After the holiday, Pansy found going back to school quite difficult. It was awkward, trying to get back into the swing of things; classes started up again, meals were served at the same times morning, noon, and night, friends crowded around asking about each others' holiday. Normally, Pansy would have gone and shown off some piece of extravagant jewelry that Draco had given her (and in most cases, he did the same thing), but this year was different. She sat back while the others chatted about their holidays, sinking into the crowd as if she didn't exist. Life went on, however. The same drawling voices blathered on about Potions and History of Magic, dinner was still served promptly at seven-thirty with the usual hustle-and-bustle of the Great Hall, and her friends still all gathered around her, giggling snide remarks at other girls as they passed by. And Pansy, with her plastered smile, pretended that nothing was wrong.
Though she seemed happy, there were some visual changes in her. She was rather unkempt then one would expect of Pansy Parkinson; her clothes didn't fit her properly anymore, her normally skin-tight white shirt like a coat on her skeletal frame. Her hair that normally stayed in a silken black bob that just gently cupped the bottoms of her ears had now grown past her shoulders. Her face was hollow and sunken, dark purple bags beneath her eyes contrasting with her pallid complexion. After the first few weeks back at school, these changes became more evident. People stared at her in the hallway, looking her over with disgusted glances. Draco defended her, fighting back with that Malfoy glare that could practically turn a person to stone. Even Draco couldn't deny it, though. This wasn't the Pansy he knew.
Three weeks of mindlessly attending classes, following Draco to meals, and pretending to act interested in conversation found Pansy very nervous. Her guard was always up, shadows and small noises causing her to jump. She hadn't exactly been sleeping right, either. Visions of the night she spent with her attacker plagued her dreams most nights keeping her from sleeping all together. The rare nights that she did slip into a light sleep she often woke up in a cold sweat, shaking and panting. Still no one else knew, not even Draco. She was afraid of what he might think about her, if he would see her differently. It was fine when it was just she and Draco, but having no one would be unbearable.
Pansy stared blankly up at the ceiling of her four-poster. Her eyelids were heavy with sleep that threatened to take her at any moment. She fought it, though, to the best of her abilities; it was easier than battling the visions that clouded her head the moment she closed her eyes. So every night she lay awake, her mind swarming with thoughts of secrets she had been keeping for months. She placed a hand over her eyes, attempting to ease the stress from her body somehow. When she removed her hand she found herself in a rather familiar place. She spent most of her summers and holidays here. Sitting up in the silken bedsheets, Pansy looked around the large room. Her reminiscence provided momentary comfort, however, as a familiar voice soon filled the room.
"Pansy," a man's voice said. The room seemed icy-cold as the girl slowly turned around. A plump man with a handlebar mustache stood at the door, an eerie smirk on his face. "Aren't you going to come give Daddy a kiss?" She shuddered, though found herself standing anyway. Walking slowly over to the the door, she found the man's cheek, kissing it lightly before backing off as far as she could. Noting her fear, the man chuckled slightly.
"Do you really fear me so, darling?" The girl wasn't sure whether or not she should answer. "It's alright, I won't be angry if you do. Most people fear me, you know. I'm not exactly sure why." He walked dangerously close to the girl. "I'm a very gently man, really. I could show you." The man swept a piece of stray hair behind the girl's ear, causing her to flinch. "There's no need to be worried, darling. I assure you." Resting his hand on her shoulder, she made a violent twitching motion. "I won't hurt you. Never hurt you." He smiled, and she knew as he began to slowly walk her backwards what he was about to do.
"Please don't," she said softly.
"I'm not going to hurt you, honey. I promise." He laid her back onto the bed.
"Please," she said once more, tears beginning to fall from her eyes.
"Just let me show you how gentle I can be," he said before removing his shirt. As he made to unbutton the girl's shirt next, she screamed.
"Please, Father don't!"
Pansy opened her eyes, her heart beating mercilessly in her chest. She was once again staring up at the canopy of her four-poster. It had been another nightmare, but they were becoming more real each time. This one had been too much. She couldn't be alone right now. Sneaking quietly out of bed, Pansy left her dorm room, silently closing the door behind her. The paths between the girls' and boys' dormitories seemed miles. Finally, Pansy found her way into the boys' dormitories, stopping at the door that said "Sixth Years." She made her way inside, knowing perfectly where she was going. She opened a curtain of the four-poster closest to the fire, peering in on a blond boy in emerald silk pajamas. In his arms was a stuffed snowy-white owl, now covered in his precious Malfoy drool. On the nightstand was a picture of a black-haired boy smiling up at them blowing kisses. Pansy sighed in disgust. Jumping onto the bed, she shook the boy awake.
"Draco," she whispered. She boy rolled over, mumbling. "Draco, get up!"
