A/N: WOW. What a response! Thank you to all of my readers, new and old, for being so supportive! It's always really wonderful to hear what everyone thinks.

Enjoy! :)

"Sybil, please pick up…" Tom was begging now, and even he wouldn't deny that. He couldn't, especially when all of his phone calls had a similar tone, even the early ones where his voice told her that he was still hopeful she'd join him on his trip back home to Kinsale. .

"Sybil, I need you to hear me out. Even if you don't come to Ireland. Even if you really are serious about never talking to me again. I'm...I'm sorry, alright? I can't say it enough." This was a fact, one known by Sybil as she counted each time, all forty-eight apologies delivered with different messages behind them. "I was stupid, okay? I was really really dumb. That was insensitive and I was jealous but I was angry too, I guess? You'd never talked about it before and I just feel like we share everything. It was almost like this secret you were keeping from me and then when you did tell me...I want to show you how it should be. You deserve that. And maybe you're right...hell, you are right. You deserve that from someone so much better than me but I want to be good enough for you. I just need time to let me prove that to you. I meant what I said the other day. I am falling hard for you, Sybil, and these hours without you, thinking that maybe I really have lost you...I can't stomach it. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love—"

"Tom?" Sybil asked, finally picking up. Why she answered her phone that way she was unsure. Of course it was him, all thirty one calls and seventeen text messages her phone received since leaving his flat last night were from him. "Where are you?"

"Where are you?" he countered, his voice out of breath causing him to sounding childish and defensive. "I mean...hi," he whispered. "Dear Christ thank god you picked up..."

"You're a fucking stalker, you know that?"

"What? No, Syb, I…" He had no words. Did she really think that? Had his one nonsensical comment cause her to think so low of him this quickly?

"You're going to miss your flight."

"I'm...I'm at security now," he sighed. "I was waiting. I guess I was wishing you'd join me."

"Yeah, well I've been wishing for a lot of things too." She blinked, keeping her eyes closed as if to punish herself for being so cruel. In reality, she didn't mean any of these things, but she knew she couldn't let him win this easily. What he said was wrong and it was clear he knew this now, but somehow Sybil needed more from him.

"Syb—"

"Don't wait too long," she whispered. Now she wanted to cry, and she wondered if the anger she had for him was more punishing for herself than for him.

"Sybil, you have to know that—"

"I don't know anything anymore, Tom. I just know that you have a plane to catch and I have a lot to think about."

"Can we please discuss this? I can't wait an entire week, Sybil. I'm going to be a mess."

"Maybe you should have thought of that!" Sybil fumed. "That's your problem! You don't think! You don't think and it's all I do."

"Maybe you're right," Tom shrugged helplessly. The bag he had slung over his shoulder nearly fell down in the process and as he moved to reposition it, he caught the eyes of several people, most of them women, all with disapproving looks written across their faces. There was a bit of pity too, a feeling they were only capable of because they identified with the girl on the other end of the telephone line.

"But I'm starting to. I'm trying, Sybil! I've never done this before, you know? Sex was always the easy part, but Jesus Christ you've come into my life and changed things. I can't think! I just…I…" But he stopped himself again, and when he started up, he let his mind go somewhere else completely; a similar track but one with a different destination. "I want nothing more than for you to come to Ireland with me. I want you to meet my family and I want them to love you and I want to spend a week with you away from Cambridge and away from all of the school stuff. I just want you."

Sybil sighed, creating just the slightest bit of white noise across the line. "I have to go, Tom."

He could only look down to the floor. He wanted to sigh too but was stunted by the lump in his throat, one that told him he'd be best keeping his goodbye brief. "I can't convince you?" But he couldn't and he knew that and he didn't want to wait for her to answer and only confirm that. "No," he corrected himself with a shake of the head. "No...okay, yeah…"

Sybil bit her lip. Like Tom, she had no words to give him, at least none he currently deserved to hear. Because of this, she ended the phone call without a goodbye.

Out of security and with his phone still warm in his hand, Tom walked immediately for his gate. For whatever reason this section of the airport was oddly crowded. Everything was louder too: a small child wailing, someone's cell phone going off, and the intermittent chatter of families waiting to board their flights. Something was different and it was bizarre to Tom that Sybil wasn't here; it was as if the airport had planned for her arrival, changing itself from what Tom knew to be familiar.

Each distraction was a nice reminder of the life he had before Sybil, a life where no, he didn't think; he didn't think because he didn't have to. He had one goal and one goal only, that being to do well in school and impress his parents. Now that world seemed miles away. Lately he thought less and less about school and more about Sybil. She occupied most of, if not all, of his thoughts. Unfortunately, he was still making sense of it all, and taking far too long apparently because she was no longer around to hear all of the beautiful things he wished to share with her.

