Chapter Notes:
***IMPORTANT NOTE: PLEASE READ!!!***
My good friend Hannah (who writes Now and Forever and Just A Call Away) and I have decided to come together and write a collaborative story. We'd been talking about it for quite some time but we finally buckled down and went through all the sordid details. So much so, in fact, that we've finished the first two chapters! We're both really fucking excited about it, and it's going to be great. With that said, we're looking for prospective beta's. She's put word out on her forum/author's notes and we've gotten quite a few replies, but we want a good, diverse pool to pick through, so if you're interested, let me know in a review or PM, and one of us will e-mail you an unedited test chapter for you to beta and send back to us.
Moving on! Thanks to all the lot who reviewed, and favorited my story/me you, and thanks to those who just read. I'm really glad you all are loving the story, because I'm loving writing it! This one is a few pages longer than the last chapter, and it's a little ridiculous haha. Enjoy!
Go visit and post on my forum at twilighted . net / forum / viewtopic . php ?f=44&t=3505
Minus all the spaces, of course. lol
Disclaimer: What I own: Lots of books I've already read, multiple times.
What I do not own: New, unread books and any/all Twilight characters.
Chapter Song: Chop Chop – The Academy Is...
-B-
"Unggrrh," I moaned, running my hand sloppily across my face.
"Hear, hear," Rosalie agreed quietly. I chuckled and pressed my palms into my eyes before rubbing my face. We were in our Introduction to Critical Thinking class this fine Monday morning, and minutes away from getting the hell out. That was assuming Professor Saloman ever finished assigning us all our debate subjects for the next class, of course. It wasn't necessarily that the class was boring—he was pretty cool, and made it as interesting as it possibly could be. The work wasn't really hard, either. It was just too early to be analyzing nonsensical things.
"Miss Swan," he started, and I sat up straight and looked at him with raised eyebrows. "You'll be discussing gay marriage." I nodded; cool. If that didn't start a heated debate, I couldn't think of anything else that would. I looked at the clock again as I wrote my topic on the sheet he'd passed around for the guidelines of our discussion and saw that we only had one minute left of class. I straightened the scattered papers on my desk into a pile and shoved them inside my notebook before putting it in my binder.
"Miss Hale, you'll be discussing spanking." I stopped what I was doing and stared at him, slack-jawed.
"Excuse me?" she asked incredulously. I covered my mouth and snorted loudly, biting my fingers to keep as quiet as possible as she snapped her head towards me and glared.
"Oh! Erm, children. Your views on spanking children. Although, something tells me the class wouldn't be averse to hearing you talk about the former, either." I stopped laughing at stared at him blankly, once again, blinking a few times.
"Uh huh," she said, eying him skeptically. "Thanks for clearing that up." He grinned and shook his head, chuckling lightly before moving on to the next person.
"Wow. That was inappropriate," I said, shoving my binder and pen into my bag and zipping it up.
"I find myself troubled," she said bluntly. "I feel like this isn't the first time he's made a double-entendre like that." I shrugged and looked at the clock again. Great; we were four minutes over, and my next class started in...one minute.
"Ugh, just finish already," I groaned. Rose and I looked at each other and grinned.
"That's what she said," we said simultaneously, snickering softly.
"If I've given you your topics, you are free to go," the Professor said finally, and Rose and I shot up out of our seats, grabbing our bags and shrugging them on as we walked towards the door.
"Do you work tonight?" I asked, stopping behind the line of people shuffling out of the door.
"Yup. I'm in Towers. With LeeAnn." We both grimaced; LeeAnn was the ginger from hell. She always had a sour attitude with an equally sour face, no matter what. We all saw working with her as God's personal punishment for every wrong doing we'd ever done, tenfold.
"Bummer. Just stay in the back room, and lock the door."
"That's the plan," she said.
"Oh, uh, Miss Hale," Professor Saloman said anxiously right before we walked out the door. "Could you spare a moment? I need to speak with you about something."
