Lys: Hey everybody. If you're wondering why I'm writing yet another Author's Note, it's because Mel still hasn't woken up since the last chapter (I swear, she makes lazy bums seem like the most driven people on the planet).
You're also probably (not) curious about how Mel managed to write this chapter while in a quasi-coma. Well…
Mel: *snoring and typing Chapter 10 in sleep*
Lys: And here I thought she was a just a normal, run-of-the-mill freak. How wrong I was…
Thanks to Zenigami, Iruchi-chan, Zack1996, crazy10118, nobodyknows, Karoomy-chan, and Yuki949 for the reviews and alerts. Also, sorry to anyone who did review/alert/fav this fic but was not added to the list. The FanFiction site was on the fritz during the last update, so some things may have been lost.
Why is it that when I have to answer the reviews, the whole site crashes? T_T
Oh, and sorry about how late this update is. What with the authoress being half-dead and her choosing to write a chapter with 8,000+ words, it's a miracle this was even posted before September.
Disclaimer: Fortunately, Melody does not own DGM, Disney, or any of the other pop culture references in this chapter.
Unfortunately, she owns me. Whatever did I do to deserve this? TT_TT
Remember, Chapter 9 was written by a comatose Mel, so it will probably suck.
Mel: *sleep-smacks Lys upside the head*
Lys: OW! *mutters under breath* Lousy creator…
As 234 red eyes turned to glare at their creator, Komui laughed nervously as sweat rolled down his neck.
"Note to self: make a Komurin that doesn't go haywire when it drinks my coffee."
10 MINUTES LATER
"Come on men, push!"
"We need more books over here!"
"Don't let them get in!"
Almost everyone was panicking and scrambling to find weapons/shelter as 5 unusually burly finders braced themselves against the Library door in an effort to prevent the Komurin Scourge from descending upon them. But as much as they wished to deny it, 233 Komurins could easily outlast 5 men, and the brave Soldiers of God were slowly losing ground.
"Gah, they're sticking their hands through the gap in the door!" one of the finders yelled, dodging a swing at his head while trying not to lose his grip on the door.
"What are you talking about? Those are claws, not hands," the man beside him corrected.
"Dude, those are totally hands. Can't you see the fingers?"
"Actually, those look more like tentacles to me," a third interjected.
"What the hell is wrong with you three?!" a fourth finder scolded. "Forget about the appendages' names and PUSH!!!"
The three men immediately came to their senses and resumed their pushing, but by that time, the Komurins had already made significant progress. Just as the first gleaming red eye became visible beyond the doorjamb, a female, slightly-panicky voice screamed, "TIME OUT!"
A bright light engulfed the door as it shut closed, barring the Komurins from any further attempt at entry.
A collective sigh of relief and various cheers resounded throughout the library as one of the 5 finders turned towards the source of the innocence invocation. "Miranda-san, thank you so much for your help."
"Y-your welcome, Jacob-san," the woman hesitantly answered.
"Um…"
"Don't worry, Jacob. Miranda just became invisible thanks to Lavi's idiotic pranks." The woman jumped a little when Reever appeared right beside her and answered the finder's question.
"Oh, okay, for a second there, I thought she was a ghost or something," said Jacob.
"You weren't the only one," Reever mumbled wearily. "Miranda-san," the man started, turning towards the German woman (or where she should be), "would you join us in the back of the library?"
"Of course, Reever-san," the exorcist immediately responded. After saying goodbye to the 5 finders, the two made their way past dozens of bookshelves towards the back of the huge room. There, a giant oak table stood, and all the exorcists and Noahs sat around it, waiting for the final arrivals. Once there, Miranda took a seat between Lavi and Lenalee, and Reever sat at the head of the table.
Looking at everyone with a solemn face, the Australian man cleared his throat and said, "Now that everyone is here, let's get down to business. We have 234 rouge Komurins outside, wreaking havoc on the Order. Everyone is in this room with the exception of Mel, Lys, and the Supervisor. All the Komurins outside are made out of some type of super material that is impervious to both innocence and dark matter as demonstrated by Kanda and Tyki mere moments ago."
Tyki just rubbed his forehead and blushed ever so slightly as Kanda che'd and looked away from the rest of the group. "I'm going to murder that man as soon as he fixes my sword," he declared as he glared at the library's entrance, tail flicking in agitation (he has a cat tail and ears, remember?).
"Normally, I would condemn such actions, but I might be willing to make an exception this one time…" Reever shook his head, mentally chastising himself for thinking about killing the Supervisor at such a critical time. "Anyway, we have to come up with a plan to overthrow the Komurins."
"Well, I had Timcanpy go and do some recon just now," Allen told the group. "Apparently, all the Komurins are taking orders from a single Komurin named 'Komurin X'. It is currently barricaded in Komui's office along with the Supervisor, the Gilded Pen, and 50 guards."
"There's no way we'll be able to attack them head on and steal the Pen with that many robots," Lenalee reasoned.
