A/N: I tried to do as much research on sleeping pills as possible but info was surprisingly difficult to come by. Therefore, if this isn't realistic, let's pretend it is, please. =] As always, I've loved reading your reviews.

Sam barely made it to work Monday morning. She didn't want to go but she dragged herself out of bed anyway. There was a meeting with the scientists at 1100 that she had to be present for.

Daniel stopped by before SG1 departed for a few days to P2Y-524. Daniel was excited to get the chance to study the ruins there for an extended period of time. The colonel wasn't happy about it but Daniel had been begging to go back for weeks and since there wasn't anything more pressing they could do Daniel's requests had finally won General Hammond over.

He asked her if she was alright and she said she just didn't get enough sleep. In truth she had slept for more than half the weekend. Being asleep was the only break she got from having to think about her situation.

Daniel wanted so badly to tell her that Jack knew and supported her but he wasn't sure it was his place. Still, he was beginning to question if they were doing the right thing by not telling her that Jack already knew. He knew she really wanted to be the one to tell people but at the same time he already knew and the damage was done. Was keeping that from her doing more harm or good?

He would have more time to think about it off world. He'd talk to Jack about it but was pretty sure he knew what he'd say.

SG1

SG1 returned, much to Jack's relief, Thursday night. He knew Daniel's studies were supposedly important, but man it was boring to watch him stare at rocks. The other three members of the team had tried to keep their griping to a minimum but it was hard. Jack and Audra ended up playing tic-tac-toe in the dirt while Teal'c sat stoically near the fire waiting for danger. The planet was uninhabited but you could never be too careful.

They returned in the evening and headed home as soon as possible. Jack was desperate for a shower but waited till he was home before settling in for the night. He thought about calling Carter. He wanted so badly to check up on her but he knew that she would think it was strange. He would stop by the lab tomorrow. He knew Capaldi was going to be there and so it would let him hang around without being too awkward.

SG1

Carter was withdrawn on Friday. Jack had followed his plan and spent a bit of time in her lab. He watched as Capaldi tried to strike up some conversation only to be shot down with short, one word answers. He himself joked a bit but she was sullen and he soon gave up.

"I'm going to grab some brunch," he finally announced.

"I'll join you, sir," Capaldi spoke up.

They both turned to Carter expectantly but she didn't even look up. "Have fun," she murmured. They exchanged glances before Jack finally shrugged and waved Capaldi out the door. He didn't want to push Carter and gave her a bit of space. Maybe she just was having a bad day.

SG1

The colonel had said bye to her before she left for the weekend. She could tell he was a bit surprised to actually see her leaving but he approved.

"Big plans?" he'd asked.

"Just a nice bath," she had told him. "I'll see you Monday, sir," she said before walking off. In truth she just wanted to sleep for an eternity.

Once home she actually did take a bath. She fell asleep in it though and was awoken when her head slipped beneath the water and she woke up sputtering. She made her way out and collapsed into bed.

She spent the rest of the weekend much the same as the last. Daniel had called her and they chatted for a bit about SG1's mission the week before. She didn't care about all the details of the civilization but it was nice just to hear his voice. She'd been exceedingly lonely the few days that they had been gone.

She was so tired of looking at a couple in public and thinking I'll never have that. She was so tired of driving home every day and seeing the children's park and knowing she would never get to carry a child. She was just so mad at herself. And just when she thought she was finally coping and moving forward she was hit by a new blow. Someone would make a herpes joke on tv and it would hurt her because she knew that if someone could ridicule people with herpes, a harmless skin condition, then they would think worse of her.

She wasn't sure what was going on with her. She just knew that she wanted to sleep as much as possible. The moment she woke up she began thinking about her HIV again. It wasn't going to change and Sam wished with every breath that she could undo her mistake.

SG1

"Where's Carter?" Jack said. He walked into the lab to see Capaldi sitting at Carter's lab bench.

"I'm not sure, sir."

"What?"

"I haven't seen her yet," she said. She continued to play with the equipment in front of her.

"Did you just get here?" Jack asked. He looked around but didn't see any evidence that Carter had yet been here.

"No, sir, I've been in here since 0900," she informed him. "I wanted to go ahead and finish the power distributor we've been working on for the gate."