"Um...okay," she said, looking hesitantly between me and him. I pursed my lips and walked backwards, raising one arm in front of me mid-air and swatting the other hand back and forth while humming "Smack That" by Akon. She took a step towards me and kicked roughly, narrowly missing my knee. I laughed loudly and yelled a quick goodbye before hastily making my way to the stairs. I was thankful that my next class was in Burk Hall, and that I wouldn't be but a few minutes late. I hopped down the stairs, chuckling at the image of Rosalie's face when the Professor asked her to stay after. She was an exemplary student; I couldn't imagine what he'd need to speak with her about, and apparently neither could she. Just the fact that she looked scared shitless about it was funny in and of itself, though. I hopped down the last few stairs and walked quickly out of the stairwell. Unfortunately, my clumsy ass got bounced right back in and onto the floor with a yelp and a thud.
Dammit, and my tail bone just stopped giving me problems!
"Sorry," a male voice said as I sighed heavily and bent my knees, planting my hands and feet firmly on the ground to push myself up. "I'm running late and I didn't see—" I looked up to see why he'd stopped the apology and saw the face I'd been so tempted to run my fingers across a little over twenty-four hours ago frowning down at me.
Well hello to you, too.
He cleared his throat and stuck his hand out. I stared at it in confusion; was I supposed to shake it? Was that his standard greeting for people he'd knocked down? I hesitantly stuck my hand in his and gripped it as he told me he hadn't seen me, but contrary to my initial thought, he started to pull me up. The same shock I'd felt when our fingers touched Saturday night came on full force, and I planted my feet as firmly as I could manage as the thought that he might let go and I'd fall again crossed my mind. He let go immediately after I was upright, though, and rubbed his hand up and down his pant leg with a grimace. Apparently, we were back in first grade, and he was hastily wiping off my cooties. Jackass.
"Dammit, you shocked me again," he complained. I stared at him, flabbergasted; was he fucking kidding me? He ran to the stairwell like a bat out of hell, knocked me down, and then had the audacity to bitch about his hand getting shocked like he was the only one? What even made him so sure it was me? His probable lack of fabric softener sheets while drying his clothes very well could have been the cause.
"Well maybe if you hadn't have knocked my ass on the floor I wouldn't have had enough friction to shock you!" I yelled. Fuck it; I didn't have any more time to waste. He'd made me late enough, and already managed to fuck up what little good I'd had in my morning. I stomped towards the doors, shoving my shoulder into his arm as hard as I could when I passed and ignoring whatever the fuck he yelled out after me. I shoved open the doors and ran along the pavement and up the steps quickly, turning to the left and power walking down the path. I rounded the corner to the right and walked down the narrow pathway, turning to the right again when I reached the open space that led to the front of the building. I walked in the doors and straight down the hall, turning into the open door of my class when I approached it.
Professor Empleo glanced at me curiously before turning her attention back to a student and asking a silent question as I slid into an empty seat. The student replied silently as well and I unzipped my bag, cringing at the noise; it was always so fucking quiet in the room. I felt self-conscious even breathing, and often found myself trying to inhale slowly so I made no sound at all. I grabbed my book out of my bag and placed it on the table before looking up to see her looking straight at me with raised eyebrows.
B-e-l-l-a, she signed quickly, how are you today?
Well, that was simple enough to answer.
I am a-n-n-o-y-e-d, I signed back, slowly and deliberately.
Ten minutes into class, my phone started vibrating. I fished it out and looked at the screen, frowning in confusion. Rosalie was calling me, and I couldn't understand why since she knew I was in class. I sighed and slid out of my desk, making my way towards the door and into the hallway as quietly as I could before answering.
"What's wrong?" I asked immediately, walking further away from the door towards the front of the building.
"I just...I'm speechless. Absolutely speechless. I don't even know what to say right now."
"That's generally what speechless means, asshole. Why the hell are you calling me when you know I'm in class? Sign language class at that."
"I—I can't believe it, Bella."
"Believe my foot in your ass if you don't hurry the fuck up and tell me what's going on," I snapped. I was starting to get worried; Rose was rarely rendered speechless, but when she was, it was pretty serious.
"He asked me if I'd be interested in giving him a...private demonstration of my views on spanking."
I immediately shoved my fist into my mouth and bit down. After I was positive that I would be able to speak coherently without laughing, I removed it and exhaled slowly.
"And what did you say to him, Rosalie?"
"I didn't; I couldn't. I stood there for a little while, replaying it in my brain to figure out if maybe I'd just misheard him, or I'd missed something, but I hadn't. I was completely floored, and just turned around and walked out."
