A/N: IMPORTANT NOTICE! (breaking news, weee!).

I changed the last chapter's content because I wasn't satisfied with it. Thanks lilpumkingirl for pointing it out, because you're absolutely right, it didn't make sense making him snap after giving him hope. So yeah I recommend you read it, because I added some... mmm... things... that eventually makes him snap.

Besides that I added something that is slightly important to the plot, because I had a moment of inspiration. Well it was something that I planned to incorporate later on (in chapter 16) but for some reason it made sense using it in chapter 9. Ahh sorry I'll stop blabbering or I'll accidentally spoil the plot.

The new content in chapter 9 starts with the sentence:

"Ohhh... and what makes you think I would shut up, just because you hiss like a kitten, hm? You know what? I don't think you truly grasp what I'm saying. Because you're dense!".

It is rather early in the chapter and in the section after the second dividing line. I know I added a lot (approximately 5 pages) so there is a bit to read.

I'm so sorry for the inconvenience :(

Disclaimer: Fairy Tail belongs to Hiro Mashima.

Chapter 10: Assaulting Mentality

Why... is she apologising? Natsu thought as he stared at the creature impersonating Lucy vanish into thin air.

Throat... it burns... grasping for air, he reached towards his neck feeling the skin underneath his fingers. But does it matter? She's dead... no... she isn't dead... they both are... wait... no ...she isn't... neither is he? It said... to find her...? Or what was that? So confused...

His fingers started scratching his throat in an even rhythm, before a thought hit him, making him extend his arms to look at his hands.

This is... blood... but.. is it mine?

He kept staring at his hands for awhile unsure what to do next.

Get out of here...

What...

GET OUT OF HERE NOW! He winched at his own thoughts while struggling to stand up.

Can't... body is... his muscles was protesting against his movements, making his entire body shiver and stagger as he fought against himself … failing... again... why... so much blood... my hands...

Panting he found himself standing on unsteady feet. The world around him was shaking and rotating as if he was drunk. He felt so dizzy and wanted nothing more than to sleep... sleep... why not... why fight any longer? His eyelids felt heavy, as he tried taking a steps forward.

Where is this going? Lucy... Gray... sorry... My fault... it hurts... where is she? Want to see her... Move...go...

… no... don't want to...

Just freaking MOVE!

Howling in frustration, he tried fighting against the multiple barriers that had spawned inside of his head, capturing his hope in a tiny box. But he couldn't get to it... he was so utterly lost inside himself.

Even so he had to keep him moving no matter what... it was hard though, because his body felt like a pile of mud and his vision was blurry like hell.

Natsu managed to take a few steps forward before he had to slam his body against the cave wall, heavily breathing, as everything seemed to rotate like a spinning wheel. Fuck... he thought as he raised his hands in front of him before and igniting them. Shit fucking fuck... gritting his teeth he stared at blurry and wobbling hands, covered in blood and small glowing flames.

Even though he couldn't see thing's straight he could see the contours of his hands and by the looks of it the bandages he had placed earlier, was practically gone leaving the wounds open and bleeding.

So much dried blood... he chuckled from the thought How long, huh? How fucking long? Eternity? No... it couldn't be that long... silly thinking that... but... did any one miss him? He started laughing cynically. No... they died... by these hands... unforgivable... hey at least it still hurts laughing! Hooray!

"Tsch!" he spat as the pain rushed through his body.

"Fuck you, I'm going already..." he chuckled darkly as he pushed himself away from the wall, staggering as he took the first few steps.

Why fuck you, huh? The thoughts are legit aren't they... she died... heck Gray died too! And what could you do about it? Scream like a fucking kid?

"Shut... the FUCK... UP!" the volume of his voice made it echo around him, making it sound like his own voice was mocking him.

No! You shut up! The shadow fucktard was right. You're useless! You couldn't save anyone even if the person you needed to save was served on a dish right in front of you...

"Shut up..."

You couldn't prevent Igneel from leaving...he said bye-biddy-bye-bye and left a crying boy to take care of himself... seriously who does that? Isn't that bad parenting?

"Shut up..."

