Chapter 10

Bunokura Town, September 2016

"...Shizuo?"

The word, whispered with Izaya's pale lips barely moving, so quiet the blond was sure nobody but him heard it; it was like a hit to the stomach. Enough, anyway, to make him shake off the shock, and carefully place the raven back on his wheelchair, trying to shrug off the fact Izaya flinched when he was being moved, and grasped the armrests of his chair the moment he was seated again in an attempt to stop his hands from trembling. It took him exactly ten seconds to compose himself enough to smile again at Kazuhisa and Nana, somewhat reassuringly, and turn to Haruto to undoubtedly chide him for the reckless driving, blocking Shizuo out of the picture for now...

But the boy in question obviously had different plans.

"That was so cool!" Shizuo heard that somewhere from the height of his waist, and he looked down, giving a hesitant smile to the child standing in front of him. He was dressed with plain, white shirt and black pants with suspenders, and had a pleasant, childish face. His smile was bright and innocent, and his cheeks dimpled adorably when he glanced up at the blond in awe. "You just picked Izaya-nii-san like that, like it was nothing! Can you carry me, too?"

Saying that, the boy reached his arms up, and Shizuo could hear a weak "Haruto-kun, that's..." from Izaya, before he decided he couldn't really resist the adorable smile and picked the boy up, seating him securely on his shoulder, all the while listening to Haruto's delighted giggles. One look at Izaya, biting his lip and pale and terrified, even if he masked it perfectly by now, made the blond want to run away.

"...let's... I mean, I'll wait outside." he mumbled, looking away, not able to take the sight of the informant being so blatantly afraid. "You can show me your toy cars or something." he turned to the boy, and put him back down, only to have his hand taken and being led outside with some more happy bouncing from the boy. He didn't hear Izaya protest. He didn't hear Izaya do or say anything.

The door closed behind them, and Shizuo has been led down the corridor, and into a room with two twin beds; one made and with no visible signs of anything personal on it, safe for some photos on the nightstand; he guessed it was the girl's. Haruto's own, however, was a complete mess, with bed sheets thrown on one side, various plushies, toys and games strewn over it and the floor all around it. Some were still in packaging; some still had price tags on them. All were new.

"...you sure have a lot of toys."

"Yeah!" the boy nodded with the innocent, sweet smile still intact as he rummaged his bed, looking for the toy he wanted to show Shizuo the most. "Izaya-nii-san bought me a lot of things! See, they didn't let me take many things from my home, so when Izaya-san appeared to take care of me and Himari, he bought us a lot of stuff so we'll feel better while here!"

"...Himari's that girl?"

"Mhm, she's my dad's friend's daughter, though she doesn't like Izaya-nii-san much. And I'm Haruto. What's your name?"

"Uh... Shizuo. Nice to meet you."

"So, is Shizuo-nii-san Izaya-nii-san's friend?"

"Well... we know each other."

"Izaya-nii-san's really cool. I want to be like him when I grow up!"

"...really?"

"Mhm!"

"...and what did he say to you when you told him that?"

Haruto straightened up and hugged a soft-looking rabbit plushie to himself as he turned and looked at Shizuo, before scrunching his little face a bit and letting out what had to be his best 'Izaya' voice.

"Don't."

"...good."

Shizuo couldn't help but smile, imagining the scene. He didn't know why, but the boy reminded him irresistibly of Mairu. He had her bubbly, cheerful personality, though with a lot of childish innocence the older girl could never even dream of having. He was sitting there, in a hotel room, surrounded by toys and plushies and showing Shizuo every one of these, explaining and gushing about how wonderful a person Izaya was. Little by little, plushie after plushie, Shizuo got to know how Haruto's and Himari's fathers died during one night; how because of it, Haruto's mother went insane and attacked Himari's mother, and then tried to kill herself and the two children; how Izaya stepped in, posing as a distant relative, and took custody over them.

It sounded... nothing like what Izaya would do. Then again, Shizuo wouldn't put it past the informant to actually stage the whole killing spree, and only take the children in because he was bored and wanted some day-to-day entertainment. That was what his Izaya would do. But his Izaya looked more and more like a lie, and frankly, the blond had no idea what to think anymore.

