Party Time (Random outburst of Let's go Down to the Disco)
Chapter 10- Oi! Get off my Banana!
Sunday June 26th
5.00pm
Mutti has finally returned from watching the baldy-o-grams, so I can finally start getting ready for the party. Only three hours to get ready. Oh the tension the tension. I don't see why I'm so bothered though, as I am a boy free zone.
1 minute later
This is my to do list:
5.05pm- put on banana face mask.
5.10pm- have a nice bath with mum's nice but err…not mine…cashmere silk bubble bath.
5.45pm- Remove face mask and blow dry hair.
6.00pm- Put on base coat
6.10pm- Do hair
6.40pm-Do rest of make up
7.15pm- Get on outfit
7.30pm- Leave
I am like a bee. Busy, I mean, I don't rip off my partners' trouser snake addendas once I've had my wicked way with them. Though it would save a lot of hassle.
5.30pm
LT Loon commander Vati is singing outside my door. With me in the nuddy pants. In the bath.
What is he singing?
"I'm sooooooo smmmeeeelly, I need a baaaaaaar of soooap,"
He is not wrong there.
7.15pm
Whoever made this daisy costume is a…wait it was me…is the most gorgeous Sex Kitty alive. Hahaha.
Why did I make the neck bit so tight?
Ouch Bugger Crappidoodles.
1 minute later
At least there was no trouser or skirt fandango because I would have never got out. And no one wants that.
7.30pm
The Ace Gang (minus Ro-Ro who was the hostess and Jas who was going with her tree hugging boyfriend) were waiting for me at the clock tower. I'm surprised Ellen decided on a costume. Although I'm not quite sure what she is.
I said that, "What in the name of Arse are you?"
"Well, um, you know, I could decide, I thought it would be, you know, groovy and not ungroovy to be a sprout but, err, it came out ungroovy, so erm, I thought I'd change it, err. Like into a carrot, is it okay, or is it, err, like, you know, not okay?"
Ramble on Miss Half-Sprout-Half-Carrot.
Then Mabs said, "Gee, a daisy isn't a vegetable, you don't eat them,"
I tapped my nose, "Ah but don't you?"
They looked at me, agog like two agog things.
"The ancient people of the Daisic Tribe used to eat daisies; they are very good for you full of… Daisentine, which is a vitamin which…err helps beauty"
Jools didn't think I was Wise Woman of the Forest. She thought I was mad, "You speak WUBBISH!"
"If there was no such thing as Daisics and Daisentine why are daisies called daisies?"
That stumped them.
3 minutes later
I wish people would not listen to me when I talking complete and utter bollocks. Ellen is very interested in our friends the Daisics.
8.00pm
We rung the door bell on Rosie's house and it was pulled off it's hinges by Sven who was dressed as a furry leather onion.
"Get in their my bitches, ja!" he yelled and scooped us all into a neck breaking hug, Heavens knows what goes on in his mind. Luckily Rosie (Dressed as a cabbage with a false beard) came in a he lunged on her and they started snogging. While she was eating. It was quite disgusting.
1 minute later
The usual crowd: the Foxwood Lads, the Dame and his crew, the girls from Moorgrange school. Quite a lot of the Foxwoods are..well…foxy. But in a guy way.
At least Dave the Laugh isn't here.
3 minutes later
Jas arrived with Tom. They are both dressed as matching mushrooms. It is quite hilarious. Jas thinks she's a 'special' mushroom. But she is not a mushroom, she is on mushrooms, the magic type particularly.
10 minutes later
I managed to tear Jas away fro her boyfriend for three seconds.
"Jas, do you think I doing the right thing no waiting for Masimo and partying?"
"No! What if he phoned now?!"
"Oh, even if someone clever told me that? Someone I trust?"
"It's a very stupid thing to do, who told you to be stupid? Or are you making it up because as we know you are very very stupid, in fact edging on the edge of bonkerosity,"
"Jas, you told me,"
"Well obviously, I didn't mean it,"
Thanks Jas, I love you
8.30pm
Dave and his crew arrived. He had his usual huge gathering of shameless tarts around him. They have no pridnosity.
"Be gentle with me! No pulling and pushing! We can all share here,"
He is so bloody over confident. I hate him. I am ignorez vousing him. Which is actually quite hard to do as he is dressed as a floresant banana with sunglasses.
8.40pm
Had to go to the piddly diddly department. I feel really jumpy and nervous. I don't know why. Probably this Masimo Fandango.
5 minutes later
Tons of cans of beer and bottles of alchopops have appeared from somewhere, probably the Foxwoods- they are drinking them by the barrel full.
I had one to try and cool my nerves.
Erlack! It's horrible! Really sharp and dry.
2 minutes later
There is the fabbiness of my life. I don't like alcohol so I am destined to be a social retard. Thanks Buddha.
3 minutes later
But I do feel a bit calmer. Sort of.
Well I did drink loads to try and find a nice tasting one.
Eurgh…I feel sick.
1 minute later
But I don't think I'm drunk, I only had a sip of each one…just happy and sick like a happy thing on sick pills. Or would it be a sick thing on happy pills? Either way I feel as if I am going to puke.
9.35pm
Dave cornered me as I was resting after a powerful outburst of the Viking Disco inferno dance with the Ace Gang.