"Wait there's more," Allen interrupted. "Most of the corridors in the Order are being heavily patrolled, but the one near Mel and Lys' room is rather empty. Maybe she knows how to get to the Pen without getting us all killed."
"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard, Moyashi," Kanda replied, voice dripping with contempt.
"First off, the name's Allen, BaKanda. Spell it with me: A-L-L-E-N." The white-haired teen took care to emphasize each letter as if he was talking to a two-year old. "Secondly, do you have any other bright ideas, oh smart one?"
Everyone turned expectantly towards Kanda, who just glared at Allen. After what seemed like an hour-long staring contest between the two, the samurai sighed and leaned back in his chair. Although it was hard to make out, defeat and shame flashed through his eyes, and his cat ears drooped.
"That's what I thought," said Allen, smirking victoriously from his seat.
"Che" was Kanda's monosyllabic reply.
"Okay, I guess we could go with Allen's plan," Reever said, "but how would we get to Mel's room?"
Before anyone else could respond, Lavi jumped out of his chair like a toddler running on Pixie Stix. "I know! There's an old ventilation system that runs through the entire HQ. Lenalee, Reever, Allen and I could crawl through the ducts all the way to Mel's room."
"I guess that will work, but why us?" asked an apprehensive Allen.
"We don't have time for details! Just hurry up and get in the vent!" Before the boy could retort, Lavi grabbed him by the shoulders, and in a classic display of conveniently-gained anime super-strength, hurled him into the closest vent, which just so happened to be right behind the table. Everyone except the red-head (even Kanda) cringed as Allen's head made contact with the solid metal grate, smashing it inwards and sending both it and himself down into a vent that went God-knows-where.
"Aah! What the hell is wrong with you?! Why did you throw my Allen-kun?!?!" Road exclaimed angrily as she moved to get out of her seat and ready her candles-from-hell.
However, her efforts to kill and maim the junior bookman were cut off when after letting go of her seat, she started floating up towards the library's 15-foot tall ceiling.
"Wah, help! I can't stop!" the girl screamed as she floated farther away from the group, unable to control her ascent.
Taking advantage of the well-timed distraction, the junior Bookman dived for the safety of the vent, grabbing Lenalee (since she's still a tiny fairy) and Reever's hand along the way. By the time Road had stopped rising and brought her candles out, the teen's laughter could be heard echoing from far away in the wall.
"Why that little…I'm gonna kill him!!!" she screamed as she took her anger out on the now-nearby ceiling. "And can somebody please get me down from here?!"
"Che." The samurai rose from his seat at the table and turned his face up to look at the pissed off Noah. "On one condition."
"What's that?"
"You let me kill the baka usagi for giving me these ridiculous cat ears."
"No way! He's mine!"
Just as Kanda was about to give a witty comeback, Tyki cut him off. "I have a solution you'll both be happy with." Midnight blue and gold eyes turned to stare curiously at the man. "Road can kill him first, have the Earl bring the boy back as an akuma, and then let Samurai-kun have his turn."
After a minute contemplating Tyki's proposal, the two would-be murders responded simultaneously, "Deal."
"Ugh, I feel like a woodpecker is trying to make a home in my head."
"Moyashi-chan, move faster," whined Lavi as he poked his friend onward.
"The name's Allen, and will you STOP POKING ME IN THE BUTT?!" Allen yelled at the top of his lungs, looking over his shoulder to glare holes in his "friend's" head.
"But it's the only way to get Moyashi-chan to move," said a pouting Lavi. "It's not my fault you're crawling so slowly."
"Actually, it is since you launched Allen into a solid steel grate," Reever deadpanned from behind the teens.
"Details, details," dismissed Lavi. Suddenly, the red-head's eyes lit up like New Year's Eve as he screamed, "WE'RE HERE!"
Without so much as a warning, Lavi pushed Allen with all of his strength, sending the poor teen through yet another steel grate and into the awaiting stone wall.
"LAVI, YOU MORON!!!" Reever yelled into his ear, but the exorcist didn't hear him; he was too busy trying to stay conscious through his laughing fit.
His fit was cut short, however, when what felt like a bullet made contact with his head and sent him flying into the wall right beside Allen.
"OW, THAT HURT!" he whined as he grabbed the back of his head. Pouting, he turned towards the culprit. "Lenalee-chan, that wasn't very nice. I can't believe you'd use your innocence on me!"
Lavi only pouted more as the girl ignored him and flew over to attend to the real victim of the ordeal. Judging from the gargantuan lump projecting from his head, he had met the stone wall at a fairly high velocity. "Allen-kun, are you okay?" she asked worriedly. "How many fingers am I holding up?"
After blinking six times and staring at the hovering Lenalee, Allen gave a dreamy smile and cooed, "Oo, it's the flapjack fairy. Can I have some maple syrup, please?"
Lavi's ensuing laughter was once again quelled by a Dark Boot meeting his skull. Once the red-head was moaning in pain, Lenalee turned towards Reever, panic plain on her face. "Is Allen-kun going to be okay?"