Fear. Why was the raven so afraid of him? Shizuo wasn't a complete idiot, he could understand that someone being as hurt as Izaya was would quite likely develop some kind of reaction, but this... this was supposed to be Orihara Izaya. He was never afraid, that was what made Shizuo all the more angry at him most of the time. Out of all the people he didn't want to fear him, Izaya always had to be the one who never did. No matter what; Shizuo could be hurling vending machines at him, could uproot street signs and strike for a kill, and Izaya would laugh and jump around and never show the slightest sign he was scared.

Until now.

Shizuo blinked, and frowned when he has been pulled out of his thoughts by the boy who, still talking happily, started to climb on the blond's back and, once seated on his shoulders, tugged at his hair curiously, as if he wanted to check if the colour would come off if he pulled at it.

"Haruto-kun, you shouldn't be doing that. Shizuo-san will be mad at you if you do." came a quiet voice from the doorway, and both of them turned, looking at Izaya from their place - Shizuo sitting on the floor, Haruto on his shoulders. And as the boy got off with a cheerful okay!, and run to the man in the wheelchair, clinging to his side, Izaya looked warily at Shizuo and was met with a confused, quizzical glance from the blond himself.

He looked less disturbed now, a bit more in control, which was a relief. Shizuo didn't think he could bear seeing the raven make the face like he did the moment he realised who was holding him; but now, the blond's thoughts were preoccupied with yet another problem. The first time, he ignored it, decided it was a one-time thing. But Izaya just said it again.

Shizuo. Shizuo-san. Why was he calling him like that? What happened to that insufferable, ever-present Shizu-chan? Why wasn't he looking at him, but at the boy by his side? Why, why, why?

Haruto has been asked to leave soon enough, though Shizuo could see Izaya unwillingly let himself stay alone with the blond. Even as the boy run off somewhere, presumably to the living room, the informant refused to look at him, hands rubbing against one another nervously. For a long moment, there was silence. The blond hardly dared to breathe; he didn't stand up, either, feeling sick to the stomach at mere look at Izaya's wheelchair, and not wanting to make it even worse, even more apparent how much has changed by standing up and hovering over the other. Finally, these crimson eyes looked up at him; Shizuo thought, rather out of place, that he never noticed Izaya's eyes were this color. He never cared.

Until now.

And this was not a good thing, not at all.

"...why are you here? What do you want?"

Izaya's voice was so quiet and forcibly calm that Shizuo shuddered. It would sound normal on any other person; with Izaya speaking, it felt wrong. Izaya was all chitter-chatter and mocking, bubbly speech that cut just as precisely as the raven's knife. This wasn't his voice.

"...I didn't know you're..." Shizuo waved his hand vaguely, saying, frankly, the first thing that came to his mind. He didn't expect the laughter; and neither did he expect how unnatural, almost hysteric it sounded.

"I'm... what? A cripple? Really?" Izaya cackled, with no amusement whatsoever; if anything, he looked disturbed, fearful again. "Well, you've seen me now. The grand trip to see Orihara Izaya, the cripple, has reached its glorious end! And so, if you would kindly..." Izaya drove his wheelchair back, showing rather shakily at the door. Shizuo bit his lip and stood up, but though he did walk towards Izaya, he didn't move past him, and to the door. The raven's hand trembled and fell on the armrest again.

"...Izaya, listen..."

"Go away." The informant cut his sentence short, and turned his face away again.

"No way. We need to talk."

"I have nothing to say to you. Leave!" Shizuo frowned, the snippets of well-known rage kindling inside him, ready to burst any moment now. He grabbed Izaya's elbow, trying to make him look at him, but what happened instead made him still in shock. Izaya tensed, his skin running pale again, and a little, quiet yelp escaping his lips before he could stop it. Under his grasp, Shizuo could feel the informant's body trembling.

"...Izaya, I want us to talk. I... I won't... I'm not like I was, however hard it is to believe. I won't just go off and fight you. Not... not like that."

"..."

"Izaya."