"She had to unlock the lab, right?"

"No, sir," Audra said. "I have access to it. I unlocked it this morning."

Jack felt something unpleasant stir in his chest. It was already 1100 and Capaldi hadn't seen her at all.

"Alright. Carry on," Jack said.

He made his way to Daniel who also had not yet seen her. He was still sorting through all the notes he'd taken last week on P2-whatever. His next step was Teal'c quarters and then Hammond's office.

General Hammond was similarly surprised to hear that Carter hadn't been seen that morning. He informed Jack that she hadn't called in. With no one else always working in her lab, it was luck that anyone had really noticed that she was gone.

They called her but no one answered. Jack was starting to get worried and he knew it wouldn't take much before his worry tipped over into the beginnings of panic.

"I'm gonna go see if she's home," Jack informed the general. He barely waited for the general's affirmative response before he was heading off the base.

SG1

He pounded on her door and called her name. She didn't answer so he pulled out his key and let himself in.

Her house was quiet and it gave him a weird feeling. He walked through the house calling her name but there was no sign of her. He finally walked into her bedroom and saw her laying in bed.

"Carter!" he barked. She didn't move and he thought his heart stopped when he saw an empty bottle of sleeping pills knocked over on her nightstand.

He ran over and again yelled her name. Still no response. He reached over and felt for her pulse and was relieved to find it strong and her warm. He shook her shoulder hard and called her name continuously.

Finally she started to stir. "Sir?" she asked, clearly dazed.

"Wake up!" he snapped at her.

"I'm up," she grumbled, but he could tell that she wasn't all there.

"Sit up," he said. When she didn't move he grabbed her by the shoulder and hauled her up so that she was sitting but unsteady.

"How many pills did you take?" he asked, holding the bottle up.

"What? Like 4," she said. "I wanted to get to sleep last night."

He looked into her eyes and could tell she was starting to become more lucid. He wasn't sure he believed her but he didn't get into it. "Well, good job," he said. "It's 1200."

"It is?" she asked in disbelief.

"Get dressed," he told her. "I'm taking you to the infirmary."

"What? Why?" she questioned him.

"Get moving, Major," he commanded.

"But, Colonel-"

"Now!" he snapped at her, more harshly than she had ever heard him speak to her.

She got out of bed still feeling a little groggy. The colonel turned around to give her some privacy and soon enough she was being hustled out to his car. She was still kind of in a fog and the colonel wouldn't let her stop talking for the entire drive.

SG1

"What's going on?" Janet asked. Jack had dragged Sam to the bed and made her sit on it. He admitted to himself that she looked a lot better but he wasn't willing to take any chances.

"I found this next to her bed," he said, handing Janet the empty bottle of Benadryl. "I could barely get her to wake up and she slept through my pounding on the door and us calling her at least five times."

"What? That's why you dragged me here?" she demanded. She added, "sir," when the colonel swung his gaze to her. Remember how harsh he'd been at her home, she figured she'd better keep quiet.

Janet brought over a pen light and began to look into her eyes. "Are you feeling dizzy? Nauseous?"

"No, just kind of tired," Sam said.

Janet continued to test her reflexes and talked with Sam. She pulled the colonel aside when she was satisfied.

"You think it was intentional?" Janet asked him.

Jack hoped not but he couldn't really say no with 100% certainty. The thought terrified him.

"I don't know," he said. "She said she only took 4."

"I think she might have taken more," Janet said. "She's pretty lucid now so it's hard to say. How long did it take to wake her?"

"Thirty seconds or so. I shook her and yelled."

Janet nodded. "She seems fine now but I'm gonna keep her here for observation. I'll talk to her, try to get her to talk about what happened."

"That's it?" Jack asked.

Janet gave him a look that said she didn't like the colonel implying she wasn't doing enough for her patient.

"She's conscious, she's lucid. If she had overdosed she wouldn't be improving like this. I'm sure she's going to be fine but I'll keep her here just in case. She might have taken a few too many but she's fine, sir. I wouldn't let her leave if I wasn't sure."

Jack nodded and reluctantly left the infirmary after saying bye to Sam. He needed to go think and he couldn't do that around her.

