mimosas and brunch. Do we have something to celebrate?" she asked and bit her bottom lip in anticipation.

Sadie held up her own glass. "If I was pregnant, I wouldn't be drinking. Brunch sounded like a good idea, that's all. You know, we should have regular family meals, at least once a week. I miss doing this."

"Me too." Jude leaned back in her chair, completely relaxed. It was warm for April, and the fresh air and slight breeze felt wonderful after being cooped up in her house. "How about dinner on Thursday? You guys come over and I'll cook."

Tommy was reaching for the orange juice when he stopped to look at her. "You cook?" he asked in disbelief.

Jude's eyes narrowed, but Kwest answered before she could say anything. "She's a damn good cook. Her and Sadie took a couple of classes together last year. For weeks, every Tuesday night they brought home the most amazing food. I think I gained ten pounds." Sadie leaned over to kiss her husband on the cheek for being so sweet.

Tommy arched an eyebrow, still a bit pessimistic about Jude's cooking abilities. After all, he'd been present for the mac-and-cheese disaster of 2006. But if Kwest said it was okay... "I can't wait to taste for myself."

Sadie slid her eyes to Jude, wondering if her sister would not-so-politely inform Tommy that when she said 'you guys come over', he wasn't included in the invitation. But Jude smiled and took a sip from her glass. "You bring the wine, Quincy. I'll cook the food."

Kwest had felt Sadie stiffen next to him. He was as worried as she was about how Jude would respond, especially since Tommy had told him about their fight on Thursday and their run in at the office. But she hadn't taken his head off, so maybe things weren't as bad between the two of them as his best friend thought. "So, T, what did the realtor say?" Kwest asked, changing the subject.

Tommy studied Jude for another minute, not sure what was going on with her. Her attitude was a complete one-eighty from Friday. Did all the women who worked at EastPhy have multiple personalities? He shook his head and answered Kwest. "I got the apartment I looked at, but I can't move in until the first of the month, so you're stuck with me for a few weeks."

"You can stay as long as you want, you know that," Sadie said in her best hostess voice. "But I thought you wanted to buy a condo. Why are you renting an apartment?"

This time, Tommy forced himself not to look at Jude. Initially it was his intention to buy a place, but if things didn't work out at EastPhy, or more accurately, if he couldn't work things out with Jude, he didn't want to be tied to a piece of property. He refused to think of it as running away again, more a strategic retreat. "It's a short term lease, only six months. It'll give me time to find a place I really want. I don't want to be rushed."

Jude nodded in understanding. "I get that. It took me forever to find my house, but the minute I saw it, I knew it was meant for me.

Jude's house. Tommy'd been wondering about that. Kwest told him she'd bought a three-story Victorian. He couldn't figure out what she was doing with all that space. "I thought your dream was a warehouse loft downtown. What made you change your mind and buy a house?"

"Now that Jude's here, I think I'm going to start cooking," Sadie interjected. "Kwest, honey, can you help me?" She nudged him under the table with her foot.

Kwest looked at her funny, knowing the last thing she wanted was his help in the kitchen. He was a decent cook too, but a messy one. When he helped, Sadie always complained she spent half her time cleaning up after him. She nudged him again, a little harder this time, and her eyes darted to Tommy and Jude. Kwest sighed, finally realizing what she doing. He gave Jude an apologetic look as he stood. "Sure, babe."

Jude smirked behind her glass as she took another sip. Her sister was so transparent she might as well be made of glass. But Jude was in a good mood, so she didn't mind. She answered Tommy's question as Sadie and Kwest walked into the house. "I thought I did too. The realtor was showing me all these lofts in The Annex, and I loved the location. Close to downtown, close to work, within walking distance to anything I wanted. But the lofts were too open; they didn't feel homey to me. So then he started showing me condos and townhouses in the same area, but everything was attached, and I didn't think I'd have any privacy. Finally, he started showing me houses, huge houses. I thought they were going to be too big, but when I saw my house, I fell in love. It needed a lot of work on the inside, I mean, I remodeled the whole thing, but it's perfect. High ceilings that make the rooms seem large, but still feel cosy. A good sized backyard with a decent fence, so I have privacy. And I converted the third floor into a master suite, so I even have my own little loft."

Tommy nodded. "So what's the basement like?"

"The basement?" Jude laughed, caught off guard by the question. "I don't think anyone's ever asked me that."

"That's where you're going to put your studio, right?" Tommy reached across the table for the champagne and didn't see Jude's momentary look of panic. "That's where it ends up most of the time. Unless you have a separate building in the back you're going to convert." He filled his glass, then offered to do the same for her.

Jude held out her flute. "I haven't thought about putting a studio in the basement." Which wasn't a lie. She had one off her bedroom, another in the basement seemed like overkill. "I still rent the rehearsal space and I can record at work anytime. I do have a key to the building," she said, hoping he wouldn't press the issue.

Tommy topped off both their glasses with orange juice, still serious. "The rehearsal space is great, but you can't get a clean recording there, and work is, well, it's work. You always talked about having a home studio. A place all your own where you could concentrate and experiment. I figured you'd want something private, where you could be by yourself to create. That's what I'd want."