You're not honest about your own feelings... you never have been... ohh look this is me! Look at me dancing! Then you might not see what is hidden underneath the façade! Distractions! Nothing more than fucking distractions! One more things! You think you can save everyone if your heart is in it?What was that? Didn't you just rather brutally kill your two best friends... heck you watched Lucy die twice in here! Your heart is strong... indeed it is... strong as butter that melts when you leave it in the sun...

"SHUT UP!" Natsu roared making ripples of pain rush through his body "It's not..." a fit of coughs made him cover his mouth with a hand, he quickly extinguished as the coughing seemed to worsen.

Can't breathe... can't... breathe... air... he thought frantically as his legs gave up underneath him forcing him down on his hands and knees. Can't even argue with myself without becoming a incompetent idiot...

The world around him was rotating more violently because of his lack of oxygen, but fortunately it stopped when he felt the blood that was irritating his system entered his mouth, making it splatter on the hand he used to cover his mouth.

When the coughing stopped, Natsu took a deep shaking breath making his body shiver uncomfortably. He kept standing on his hands and knees heaving for air, as sweat started running down his forehead. For some reason it was rather difficult to breathe resulting in him collapsing on the ground.

His body started quivering as a few spasms suddenly made him twist and turn uncomfortably. Fortunately he got a hold of his breathing, as he laid there.

Hooray teen points for breathing! That's an accomplishment you can brag about!

Damn it... fucking thoughts! He had to move...keep going... no matter what... but what is...

There was something out there moving. He no longer had his hands ignited so he couldn't see what it was. No, but he could feel it... moving... waiting.. breathing... growling...

Natsu didn't move but kept still, listening to his surroundings trying to figure out what was out there. Where... what...

"You're pathetic..."

"Er... za?" He said barely above a whisper, staring as the woman suddenly appeared in front of him. The sight caused his breath to get caught in his throat for a painful moment.

"I always knew you would end up like this. Alone, useless... you're such an idiot" a second voice said filled with loath and hatred. Natsu's eyes widened as he recognised the person as Gray, who suddenly spawned right next to the red haired woman.

"We all saw it coming..." a female voice said before the frame of a blonde girl appeared next to the others "... it was just a matter of time before he would fail us all and we knew it"

"It can't be..." Natsu whispered as he stared at Lucy who was glaring back at him with so much anger and hatred, that he could feel his heart clench in pain.

"Aye! You know I think it would be best if we just leave him here... he doesn't deserve rescuing" Happy growled with claws pointing in the dragon slayers direction.

"No..." Natsu clenched his hands as a sudden pain started spreading inside of his chest making it hard to breathe again "... you would never..."

"We would never what? Eh?" Erza's voice boomed as she placed her foot on his head "Betray you? This is your own doing! It was you who betrayed me first, remember? If you had been stronger and more clever, then Simon wouldn't have died at the Tower of Heaven. It was not his time to die! If only... but no... you couldn't save him and the time has come to receive my judgement".

The silence was deafening as she removed her foot from his head "Solitude... this is your punishment..." she hissed in a voice dripping with anger, before turning around and walking away.

Natsu felt her words hitting him like a dagger, making his stomach tighten in pain as he turned his head in her direction "No... Erza.. please... I... it wasn't..." he tried appealing in a broken voice as he watched her body fading away.

"Why didn't you go with them..." Happy was staring at him with huge accusing eyes "... it's your fault Lisanna died... I thought... we... us... would be a happy family. You... I know she came back later but... why didn't you go?! Even if she wasn't my real mother she's the only thing I had resembling one! And you took that away from me! I... I thought you knew how painful it is losing a parent and still you took it away from me!" tears started falling down the cat's face "... I don't want you any more! You're an idiot! I hate you! This solitude thing... you deserve it!"

"Please listen..." Natsu tried appealing to the cat but he was already gone leaving a huge crack in the dragon slayers heart making him take a few shaking breaths.

"But the cat is right you know" Gray snarled through gritted teeth "If you had done your job right then Lyon wouldn't have succeeded in creating Moon Drip and freeing Deliora. I had to relive some fucking bad memories because of that! And for that alone you deserve solitude!"

"No..."

"Yes!" Lucy yelled while pointing a finger towards him on the ground "He's right, they all are and you know it!"

"Please Lucy don't..." he said in a fragile and pained tone.