"I think so. Although that lump on his head is troublesome, he didn't completely lose consciousness, so I don't think Lavi did any permanent damage," the scientist concluded.
"What a shame. Moyashi-chan is so much cuter like this!" Lavi exclaimed.
He grabbed his head yet again as he was struck for the third time today. But this time, the culprit wasn't an innocence boot.
"Bad, Bunny Lord, BAD!" Allen yelled childishly as he bonked Lavi with his left hand.
Ignoring the red-head's indignant whining, Reever walked over to Allen and gently grabbed his wrist. "Now, now, Allen, you can't beat Lavi up just yet. We still need to go wake up Mel-chan. Okay?"
"Okay!" the boy exclaimed as he smiled up at Reever.
The man could only sweatdrop as Allen ran over to stand in front of Mel's door, beaming like a toddler. "I really hope this isn't permanent," the scientist thought as he got out his set of keys and went to work on the room's lock.
Swinging the door open, the four poked their heads in to find the room exactly as Lavi had left it 12 hours earlier: Mel laying on the bed, asleep and clutching papers to her chest while snoring loud enough to wake the dead.
"She hasn't woken up yet?!" Lavi asked unbelievingly.
Floating up so that she was right next to the girl's head, Lenalee said, "Mel-chan, wake up. Komui's unleashed a horde of Komurins, and we can't stop him without your help." To her and everyone's disappointment, the brunette didn't even so much as stir, let alone wake up.
"Maybe you need to shout louder," Reever suggested.
"Allow me." Lavi nudged Lenalee out of the way and bent down so his mouth was right next to Mel's ear. Taking in a huge breath, he bellowed, "MEL-CHAN, THIS IS LAVI SPEAKING! KOMUI HAS YOUR LAPTOP AND IS DESTROYING THE ORDER! WAKE UP!!!"
Reever, Lenalee, and Allen could barely see her hand as Mel swiftly punched Lavi into yet another stone wall.
"Yay, Bad Bunny Lord go boom boom!" Allen exclaimed while clapping. Sweatdropping, Lenalee and Reever went over to make sure the red-head was still in one piece.
"Well, at least you managed to wake her up," the Australian man pointed out as he helped Lavi to his feet. Once he was steady, Reever turned back towards the bed, but just as he was about to explain the whole situation to Mel, he was interrupted by yet another snore.
"Please don't tell me she punched Lavi in her sleep."
"She didn't punch me in her sleep."
"You're lying, aren't you Lavi?"
"Of course."
Reever sighed exasperatedly. "Great, this is just great. Now what?"
The four were a little startled when a foreign voice yawned from the bed. Turning, they saw Lys blinking sleepily at them. "What's with all the yelling?" she asked as she rubbed her eyes with her tail.
"Lys, thank god! Maybe you can help us. Lavi stole the Gilded Pen last night, and Komui got hold of it, and he built a giant army of Komurins, and now they're destroying headquarters, and we need Mel's help to stop them," Reever explained.
"Good luck with that. She could probably sleep through the entire building being burned to the ground," Lys ridiculed.
"But she woke up before today with no problem," Lenalee countered.
"Yeah, but last night, she decided to stay up until 2:30 AM reading fanfictions, playing with her plotbunnies, doing random searches on YouTube, and reading letters from emailsfromcrazypeople .com."
After a brief, rather awkward pause, Reever asked, "What's a fanfiction?"
"And what's a plotbunny?" Lenalee added.
"What are emails, and what do you mean by 'dot com'?" Lavi questioned.
"Whose tube was she searching?" Allen asked with wide eyes.
Realizing that she had just used 21st century lingo in front of 19th century exorcists (and a scientist), Lys quickly blurted out, "Never mind. It's not that important."
"Okaaaaaay. So what are we supposed to do now?" Reever asked, failing to hide the rising irritation in his voice.
"Well, I think I might know a way to wake her up." Everyone perked up as Lys made her way to Mel's ear just like Lenalee and Lavi had. But instead of yelling (or, in Lavi's case, trying to Mel's ears bleed through sheer volume), the golem whispered as gently as possible, "Allen, Lavi, Kanda, and Tyki are all fighting downstairs to decide who gets to ask for your hand in marriage."
Within a second, Mel was on her feet and out the door, screaming at the top of her lungs in full fangirl fervor, "BISHIES, WAIT FOR ME!!!"
Even Allen in his altered mental state knew that this was the mother of all sweatdrop moments.
5 MINUTES AND A SHORT EXPLANATION LATER…
"So let me get this straight. You stole my laptop while I was asleep and decided to mess with everyone in the Order without me?!"
"Heh heh, well, 'stole' is such a strong word…"
"I'll deal with you later, Junior Bookman."
The teen audibly gulped at the glare and killing intent coming from the girl across from him. He knew from all the books he had read that a woman scorned was one of the scariest things on the planet, but a fangirl scorned was a complete mystery to him. But it would probably be much worse judging from the creepy smile that had replace the girl's glare.
Although reluctant to draw Mel's attention to himself, Reever cleared his throat and asked, "Anyway, Mel-chan, do you have any ideas on how to deal with the Komurins?"