She did too, that's why she loved her little bedroom studio. He wasn't supposed to be that perceptive, damn him. No one else had ever questioned her lack of a home studio. It irked her that he still knew her well enough to ask. "Maybe I'll put one in the basement someday, but right now I like things the way they are." She took a healthy drink and quickly changed gears. "I want to apologize for how I've been acting recently." Tommy slowly lowered his glass, his eye's wary. Jude continued while she still had the nerve. "Dodging you at EastPhy on Friday was really childish of me. And so was the fight Thursday night. I have no right to judge you. Whatever your reasons for getting married, they're none of my business. It's your life. I'm sorry, Tommy."

The use of his name startled him more. It was the first time she'd called him Tommy since he'd been back. What was going on with her today? "No, Jude, you were right. That's why I was so angry. I can say Karen and I expected different things from each other, but I went into it not appreciating her for who she was. You called me on it. No one else has, and they should have, especially Karen. It was selfish of me, and I'm trying really hard not to be a selfish bastard anymore." He smiled and gave her a wink. "It's a hard habit to break since I've been doing it for years."

"Well, you know what they say. Admitting you have a problem is the first step," Jude joked and Tommy's smile widened. She put her hand on his arm becoming serious again. "We have history, Quincy. Not all of it's good, but there's no reason we should continue to fight about it. We're going to be working together, and if we can't be friends, I at least want us to be friendly." It was as close to the closure Diana talked about as Jude was willing to get.

Tommy laid his hand over hers, his eyes connecting with her. "Girl, I want to be your friend again."

Jude saw more in his eyes, and it frightened her. She slipped her hand away and sat back in her chair, putting needed distance between them. "Like I said, we have history. Let's start by not fighting constantly, and see where it goes."

Tommy reluctantly nodded and backed-off. She obviously didn't trust him, and he couldn't blame her. This is what he got for treating her feelings so carelessly for years. For being such an idiot. Well, he'd go slow. He didn't have a choice. As she told him the other night - they were playing by her rules now. So like the old Tommy, he covered his disappointment with charm. "Is it possible for us to work together and not fight?"

Jude was thankful he didn't push it. If he had, it would have started another argument, and that's not what she wanted. "You're not producing me, so as long as we stay in separate studios, I think we have a chance."

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Sunday brunch stretched into Sunday dinner, and it was close to ten by the time Jude left. Tommy was surprised the day had gone so well. Jude had clearly set her boundaries and she didn't want him getting anywhere near them, but at least she wasn't scowling at him anymore or avoiding him all together. In fact, they hadn't fought once. He took it as a good sign.

Sadie went to bed soon after Jude went home, leaving Tommy and Kwest to clean the kitchen. Since she cooked, she thought it only fair for them to clean. Kwest wanted to talk to Tommy without her around, so he didn't argue. Once they were done, the boys grabbed a couple of beers and went back out to the porch. Kwest took a long drink, licked a bead of liquid off his bottom lip, then said, "Well, she doesn't hate you." Tommy motioned up to the second story. Kwest waved his hand. "Our bedroom's in the front; she can't hear anything. Besides she's been up there for almost an hour. She's sound asleep."

Tommy relaxed, letting his head fall back against the chair. "She doesn't hate me. That's the best you've got?"

"What do you want, T? I told you she was destroyed when you didn't come back. You're lucky she's even willing to talk to you. Take what you can get and be happy about it." Kwest shook his head, amazed at his best friend. What the hell did he expect? Jude to jump into his arms?

"You're right, I know." Tommy drank his beer, contemplating how screwed-up his life was. "But I love her. I've always loved her. And she's never going to let me get close to her again."

Kwest wanted to tell Tommy he was wrong, but he didn't want to lie to the guy either. Jude was... different than she used to be. She was... harder in some ways, not as forgiving. The fault for that pretty much laid at Tommy's feet. "No matter how much you try or how long you wait, she might never come around. You hurt her one too many times, man." Kwest sighed in exasperation. "I told you three years ago to forget all that finding yourself crap and just come home. Things might have been different if you'd done that. It was your decision to stay away. Now you're paying for it."

"I couldn't come back," Tommy said agitated. "It would have been the same damn thing! You and I both know the problem was never Jude. It was me. Me! I needed to figure out what the hell I wanted. Besides her - I knew I wanted her. But I had to figure out how to keep her." He leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees. "I didn't want to hurt her again."

"Yeah, and marrying someone else was a sure way to make sure that didn't happen." Kwest had never asked before. When Tommy said he was getting married, Kwest had let it go. It was not his job to monitor his best friend's life. But now that T was back and getting a divorce, saying he was still in love with Jude, Kwest figured he could bring it up. "Why did you marry her, man? And I want more than that half-ass story you told us the other night."

Tommy kept his eyes trained on the ground. "I didn't lie," he said quietly.