SG1

Jack left the infirmary and made his way towards Daniel's office, knowing that he and Teal'c would also like to be informed about what happened. He walked slowly, not in any rush to retell the tale.

What the hell had she been thinking? Had it been intentional? What if it was? It hurt to think that she could have gotten to that point and none of them had noticed. If only he had gone to her immediately, maybe this could have been avoided. He knew she was in a rough spot, but he had thought she was coping. Daniel had said she was coping.

Maybe it was just an accident. People accidentally mixed medications or alcohol and over the counter things all the time, didn't they? He told himself he shouldn't jump to conclusions. He mostly didn't want to think that he wasn't sure if Carter had tried to hurt herself or not. He felt like he had failed to protect her, even if it was just from herself. Just the very thought brought panic a tiny bit closer and he ducked into a men's room as, to his astonishment, tears pressed into his eyes.

The adrenaline was fading and other emotions were pushing to the forefront. He wasn't ashamed to shed a tear here and there, but the bathroom of the SGC wasn't the place. He walked into a stall and tried to get a handle on his emotions.

But when he'd walked in and couldn't wake her... he didn't want to relive that any time soon. It had only been twenty or so seconds, but they had seemed like forever. Carter was important to him, there was no doubt about that. He loved Daniel and Teal'c, but Carter was different. Maybe she shouldn't be, but he couldn't help it.

Jack pushed the thoughts out of his mind. Hiding in the bathroom wasn't doing any good. He waited another minute to make sure he was good before he finally walked out to find the rest of his original team.

SG1

Jack thought about what happened for the rest of the day. He went to talk to Daniel and Teal'c about it and they were shocked, although only Daniel expressed it.

"Is she alright now?" Daniel questioned, already putting down his things to go see her.

"She is," Jack said. "I'm gonna go visit her later. Janet wants to keep her there for a while to observe."

"Do you think it was intentional?" Daniel asked.

"For what reason would Major Carter commit such an act?" Teal'c asked. They both suddenly realized that Teal'c was still in the dark.

"Does anyone ever really know why someone tries to hurt themselves?" Daniel said, trying not to lie.

"I'm not sure," Jack said in response to Daniel's question. "Maybe."

Daniel looked stricken. "I'm gonna go see her," he said before he left for the infirmary.

Teal'c went to the gym, due for a training session with another team. He said he would be by later. Jack rushed after Daniel and caught him before the elevator shut.

"I'm done with this, Daniel," Jack said, not up for a debate. "I'm telling her I know. I lost 10 years off my life earlier when I walked in and she wouldn't wake up."

"I agree," was all Daniel said.

SG1

Jack and Daniel decided that it would be best if Jack talked to her about what happened when he told her that he knew. So it was Jack who ended up taking Sam home that evening after Janet finally got tired of hearing Sam complain.

"Plant yourself down, Carter," Jack said. "I am going to whip us up a fine meal."

She rolled her eyes but did as she was told. She sat on the couch and waited for him to flit around her kitchen. She was seriously ready for this day to be over. She'd spent almost all of it in the infirmary and just wanted to forget it ever happened. Everyone spent the day treating her like she was suicidal or on the verge of a meltdown. That wasn't strictly true; only Daniel and Janet had acted that way but the colonel had been a little off with her too.

"Aaaaaaand you have no food in this house," she heard him call from her kitchen. "I will be whipping up some delicious takeout."

"You don't need to do that, sir," she said. "I'll be fine."

"Carter, I am not leaving this house tonight," he told her. It was that tone that said he was serious and didn't want any backtalk, usually from Daniel but sometimes from her.

She couldn't help feeling like she was in trouble so she stayed silent and simply nodded. He ordered food and they watched tv for a while.

Jack finally summoned his courage. "So what happened, Carter?"

"What do you mean?" she asked. Wasn't he past this already?

"Be honest with me, Sam," he said and she was surprised to hear how serious he was. He looked her in the eyes. "Were you trying to hurt yourself with the pills?"

"What?!" Sam exclaimed. "No, sir!" She couldn't believe he would even think that.

"If you were, Sam, you can tell me," Jack said. He hated having this conversation but he couldn't let it go. "I've… almost been there myself."