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I howled in laughter, leaning against one of the walls for support and slapping it.
"It's not fucking funny, Bella!"
"The fuck it isn't!" I shouted, gasping for breath. "Hey, at least he's cute! And you can put all that dominatrix shit to good use, if you haven't already." The visual that popped into my brain of Rose in her leather corset and underwear with a leather paddle as Profressor Saloman was bent over his office desk, pants around his ankles and grinning like a mad man made me laugh harder.
"You sound like a cackling witch, and I hope you rot in hell you fuck!" She promptly hung up the phone, which was even funnier. I spent the following five minutes trying to calm myself down before walking back to the classroom. Everybody was staring at me oddly, and on a normal basis it would have made me paranoid and embarrassed, but I figured I probably had a crazy smile on my face so I didn't think too much of it. I chuckled softly, running my fingers under my eyes to wipe the tears as my teacher asked if I was alright (in sign language, of course). I nodded, signed back that I was fine and took my seat. I had to excuse myself about three times in the duration of the class because I'd get another mental image and be unable to control my laughter. I was fairly certain nobody would ever try to communicate with me in that class again.
~º~º~
I sat at my favorite table alone, eating the ravioli I'd purchased from Café Rosso. Rose wasn't replying to my texts, but I figured she'd get over it. I knew it wasn't an ideal situation, getting hit on by one of your Professors—well, it may have been some peoples' ideal situation, but not Rosalie's—but she had to acknowledge the humor at some point. Apparently, though, that time was not now. I dipped my sourdough bread in the sauce and tore off a piece with my teeth, leaning back in my chair and crossing my legs as I watched the people scatter hurriedly in all directions. Ah, the bustle of San Francisco; even caffeine breaks were rushed, as the guy running from the condiments counter towards the narrow pathway leading into the center of campus while trying to carefully drink his coffee demonstrated.
Speaking of spazzy men; I dug my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through my contacts for the shop number before hitting send.
"La Push Auto Repair, Spunking Sam at your service."
"Hey Spunk, this is Busty. Can you put Joy knob on the phone real quick?"
"Sure thing, Busty."
Sam Uley was the owner of La Push Auto Repair. He was just a few years older than the lot of us, but he grew up infatuated with the mechanics of cars, bikes, and basically anything with a motor, so it was only natural that he opened up his own shop. He taught Jake and all of his friends what they know, and hired them all on once they turned 18.
Being around boys most of your adolescence, and having them as your closest friends nonetheless, could and definitely would irrevocably alter an otherwise normal girl's brain. So it had only seemed natural one summer night to come up with sexually suggestive nicknames for each other—Joy knob Jake, Spunking Sam, Eat-at-the-Y Embry, Pound-it Paul, and Busty Bella—and we'd used them in reference to each other every time the group was together. Of course there were times, such as now, when they referred to themselves as their nicknames for absolutely no reason, which confused the hell out of normal, unsuspecting customers who were calling. Boys would be boys, though, and I figured since most of the people that called into the shop knew them already, it didn't really matter.
I heard the click of the phone being set down before a faint exclamation of "Busty!" and a shuffling sound, signaling the phone being picked up again.
"Busty, this is Eat-At-The-Y."
"Sup, Eaty? Still no luck finding an alternate name, I hear. Such a shame," I said, clucking my tongue.
"Yeah, I know. Minus the abbreviation, I actually think it's quite fitting, don't yo—hey!"
"Go think up a new name, dumb shit," I heard from a muffled voice before a clearer, "This is Joy knob," flowed through the speaker.
"Have you Western Unioned me the money for your ticket?"
"Ah...eeeyeea—no, no I have not."
"Dammit, Jake. We need to get this shit taken care of!"
"We will, we will. Calm down, jeez," he muttered.
"No, we really need to get it taken care of. Like, yesterday. Air fare is only going to go up from here. Time is not rewinding."
"It's just hard," he whined. "I'm at work from 7 in the morning to 6 at night, and all I want to do is eat and go to bed after."
"It's a fifteen minute drive to the thrifty mart. It's not that serious," I said, rolling my eyes and stabbing two stuck together raviolis with my fork before stuffing them in my mouth.
"Yeah, fifteen minutes out of the way. And the next nearest one is in Taholah, and there's no way I'm driving all the way there."