"Let me go."

Shizuo sighed, and let go, watching the raven's arm fall motionlessly on the armrest again. The informant still refused to look at him, but at least he seemed to be listening. The blond bit his lip and run his hand through his hair. Questions. Right. He had some questions. What... were they again?

"...I got your cat."

Silence.

"...I know you're... you were Psyche."

"Bravo. I would give you a cookie for getting a hint, but I'm afraid Haruto-kun ate all we had in stock."

"Izaya."

"What."

The suddenly offensive tone, and Izaya turning to look at him, made Shizuo still again and hesitate. Finally, he sat back down, directly in front of the raven, blocking the corridor completely like that.

"...why? Why did you... Why had... Just... why? I talked to Shinra. I talked to a lot of people, really. You... I don't get it. We hated each other from the first time we met; why did you befriend me over the internet, and yet never used that against me? Why did you make me angry on purpose, even though there was no gain for you there? Why did you stage all these kidnappings and whatnot, only to send me to stop your own plans? Why?"

It was Izaya's turn to sigh, to lean slightly back on his chair, though still tense, pale and not looking directly into Shizuo's eyes. There was silence; long, stretched so thin they could both hear Haruto's quiet chatter and Himari's even quieter replies. It felt as if Izaya wanted to say something a few times; he parted his lips, but nothing came out, and closed them again after a moment in defeat. Finally, all that escaped him was another, long sigh - a tired one now. The raven slumped in his wheelchair, and covered his eyes with his hand, in what had to be the most relaxed gestured he has made thus far.

"...it was long ago, Shizuo. I left your Ikebukuro, just like you always wanted. I don't meddle in your life anymore. I even moved to another city so that you won't meet me by accident. What else do you want from me?"

Shizuo. Why do you call me that?

"...answers. The truth."

Another, long stretch of silence. Shizuo actually started to wonder if Izaya didn't fall asleep at some point, but the raven's crimson eyes were locked on the floor to Shizuo's left, stubbornly looking at the pattern on the carpet, as if it had all the answers and all the right words. They never came; when the silence has been broken again, it was the blond who broke it.

"...look, I'm... Izaya, I... I'm sorry."

"You're what?"

"...you heard me, dammit. I'm... I'm sorry."

"...because you made me a cripple? How touching. Well, unfortunately, that doesn't..."

"Shinra said you never wanted me to hate you, and that it was majorly his fault, and his introduction that ticked me off. He said that you didn't hate me back then; that you never did."

"..."

"Izaya, is that true?"

"...what does it matter?"

"...whole lot. It makes about ten bloody years of difference."

Izaya closed his eyes. Shizuo's jaw tightened, and he could feel his fists clench as he tried to make enough sense out of his jumbled thoughts. So... it really was the truth? But then, why..?

The raven didn't grant him with an answer. He wouldn't even look at him. He just sat there, eyes closed, hands grasping the armrests again. On a whim, out of not having anything better on mind, Shizuo hesitantly reached out his hand and touched Izaya's palm, cringing when the raven flinched, though didn't pull away.

"What do you want, Shizuo?" he asked in a quiet, defeated voice, one that made the tiny bit of guilt that made the blond apologise bloom into a full-fledged flame.

"I told you already. I want to know why did you do all this; you ended up hurt, chased out of the city you loved being in, people are hunting for your head... and I... I ended up suddenly having the life I always wanted. It's not... It isn't like you, to make it easy for me for a change."

"...you just said Shinra told you what my motives were."

"He only told me you didn't hate me. That's not much of an answer."

"What if I won't give you a better one?"

"How about I stay right here until you fucking do?!" Shizuo said that in a rather loud voice, feeling his annoyance sky-rocket at the raven's evasive tone. Izaya's eyes widened, his body straightened and backed away into the wheelchair, and...

"Shizuo-nii-san stays?" came a delighted voice from the door to their right, and Haruto emerged from there, running up to Shizuo and hugging him happily. Both Izaya and the blond stared, at a loss of words.

"That's great! We're going to have so much fun together! Wanna sleep in our room?"

A/N: Haruto is precious and should be protected