Sitting down, Tom instantly grabbed for his headphones from the front pocket of his messenger bag. Quickly, the white cord was plugged into the bottom of his phone and just as easily his earbuds were in. He didn't even search for an artist or specific album but instead played the next song on his shuffle. Tom merely needed noise, anything to calm his heart down and to stop the beating in his head. The longer it settled in, the more stable he felt, but he was forced to stop all of that as he opened his eyes and looked to the Arrival Departure Board. As he did, he noticed his flight had just landed. With it, someone had taken a seat beside him. Sybil Crawley had taken a seat beside him, and though he could smell her perfume and sense the way in which she held her breath, his need to react dramatically was stunted by her silence.

Finally: "I didn't want to startle you," Sybil admitted. "You looked pretty comfortable."

"Holy shit," Tom managed breathlessly. His mouth couldn't imagine anything other than kissing her, and in acknowledging this was not currently an option, he sat back in his chair and rubbed at his face. "How did you get here? I mean, that was fast, yeah?"

"I've been sitting over near the window for about three hours now." Sybil sighed. "It was never an issue of me coming, it was just how I'd come and when I'd finally let you know I was joining you."

"So you are?" Tom muttered quickly "Joining me, I mean…"

"I am. Of course I am," Sybil tried with a small smile, one that had her looking down as she placed a loose wave behind her ear. "I'm still mad though," she said quickly. "I need you to know that. I'm really hurt, Tom."

"Yeah," Tom nodded. "Yeah, I know. And I'm sorry for—"

"I know," she nodded too. "I know you are."

Above, an announcement was made that their flight was about to board. Tom grabbed for his messenger bag, and without her permission, Sybil's tote too. When she started to move, his hand instinctively rested on her lower back, protectively guiding her toward the gate's entrance. In awkward silence, the two stood together waiting to hand the flight attendant their boarding passes. Ironically enough, Sybil did not request that Tom move his hand. She did not even reposition herself so he had no other option. Actually, by the time the two were to the front of the line, she was leaning into him, and as the two headed onto the plane and moved to put their carry ons into the overhead compartments, Sybil wished for Tom to sit down so she could be close to him once more. She wasn't ready to tell him what she was thinking, but her body had other ideas, ones that had her fingertips dancing upon his as the flight attendant began to discuss in-flight procedures.

Up in the air, the silence continued until Tom finally spoke, his body remaining motionless as he stared straight ahead. It was as if he was addressing the scenarios that played out in his mind, ones his eyes projected onto the back of the seat in front of him. "I was just shocked, you know? You said it so casually but you also seemed really bothered by it? I mean there was a braveness in saying it but you seemed ashamed and—

Sybil picked her head up from where it leaned on her hand, her eyes previously directed out the window. "I am ashamed."

"He didn't...I don't know. Is it dumb to assume that? That's not what it was, right? I just don't like guys taking advantage—"

"I didn't do anything I didn't want to do," Sybil admitted, wishing she didn't have to. "He was fine, I guess. I just wasn't thinking."

"Did he hurt you?"

"No," Sybil let out with a breathy laugh of disbelief. "But it wasn't great...and that is a gross understatement. I just don't like to think about it, really. I let it happen because I kind of wanted to get it over. Mary had a really awful time with the Matthew stuff and I didn't want that. I thought if I slept with someone I didn't care about, I wouldn't connect my first time to some guy who would eventually break my heart. And," Sybil sighed, " I wanted to know what I was doing when someone like you finally came into my life. But I didn't know what I was doing then and my knowledge certainly wasn't furthered because of it. It just wasn't what I thought it would be," Sybil shrugged. The action had Tom's mouth turning to a frown; he knew she reacted in this way to brush off the regret that still weighed heavy on her shoulders.

"So it's embarrassing," she continued, "and it doesn't make me feel great about myself. And I don't know how to explain it, so I never brought it up. I wasn't keeping it from you, I just didn't think it mattered—"

"It doesn't," Tom assured. "I mean that. It doesn't. It caught me off guard and now it just makes me sad…"

"Please don't pity me, Tom."

"I don't pity you, Sybil. I just...god, I want you so much sometimes. Lately, it's all the time. And I'm sorry for what the makes me sound like. Because it's not like that. I just...sometimes when we're together everything else melts away. I don't think about school or the loans I have or the stress my family and Kolberg put on me. None of that matters…"

"What am I supposed to say to that, Tom?"