"But it's your fault! You caused so much suffering in the guild! I don't even want to explain all the stuff you made me go through, but that's okay because you can feel it can't you? In your heart, that we are telling the truth"

"... no..."

"Yes... see? You can't even acknowledge your own feelings. I guess that's one of the mayor things I hate about you" she sighed before closing her eyes for a second "so yeah... I have to agree and say that you deserve solitude"

"You can't..." Natsu tried reaching his hand towards her "You're not her... you can't be..."

"I don't care what you think. I don't want you, I don't need you. I have someone else who deserves me and that's all you need to know" she snarled before turning her head towards Gray "Let's go"

"Yes, there's no need to look at this pile of shit any longer" the black haired boy said smugly before grabbing Lucy's hand and placing a gentle kiss on it "Besides we have better things to do don't we?"

"Stop it" she giggled with blushing cheeks "But yeah you're right, let's go"

"No... no... stop..." Natsu tried appealing as he watched them fade away leaving nothing but the darkness surrounding him.

"You're wrong... it wasn't my fault..." he could feel how his feelings was clawing inside of him scratching everything into pieces. It hurt... it felt like someone or something was clenching his entrails making him heave for air "... it wasn't... was it?" His voice cracked as he grabbed his head with both hands "No... it wasn't... why?"

Tears started streaming down his face as he started hyperventilating, rocking back and forwards in a crouched position trying to soothe himself.

"... not solitude... not again..."

His mind was blurry from all of the thoughts and emotions trying to overwhelm him. He was so confused with everything that he couldn't pinpoint what he should focus on and it made it even more aggravating, because all of his emotions was scratching like sharp knives inside his stomach, trying to make themselves the most dominant thought. It was like having a bundle of people inside of him screaming, clawing and eating him from the inside, trying to destroy everything it reached.

Need to... calm down... he thought between breaths but it was a futile effort. This was a battle he couldn't win because he had already lost with a huge defeat.

"I'm so sorry..., I'm so sorry" he started chanting in a broken voice trying to focus on some of his inner voices and emotions, but it was so chaotic that it left him more confused.

"I'm sorry.. please... don't leave me..."

The images bombarding his mind made him scream in terror and pain. It was so confusing... painful... why? WHY?! Was he so insignificant? Was he so unreliable?

Natsu screamed. He screamed from all of the built up emotions inside of him, trying to let some of his pain go away. Trying to make his agony vanish with the sound of his voice.

At some point he had to stop screaming as he felt blood rushing to his throat from his internal wounds, making him cough it up violently.

Yes... he thought when he stopped coughing. There's something to it isn't there... it isn't a lie... why else would they leave... go... alone... again... closing his eyes he wanted nothing more than to vanish from the surface of the earth and for the moment his wish was granted as sleep overwhelmed him making him fall deeper inside of his mind to a place covered in darkness.

They were all standing around him in a circle staring down at him. Where was this? Why was he laying on his back?

"What's going on..." Natsu whispered as he looked at their blank stares glaring as if they were staring inside themselves rather than him "Tell me..." he tried moving but his muscles wouldn't respond leaving him immobile on the ground.

They didn't do anything, they just kept staring at him in silence and to be honest it kind of freaked him out.

"Lucy, Gray, Erza, Happy please say something..."

Their eyes started to glow in a yellowish colour as their bodies suddenly started trembling and becoming more blurry. For some reason the eyes was the only thing still being perfectly clear as their bodies seemed to fuse with each other until it was a wavering blob.

A chill went down Natsu's spine as he watched the thing starting to take a different form that somehow resembled a dragon. No, a hydra, he thought with eyes widening in horror as he watched four heads growling right above him.

One of the heads started chuckling before roaring in a dark voice "For the fishes!" as it launched itself towards him, sinking large teeth into his legs.

The pains was intense making him scream in pain. His vision became blurry but he could still hear as one of the other heads yelled "For being naked!" before an even more intense pain shot through his left arm indicating that the thing was chewing on it.

Natsu could feel the air getting caught in his throat for a second, before he started screaming once more, not noticing the tears flowing down his face, because of the pain.

"For the sword!" he heard the sentence booming in the distance before he felt teeth gnaw into the flesh in his right arm, making his voice crack at the sudden impact.