She softened at his admission. She knew from Daniel that he had not been the most stable when they first went to Abydos but she didn't know any details.

"I wasn't," she repeated. "Really."

Jack thought she was telling the truth but he had been lied to by her before.

"Sam, I have to tell you something," he said. God this whole talk was making him squirm. She nodded and he added, "I know that you have HIV."

He saw her features go wide with shock. "What?" she breathed.

"Daniel didn't tell me," he said. "I figured it out."

Sam was so surprised she didn't even know what to say. She jumped up to try to flee the room but the colonel caught her hand and tugged her back down. She started shaking from nervous energy and Jack noticed.

"Hey, Carter, it's okay," he said. She didn't say anything. "C'mere," he said, pulling her into a hug. She collapsed against him and he rubbed his hand up and down her spine. She trembled for a long while but she didn't cry.

Eventually she pulled away. "You okay?" he asked.

"Not really," she confessed. He knew? How? What did he think? He didn't seem to act any different around her lately.

"What happened with the sleeping pills?" he asked again. He needed to know.

"I really didn't do it intentionally," she said. "I've been sleeping a lot. I just wanted to sleep so I kept taking them when I woke up. Over the course of a couple days they must have added up."

"You can't sleep through your problems," Jack said, even as he felt relief.

"I can try," she responded. Then added, "I know. But I want to."

Jack reached up and held her by the shoulders. He looked directly at her in an uncharacteristic moment of sincerity. "We're here for you," he said. "All of us. We're not ashamed of you or disappointed in you or anything. We're just your friends, Carter."

Her eyes welled with tears and she broke their eye contact. She needed so badly to hear that from him.

"You don't…" her voice cracked, "think less of me?"

"Nah," he said. "You're still the beautiful genius you've always been." It was true. He still cared about her way more than he should. He still found her attractive and he still hoped she would be foolish enough to want an old grumpy soldier like him.

"Apparently not," she said. Tears were beginning to escape from her eyes and Jack felt his chest clench.

"Sam, everyone makes mistakes. This just makes you human." He watched as she continued to cry and she covered her face with her hands, embarrassed. He didn't know what to say to make this better. He'd never been good with emotion but he wouldn't stand by when someone was in pain. Especially Carter. Instead he pulled her close again as her breathing started to hitch.

"It's going to be okay," he said. "I promise." She nodded against his chest but didn't let go for a long while. They sat in silence and just enjoyed the presence of the other.

"Do you… want to talk about it?" he offered. She shook her head as she leaned back once more. "How about some coffee and television?" She nodded her head and he got up to get her coffee. When he returned she'd pulled a blanket from over the couch and wrapped it around herself. He sat beside her with their drinks and channel surfed.

Sam was a little dazed. She couldn't believe he knew. He seemed to be pretty calm and taking it well. Was it because it didn't really matter to him? She knew he cared about her but her status wouldn't matter if he would never possibly be exposed. He did seem pretty freaked out about the possibility of infection before.

She continued to stare at him, trying to read his thoughts. He could feel her gaze burning into his face.

"A picture will last longer," he joked. She continued to look at him but he could see her shift in her chair. He really looked at her for a moment. He could see the stress of the past months in her eyes and in her defeated posture.

He placed a pillow in his lap and waved her over. She placed her head on his lap silently and without hesitating and he placed his hand on her shoulder, gently rubbing it with his thumb. She gathered the blanket around her and shifted to get comfortable.

Sam could feel sleep pulling at her but she tried to resist for as long as possible. She kind of liked that he knew and she didn't have to tell him. She wasn't sure she wanted to know his initial reaction.

She stayed awake as long as possible, enjoying the weight of his hand and the warmth radiating from him. She didn't really like the part of herself that craved his approval but she had long since stopped trying to deny that it was true. She told herself it wasn't really unreasonable to care about the opinions of people you… love.

He continued to sit there with her for a long time, just enjoying having her close and knowing she was okay after the nightmare of that morning.

For those wondering, the story is kind of going to be going into the upswing now. There will be some angst in the future, but I think the worst of it has passed.

Also, Benadryl contains diphenhydramine which is also used to treat allergies. Apparently if you take allergy pills you should be careful to not accidentally take too much of this when you take sleeping pills as well.