"Gazzamih, Zay, I fugrin sol yo—"
"Huh?"
I'd forgotten I had food in my mouth, and while I was attempting to unleash my wrath I saw bits of ravioli shoot out of my mouth about five feet, which caused me to laugh because it was incredibly funny. That, of course, was not a good idea since my mouth was still full, and when I tried to take a breath, little bits of ravioli went down the wrong tube. I started choking, spewing more ravioli out of my mouth while still laughing simultaneously.
"Bella, what the fuck? Are you okay? Do I need to call 911? Answer me!"
I managed to cough out a coherent "wait" before putting the phone down and starting another coughing fit. Once it was over and all the ravioli particles were gone from my mouth, I took a deep breath and picked up the phone again.
"Okay. I forgot I had food in my mouth when I was trying to yell at you, and I started laughing at myself when I saw particles flying through the air which caused me to choke, but I'm okay now. Although I'm not going to look up to see the reaction on everybody's faces around me, because I don't think I want to know."
Silence.
I could hear crickets chirping in the distance.
I heard the 27, picking up and dropping off, ¼ mile away.
Finally, he sighed.
"Only you, Bella."
"That's irrelevant to the original discussion! You have no choice in the matter any more. You're either going to the thrifty mart tonight after work and sending me money, or you're going to go home, sit your ass down at the computer and call me so that we can book the flights simultaneously. I don't care which you do, but either way, my flight is getting booked tonight, got that? I am not going to wait until the last minute to book because your ass is lagging, and get stuck with some hairy-everywhere-but-on-his-head pervert who's trying to cop a feel the entire flight to my right, and a huge fucking dog sleeping and drooling on my shoulder to my left, Jacob."
"Dog? What dog? Do you even know what you're talking about anymore?"
"You! You're the dog you fucking...fuck!" I yelled. "And no, I don't, but you're pissing me off so I'm going to keep yelling at you!"
He chuckled softly and exhaled deeply. "You crazy girl. I miss the hell out of you."
"I miss you, too, which is why you need to fucking hurry up! The whole reason you're booking one way flights is so that we can book the return flight and get seats next to each other."
"And it's cheaper," he added. I heard a ding from his end of the phone and sighed, knowing what that meant. "Bells, I gotta—"
"Go," I finished. "Yeah, yeah. Just remember what I fucking said. I'm getting' it tonight, with or without you."
We paused, and a huge grin spread across my face, knowing he was thinking what I was thinking.
"That's what she said!" we both shouted.
"I love you, B," he said through chuckles.
"I love you, too, J." He snickered and I rolled my eyes before hanging up, shaking my head with a smirk.
I speared a ravioli and shoved it into my mouth, carefully chewing and making sure not to talk while eating. I finished them off and drenched my sourdough in the excess sauce before finishing that off too and dumping my trash. I checked the time on my phone; it was barely 1 PM. I still had another hour left before my first tutoring session began. I stared at it for a few minutes before deciding to call my mom. Since she taught the morning kindergarten classes, I figured she'd be out of work already. If not, no harm, no foul. Just sheer boredom. I dialed the number quickly and hit send, putting the phone to my ear and waiting to hear the obnoxious ringing. I was quite startled when that was not, in fact, what I heard.
"Bella!" she exclaimed as she answered.
"Mom, what the hell is on your ringback tone?"
"Oh! You don't know it? I heard it on the radio and I like it! It's by that Soldier Boy," she said cheerily.
I snorted and rubbed my forehead with my fingertips. "Soulja Boy, mom."
"That's what I said, Soldier Boy. Although, I don't know what he means when he says 'superman that ho'. Do you?" she asked.
"You don't want to know, mom. It's...don't worry about it. It's nothing Phil will ever do to you, just know that, at least."
"Whatever you say, dear. So how are things? How's school and work going? I don't hear from you nearly enough."
"I know. I'm just so busy," I said with a sigh.
"Too busy to call the woman who spent 73 hours in labor with you, and still mustered up the energy to bring you into this world?"
"You had no choice in the matter. Don't pull that card with me, I didn't knock you up," I chuckled. "And it goes both ways, mom! You can call me, you know."
"I don't know where my phone is most of the time. It's a miracle I even found it right when you called."
