Part 10: Can You Handle This?
Juliet was happy to be heading off to another birthing class. Not only was it reassuring to see other people going through the exact changes she was but it offered a perfect excuse to leave the SBPD headquarters for awhile.
Due to her stomach popping out even more she had been confined to desk and office duties, being forced to do paper work and look over case files. Lassiter had been assigned a new partner who could work in the field, a young man who'd transferred from Las Vegas hoping for a less eccentric life and a place by the water. Everyone at the station now knew that Juliet was in fact pregnant. What they didn't know was who the baby's father was.
Everyone just assumed it was Shawn's baby and congratulated him for it. Juliet and Lassiter played along with their assumptions. They agreed it was for the best, considering what could happen if the chief knew the real story. Sometimes Juliet wanted to tell the truth and, even though he put up a front, she could tell that her former partner was feeling left out of the process.
Finding her spot on the floor of the class room, Juliet made herself comfortable. She watched as Shawn waved to all the other couples, greeting them with what she knew was forced enthusiasm. But she appreciated his efforts and company.
"Have I told you I'm really glad that you're here?" Juliet asked her boyfriend, leaning back against him.
Shawn hugged her from behind. "Only a few dozen times but it's always nice to hear." He planted a series of kisses on her neck. "Besides, who wouldn't want to be near you as much as possible?"
Juliet giggled as Shawn kept kissing her. "Okay, sweetie. We have to pay attention."
"Between books, the internet, previous classes and Gus's giant head we know all this stuff already. How about we skip class and go make out on the beach?" Shawn whispered jokingly, stroking Juliet's pregnant belly. "Or get kicked out of Bed, Bath and Beyond. I'm really not fussy."
Juliet turned and touched his cheek, silently implying her answer. While it was obvious Shawn was just being playful, it was moments like it that quickly turned Juliet's appreciation into doubts. Sometimes she couldn't help but wonder if the free-spirited man was really in it for the long haul, particularly considering all that came with it.
She turned back and began to pay attention to Sue, the lady leading the class. This made it easier to forget any fears regarding Shawn's commitment.
"Okay future parents. Hopefully after last week you've mastered all your breathing excersises. Today we're getting into the more intense stuff regarding childbirth. I know it's a little uncomfortable but it's necessary." Sue explained to all the couples in the room. "Now after our discussion and another fun game of trivia we're going to watch a video…"
Juliet and some other mothers tensed at the talk of that day's topic. A quick glance at the pseudo-psychic told Juliet the women weren't the only ones getting a little nervous.
"It's not too late to call Lassiter to this class. Shouldn't he be here for the video?" Shawn was concentrating all his energy on keeping his voice at normal range. Unfortunately it still came out slightly high and quivery.
Juliet was not much better in reassuring her boyfriend, clearing lying through her teeth. Hearing Shawn's comment had just made things even more awkward. "It's the miracle of life and it's a beautiful thing. Come on, how bad can it be?"
"Liar. You're terrified."
"Okay, maybe a little." Juliet held Shawn's hand tightly. "But we can get through this. Just stick it out with me."
"I always will my dear." Shawn replied, kissing Juliet on the forehead and turning back to the talk on natural versus epidural childbirth.
Juliet watched all the other couples. In her somewhat paranoid state, they all seemed much more knowledgeable than her. She kept squeezing Shawn's hand desperately, if only to make sure he was still there. It calmed her a little when he squeezed back in reassurance but she couldn't ignore the fact that he clearly wasn't keen on this class.
Every now and then Juliet would tune out of the conversations. She couldn't even get involved in the weekly game of trivia that was always played to lighten the mood. Questions flooded her mind about doing a natural birth or taking the drugs. The chief had done a natural birth and come out fine but everything Juliet knew indicated the pain was excruciating.
"Get into it, Jules." Shawn snapped Juliet from her thoughts and egged her on in the trivia game that everyone was playing. "You know the answers to these. I know you do."
Juliet gave in and tried her best in the remaining minutes of childbirth trivia. While it was an effective and interesting way to remember all the information, the activity did nothing to distract her mind from all the questions. Fear continued to eat at her and she wanted to go home and cry.
Then came the video, which after the discussion she didn't want to view. She rummaged through her bag, feeling around for the stress chocolate bar as the lights were switched off. Managing to find it, Juliet ripped off the wrapper and took a big chunk out of it.
Shawn could spot his girlfriend's panic from a mile away. He rubbed her shoulders, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, anything to reassure her. Though once the video started, Shawn could no longer comfort Juliet honestly.
The birthing video showed exactly what it promised. Yet the graphic images were so unexpected, it was frightening. The eyes in the room were fixated on it, even though they had the overwhelming urge to run from the room or at least turn away.
The worst Juliet had seen of such an act had been brief two minute snippets in movies, usually of a woman's face screaming and nothing more. Now every detail, from crowning to the afterbirth and all the gory bits in between, was being broadcasted right in front of them. All while the woman in the background cried her various indecipherable noises.
"Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off." Juliet could hear the man beside her and Shawn muttering. Her thoughts were much the same.
When the video was finally turned off and the lights came back on, nobody spoke. The room had a severe case of awkwardness in it. Everyone seemed to want to talk about what they saw, yet never speak of it again. The only exception was the one couple second from the left, who seemed excited by everything baby related.