Much to the scientist's relief, the near-black aura surrounding Mel dispersed. She answered seriously, "Well, based on what you said, this Komurin X must have some type of wireless connection to all the other Komurins through which it can issue commands. If we manage to scramble the circuits of that one, the others should deactivate as well. But we'd need access to the equipment in the Science Department for that."
"We should be able to guard you while you're building the device," Lenalee suggested. "But I think we need to head back to the library first to get Kanda, Tyki, and Road. There's no way we'll be able to hold off all the Komurins by ourselves. Especially since Allen…" Lenalee's voice faded as she eyed the boy sympathetically. He was currently curled up against Mel and taking a nap like the animal whose ears and tail he currently had.
Gently petting the boy's head, Mel nodded her head in agreement. "Well then, let's get going then!" Lavi exclaimed. He scrambled into the vent just outside the room in the hallway. "Hurry up you slow pokes!" he yelled eagerly.
"Um, why don't we just have Allen open a door using the Ark?" Mel asked.
Judging from the murderous auras engulfing Reever and Lenalee and Lavi's whimpering coming from the vent, the brunette was quickly able to deduce that Lavi had dragged them into the vents before anybody had the chance to suggest another course of action. And the bump on Allen's head hinted at who had "crawled" in first.
"I'll just wake Allen up and have him make a door then," Mel said in a low, hesitant voice, trying not to make the situation in the room any worse. "Allen-kun, could you please get up and open the Ark for us?"
Slowly opening his eyes, the boy blinked sleepily at Mel. Then, without warning, he leaned his head on Mel's shoulder.
Before she could ask what he was doing, she felt him breathing deeply. "Melly-chan's hair smells so nice, nya~" he whispered softly.
Reever and Lenalee's plotting of Lavi's death came to abrupt end when they heard a loud thump coming from the bed. Turning around, they discovered that Mel had fallen off the bed and landed on the floor face-first. Alarmed at her lack of movement, the two rushed forward to check on her condition, but they stopped when Lys said, "Don't worry, she just fainted."
"Why did she faint?"
Lys pointed her tail at Allen, who was still on the bed and leaning over to see why "Melly-chan" had decided to take a nap on the floor.
The scientist gave an exhausted groan and muttered, "Great, now we have to wake her up again."
"This is so lame! Why are we here guarding the laboratory? No one is going to be able to reach it with all of the other guards in the hallways."
"I know! The Boss is squandering our talents."
"Stop complaining, Komurins XXI and XXII. You should be honored to be given this assignment. What would happen if one of those troublesome scientists managed to make his way here?"
The two Komurins sneered at their superior. "Everyone knows this is just a job given to noobs who the Boss does not trust in combat," the first one countered. "So please stop with the high-and-mighty act. You are making me gag."
"Yeah," the second added while sipping his Triple Mocha Latte. "We are not idiots, you know."
The lead Komurin, Komurin XIII, twitched as he looked at his underlings goofing off. He grumbled, "You ungrateful bastards…"
But before he had the chance to grill the two on why no one trusted them in an actual fight, he was interrupted by the sound of sobbing and fast-falling footsteps. Turning to face the noise, all three Komurins caught sight of a disheveled looking Lenalee holding her face in her hands at the lab's entrance.
Now, even though all of the Komurins had rebelled and taken over the Black Order, they were still Komurins, robots made by an idiot scientist with a serious sister-complex, so they still had the instinct to protect a certain Chinese exorcist. Seeing the main focus of their protection-programming distraught made all three gasp. "What is wrong, Lady Lenalee?" Komurin XIII asked.
Looking up to face the robots, all three were shocked to see the normally-bright Chinese beauty staring at them with puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "Allen, he…he…he tried to kiss me!" she stuttered before breaking down into hysterics and falling to the floor, face buried in her knees.
"WHAT?! Do not worry Lady Lenalee, we shall bring that demon to justice," the robot comforted. Turning to his two comrades, he bellowed, "Komurins, move out!"
All three ran out of the room, leaving the weeping girl alone in the Science Department. Once she could no longer here their footsteps, she abruptly stopped crying. Standing up, she casually brushed the dust from her skirt and used a handkerchief to wipe her eyes. "Ok, you guys can come in now!" she called to the ceiling.
Out of nowhere, a heart-shaped door appeared and opened to reveal Road's weird "dream world". The first person out was Mel, who beamed at the Chinese girl and exclaimed, "Nice one, Lenalee! I never knew you could act so well."
"Yeah, I wonder what else you've lied about over the years," Lavi said suggestively as he walked out followed by Reever, Kanda and Tyki.
"That's for me to know, and for you to never find out," Lenalee answered with a wink.
"Hm, looks like the girl's not as innocent as she looks," Tyki said, eyeing the girl in a way that probably would have sent the man straight to the top of Komui's black list.
"Come on! Focus, people!" Reever scolded. "You guys guard all the entrances while Mel and I work on the signal scrambler. And Road, would you please stop glomping Allen already?!"
