Disclaimer: all characters belong to BBC/Tiger Aspect. Robin and Marian belong to legend. No monies made.

A/N Thank you to Jadey36 for reading this through for me.

Previously

'You mean you wanted money for a new start. And you have the nerve to accuse me of betrayal!' Isabella's voice rose angrily. 'If it wasn't for your betrayal Guy would never have lost his mind, never killed the Sheriff and been outlawed, never agreed to your crazy scheme. You murdered him as sure as if you'd held the knife!'

'No, I loved him, I loved him,' Marian protested. But there was truth in Isabella's harsh words, truth Marian could not ignore. She had caused Guy's death. She who had claimed to love him – did love him – had led him to his death.

It was the worst moment of her life and as Marian watched Isabella sink to her knees again and sob over Guy's body she wished it were her lying dead on the forest floor, wished it were she who had received the fatal blow.

Sins of the Heart Part Ten

Isabella had been beside Guy for several minutes by the time Robin returned. He looked strained, mud, rain and blood streaking his face and clothes. The marks of battle were also upon the men who followed him: Much, Allan and Little John.

Robin came to a sudden stop upon seeing Isabella. His brow creased and Marian recognised the guilt in his eyes. She knew the feeling well, the feeling of having wronged someone.

'Isabella,' Robin began, but stopped, not knowing what to say or do next.

Isabella raised her head. Like Marian her face was streaked with tears, her hair wild and wet from the rain. She took in Robin's presence, the look of concern on his face. She picked herself up and smoothed her skirts.

'He was my brother,' she told Robin softly. 'I did love him, despite it all.' She paused, her gaze fixed on Robin accusingly. 'He was all I had.'

Marian watched as Robin gave an incremental nod of his head to show he understood, before taking Isabella in his arms and holding her head to his chest as she cried. Marian was too cold, too numb, too shocked by grief to feel the usual surge of jealousy this would have provoked. Besides, there was no lust in this embrace, it was about comfort and care; Isabella's need for someone to care about her and Robin's need to bring comfort and to assuage his guilt for the hurt he had caused a woman who had already suffered in life.

But Marian wished she could have that place on Robin's warm chest, a comfort for her unending grief. She knew she couldn't. Not because Robin would not have her. He would do anything for her. But because she knew her guilt would not let her hold the man she loved again.

They were speaking now, Robin was whispering words of comfort to Isabella.

'He fought bravely, died proud,' Robin said soothingly, his hands on Isabella's slender shoulders. 'He cared, Isabella, he just didn't know how to show it.'

Marian blinked back more tears. Robin had hated Guy, had many reasons to hate him. And yet, he spoke well of him, had the nobility in his heart to give even his enemy dignity in death.

'It wasn't me,' Isabella spoke pleadingly, desperate to be believed. 'I wanted to stop her, but I never knew about the tunnel, Guy didn't tell me. Prince John knew, he ordered it to be built, he guessed. I know you hate me, but I would never betray by own brother like that, not even after what he had done.'

'I know,' Robin soothed. 'I am sorry, for the way things turned out. I did care for you.'

'Don't, please don't, Robin,' Isabella bowed her head. 'You used me, but you love her, you always did.'

'You are right and I am so sorry. But, Isabella, in another time and place, if things were different, it would have been you. I could have loved you.'

'And I you, but the world is a cruel place. Look at my brother, cut down as an outlaw when he was so close to real power.' Isabella leaned into Robin, whispered, but Marian heard nonetheless. 'It was all her, it was Marian's fault.'

'No,' Robin said firmly. 'We must stop this, this hatred and rancour. Your brother loved you and he loved Marian. As he lay dying, he made me promise to care for her and he trusted you to help us. He wanted you to help.'

'No, she killed him!' Isabella shouted, pulling back from Robin and sobbing again. Robin sighed and embraced her once more, quelling her hysteria.

'Isabella, you must be strong. Guy needs you now. We are outlaws, we cannot bury him as he should be buried. You must use your influence with the Prince to secure your brother a proper burial, yes?'

Isabella nodded. 'Then you must take Marian, tell the Prince I corrupted her heart, that I forced her. Tell him she is innocent. She is still a Gisborne, you can protect her.'

'No.'

'It was his dying wish.' Robin tilted Isabella's chin up, fixed her with an intense gaze. Marian recognised the look, it was the one of steel, the one he used when the cheeky charm had run dry, the one that meant business.

