Staying busy was a great way to avoid one's feelings, and Hermione's last weeks of school were a whirlwind. Between taking her NEWTs and interviewing at the Ministry and looking for place to live, Hermione had time for little else.
She took just a few days off after graduation, and her parents stayed to help her move into her tiny flat. Her friends had talked about living together once school was over, but then Ginny had been recruited by the Holyhead Harpies and Luna decided to move back in with her father for a while. Hermione didn't mind though — she'd never lived on her own and was looking forward to having her own space. Plus, she'd had her heart set on living in the city, but she knew that Luna and Ginny weren't as comfortable as she was living amongst Muggles.
It was small, just a bedroom, bathroom, and combined living room/kitchenette, but it was hers. And it was a short walk from the Ministry and Grimmauld Place, the two other places where she spent most of her time. It was full of second-hand furniture from her Muggle relatives, and it was perfect.
Hermione loved the order and routine of her post-Hogwarts life. She loved putting on her robes and taking the floo into the Ministry every morning. She loved her cosy office in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Her supervisor knew who Hermione was and acknowledged her real-world wizarding experience, but didn't treat her differently than the others on staff. She made friends in her department, and they enjoyed structure and organization as much as she did — well, almost as much.
She even had an admirer — a young wizard from Magical Law Enforcement had asked her out. Hermione let him down kindly, since she didn't feel like it was the right time for romantic entanglements, especially at work, but it was nice to have been asked.
Best of all, Hermione got to see Ron and Harry nearly every day. When they were in the offices, they usually popped in to her department, even if just for a moment.
But the more they went out, the more Hermione worried. The higher-ups in the Auror Office finally realized that Harry and Ron were unusually skilled at battling dark magic and were moving them through the training program more quickly — and sending them out on riskier jobs.
Fortunately, she'd been allowed to sign up for the modified howler notification system. Someone at Hermione's level normally wouldn't have clearance for that, but her supervisor made an exception. The little slips of paper would flutter into her office and announce, "Auror Team 42 has left on a mission to Essex" — or Edinburgh, or east London, or wherever dark magic had been detected. Then a few hours later, another slip would appear over her desk and tell her, "Auror Team 42 has returned safely." It wasn't much, but the howlers made her feel better. Mr. Weasley got the notifications as well, although he got more detail. Sometimes, she'd go to his office and ask, but most of the time, she didn't want to know — as long as they returned safely.
One morning, Hermione was in an especially good mood. Her proposal for a plan to begin exploring the possibility of a Hippogriff sanctuary had been accepted, meaning that she had a Ministry-sanctioned meeting with Hagrid the following week. She got in to her office early to start working on a more detailed budget for the project.
She was deep into research on the costs for other creature sanctuaries when a modified howler appeared over the wall of books on her desk.
"Auror Team 42 has left on a classified mission."
"Where did they go?" she asked without thinking.
"Auror Team 42 has left on a classified mission," it said again before flying off.
Hermione threw herself into her work to make the time pass faster. She barely looked up from her budget until a co-worker appeared in her doorway.
"Ezra and I are going to Hogsmeade — have you eaten yet?" asked Liam.
"Oh!" She looked at the clock. "I nearly forgot. Can you just bring back a bacon sandwich for me? I'd rather not leave in case there's news of the Aurors that went out today."
"Are they on that Malfoy mission?"
"The what?" she asked, alarmed.
Liam stepped into her office and closed the door.
"Sorry, I thought you knew."
"Tell me," she demanded. Liam's boyfriend was a low-level administrator in the Auror Office and sometimes had inside information.
"Ezra heard that a Malfoy relative was suspected of using dark magic, something out in Cardiff. When we heard about the classified mission, we assumed that's what it was about," Liam explained. "But I don't know anything for sure."
Hermione's stomach tightened, and it must have shown on her face as well.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have worried you," Liam said.
"No, it's better that I know," she said.
Liam returned later with her sandwich, but she barely touched it. Every time a howler flew through her office door and announced something other than the status of Auror Team 42, her heart sank a little more.
A little after five pm, Liam and Ezra came by her office.
"Do you want us to stay with you?" Ezra asked.
"No, you two go home," Hermione said. "I'm sure it's fine — dark magic just doesn't quit at five like the rest of us."
"OK, but send a Patronus if you need us," Liam said.
After her friends were gone, Hermione got up and started pacing. She felt that she needed to do something but there was nothing that she could do. As the time ticked passed, she forced herself to finish the sandwich, now cold, so she wouldn't have to go off in search of food. Then she took a blank howler out of her desk and gave it a message, "Status update requested on Auror Team 42." Maybe they'd sent one and she just hadn't received it.
The howler returned shortly. "Some members of Auror Team 42 have returned safely. Some members are still in the field. No further information is available."