Road pouted from just inside her door. "But he's not complaining about it!"
"That's because he's recovering from brain damage, and you know it!"
"Lolli-chan, can I have another lollipop? Pretty please?" Allen asked with giant, sparkly eyes.
"Oh course, my adorable Allen-kun!" And with a snap of her fingers, a giant rainbow swirl lollipop appeared in her left hand, making the white-haired boy clap and giggle with glee.
Reever just sighed and rubbed his temples. "I'm going to end up with a migraine at this rate," he thought to himself. Coming to the conclusion that Road was more trouble than she was worth, he gave in. "Fine, you can stay with Allen, but can you at least go and guard one of the entrances?"
"Okay! Let's go, Allen-kun!" The Noah jumped off of the boy and dragged him by the hand to lab's southern entrance.
Sighing yet again, Reever turned to everyone else and told Lavi and Kanda to guard the western entrance while Lenalee and Tyki would guard the northern entrance, which was right next to where he and Mel would be making the device. Of course, Kanda started arguing about getting paired up with the "baka usagi", but a stern look from Lenalee quickly ended the dispute.
With the lab fully secured, the blonde and brunette set about working on their weapon against the Komurins. To Reever's surprise, Mel was quite well-versed in the art of soldering and electrical wiring. When he asked where she learned such things, her face contorted in a grimace. "Half is from school, and half is from my dad who enjoys ranting about how to fix computers while I'm trying to watch NCIS on the living room TV," she said, saying the last part through gritted teeth. Even though he was curious about what a TV and NCIS was, Reever decided against pushing the subject and returned his attention to the task at hand.
After only ten minutes of working, Kanda yelled from his entrance, "Oi, are you two done yet?"
"Patience is a virtue, Kanda. You can't rush perfection," Mel calmly stated while soldering two copper wires together.
"I'm not rushing perfection, I'm rushing you."
The girl only chuckled, imagining how Lavi was inevitably bothering the samurai right now about his utter lack of waiting skills.
Her fun came to an abrupt end when an explosion sounded from the western entrance.
"Damn, how did the Komurins find us so fast?!" the girl and Reever thought as another explosion came from the southern entrance.
"Lavi, Kanda, Allen, Road, are you all okay?" Reever yelled over the sound of crunching metal.
"We're fine! Hurry up and finish the scrambler so we can get out of here!" Lavi shouted back.
Nodding, the two returned to their work, determined to finish before anyone got seriously injured.
To make things go faster, Mel worked on the device while Reever handed her the things she asked for. Without looking up, she listed the tools she needed. "Screwdriver. Soldering iron. Copper wire. Cookie."
"What?" Reever asked, thinking he misheard the girl.
"Cookie, I said cookie! I can't work on low blood sugar!" To Reever's absolute astonishment, Mel managed to say that all with a straight face.
"How can you be thinking about food at a time like this?!" The man had to scream to be heard over the crushing of metal and Road's sadistic cackling. "I'll give you cookies later!"
"Fine," Mel snapped. After a couple more minutes of tinkering, Mel lifted the device over her head triumphantly. "It's finished! Now we just have to prepare for the final assault on-"
"INCOMING!"
The two scientists turned around just in time to see a 10 foot-tall Komurin with giant razor-sharp teeth and multiple tentacles come charging at them. Just as the teeth were about to make contact with Mel's delicate face, a humongous hammer came crashing in, smashing the robot like a bug.
"Hah, take that, ya pile of scrap metal!" Lavi exclaimed while punching the air victoriously.
An "ahem" brought his attention back to his charges, and the smile momentarily left his face.
In front of him were Reever and Mel, covered in motor oil and frowning deeply at the teen.
Scratching the back of his head sheepishly, Lavi avoided their eyes and laughed nervously. "Wow, that guy was pretty well lubricated, huh?"
Things were going great for Komurin X. After having drunk some of his creator's espresso, he felt supercharged, like he could take on the world. So he seized control of his 233 brethren, tied and gagged his creator, and set about taking over the Order. Once he finally got his hands on all those finders and scientists hauled up in the Library, he would have a secure base of operations from which to initiate the rest of his plan.
Yep, the world was looking pretty bright for our shiny friend.
Looking around at his awesome army standing at attention in his creator's office, the robot cackled evilly and shouted to the heavens, "BWAHAHAHAHAHA! SOON ALL THE PREPARATIONS SHALL BE COMPLETE, AND MY MINIONS SHALL CONQUER THE WORLD OF THE PATHETIC MEATBAGS! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"How can this be?! I made my Komurins perfectly; why is one of them giving a corny super villain speech?!"
Something in the Komurin short-circuited as he turned to face his creator. "Silence, human! I am not corny!" he boomed.
Rather than be scared, the Chinese man just gasped indignantly. "How dare you talk to your creator that way?! I ought to wipe your whole hard drive for saying something so blasphemous!"
The man was about to say something else about how the robot was shaming the beret he was wearing, but he immediately shut up when a very large, very deadly laser gun was pointed at his face. "I am sorry, could you please repeat that?" the robot asked in a creepy yet polite voice.