"Okay. That was interesting." Juliet said, while trying to hide the fact she was breathing heavily. "I think I'm going to take the drugs. No wait, scratch that. I think I'm going to go into a coma so I can just wake up when it's done and never have to experience that, ever."
"I'm getting a vision that Lassie is going to come to the next class with you and that we don't speak of this ever again."
Juliet turned to him with wide eyes. Even though it was in Shawn's nature to joke around, it was the worst thing he could have said at that moment. Another rush of paranoia came forth in her mind. Was he having second thoughts? Could he really stick around after the birth? Could she handle doing this alone if he did decide to leave?
"Come on! It will be a piece of cake Jules. You're a strong and beautiful woman." Shawn put his fingers to his temple, pretending to have a vision. "In fact I can see that you have a healthy baby and you're happy. We can handle this."
Juliet allowed Shawn to hug her. She pulled him as close as her pregnant belly would allow. His last sentence kept repeating in her head but it was hardly reassuring. Not only did her doubts about Shawn linger, but now she was starting to wonder about herself. The only thing she was sure of at that moment was a definite epidural.
After seeing Juliet back to her place, Shawn was left alone with his thoughts. It appeared that trying to forget the birthing video with a nice romantic walk by the beach together had not gone as planned.
He hated himself for having the doubts he swore to Juliet would never come. Shawn knew that she relied on him to help her go with the flow. He'd always been able to handle things thrown at him with quick thinking and good acting. But with all the complications involving Lassiter and the class just making everything too real, the eccentric man didn't know if he could help like he promised. To be with Juliet meant being there for the baby as well, something he couldn't help but wonder if he was truly ready for. It scared him to think that his uncertainties could ultimately cost him the woman of his dreams.
Shawn had nowhere to turn with his troubles. When that happened he ended up at his dad's place. Sure enough, the pseudo-psychic was on the doorstep within minutes. He bashed on the door and barged in before Henry could even issue a greeting.
"I can't handle this. I said I could but I totally can't." Shawn told Henry in an almost urgent tone.
"I didn't know you were coming for dinner, Shawn." The father just watched his son with a little annoyance and confusion.
"I'm not. I mean, I wasn't. Well, what are we having? No meat products. Actually, no food because I can't eat anything." Shawn was pacing back and forth across the living room, trying to gather his thoughts.
"Then what do you want?" Henry replied a little impatiently. He loved his son but sometimes the lack of focus really irked him.
Shawn stood still and voiced the only honest answer that could come to mind. "I want to call up my mother and tell her that I'm very sorry. And that I love her."
Henry tried to figure out what Shawn was talking about, then he remembered Juliet's current predicament. "This is about Juliet isn't it?"
"You mean that she's perfect and beautiful and I care about her very, very much." Shawn tried to shake his day off with a wide smile, but it wasn't fooling his dad.
"Shawn, you made a promise to that girl and you know how she feels about you. Really think about this before you break her heart again. I mean it, son." Henry scolded Shawn in his typically firm voice before going to get two beers.
"I'm not going to break up with her, dad. I want to be with her, forever if she'll let me. It's just the baby and that…well, it's complicated."
Coming back into the room, Henry stopped sipping his beer as a thought occured to him. "Wait, who goes to the classes with her, you or Lassiter?" He handed the other beer to Shawn, already knowing the answer to his question as the evidence had been put together in his mind.
"I wish it was Lassiter but because of what you go on about, with the responsibilities and maturity, I've been going with her." Shawn gulped the beer, hoping to get even the slightest buzz going as quickly as possible.
Henry could help but chuckle knowingly. "They showed you the video, didn't they?"
Shawn downed another quarter of his beer before his dad stopped laughing. "Dad, it's so not funny."
"You're damn right it's not funny, Shawn. This is serious stuff we're talking about." The older Spencer's cheer stopped abruptly and the overbearing father emerged. "I know you've had feelings for Juliet for a long time. Personally I think the woman is good for you. But are you really ready to take on the responsibility of a child that isn't yours?"
"I want to be part of Juliet's life and therefore part of this baby's. It's not like I'm becoming the real father - Lassie is. So he'll be helping out all the time." Shawn finished off his beer and rushed to get another one.
"That doesn't make you any less responsible, Shawn." Henry called out before following his son into the kitchen. "I don't think you're ready for this."
Shawn pulled out two beers from the fridge and slammed them on the table. "Dad, I made a promise to take care of her. I don't care if she's pregnant. I went into this knowing that she was carrying another dude's baby. Granted that said dude turned out to be Lassie-face." He opened his beer quickly and took a sip to calm that last thought. "The video just freaked me out, that's all. It made it all real."
Something about hearing the fears in his mind voiced aloud made it easier for Shawn to fight against them. Plus the overwhelming desire he had to prove his father wrong made him even more determined to stick with his girlfriend. One more doubtful comment from Henry and Shawn would gladly deliver the baby himself.
"So you come in here spouting that you can't handle this and now you're trying to convince me that you can. There is no winning with you, Shawn." Henry sat down at the table, stealing one of Shawn's beers. "There's more than your personal life at stake here, so don't mess this up."
"Always good to see you too, Dad." Shawn clinked his beer bottle with the one in his father's hand before walking out the door.
Arguing may have been an unorthodox way of solving problems, but it was the Spencer's way. Like always, Shawn left with a sense of reassurance that only a father could provide.
"I can handle this – for Jules."