'She deserves to die,' Isabella hissed.

'If you allow that your brother died in vain and his last wishes are broken. You must do it for him, do it for yourself, don't live with blood on your hands. I know how that feels. It haunts you and eats your soul.' Robin spoke with a passionate conviction. 'And you must do it for me, because I know you are a strong woman, of good conscience. Life has been cruel to you, Isabella, but do not become cruel, do not lose you soul. Do this, for him, for you and for me.'

'And what of you?'

'I must make things right, but I promise that when the King returns I will protect you and you can always come to me for help.'

Isabella looked at him, considered for a long time. Robin was holding her gaze, as well as her hand. Marian was also holding Isabella in her sights, knowing the direction her future took could depend upon her sister-in-law's answer.

Isabella finally withdrew her hand from Robin's. 'I will make sure Guy is buried of course, I will not betray you either, Robin. But I cannot help her.'

'Please, Isabella,' Robin asked, his eyes wide and desperate.

'No,' Isabella repeated firmly. 'Robin, you have to go now, John's men are coming, you cannot be found here.' Robin nodded, made to leave, but Isabella grabbed his arm. 'I need to know what happened, what happened in the tunnel. Meet me tomorrow, at the Long Stone, after sunrise. If I cannot make it personally I will send my maid with news on the funeral and Marian.'

Robin was weighing this up. 'Robin,' Little John urged. Indicating the depths of the forest with his staff, 'we need to move.'

'Alright,' Robin agreed. 'I will meet you tomorrow. Come alone, Isabella. I will know if you don't.' He fixed her with a hard stare.

'I'm not my brother, Robin,' Isabella whispered, her eyes turning to Guy's body.

They all turned towards the edge of the trees now. They could hear movement, then the unmistakable call of Prince John.

'Isabella!' The Prince called, a note of petulance in his voice. 'Isabella, where are you? I want you here.'

Isabella turned back to Robin. 'Go,' she hissed. 'I cannot be seen with you.'

Robin nodded, gave her a small twitch of the lips, that might have been a smile in other circumstances, then shouldered his bow.

Marian felt a hand on her shoulder.

'Marian, we have to go now. You must say goodbye. Isabella will look after Guy's body.' Robin's words sounded distant, as if they were being spoken far away, not next to her ear.

Guy's body.

He was dead. A body now. No longer a husband, a lover, an adversary, a protector. Just a body. Something to be dealt with.

Marian looked at his face, pale and still, peaceful now. He had died as she told him she loved him. He had died knowing he was, at last, loved. If only he could have lived knowing he was loved, would he have been a better man? Marian looked at him again, those cold lips that had always been so warm on her skin, would never touch her again. Never comfort her, never pleasure her.

She picked up his hand again, stroked his long fingers and bent down to place a final kiss on his cheek.

'Goodbye,' she whispered softly, before shakily standing, glad of Robin's supporting arm as her cold, stiff legs almost gave way underneath her.

It was the longest night of Marian's life. She was freezing, heartbroken and soaked to the skin. Much had finally managed to get a fire going in the cave they sheltered in, the men stripped down as much as they could whilst remaining decent in her presence. Marian was eventually persuaded to shed her heavy, rain-sodden dress and wrapped herself in the furs the gang kept at the back of the cave for emergencies such as this.

Marian sat on the hard sandstone floor in silence, watching the gang in the fire light. John tended and stoked the fire, Much hung clothing on the ledge jutting out above it, hoping to dry out as much as he could. Allan began counting the money from the sacks they plundered, until Robin ordered him to stop, Allan's glee at their loot was not welcome at this time, in this place.

Robin flitted around, pulling out supplies stashed in nooks and crannies at the back of the cave. He sharpened weapons, ate a little of the dried meat that was produced from a hidden store. Most of all he watched Marian. His face was all the while creased with worry and concern. Marian leant back against the dusty, sandstone wall, too tired and empty to care about how cold and uncomfortable it was.

Robin cared though. Without saying a word he gently pulled the furs over her legs, saving her from both cold and indecency. He brought her water several times, holding the water skin to her lips as she took disinterested sips. He offered her food, and as they bedded down for the night folded up his newly dried shirt so that she might rest her head on something, before covering her shivering body with his blanket as well as her own.