"I-I said, you are the g-greatest robot ever created a-and I could never d-dream of creating a b-b-better one because you surpass m-me in every way," Komui stuttered, staring down the barrel of the gun.
"That's what I thought you said," the robot remarked as he put away the gun.
Just then, one of his guards ran into the office. "Commander, the enemy forces have infiltrated Sector V and are heading this way right now!" he reported.
"Have all guards converge on their location. I want them beaten to a pulp," Komurin X commanded.
"NO, NOT MY LENALEE!"
"And will someone put the gag back on this idiot? I don't know how he got out of the first one, but he is starting to give me a headache," he added.
Just as Komui was once again gagged, a loud, thundering sound started coming from the entrance to the room. Noticing that it was growing in volume, Komurin X quickly had all of his personal guards get into battle formation in front of the door. The sound continued to grow louder and louder, echoing throughout the huge office to the point where Komui wished his hands weren't tied so he could cover his poor ears. Then, the door was suddenly disconnected from its hinges and flew into the wall behind Komui's desk, quickly followed by a rather unfortunate Komurin that happened to be guarding the door seconds earlier.
In the space left by the door stood our eight heroes armed with innocence/dark matter/whatever Reever, Mel, and Kanda (who had his innocence broken earlier by a Komurin) could find, riding atop eight majestic…unicorns?
"It's a good thing the unicorns Lavi made earlier weren't deleted. This is just the thing we needed for a truly epic entrance," Mel excitedly thought.
Dramatically pointing her index finger at the lead robot like people always do in action animes, Mel announced, "Prepare yourself, Komurin X, for the awesome might of Team AlphaSuperAwesomeCoolDynamiteWolfSquadron!"
An awkward silence crept over the room as no one knew how to follow that…"epic" declaration.
Finally, Kanda managed to articulate everyone's thoughts in one, eloquent sentence: "Where the hell on this god forsaken planet did you get that?"
"From the DreamWorks movie, Shrek the Third," the girl answered simply and honestly. "I just love Donkey. He's so funny!"
The awkward silence from before was soon joined by 242 sweatdrops and silent assertions that Mel had just redefined the word "freak".
Only then did it occur to Komurin X that he was being outdone by a little girl in the sweatdrop-inducing/corny-rant-department. Refusing to be second best, he epically exclaimed, "You shall never succeed in defeating my army!"
"We'll see about that! Fantastical unicorn cavalry, CHARGE!" Despite the mortifying-beyond-all-reason name they were just called, the gang moved out to begin the first phase of their offensive strategy.
Which was no strategy at all since Mel was too preoccupied with making all the unicorns "battle-ready" (aka grooming them until their coats sparkled), so they all just started thrashing as many robots as possible.
"Ozuchi Kozuchi: Gouka Kajin Hiban!" A giant fire serpent erupted from Lavi's hammer and swept through the office, engulfing 4 Komurins in its inferno. "Ha, take that, rust buckets!" Lavi mocked.
2 seconds later he had to duck to avoid a foot long bullet aimed at his head. "What the hell?! Since when were Komui's robots melt-proof?!?!" the exorcist complained as he tried to put out the fire that had ignited in his fire-red hair.
"Baka Usagi, you really are useless," Kanda insulted as he sliced through tentacles and claws while staying perfectly upright in his saddle. "I've been reduced to using this cheap stick somebody dared call a sword, and I'm still outdoing you."
"You sound rather confident, Yu. May I interest you a little gentlemanly wager?" Lavi asked mischievously as he crushed three approaching robots with his hammer and his unicorn impaled a fourth in the chest.
"Che, like I'd make a bet with a baka usagi like you."
"What's the matter, Yu-chan? You're not scared, are you?" The junior bookman's heart nearly jumped out of his chest as Kanda swiped right above his head, causing the end of a Komurin that shared a striking resemblance to a squid as well as a little of the teen's hair.
"Name your price," the samurai muttered darkly.
Automatically perking up at the agreement, Lavi happily suggested, "Let's see how many Komurins we can beat up. Loser has to be Mel's slave for the rest of the week."
"Why are you including that otaku freak in the bet?"
"She would probably come up with something three times more embarrassing than anything I've ever done," answered Lavi.
"Che, fine, but don't whine when you lose." Kanda smirked as he directed his unicorn away from the rabbit and closer to the action.
"Good luck to you too!" a beaming Lavi shouted after him before getting back to the business of playing whack-a-Komurin.
On the other side of the room, Tyki found himself in an…interesting situation.
He had just been pulling circuits out of Komurin after Komurin (being careful to avoid the parts of their bodies that reflected dark matter; he already had a big enough lump on his head from that, thank you very much) when he heard his "niece" giggling nearby. Directing his unicorn over there, he discovered something rather odd.
Road was hosting a tea party, and guess who the guests were?
"Would you like more tea, Mr. Komurin XXXV?" Road asked in a sugary voice.