The pain was so agonising that he didn't notice the last head swaying lazily over his head looking down at him like he was a delicious steak. Suddenly it stopped moving and started humming some weird song.

This seemed to catch Natsu's attention as he glared up at the head that was starting to glow until it suddenly exploded in a bunch of bright colours, somehow making the hydra vanish replacing everything around him with a glittering and beautiful atmosphere. For some reason it felt like his entire body was swimming in warm but light liquid making his skin prickle with an almost pleasant feeling.

"You're almost there..." a voice lulled but Natsu didn't recognise it. Actually it almost sounded like it was a mix of voices combined into one "... select your reward"

The temperature in the atmosphere started getting warmer, making him sweat profoundly, until he was covered in a weird sticky substance.

"Select your reward..." The unknown voice said once more, as a rainbow suddenly appeared above his head "... don't hesitate" as the sentence was uttered Natsu noticed that golden things started raining down from above him, hitting the ground with weird almost splashing like sounds.

Confused the dragon slayer looked down and noticed that the golden things was... fish? That was trying their best to swim on the ground.

"CHOOSE! NOW!" the voice yelled making him confused for a second as everything around him seemed to shake. Before he knew what was going on, water started rising from the ground, making the fish swim around lazily.

Wait... he thought as the water kept rising. The water will be suffocating... a involuntary chill went through his body as he watched the fish elegantly jump out of the water, shining like droplets of gold all around him. Stop... he thought as the water reached his neck.

For some reason something inside of him ignited making him grab one of the fish as it jumped through the sky. He didn't know why he did it, but for some reason the water stopped rising as he snatched the fish.

Confused he glared at the fish in his hand for a few seconds. It was so pretty and for some reason the golden colour reminded him of Lucy... Her hair... It's the same colour when the sunlight is reflected in it… sparkling like golden threads... so pretty...

The fish was sparkling and for some reason it's tail started growing into an unnatural size making him blink in confusion. When it stopped growing it started wiggling almost violently but for some reason Natsu didn't want to let go of it.

"Why isn't there any pink in the rainbow?" The fish suddenly said making him jump in surprise "It should be up there with all the other colours. Won't it be alone looking at all the others up there. Are you lonely? Dad? Have you ever been lonely? I'm scared... I Don't ever want to be alone again"

Natsu flinched as he recalled himself saying something similar to Igneel when he was a small child.

"Are you?" The fish questioned again before it suddenly lashed its giant tail against Natsu knocking him to the ground making his entire body ache painfully, as everything around him suddenly vanished.

Natsu was heavily breathing laying on his back, when he opened his eyes. A dream? He wondered while igniting one of his hands. Doesn't matter... have to keep moving...

Struggling against his own body he tried getting into a standing position while ignoring the pain rushing through him from the multiple wounds he had received.

"Tsch..." he spat while igniting his hands, trying to take a few steps, but because of the poison or whatever it was, his surroundings was blurry and twisted. It almost felt like he had a massive hangover, but with some additional and rather inconvenient side effects.

"Natsu?"

Who was that?

"Run! It's coming!"

What was coming? Who? He wondered as he felt something cold breathing against his neck in an even rhythm.

"Get the fuck away from me!" he roared while trying to turn around to face his opponent.

But he couldn't see anything and for some reason the thing kept breathing right behind him from a spot he couldn't see.

"Run you idiot!" You'll die!"

Who the heck was that? Natsu felt slightly paranoid as he staggered for a few seconds before trying to walk in an even line.

It's coming can't you feel it... this is how it feels like, when death is breathing down your neck...

"No..."

You lost so much blood already, your stamina is low...

"... stop it.." he whispered while trying to walk even.

Your spirit is broken...

"... please" his voice cracked as his knees suddenly buckled making him fall to the ground on his hands and knees.

But you can't stop now...

"... I have to keep moving" Natsu finished the sentence while yet again trying to stand. It was getting harder and harder just moving, but for some reason he kept rising when he fell.

"This way, hurry!" The unknown voice said and for some reason Natsu couldn't prevent himself from following it.

"You're almost there... you can do this"

Who was that? It sounded familiar somehow. Did it matter? His head was spinning and felt numb making it almost impossible to think straight.