Marian hated him for doing this. She hated it because it reminded her how very much she loved him and why she had always loved this kind and tender man. She hated him for being so damn noble, for agreeing to Guy's dying wishes, for persuading Isabella to control her temper in order to give him a decent burial, she even hated him for caring about Isabella. Not because she was a threat to Marian's place in his heart, she could see that now, but because he cared what happened to her, he cared because he was a good man and he had wronged her.

Marian didn't want to be in love with Robin anymore. If she hadn't been in love with Robin Guy would still be alive. If she hadn't embarked on their affair, if she hadn't come up with that stupid, stupid plan. What had she been thinking? Marian's grief was twofold. Most of all she grieved for her dead husband, the man she had always cared for, the man she had grown to love despite his numerous faults. But she also grieved for the loss of what she could have had with Robin. The life they could have led if she had never married Guy, if Vaisey had never been sheriff and if Robin had never gone to war.

Marian awoke cold and stiff, she was surprised to find she had slept, she supposed her eyes must have given way in the end, so tired from tears were they. Marian took a few moments to be sure of her surroundings, she was near naked, covered in furs and blankets and, judging from the sunlight streaming through the gap in the rocks, in one of the caves in the forest.

It slowly came back to her: the raid on the castle, the attack at the end of the tunnel, Guy saving her from the soldier's blade, Guy being stabbed and Guy dying in her arms.

The aching hunger in Marian's stomach immediately halted as she recalled the events of yesterday. She felt a strange stillness, as if it had happened to someone else, and concentrated instead on the hushed voices of the gang, who were evidently preparing food, whilst trying not to wake her.

Marian lay for a long time letting them think she was asleep. Partly because she was too tired for conversation, partly because Robin was not there. The gang would be kind to her now, she was sure of that, but she hadn't forgotten their hurt and anger when she had been with Guy, their contempt for her as Lady Gisborne. Marian felt awkward. Of course, the person she should feel most awkward with was Robin. But how could she ever feel out of place with him?

And that was the problem, Robin was still there, still in love with her, still wanted her. Marian had thought a few weeks ago that her greatest wish was to be free to marry Robin. But not now, not like this. She was stained. She was tarnished. She was a sinner. She was not the virtuous maid Robin should have married. She was an adulterer, a liar and had brought about her husband's death. She had also loved that husband, not the way she loved Robin, but she had loved him nonetheless. Her heart had been torn in two and now both pieces were broken.

Eventually Marian heard Robin return. He didn't say much, except to ask after her. Marian then remembered where he had been, from the snatched conversation she overheard. It was later than she realised and Robin had already been to meet Isabella.

'Robin, you need to tell us what Isabella said,' Much piped up, challenging Robin's wall of silence. Marian heard the clutter of cutlery on wood and thought Much was probably handing him a plate of food. It was hard to tell with her back to them.

'She didn't say much,' Robin answered his tone evasive and final.

'Well, what does that mean?' Much persisted. Marian was glad of his persistence, she was desperate to know what Isabella had said too.

'She will have Gisborne buried tomorrow. Prince John has agreed to her request for him to be given a burial befitting his rank.' Robin's tone was flat and disinterested, but Marian breathed a sign of relief. She could not have born for Guy to be buried as a common outlaw.

'And what of Marian?' Allan asked, somewhat tentatively, but voicing the question they were all thinking.

Robin said nothing, made to speak a couple of times and stopped. Marian heard him push the food around his plate.

'Is there any salt for this?' Robin finally said.

'Robin!' Little John cried. 'Salt? Tell us about Marian, what did Isabella say?'

'She said Marian will not be pardoned. She said Marian is an adulterer, an outlaw and, in her eyes, a murderer. She said she will never be welcome at Locksley or the castle and she will have to stay here, unless . . .'

Robin stopped, Marian had now turned over, no longer feigning sleep. She was relieved that Little John was the only one of the group facing her, the rest had their faces towards the sunlight at the entrance to the cave.

'Unless what?' Much asked.

'Unless she agrees to enter a nunnery and stay there. Isabella told me that was the concession she bargained from Prince John and only because she said she knew Gisborne would prefer that than her living here with me or being hanged like a common criminal. She said if it was up to her she'd hang by the neck like every other outlaw.'

'Except you,' Allan said shrewdly.

'Well, I do have more charms than the rest of you,' Robin quipped, the cheeky façade never far away, ready to hide his distress.

'I bet she didn't even try to get Marian a pardon,' John growled, voicing what they were all thinking.