"I don't know," he chuckled breathlessly. But when Sybil failed to show him a similar emotion, he echoed her feelings, his face turning blank — sad, if anything.

As if carrying a thought she no longer wished to have, Sybil snapped her head in Tom's direction. Somehow the movement was a delicate one, where the contrast of her nude colored nailpolish and ruby lips as she held her head up had her seeming far more understanding than Tom knew she was about to be. "What was that you were saying on the phone earlier? Before I picked up?"

"What?"

"What were you going to say?" Sybil repeated. "If I hadn't interrupted you. What—"

"I don't remember," Tom stated with a shake of his head.

"Okay."

"What did you think I was going to say?"

"I'm...I'm not sure," Sybil lied. "It's not important. I was just curious…"

"Oh," Tom nodded. All too quickly the air around them had grown stale. With no new oxygen to invigorate their lungs the space they occupied became awkward and far too silent.

"Whatever it was," Sybil dictated warningly, "please don't ever say it if you don't mean it."

Unsure of what else it was he could do, Tom nodded again. "Got it."

~!~

Off the plane and headed immediately for the baggage claim, Sybil and Tom said little to one another. Casually, Sybil looked around. She had never been to Ireland and for whatever reason she thought it somewhat ironic that she wasn't visiting Dublin first. To be honest, and with Tom she always was, her knowledge of this country was limited. It was why she wanted to come, and in knowing this place was his home, she was even more motivated to learn about it.

It looked much like Cambridge thus far, but the way in which Tom carried himself here was not the same. His shoulders were relaxed, and though the two were still somewhat tense around one another, he did not hesitate to guide Sybil onto the escalator. When their bags arrived on the belt, he grabbed for both of them. Sybil insisted then that she pick up the keys to the rental car, but Tom took care of that as well. The man behind the desk asked to see Tom's driver's license and in doing so, noted the age required for car hire: twenty-three. Though Sybil was without a license anyway, it was another reminder that Tom existed on different levels than she, levels she wasn't even allowed to acknowledge, at least for several more years. Despite what the two thought, and for all they could say of mental age being more important than physical, the world had concrete rules that made these things difficult to believe in outside of Tom's loft bedroom or the few places the two frequented back in Cambridge.

In the car, with their luggage in the too-small trunk, Tom inserted the key into the ignition but did not turn it to start the vehicle.

"Tom?"

"I have wanted to say Happy Birthday to you since I saw you. I was so busy apologizing that I forgot but I know it's your birthday. Your gift is in my bag. I had it all planned out. I was going to give it to you while we waited for our flight and tonight I was going to take you out to dinner—"

"You don't need to do that, Tom. I know you're not much for birthdays so I wasn't expecting much fanfare anyway…" The latter comment was a reference to something Tom had told her on more than one occasion. Sybil often wondered if his mention of it was a hint that she should inquire. But she didn't, knowing that if it mattered he would have told her outwardly. Then again, perhaps it was like her virginity, and it would forever go unspoken unless coaxed from his lips in a moment of vulnerability when it seemed he had no other option but to reveal it.

"But I want to! And I want you to want to let me."

"I just…" Sybil sighed. "I have this awful feeling that this week is going to be so, so lovely…"

"And that's a bad thing?"

"It's a bad thing because when we get back to Cambridge we go back to being friends. Or pretending we're friends...doing whatever it is that we're doing because we can't be who we want to be there. So you'll take me out this week and we'll have the best time but when we get back, you still won't be mine."

Tom's eyes narrowed. He was confused, but also hurt. Sybil had let the world take these things from her before she could even admit them out loud to Tom. In Tom's eyes, Sybil was letting them win. "Sybil, I—"

Her breath hitched. Maybe he'd say it, she thought. When the silence persisted, Sybil exhaled, happy he didn't. She was adamant in her warning, almost to the point of rooting for it. "I'm really struggling being mad at you right now, so can we please just start the car and get going? I just want to listen to the radio and not think for awhile."

"Sybil, can we please...what can I do? What do you want from me?" Sybil looked to him, her eyes cold. "Aside from the driving and the radio," he sputtered quickly.

"Can we just stay in tonight? Please? I'm tired."

"Yeah," Tom nodded. "Yeah, love, whatever you want."

"Let's make something. We can go to the grocer's and buy food. And then I just want to sit around, just you and me."

"Okay," Tom tried again. He'd say anything at this point if it meant she'd forgive him.

"I don't want things to change now that we're here. I want to be the same person in Kinsale that I am back home. We can't escape all of that…"

"Sure, yeah…"

As Tom started the car, Sybil said exactly what she was not: "Okay."

Thank you for reading!

x. Elle