STAR WARS Episode VII: The Force Goes Back To Sleep

VIDIA (reading Variety magazine): Wow, Disney is making lots of changes to that new Star Wars film J.J. Abrams is directing.

TINKER BELL: Yeah, I know. That trailer showing a light saber with the glowing hilt is driving everyone bonkers.

VIDIA: It's more than just that. New actors are being cast to play existing characters. Apparently, now that Disney owns ABC, ESPN, Marvel Comics, The Muppets and LucasFilm they've decided to cross pollinate from their new acquisitions.

TINKER BELL: What? Where did you hear that from?

VIDIA: Queen Clarion. Disney has cast her as Princess Leia instead of Carrie Fisher. Oh but there's more, listen to this. Luke Skywalker will now be played by Captain America from Marvel's The Avengers. Han Solo will be played by Rick Berman of ESPN. And the new Sith Lord is Rumpelstiltskin from the ABC television series Once Upon A Time.

TINKER BELL: Whoa!

VIDIA: Yeah, but that's not the worst of it. You'll want to sit down for this one. Chewbacca will now be played by…, ugh…, Fozzie Bear.

~O~

Cut to scene from Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens. Interior. Millennium Falcon. Bridge.

CHEWBACCA (Fozzie Bear): So then the wookie says, "that's not a fur coat, that's my wife." Get it? My wife? Wokka Wokka Wokka!

HAN SOLO (Rick Berman): I gave up hosting ESPN for this? (Sighs) So who are those VIP's we've got back there, anyway?

CHEWBACCA (Fozzie Bear, speaking with great awe): Two of the oldest, wisest and most respected Jedi Masters in the whole galaxy.

~O~

Interior. Millennium Falcon. Passenger area. Statler and Waldorf dressed in Jedi robes.

STATLER: I can't believe we got talked into doing this Star Wars movie.

WALDORF: Star Wars? I thought you said this was going to be a disaster movie?

STATLER: Are you kidding? If the bear is starring in it, this movie is bound to be a disaster.

BOTH: DOOOH HOH HOH HOH!

I was going to include Gonzo as Dearth Nadir from the "Stars of Star Wars" episode of The Muppet Show broadcast in 1980, but I wasn't sure how many would recognize that reference.