'She is grief-stricken,' Robin chided, leaping to Isabella's defence, 'she had to secure Guy's burial first and foremost. No-one else could have done that. At least Marian has some options.'

'Yeah, but I'm not bein' funny, Robin, I can't exactly see Marian in a nunnery. She's not really the type, is she?'

'No, not really,' Robin said softly, a smile in his voice.

At his words Marian was reminded of the heady meetings under the tress, the urgent passion she felt as he took her in his arms, pulled the clips out of her hair and possessed her mouth. She remembered her yearning, her need and the sheer joy of their lovemaking under the greenwood.

No, she wasn't the nunnery type at all.

But perhaps she could be. Perhaps this was the answer to her broken heart and blackened soul. Perhaps by giving herself to God she could earn forgiveness for her crimes, for her sins of the heart.

'But I must tell Marian, let her decide. Isabella has told me Prince John wants an answer by tomorrow.'

'Tomorrow?' Allan asked incredulously, 'hang on, isn't Marian meant to be burying her husband tomorrow?'

'Yes and no, Gisborne is to be buried, but Marian is not welcome. The Prince considers her an outlaw, as does Isabella, who seems to be the only voice in Nottingham worth listening to as far as he is concerned' Robin sighed sadly, he sounded defeated, his usual hopefulness gone.

'I must wake Marian now and tell her,' Robin said, the dread in his voice at having to break such news was there for all to hear.

'Don't sound so worried, master,' Much cried. 'She'll stay here and you can be together. She still loves you, once she's over Gisborne it will be as it always should have been. You and Marian, the King will come home, take Nottingham back, you will get your lands back, I'll get my Bonchurch and . . .'

'Much!' Robin shouted, rising to his feet. 'Shut up! Don't you see it has all changed? It will never be like that! What we did, Marian and I, what happened, it changed everything. Gisborne died saving her and she loved him at the end. She will not just forget him overnight.' Robin's frustrations and hurt were now spilling out, his old friend bearing the brunt of it as ever. 'I do not know what Marian will do and it breaks my heart, I lost her once to him when she married him. Now I fear I will lose her to him again in his death.'

Much was about to reply before he was hushed by Little John and then Allan.

'You'll wake Marian, idiot.'

'Too late,' John said. 'She's been awake for hours, haven't you, Marian?'

Marian pulled the furs tighter around her as all four men turned to look at her, huddled to the back of them. Robin immediately stepped towards her and knelt beside her.

'Marian, I'm sorry,' he whispered. 'I did my best to persuade her, but she is maddened by grief and – '

'She hates me, I know,' Marian said, her voice raspy from yesterday's tears.

'Much, fetch Marian some water and food.' Robin reached forwards to touch her face, then withdrew his hand, evidently deciding it would be inappropriate to touch her as before, given what had happened. Marian felt burnt by the loss. She was no longer his Marian. She knew it. He had seen her as Lady Gisborne, as Guy's wife. It changed things, no matter that Guy was dead.

'Marian, you do not have to decide now, but Isabella said Prince John wants an answer tomorrow.'

'Prince John,' Marian spat, 'I bet he doesn't even know about this, it is her doing. She wants me out the way so she can have you. She thinks that by forcing my hand immediately it'll leave the path free for her.' Marian was surprised at the venom in her voice. She checked herself as Much handed her a water skin, his face slightly alarmed by her aggression.

'She doesn't want me, she has the Prince Regent,' Robin reasoned. 'And I certainly don't want her, not in that way.' Marian glared at him. 'Okay, perhaps if things had been different, I could have loved her, as you loved Guy. But things aren't different and I don't love her and I never will.'

He didn't add that he loved her. It was another quiet pain. But one she deserved. Look at what had happened to the last man who loved her. Robin didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve the curse of her heart.

Marian sunk back against the rocky wall and sighed. It was going to be a long, painful day. The bright sunshine outside was wrong. Nothing should be bright or happy again. Nothing near her anyway. Marian watched the sunlight bounce off Robin's hair as he crossed the entrance to the cave, the light made his hair appear fairer than it really was. Guy's hair had been so black, so dark. He had been so dark in many ways, his brooding moods, his dangerous temper, the dark stirrings he had always elicited in her.

Now he was gone and she was left with what? The compassion of a man who's heart she had broken twice, who may be kindly now, but would surely grow to resent her, hate her even, when her grief and guilt prevented her from being the woman he wanted, prevented her from being his Marian ever again.