A moment later, another slip of paper fluttered in. It was from Mr. Weasley.
"Ron and Harry aren't back yet. I don't know anything else."
Arthur was trying to sound calm, but Hermione heard the note of worry in his voice. She ran through the nearly empty Ministry halls to his office.
"No one seems to know where they are," Arthur said when he saw her in his doorway. "Half the team returned with Lucius Malfoy's cousin — they thought the rest of the team had already come back." He ran his hand through his hair, just as Ron did when he was thinking. Hermione saw his hand tremble slightly. "I'm going to the Auror Office to see what I can find out."
"I'm coming too."
"No, you should stay in your office in case a howler arrives."
Hermione reluctantly agreed and they parted ways, promising to share any new information immediately. She hurried back to her office to continue pacing. Work wasn't going to be able to distract her now. Her sandwich roiled in her stomach and she breathed deeply to keep it down.
The minutes ticked by. Every time she heard a rustle of paper outside her door, she looked up only to see a howler pass by on its way to a different office. Six o'clock passed, then seven. She thought about Molly Weasley, who was probably sitting at home, watching her family's clock and waiting for Ron's hand to move off of "Lost" — or perhaps "Mortal Peril." Hermione hoped that wasn't what the clock said.
When she was little, she never understood why adults wrung their hands when they were upset, but now she did — it was the only way to keep her hands from shaking. She started sending howlers for status updates every half hour, not caring anymore if she was being a pest. Every time, the howler replied: "No further information is available about the members of Auror Team 42."
The helplessness was growing unbearable.
It was nearly nine when she heard another rustle at her door. She looked up slowly and saw Ron , scratched up and disheveled, but in one piece.
"My dad said you were still waiting…"
She ran to him but stopped short of throwing her arms around him. "You're — are you —"
"I'm fine," he said. "Harry too."
A sob escaped her throat and she clutched the lapels of his coat. She dropped her forehead against his chest and the tears that had she'd been holding back for hours — months — finally spilled over.
He squeezed her shoulders gently. "Hey, what's this now?"
"I-I-I thought I'd lost you." She kept her face buried against him, embarrassed at her tears.
"After everything we've been through, a bunch of pixies weren't going to be able to take us out."
"Pixies?"
"Yeah, thousands of 'em. The guy was breeding them and when we showed up, he released them on us. It took hours to chase 'em all down. Still not sure we got every one."
Hermione took a long, shuddering breath and he rubbed her arms.
"Sorry to have worried you — we didn't think we'd be gone so long."
"It's not just today," she said, pulling back a bit and wiping her tears with her fingers. Ron moved further into her office and closed her door.
"It's every time," she continued. "Every time you go out, I worry until you come back. I even got special clearance for the howler notifications about your team."
"Every time? I'm sorry, I didn't —"
"No, don't apologize. It's just… I've almost lost you so many times. And every time, you come back, but it's hard not to wonder if someday —" Her tears began to flow again. "—you won't."
Hermione hated crying in front of anyone, but she couldn't stop after holding her feelings in for so long. She covered her face with her hands and sobbed. Ron wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to —" she began.
"I told you, I'm fine. Let's get you home."
He sent a quick howler to his father telling him that they were leaving, then turned to Hermione. "Are you ready?"
Hermione gestured toward the door. "I don't want anyone to see me like this." She dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve.
"I know," he said softly. He put his arm around her shoulders and waved his wand. They apparated into a shadowed alley next to Hermione's building.
"I put up protections," she said at Ron's look of confusion. "This is the closest you can get if you're not me."
Ron grinned. "Brilliant."
She couldn't help but smile back. They walked up her front steps together, and climbed the three flights of stairs to her flat. When she opened the door, Hermione realized they'd never been alone in her flat before.
The first thing she did was go to the bathroom to splash cold water on her face.
"I'm feeling better now." She came back out to the living room, drying her face with a hand towel. "Thanks for taking care of me."
"Someone has to," Ron said with a half-smile.
"Um, I should probably try to get some sleep," she said.
"Yeah, right, you should do that," he said. "I'll just — good night."
He opened the door and walked out, but before he could close it, Hermione called out to him.
"Ron, wait."
"Yeah?" He peeked back inside.
"Could you, um, would you mind staying here tonight?" Hermione asked.
He smiled softly. "As long as you need me."
He came back inside and took off his coat, throwing it on a chair. "Oh wait, should I hang that up?"
"No, leave it." They were silent for a moment. "Do you want to watch the telly?" she finally asked.
His face lit up. "I was hoping you'd suggest that."
She gave him the remote and reminded him how to use it. They sat on the couch next to each other, barely touching, but when Hermione started to nod off, Ron put his arm around her. The last thing she remembered before drifting off was resting her head on his shoulder and thinking how comfortable it was.
For the first time in more than a year, Hermione didn't have any nightmares.