"Oh, mom. I miss you."
"I miss you, sweetie. Have you booked your flight for Spring Break?"
I cringed; shit. I knew I forgot to tell somebody important about my plans.
"Um...not yet. I'm doing that tonight, but mom, I—"
"Oh, good. You don't want to wait too long, because then the prices will be too high."
"Yeah, I know. Listen, though. I decided to g—"
"Ooh! And the weather has been so nice lately. Maybe it'll stay this way, just for you!"
"That's great, mom, but I'm not c—"
"We can go swimsuit shopping, too! Oh, I'm so excited now."
"Renee!" I shouted.
"What, Bella? Jeez," she said in a disapproving tone.
"I'm not coming home for Spring Break."
"What? What do you mean?"
"I mean I'm not coming home, to Phoenix, for Spring Break," I repeated slowly.
"I don't understand," she said. "Where else on God's green earth would you go? Oh, no. You're not going to Mexico, are you? Bella, people get stolen there. Pretty young girls like you should not be going off to foreign countries alone. They'll make you do horrible things to donkeys, Bella! Unspeakable, vile things. Oh, no, baby, you have to cancel!"
I sat there staring forward, dumbstruck.
"I..." I was speechless. Where the fuck did she come up with this shit?
"Bella? Honey, say something!"
"Mom, I'm...I'm not going to Mexico."
"Oh, thank god," she said, breathing a sigh of relief. "That's a mother's worst nightmare. Wait, so then where are you going?"
"I'm going to Forks. In the state of Washington, still within the continental U.S."
"Forks? Why the hell would you go to Forks?" she asked, clearly appalled at the idea.
"Well, lets see. My father lives there, I haven't seen him in two years, and my best friend lives about fifteen minutes from there, and I haven't seen him in about a year."
"But...it's so...wet there. And boring. How did Charlie conn you into going? I'll get you out of it, baby," she said, determined.
"Give me a break, mom. I called him and asked if I could come. I don't think it'll be so bad this time around. It's safe. Just think of it that way."
"I don't understand why you'd willingly go to that place. It's absolutely dreadful," she said, disdain lacing her voice. "Oh, wait—Bella, I'm going to have to call you back, the school is calling me."
"I have to go to work, mom. I'll just talk to you soon, okay?"
"Okay, baby. I love you."
"Love you too, mom. Take care."
I hung up the phone and stood up, grabbed my bag and shrugged on the straps. Time for the inferno.
~º~º~
I smiled and waved at Alex, my Algebra tutee, as he walked away from the table. I gathered the two schedules he'd signed and stuck them in the folder with all the other students', put away the notes, and started preparing for the Statistics session I'd be having in ten minutes. Angela wasn't working today, otherwise I'd have been across the hall talking with her in an attempt to calm my nerves and distract myself from thinking about what I knew needed to be done. Somehow, I just couldn't see how trying to strike casual conversation with introverted Jennifer would benefit me in any way. If anything, it'd probably make me even more anxious than I already was.
I'd had a lot of time to think about Edward's and my situation from the walk up to HSS until presently, and I'd come to the conclusion that I had a lot of explaining to do. I didn't know if he still cared enough to hear me out, or if he ever really cared in the first place, but I had to at least try to make him listen to me. I realized that I owed him a huge fucking apology, for a lot of things. Needless to say, my nerves were a jumbled mess when Edward strolled through the door and over to the desk, plopping down lazily in his seat. He looked as if he'd have rather been anywhere in the world but here, with me, and it stung a bit. I had to remind myself that the whole predicament was my own damn fault, though, and I could only hope that he'd understand where I was coming from.
I went through the motions of the session without trouble, just like I'd done every other time, but I was still extremely distracted; I was pretty sure he'd noticed something was up, too. The entire time, I'd pause mid-sentence, my mouth open and ready to blurt out the world's most hurried apology. Then I'd decide it wasn't the right time and I'd do it later, force a tight-lipped smile onto my face and continue on while he sat there growing more and more confused (and the confusion, laced with exasperation, was very evident on his face).