Phoar, he is looking gorgey. I felt my love bite burn. Like a Dave detector. Huh! What I need is a Dave rejecter.
"A daisy, Sex Kitty?"
Oh merde and triple poo with chocolate sauce, I had forgotten the daisy picking session.
"Yep, a daisy's groovy like two groovy things…err…grooving,"
He took off his huge shades, "You know what I've got to do with every daisy I see?"
"What?"
"This…she loves me, she loves me not…"
He was she-loves-me-she-loves-me-notting my petals! The last petal he counted was the one in front of me.
"…She loves me,"
Then he snogged me! In the middle of the party! ANYONE could have seen!
But he is a groovy snogger.
In the spirit of red bottomosity and started joining in and put my hands around his head (well, banana stalk)
Then he broke the kiss and shouted, "Oi, minx, get off my banana, you know I like it,"
Everyone turned around and stared at me. Oi! Stop staring at me like staring things!
He is APPALLING! And embarrassing, I had to make a sharp exit. Oh I hate him, I hate him.
10.00pm
Hiding behind Jas and Tom from Dave. They are rubbish camouflage. They keep talking far apart them move close a kiss then walk somewhere else. And I'm bobbing up and down like a bob trying to stay hidden.
"Oooh, and I think it was a mouse's nest,"
"Really Po?"
"Yep, I tried to have a look, but…"
I said helpfully, "Your knickers got stuck in the tunnel?"
She sighed at me like I was Libby's age. Vair Vair annoying. I may have to kill her.
"Anyway, I must dash, Hunky, I have to revise for my German Exam tomorrow,"
And they snogged. I felt like a lesbian pervert. But not as hairy.
1 minute later
So much for friends.
In the Tarts Wardrobe. Again.
11.00pm
I feel like the goosegog extraordinaire. And the heat's melting my make up.
2 minutes later
Was just wondering around like a clud. I am so full of lonlinosity.
1 minute later
I will not wonder as lonely as a clud through the 'dance floor' again. I nearly got knocked out by Sven.
Bugger Bugger, ouch. My head hurts like Billy-o. I need some ice. I'll get some frozen peas from the kitchen.
5 minutes later
Dave was in the kitchen, surprisingly not surrounded by his usual sluts. He actually was surrounded by a million empty beer cans.
Oh dear. A drunk Dave.
1 minute later
He is not drunk. He is positively absocompletly bladdered. Arrgh, I going to have to get him home.
3 minutes later
I tried to help Dave the Drunk up and he was sick all over me. Erlack a pongees. How disgusting is that? I tell you, TRÉS disgusting. With nobs. No way am I going to snog him tonight. Well…I wouldn't anyway but it always happens…
"I am sho shorry Gee,"
"It's okay Dave,"
"NO! I am really really shorry, I am shorry,"
4 minutes later
After about a year of Dave the Drunk saying 'shorry' to me I got him out of the house.
And then he just sat down in the gutter.
"Dave! Eww! Get up,"
"Schleep now,"
He seems to have got Libby's brain now he is drunk.
And that is not good.
I am not jumping over spoons with him.
He was patting the drain like a pillow.
"Dave! Sober up! Think straight! You need to go home!"
"Wha?"
"Wake up!"
He sat up and put his hands on his head, like in the movies when they're trying to remember they're a clone or something.
And he chucked up again.
It is not pleasant.
I will pay him back when he is sober. But I am too full of kindinosity to duff him up will he is drunk.
Then he said, nearly normal, "I love you, Gee,"
"Dave…your drunk,"
"No! I'm not!"
He stood up. Well, wobbled up.
"You don't mean it really,"
"I do! I do! I'm always telling you but you don't believe me! Or maybe you do and your just messing me about! I don't know! But I DO love you! Your all I ever think about! You're the only one I want! I always want to be there for you! I've tried to leave you alone but I can't! I CAN'T! But all you care about are your luuurrve Gods and your sex Gods! But you never think you're my Luuurrve Goddess? You go on about Jelloidosity but don't you think you make me jelloid?"
He was shouting.
He is quite hard to take seriously when covered in sick.
Then he shoved me up against the lamppost. And he is quite strong. Ouch.
"I'm always there for you Gee, when your crying and I'm helping you get the guys that are taking you from ME! How do you think that makes me feel? Can't you see that they're just interested in playing the field when all I want is you? Can't you see that they don't really care about you but every time you tell me you've kissed them or something it tears me to pieces? Because I CARE ABOUT YOU! I LOVE YOU. But you don't care about me, is my heart just something you can rip up for fun and expect to come running back to you? I can't do this anymore Gee,"
He let me go. Oh GoddyGodGod. He was crying. Big, tough Dave was crying. Then I realised. I was too.
"I can't…I can't…I love you but…I can't,"
"Dave?"
"I can't,"
And he ran into the shadows.
Oh God.
What have I done?
3 minutes later
I think…he loves me.
1 minute later
Oh in the name of Gods dandruff covered beard, HELP ME
3 minutes later
It couldn't get any worse than this.
5 minutes later
It could.
I could see a couple snogging in the street. As I walked passed I saw the guy was…
Tom.
Jas' Tom.
Hunky.
And the girl was not Jas.
Sorry the chapters take so long to be put up. I really enjoyed writing Dave's yelly bit. Poor old Dave. Infact i've been looking forward to writing this chapter for YONKS!