"You can feel me scratching... I'm right here, behind you, underneath you, but also inside you"

For some reason the voice was clear to him, as if it was someone who was standing in his mind broadcasting messages. Well maybe it was himself he didn't know. He didn't care either but if it was it might be a clear indication that he was truly losing the last pieces of his sanity. The thought made him chuckle.

"No one will see you... look"

"What?" Natsu questioned before staring in front of him, noticing that he was standing rather close to the edge of what looked like a cliff leading down even further into the cave. He couldn't see where it might end but then again his senses was confused at the moment. Yeah right it's fucking pitch black down there... the bottom is further down... much further down beyond eyesight...

"Do it..." the voice was calm and almost soothing.

"No..." He fell to his knees staring into the darkness below him.

"Yes... it's time... remember you're alone"

"I know..." his voice broke as a wave of painful emotions seemed to overwhelm his body making it hard to breathe.

Nobody can hear you... Nobody can save you... Nobody... cares...

"Solitude..." his voice was husky from the melancholic feeling that somehow seemed to steal his voice, making it ravage unpleasantly inside of him. Actually it felt like a hand was trying to clench his stomach to pieces, making it harder to breathe every time it squeezed it.

"If she wanted to leave would you let her?"

The question made him shiver uncomfortably as he extinguished the fire in his hands before grabbing his head, holding it firmly.

"Yes..." Natsu whispered but he knew it was a lie. He couldn't imagine life without her but he didn't want to pressure her. She wasn't his toy, she had her own mind and freedom to do as she pleased.

"What if she choose another man?" the voice said teasingly.

An image of Lucy inviting Gray into her bed momentarily flashed inside of his head.

"I don't care..." he tried denying but his feelings was clearly against the proposition of Lucy being with anyone. But why? Why did it fucking hurt thinking about it? Was he that selfish?

Natsu didn't notice he was hyperventilating nor that he was rocking back and forth trying somehow to soothe himself.

"I can't... it hurts too much..." the emotions inside of him seemed to swallow everything making him twitch and shake from the tension. Unbearable... tears started streaming down his face ...can't.. go on like this...

"Look... hope..."

Still hyperventilating Natsu looked as a golden fish suddenly spawned down in the darkness, glistening and luring with the false pretence of relief.

"Why is it false?" the voice purred.

"I don't know... I don't know anything any more... why?" His voice was tiny and fragile, as he stared at the fish trying to catch his breath "Is this... a dream?"

"You could say that... now come. Join me... Join Lucy..."

The sound of her name was the final drop that made everything inside of him crack into a million pieces. He stopped breathing, as he got into a standing position fluently. Natsu couldn't feel his physical body anymore so he didn't react to the pain the movements caused him. He couldn't even feel himself mentally either. He was just a shell, empty staring blankly down at the fish.

"This is it... come... be consumed and forget everything"

Natsu's head was blank when his body suddenly started leaning forwards. It wasn't because he wanted to take the fall, it wasn't something he suddenly decided to do, but something unexplainable was reaching out to him. Maybe it was the pretence of false hope luring in the shape of a fish in the darkness. Natsu didn't know, he couldn't think and he didn't care. Nothing really mattered any more. Closing his eyes he felt how his body started falling towards the unknown...

A/N: And yes Natsu is talking to himself – your own mind can be treacherous...

So in this chapter I was wondering what Natsu's greatest fear might be (besides his friends dying a horrible death) and I think it might be solitude. I mean it seems logical after Igneel left that the one thing he never wants to endure again is being alone. Seriously I think that's one of the reasons he's always so flamboyant because he needs attention. I actually thought about making this duality of his personality (not as a separate person) into a fanfiction. It's in my scrapbook for future stories I would like to type... eventually.. perhaps...

If you want to know why Erza isn't there in chapter 9, it's because she wasn't in Magnolia when the creature was stalking Lucy. So it doesn't know that much about her. In this chapter it's Natsu's own mind creating illusions.

Random fact: The dream was actually much more morbid where I actually killed Natsu (quoting my boyfriend: "this is morbid!"). So I reconsidered it and made a new dream. Besides I thought this story needed something fresh. Something you wouldn't expect happening.