I was a procrastinator by nature, especially when it came to things that I did not want to do, and this definitely fell into that category. I'd be the first one to admit that I had an ulterior motive; I had to know what the hell it was about him, of all the insignificant acquaintances I'd come across in my lifetime, that made me act the way I did when he was around. Nobody had ever been able to get under my skin the way he did. It was like he knew all the right buttons to push to make me into this obnoxious fucking hag; to make me into everything I'd ever prided myself in not being: irrational, jealous, insecure, irrational, moody, and did I mention irrational? I needed to know why, and I sure as hell wouldn't be able to figure it out with the way our relationship was right then. But I also wasn't used to having enemies. It wasn't a nice feeling to walk into a room full of your friends and have somebody glaring murderously at you, and I wanted that to stop.
I stared at him intensely as he gathered his things and shoved them in his bag. I knew it was now or never; that it was something that had to be done, but my nerves were not calming the fuck down.
"Alrighty," he mumbled as he scribbled his name on the schedules and slid them over to me before shooting up out of his seat and grabbing his backpack.
"Wait, I need to talk to you for a—"
"See ya," he said, cutting me off, and walked hurriedly out of the room, across the hall to sign out, then down the corridor.
Well fuck. That was the second time I'd attempted to apologize to him and he blew me off. I was determined, though; one way or another, I would make him listen.
*
"Have fun, guys," I said, waving to Ben and Angela who were curled up on the couch, watching a movie. I grabbed my keys off the hook before walking out the door and through the lobby. A crisp, early evening chill nipped at my face as I pushed open the glass door, and I wrapped my arms tightly around myself in an attempt to keep warm as I strolled quickly down the sidewalk.
My anxiety had not settled after Edward left. I'd hurried home after my last tutoring session had ended at 5 to drop my things off, and to create an immaculate apology speech. An hour and fifteen minutes later, I'd been no closer to the perfecting it than I'd been before I'd started, so I'd decided to just show up at his door and blurt out anything and everything I could think of while I had a chance to. I'd figured it couldn't hurt; at least it'd be honest and sincere on the spot.
As I stood in front of Towers, my nerves were in overdrive. I looked all the way up to the top of the building, then back down, through the automatic doors. There were two people I apparently needed to smooth things over with tonight, and the first was sitting at the front desk. I saw two girls coming out of the dorms and I walked through the first set of automatic doors, smiling politely and nodding as we passed each other before I walked into the lobby. Rosalie was tapping the keyboard furiously, and I stopped at the side of the desk and leaned against it with a sigh. She stopped typing and raised an eyebrow before slowly turning her gaze up. She narrowed her eyes and glared when she saw it was me before turning her head back to the computer screen and resuming her clacking away on the keyboard.
"Where's LeeAnn?" I asked, looking around for any sign of the heathen. Rosalie pretended like I wasn't even there, and I sighed again. "You've been ignoring me all day."
"Because you're a dick. Why are you even here? What do you want?"
"I want you to stop ignoring me. I'm here because I'm trying to apologize to you." I paused for a few seconds before mumbling "and Edward." Her head snapped over to me and she gaped at me, wide-eyed and astonished.
"Why?"
"Because I've been a complete hag, and I want to explain myself, I guess," I said, messing with the hem of my sweatshirt. "I don't know."
It was silent for a few minutes before she said, "LeeAnn is next door. Some computer lab emergency."
"Lucky you," I said with a smirk.
"I'm still pissed at you."
"And I'm still trying to apologize."
"What makes you think I even want an apology from you, bitch?" I bit my lip to suppress my grin; I was breaking her. I paused in mock contemplation, tilting my head to the side and staring up at the ceiling.
"If it makes you feel any better, my mom told me that I can't ever go to Mexico for Spring Break because I'll get kidnapped and forced into performing unspeakable acts with burros." She cracked a grin and chuckled lightly, leaning forward with her elbows propped on top of the desk.
"I suppose it does. That is quite a humorous thing to picture."
"Exactly! See, you can acknowledge that, while the act itself isn't anything funny, the images your brain subconsciously conjures up are! So stop being mad at me; I was deprived of my constant source of entertainment all day, and that was punishment enough," I pouted playfully. She rolled her eyes and shook her head.
"Fine, you're forgiven. Now lets see if that little number works on the other one," she said, looking up for emphasis. I grimaced and pushed off of the counter. Let me know how it goes."
"Yup. If I'm not back within twenty minutes, call campus security. More than likely I'll have been murdered." I started walking towards the elevators when she called after me. I turned around and looked at her questioningly.