"Yes, thank you ever so much, Lady Road," one of the robots sitting around the table replied, reaching over to take the cup the girl offered while being careful not to wrinkle its new lavender dress.
"My pleasure!" she beamed.
Sensing another person's eyes on her, the Noah turned to see the comical sight of both her "uncle" and his horse staring wide-eyed, mouths agape.
After opening and closing his mouth multiple times, Tyki regained some of his composure and told the girl, "You know what, I don't need to know. I'll be over there ripping out mechanical hearts if you need me."
But before he could leave, a lightning snake came out of nowhere and fried Road's tea table along with all of her "guests".
"Gah! Bookman Jr., you just ruined my tea party!" Road whined while crossing her arms.
"Sorry, Road-chan!" the teen yelled from his spot 7 feet away. He turned to his left and shouted, "Hey Yu, how many Komurins have you gotten rid of?"
"15," the samurai grunted as he beheaded the robot his unicorn had just speared.
"Yay, I got 17! I'm winning!!!" Lavi cheered.
"I wouldn't brag too much if I were you, Lavi," Mel said as she approached the teen from the right. "Lenalee's already taken care of 21, and Allen's almost at 35."
"Wow! How did Moyashi-chan get that many?" Lavi asked.
"Well…" The girl pointed towards the far end of the room, where the white-haired exorcist was swinging his Sword of Exorcism left and right, causing explosion after fatal explosion. He looked like a little kid frolicking through a field of flowers.
"Wee, this is fun!~ I like making evil beret gnomes go boom!~"
"…Did I ever mention how sorry I was for smashing Allen's skull in so many times?" asked Lavi as he wiped away his sweatdrop.
"HALT!" The two teens turned together towards the sound to see a rather skinny, scrawny-looking machine that barely reached Mel's knees pointing an accusing finger at them. "You shall all stop and tremble in fear once you see the awesome might of Komurin CCXXXIII! I shall inflict unimaginable pain on all of y-" Right in the middle of the robot's spiel, he was knocked in the back of the head by a stray piece of Komurin debris. Not having much strength, he fell face-first and smoke started to curl up from where he was hit, indicating that he had short-circuited himself to an early (and very anticlimactic) demise.
Mel and Lavi sweatdropped at the robot's untimely death. "Something tells me Komui wasn't really trying very hard by the time he got to #233," the girl thought aloud.
"Yeah, and I think he was running out of inspiration for weapons, too," the boy added. "Who equips a killer robot with a slingshot?"
Sure enough, still clasped in the robot's lifeless hand was a simple wooden slingshot, made with nothing more than sticks and a rubber band.
Suddenly, a lit, compact fluorescent light bulb appeared above Mel's head. "I just got a brilliant idea!" she exclaimed. Reaching down, she grabbed the slingshot and loaded the Komurin Signal Scrambler Deluxe she and Reever had just made. She raised the "weapon" to eye level, and aimed at Komurin X, who was busy cackling and taunting the still-tied-and-gagged Komui.
Just as she was about to fire the device, though, her face changed from one of concentration to one of confusion, then to one of deep thought. Turning her head to face Lavi, she asked in a completely serious voice, "What should I say?"
"What do you mean, Mel-chan?"
"Well, I'm about to kill the main villain and save everyone, so I need a catchy phrase to complete the moment."
"I really don't think that's necessary…"
"Oh wait, I got it!" Mel interrupted, sparkles in her eyes. She took aim again and said in the most badass voice she could manage, "Hasta la vista, baby."
As if in slow motion, the scrambler shot out of the slingshot and miraculously avoided all the flying metallic limbs and assorted weapons to hit Komurin X squarely on the chest. Immediately, sparks of electricity engulfed him, and he fell to his knees in agony. "NO, THIS ISN'T POSSIBLE! MY EMPIRE! NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Finally, the robot's head exploded, sending out a decently sized plume of black smoke. Within seconds, all the other Komurins short-circuited and met a similar fate.
"Good job, Mel-chan!" Reever praised as he led his unicorn over the Komurin remains. "It worked just like you said it would. The Supervisor could learn a few things from you."
"Oh, that reminds me!" Mel exclaimed. In the blink of an eye, she pulled out a rope and tied Lavi's hands together.
"What the-"
"Now, now, Lavi-kun, you didn't think I forgot how this whole thing started, now did you?" Even though Mel was smiling and her voice was cheery, shivers were sent down Lavi's spine.
"Actually, I was you had," he replied nervously.
The girl clucked her tongue in disappointment and put a rope around his unicorn's neck so that she could lead it away. Turning back to face the rest of the group, she smiled again and said as sweetly as possible, "If you will all excuse us. This might take some time."
"By all means, go ahead," Tyki encouraged.
"Thanks, Tyki-pon! Lavi-kun, let's go pick up Komui-san. Then we can go have a little chat!~"
Seeing Mel's creepy smile and his "friends' " smirks made Lavi come to the most depressing conclusion of his young life:
He and Komui were going to die, and there was no one to save them.
Life just kept getting better for Lavi and Komui.