And to live in the forest . . . she would be an outlaw, hunted down, Isabella would see to that. For all her alleged prowess as the Nightwatchman, she had rarely been in physical danger and she knew she was of little use to the gang. Her schemes had hardly been a success, Guy's needless death proved that. She had none of Djac's skill in medicine or knowledge of science to make up for her lack of physical strength. She would be a burden, a resentment, especially to Robin. He valued the work he did, he tirelessly and selflessly defended and helped the poor, she would detract from that. Hell, if it wasn't for her he'd be handing out food and money to the poor now, not hiding in a cave with his men stationed at the entrance for her protection.

As Marian told the others she needed time to think she knew already that deep down she had decided what to do.

The carriage pulled up on the road outside Locksley. The Gisborne coat of arms was draped over the front and back, the yellow gleaming in the sunlight. The guards, in their characteristic yellow and black, opened the door in readiness for their mistress.

Alongside the carriage Isabella drew her horse to a standstill and deftly dismounted. Her long, dark blue cloak covered her svelte figure, but did not hide the assortment of jewels on her fingers and at her throat. She even had jewels pinning up her long hair.

'Hood!' Isabella called imperiously into the woodland either side of the grassy path. 'Bring my sister out now.'

Robin emerged from the trees first, his men and Marian following suit, his bow was drawn and aimed at the guards.

'Put it down, Hood, we're not here for you today. Where is she?'

'I am here,' Marian said, her voice clear, despite the shakiness she felt.

Marian made her way towards the path, her head held high, despite her once rich attire being ragged from the forest and knowing she must appear bedraggled, especially in comparison to her sister-in-law.

Isabella watched Marian intently. Her eyes rested on the thin band of gold that hung on a chain around her neck. Her wedding ring, but no longer on her finger.

'I didn't think you'd come,' Isabella said, her eyes narrowing as if looking for a trick.

'It is what Guy would have wanted, I must atone for my sins and find forgiveness from God,' Marian said flatly. She wanted to get in the coach, not engage in a sparring match with Isabella. She hadn't the energy.

'You must. Yet, perhaps there is hope after all. I never thought you'd come, or perhaps Hood isn't so much fun when you can't run back to a nice warm home?' Isabella laughed cruelly, Marian kept her face impassive, refusing to be riled by her jibes.

'I am sorry for the wrongs I have done you,' Marian told her, deciding to rise above taunts and hatred. There had been enough rancour between them to last a lifetime. 'Thank you for securing this for me. Please thank Prince John too.'

'I didn't do this for you,' Isabella hissed. 'I did this for Guy, because he loved you, he wanted you alive and well, not hanging from a rope where you belong.'

'And I thank you for that,' Marian replied, still refusing to rise to the bait, but feeling crushed, by guilt, sadness and the desire to escape from the world.

'And just so you know, as soon as you are gone, it will be business as usual with these, these outlaws,' Isabella spat, looking at Robin and his gang with distaste.

'Good, that means I can sleep easy then,' Robin said casually, even managing to wink in Isabella's direction. Isabella pursed her lips, turned her head from Robin angrily and got back on her horse.

Marian turned towards the gang, she smiled weakly at them. 'Thank you,' she told them, 'and sorry, for dragging you into all this. I will pray for you all.'

The men nodded and at Robin's flick of the head disappeared back into the trees.

Marian was left staring at Robin. She was acutely aware of their audience. She had barely spoken to him since informing him of her decision, the hurt in his eyes was too much to bear. And what to say anyway? That she loved him, but he deserved better? That she was a whore and a harlot, a sinner who must spend the rest of her days in penitence, who must never contemplate the possibility of personal happiness again?

Robin was staring at her now, clutching his bow as a child might a comfort blanket. His blue eyes swam with pain and pleading, as if he thought she might turn around and run back to the forest with him.

'Goodbye,' Marian said simply, a sharp awareness that these were also the last words she had spoken to Guy cutting through her as she spoke them.

'Goodbye, my love. I will never stop loving you.' Robin stood, biting his lip, looking as if he was debating whether to hold her or not. A glance at Isabella had him leaning back. Marian hung her head, she would never stop loving him either, but she couldn't say that. Not now.

Instead she turned and climbed in the carriage, catching only a glimpse of the tear escaping Robin's eye as the guard shut the door and she was carried away to her new life at Our Lady's Priory in Loughborough.

To be continued . . .