"Where are you going for Spring Break?" she asked.
"Forks, to spend some time with my dad and Jake and the guys." Her eyes widened for a moment before her expression smoothed out. She shrugged and nodded before wishing me luck, and as I walked into the open elevator, I heard her typing crazy fast again. Silly girl. I pushed the button for the 13th floor and crossed my arms over my chest as it started moving up quickly. Much too soon, the doors opened with a "ding!" and I walked out and to the left, rounding the corner. I walked down the corridor to the last room on the left and paused in front of it.
I closed my eyes, inhaled and exhaled deeply a few times and whispered encouraging things to myself before lifting my hand to knock. I held my fist two inches from the door, frozen and afraid. What if he kicked me, or yelled at me, or wasn't there? My anxiety level was off the charts, and my heart was beating ridiculously fast. I didn't think I could handle anything not going the way I wanted it to without breaking down into uncontrollable tears, and then I'd really look like a fucking nut case.
"Fuck it," I breathed out as I squinted my eyes shut and knocked loudly three times. I quickly lowered my hand to my side and waited for what felt like fucking centuries before I heard the lock click and the handle on the door turn. Edward stared at me, clearly startled that I was at his front door, and I was too terrified to say anything, so I just stared back at him with wide, crazy eyes.
"Uh, Jasper isn't here..." he trailed off, scratching his cheek. I blinked a few times before clearing my throat.
"I wasn't coming for Jasper. I, um...I need to talk to you about something," I said, averting my gaze to the door jamb to calm myself down; I couldn't stare him in the face and do this properly. He was too distracting.
"Me? What the hell do we have to talk about, Bella?" he said, sounding slightly annoyed. I breathed out a laugh and raised my eyebrows.
"A lot, actually. Look, just hear me out, please? You don't have to say anything, just let me—I need to explain." I looked up at him and he was staring blankly at me.
"Go on with it, then," he said, leaning against the door and gesturing for me to continue.
"Okay. I don't even know where to start, really. I guess I just...I'm not...gah," I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose and squinting. "I'm not good with showing my emotions, like, at all. I guess I'm sort of like my dad in that respect. The only emotions I really know how to convey are amusement, nervousness, and anger. When I'm sad, or hurt, or embarrassed, or flustered, or confused, offended, anything like that, I don't know how to deal with it, so I lash out. And I don't always mean to, it's just the only safe way I know how to deal with things. If people don't know exactly what I'm feeling, they're not getting close enough to burn me. Okay, I don't even—I'm getting off topic now."
I was rambling. Oh, god. I didn't even fucking know what the hell I was trying to say anymore! I wasn't the most brilliant speaker in the world, but I couldn't remember a time where I'd had a problem getting to the fucking point, and I was most definitely having technical difficulties with that at the moment.
"Essentially what it all comes down to is that there was a huge misunderstanding on my part from day one, and I'd been in a bad fucking mood because of it. And you obviously aren't the type to sit back and let some girl go off on you for seemingly no reason so you lashed out, which pissed me off even more because I didn't even know it was actually a misunderstanding until later, but then I tried to apologize and you wouldn't listen, and we just kept fighting and it escalated into this huge fucking deal that makes no sense, and I'm just sorry, okay? I'm fucking sorry, and thank you for being a gentleman the other night, and I'm sorry that I accused you of being gay!"
I hadn't realized that I was flailing my arms like a lunatic until I finished my rant and saw my hands suspended in mid-air. I lowered them to my sides; I was breathing like somebody who'd just run a four minute mile, and he wasn't fucking saying anything. I realized at that moment that I'd probably been damn near screaming my apologies at him, and I wondered if there were people down the hall sticking their heads out their doors to see what the fuck all the commotion was about. After a few much-too-long beats of silence, I looked up at him. His expression was completely void of any emotion as he stared at me, still leaning against the door. Finally he straightened up, and his hand slid down the side of the door to the handle.
"Okay," he shrugged.
And then he slammed the door in my face.
End Notes: Uh oh. What do you guys think? Was Bella delusional in her hope for his understanding/forgiveness? Is Edward at his wit's end with her, so much that he won't even consider her apology? How do you think she's going to handle his reaction? Review, and let me know!!