"No, but you didn't tell the whole truth either." Kwest punched Tommy's shoulder. "Damn it, T, look at me!" Tommy tilted his head sideways. Kwest bent forward so he could look his best friend in the eye. "You married Karen three months after your dad died. Are you gonna tell me that had nothing to do with it?"

Tommy sat back in his chair and Kwest did the same, then he ran his hand over his face, wishing there was some way he could avoid all this and knowing there wasn't. "It was bad, okay?"

"I know," Kwest cut in.

"No, you don't!" Tommy squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again, "I didn't... I couldn't tell you how bad it was. Sadie had just gone through surgery, she'd just finished radiation. You had enough to deal with. You didn't need me adding to it. But Karen was there. And she understood; she helped." His voice was strangled with emotion. "That Christmas... it wasn't a lie, something did click. And I was ready to come back, but I couldn't leave Martin in a lurch. I figured I'd give him a month notice, give him time to find another producer. And then I got the call about dad." He closed his fist, his nails digging into his palms. "And I thought, how do I explain this to Jude? Yeah, honey, my dad died. He was fifty-two and he OD'd on meth. See he's been using my whole life, been in-and-out of jail as far back as I can remember. That's why I got taken away from him when I was ten, why I was always getting into trouble, why I was in juvie. That's why Darius had me change my last name. Sure, I sent him money every month, even tried to get him into rehab, but he refused to get clean, and now he's dead. But I'm back and I love you, so let's get married." There were tears in his eyes now. "How was I supposed to tell her all that?"

Kwest could hear the pain in his friend's voice and couldn't imagine what he'd been through. He placed his hand on Tommy's shoulder. "T..."

But Tommy shrugged it off. He roughly wiped the tears from his face, tried to compose himself. "I got... nasty at work. Started being a real son-of-a-bitch. I was so damn mad, and it was eating me up inside. Karen was the one who cornered me. My mood swings were worrying her. She asked me if I was doing drugs. I started to laugh, and I couldn't stop. And then when I did stop, I started to cry. And then I told her. And she listened." His voice grew soft again. "She listened."

Kwest let out a deep sigh. Finally, things were starting to fall into place. Karen had been there when Tommy broke down, and he'd obviously leaned on her. "And the more time you spent with her..."

"Yeah." Tommy still couldn't believe how stupid he'd been. "We got close. I thought it was different than it was. I thought I loved her."

"What about Jude?" Kwest asked patiently. "She's strong, T. She would have understood. She would have helped you. You should have seen her when Sadie was sick. She was incredible."

Tommy's laugh was bitter. "I couldn't bring this into Jude's life. Not after everything else I've done to her. And not after what she'd just gone through with Sadie. She was finally getting her life on track. She was producing. She bought half the business from Paegan. She bought a house. She was staying out of the tabloids. And I was a mess. It would have been a disaster."

Kwest understood. He didn't agree with Tommy, but he understood where his friend was coming from. "If you felt that way - feel that way - then why are you back? I don't get it, man."

"Because I'm not my dad," Tommy said simply. "He never learned. No matter how much he lost because of the drugs, he never learned." Tommy poked himself in the chest. "Well, I learned. I can't keep hiding this stuff from her. I can't keep shutting her out of my life. I love her - I need her. I do want a family, but I don't want it with anyone else but Jude. I want Jude to be my family. And constantly running from her isn't going to get me what I want." He took a sip of beer. "I know it took me a long time to figure that out, but I did. She's it for me."

"So Jude's the real reason you're getting a divorce." To Kwest it made more sense than the kids angle Tommy tried to pass off at dinner.

"Of course, she is," Tommy said like it was obvious. "Jude accused me of using Karen, and she was right. I'm not proud of that. Karen's a good person and she deserves someone who loves her back. The kids and the move to LA are the excuses I used to end it. I couldn't tell her it was all a mistake. That would've been cruel, and there was no reason to do that to her."

"But you are going to tell Jude the truth" Kwest said, more statement than question. "The whole truth. About your dad and Karen. 'Cause, T, I won't stand by and let you hurt that girl again. And I won't help you lie to her. She's family now. She's my sister."

"Yeah, man, I plan on telling her everything." Tommy thought about his interaction with Jude over the past few days. "If I can get passed that damn wall she's built. If she gives me a chance, I'll tell her."

Kwest chuckled, feeling better about the situation. He wasn't sure what was going on with Jude; she'd been hard to read for years now. But he was sure about Tommy. Once the guy set his mind on something, it was almost impossible to shake him. And he'd set his mind on getting Jude back. He tipped his beer bottle to Tommy. "Good luck with that. She is pissed."

Tommy clinked his bottle with Kwest's. "But she doesn't hate me. That's a start."

--- TBC

Gone Daddy Gone - Violent Femmes

So that's Tommy story. I always wondered why he was in juvie and why he changed his name. I figured it had something to do with his parents. I hope you like my take on it.

oliviatocalli - I hope this is the 'growth' in Tommy you were looking for. He might have matured, but he will always be full of secrets.

I appreciate all the great reviews. Keep them coming!