"What? Harry? Oh..Pansy. What's wrong? And it better have something to do with nothing less than you losing an appendage or I'll kill you."
"I need to talk," she said. Draco rolled over.
"Well you know, my ears will still be working in the morning. You couldn't have waited until then?"
"Draco," Pansy said dangerously. He sat up, pulling the blankets with him.
"Alright, what's wrong, Pans?" he asked offering the blanket to her.
"I - I had a bad dream," she said awkwardly.
"Yes, and what happened in this dream?" Draco asked yawning.
"Well – I - I don't think I should tell you," she said.
"Pansy, how am I supposed to help you if you won't tell me what's wrong?" Draco asked, resting his head on her shoulder sleepily.
"I shouldn't tell you, Dray."
"Pansy, you need to tell me. That's the only way I can help you."
"I can't tell you, Draco. I shouldn't have come here." Pansy tried to get up, but Draco held her back.
"Pansy Parkinson, you listen to me. You woke me up in the middle of the night, interrupting not only my beauty sleep but a wonderful dream about Harry. Now you've obviously been very upset by this dream, so are you going to tell me about it or am I going to have to use legilimency on you?" Pansy was in awe. Never had Draco actually threatened her with legilimency before. She sat back down, placing the blankets over herself once more.
"I was in my bedroom at the Manor," she began shakily.
"Go on," Draco said.
"My - my father, was there."
"And what did he do?" Draco asked. Pansy fought the urge to cry as the memories came back to her.
"First he made he kiss him on the cheek," she said twisting her fingers in the emerald sheets.
"Then what?"
"Then - then he - ask me if I was afraid of him."
"And what did you say?"
"I didn't," she said nervously. "So, he said he wanted to show me that I shouldn't be afraid of him. That he was gentle."
"What happened Pansy?" Draco asked awkwardly.
"He took my shoulder, walked me over to the bed, and he..." Pansy closed her eyes tightly, not allowing tears to fall.
"Pansy," Draco said holding his friend. "It was just a nightmare. It didn't happen. It was just a bad dream. Alright? Pansy?" But she didn't answer.
"Pansy," Draco said nervously. "Tell me it was just a dream." She looked up at him, tears forming in her eyes. The knowing look they shared said all of what Pansy had been hiding from Draco for the last month.
"That sick bastard. I'll kill him!" Draco fumed, slamming his fists into the mattress.
"Draco," Pansy shushed. "Please calm down. You'll wake the others."
"Screw them! I don't care about them. I care about you!" he exclaimed.
"I'm fine, Draco," Pansy said weakly.
"Obviously you're not. Pansy, look at yourself! You look like a ghost, you've become so pale. And you've put yourself at such a distance from everyone else. Even me." For the first time in almost a month, Pansy took a real look at herself; her skin was pale white and ice cold to the touch. Every bone was visible in her now emaciated body. She practically swam in her nightgown, and her midnight hair hung lank and unkempt an either side of her face.
"When did it happen?" Draco asked. Pansy looked away, avoiding his gaze. She knew that if she told him, he would blame himself entirely.
"It doesn't matter," she stated plainly. Draco sighed.
"It does matter, Pans. If you want me to help you I need to know. Now, when did it happen?"
"The Christmas Ball at the Manor," she said. It didn't take long for Draco to put two and two together. He put his face in his hands, contemplating before coming up for rebuttal. Before he could respond, however, Pansy stopped him. "Draco, I know what you're going to say, and it's not your fault."
"But it is!" he yelled. "I suggested you speak to your father, remember? I sent you upstairs to look for him. I sent you right to him..." Draco was practically in tears as he groped at his sheets in anger.
"You didn't know, Draco. It's not your fault," Pansy comforted him.
"If I had just gone with you like I had planned, I could have -"
"There was nothing to be done, Draco. No one could have helped me." They sat in silence for a moment as Draco took in the situation. Finally, he broke the silence.
"We have to tell father. He'll take care of this."
"No, Draco. We can't tell Lucius. My father may be scum, but I don't want him dead."
"Am I the only one who knows then?" he asked almost hopefully.
"Mum knows," she said. "She found me in my room after it happened. That's why she had been taking care of me."
"And she didn't tell me? That bitch!" Draco said scandalized. Pansy chuckled.
"Well Draco, I had asked her not to. I didn't want - I didn't want you to think any different of me. I couldn't lose you, Draco. You're like a sister to me." Draco smiled.
"I will never think any different of you no matter what you throw at me. You will always be a stuck up, nosy bitch in my mind." Pansy smiled, swatting at him with a pillow.
"You are so lucky I love you, Dray." The blond smirked.
"I know. Now, let's get some sleep, okay? A man needs his beauty rest."