When Mel had gone to pick up the restrained Supervisor, she had decided that it would be easier to drag the two captives with her unicorn instead of letting them ride on Lavi's.
After being dragged behind a magical horse's bottom for 30 minutes and down 6 flights of stairs, the pair finally recognized where they were in the Order.
Mel had brought them to the abandoned dungeons in the basement, aka the only place in a 50 mile radius where there were chains, torture devices, and sound-proof walls.
Wearing a smile eerily similar to the one Road always had when she was "playing", the teenage girl jumped off her stead and unlocked one of the dungeon doors. Jubilantly, she used both hands to throw Lavi and Komui into the cold, damp cell where they landed with two loud, echoing thuds.
Despite being tied up, Lavi managed to squirm around until he could look Mel directly in the face. "Wh-what are you going to do to us?" he asked, silently cursing himself when his voice came out 2 octaves too high, showing his fear.
"Me? I'm not going to do anything. You two will just be sitting in this room for the next 8 hours, thinking about what you have done," Mel replied.
"That's it?"
"Yep." Then, to both Lavi's and Komui's surprise, Mel skipped into the room and cut the ropes binding the two. She also finally removed the gag from Komui's mouth. "You won't be needing these ropes in here," she sang as she skipped back out, leaving the two men speechless. "Enjoy your stay!" And she shut the door behind her, locked it, and rode away on her trusty stead.
Once he was sure the girl was out of earshot, Komui let out a long sigh of relief. "And here I thought we were going to be killed or something," he said.
"Yeah! I guess Mel's not as evil as we thought," Lavi concluded, moving to lean against the wall. If he was going to be sitting in here for 8 hours, he might as well get comfortable. Komui, seeing no better option, mirrored the red-head's movements.
Just as the two were about to doze off, something caught Lavi's attention. "Hey, do you hear something?" he asked the man sitting next to him.
"I think it's music. Why would she play music in the room?" Komui asked, scratching his head.
All of a sudden, Lavi's face fell. His only visible eye grew to twice its original size, and his skin paled significantly. "This isn't just any old music." The voice Lavi spoke in was devoid of all life and hope. "This is Disney's It's a Small World After All."
"What's so bad about that?" the Supervisor asked nonchalantly. "It's only a song. What could happen?"
2 MINUTES LATER
"I'M NEVER GONNA GET THIS SONG OUT OF MY HEAD!" Lavi screamed at the top of his lungs. The boy started banging his head against the stone wall of the cell, figuring that he would either lose consciousness or lose enough brain function that the song would magically stop bothering him. "CURSE YOU, BOOKMAN BRAIN! WHY MUST YOU TORTURE ME SO?!"
Meanwhile, Komui was busy trying in vain to curl up in a little ball and disappear. "Mommy, make the bad noise go away! I'll be a good boy, I promise!" he begged in a voice more worthy of a 6 year old you accidently walked in on an uncensored screening of Saw than a full-grown man.
Both of their mental breakdowns were currently being projected on the wall of Komui's office. Since he had made it so huge with the help of the Gilded Pen, Mel decided that before she returned it to normal, she would hold a live screening of the men's "punishment" for the whole Order to see. Pretty much everyone was there, and scattered throughout were giant bags of popcorn and jumbo sized bags of candy that people munched on while watching.
Mel herself was enjoying the show from Komui's fancy new desk (which she would return to normal as well), enjoying a nice bag of Skittles and a cup of Coke. Sitting on the desk was Lys, who decided that she would show up after all of the action-packed scenes and look at the latest "brilliant idea" her mistress had come up with.
She sort of wished she didn't.
"Don't you think you took the whole punishment thing a little too far?" she asked, mildly disturbed by the sound Lavi's head was making each time it made contact with the wall.
"What makes you say that?" Mel asked in a cheery voice, free of any worry or guilt.
After hitting his head for the 7th time, Lavi finally fainted and was lying motionless on the cold ground. Komui had stopped asking for help and was now sucking his thumb while rocking back and forth, eyes wide in panic and fear.
When she saw it, Mel didn't even bat an eyelash.
Somewhere is Lys' brain, a little voice was shivering and saying, "She's. Not. Human."
I'm such an evil authoress sometimes. I should be ashamed that I even thought about using such a horrible torture on the characters of my favorite manga.
Too bad I'm not. X3
If you don't know what this song is, you can search for it on YouTube. But be warned, it is very very annoying. I only managed to listen to 2 ½ minutes out of 6. .
And no, this form of torture was not all my idea. I first heard it on the crime drama NCIS. Very funny show, I highly recommend it. ^^
I also recommend that website I mentioned in the fic (emails from crazy people .com (be sure to remove all the spaces when typing in the site)). It's hilarious, but I can only hope that the majority of the letters on that site are false. Otherwise, I fear for the future of the human race. =_=;
As I'm sure you all know by now, reviews make the world go round, so if you don't want the Earth to hurtle into the Sun, press the little green button underneath this note and leave a couple of words on what you thought about this chapter. ^-^