Ep. 10: Minecraft Karaoke Part 2
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(As the commercials pass by on the television, back at the studio, in the star room, Dawn is seen massaging Sky's shoulders as her husband grasps his privates in pain).
-Dawn: Can you feel them yet?
-Sky: No! They still hurt! Ugh, fuck! I'm starting to get scared, Dawn. What if I lose them altogether? How will we make lo-
-Dawn: Whoa! Sky, don't go there. We're trying to keep this season at a T-rating.
(Dawn resumes massaging Sky's shoulders as he leans back and tries to soak in the comfort of Dawn's massaging. Then, the door to the room opens. Sky and Dawn gaze towards the door and Bashur is seen in the doorway).
-Bashur: Hey Sky.
-Sky: (groans) What the Nether do you want, you freak?
-Bashur: Listen, I just wanted to say sorry, dude. If it makes you feel, when I was laughing my head off watching you get electrocuted in the nuts, I peed my pants a litte...or a lot...or medium.
-Sky: Bashur, this is the most stupidest thing you could ever do. If I had a list of stupid things Bashur could possibly do, this would on top!
-Bashur: Come on, I haven't done anything that retarded.
-Dawn: Sure, says the guy who accidentally sprays himself in the face with sore throat spray while playing Hide-N-Seek.
-Bashur: Hey! My throat was hurting bad that day, but I really wanted to play! Anyway, Dawn, you're up next for the following challenge. Then, right after you is Jerome, and then Deadlox, then Husky.
-Dawn: (Sighs) Okay.
(Bashur exits the room, leaving the door open. Dawn ceases her massage and begins to walk away. But then, Sky grabs her hands and Dawn turns towards him).
-Sky: I promise you, Dawn. No matter what happens to you on that stage, I'll always love you.
(Dawn smiles. Sky leans in and kisses her on the cheek. Dawn runs her hand across Sky's cheek, then makes her way out of the room and towards the stage. Butter walks up to Sky).
-Butter: (whimpers) Bark!
-Sky: I hope she makes it through, too, buddy.
(Meanwhile, back on stage, the commercials end and the introduction of the show plays by. Steve appears on the stage again).
-Steve: Welcome back to 'Minecraft Karaoke'. Last time, you all witness Sky try to serve me food while being randomly electrocuted. Our next contestant is married to the Butter God. Give it up for Dawn!
(Dawn summons up all her courage and walks on stage. The flashing lights and loud audience cheers makes Dawn panic a bit, but she keeps herself calm. She walks up to Steve).
-Steve: Dawn! You must be one lucky lady to be married to the hero of Minecraftia.
-Dawn: Yeah, it is.
-Steve: So, Dawn, here's a question for you. Are you ready for your singing challenge?
-Dawn: (unsurely) Sure...I guess.
-Steve: Great. Now, follow me.
(Steve leads Dawn to the other side of the stage. On the left side is five cloth-covered boxes, two on small tables while the others are positioned on tripod-like tables with a square-shaped hole beneath it).
-Steve: Now, each of these boxes contains $50 in each of them. Your job is to search the boxes for the cash. And as an added bonus, we've hidden some obstacles within the covered boxes that will only be revealed towards the audience and not you. Are you ready?
-Dawn: (Sighs) Let's do dis!
-Steve: Good! Singing 'Heartbreaker', make some noise for Dawn!
(The audience cheers as a rapid beat begins to play. Dawn moves her head back and forth in time for the beats as she walks to the first box on the short table. After a guitar solo, she begins to sing).
-Dawn: Your love is like a tidal wave, spinning over my head! Drownin' me in your promises, better left unsaid!
(Steve walks besides the box and removes the cloth from it. Revealed only to the audience is a pair of small snakes, flicking their tongues and strike threatening poses. Dawn slowly moves her right hand into the box and feels around for the money).
-Dawn: You're the right kind of sin-AHH!
(Dawn only feels the rough scaly skin of the snake. The snake reacts by biting Dawn's wrists. But luckily, these snakes weren't venomous).
-Dawn: To release my in-OW! Fantasy! The invincible winn-OW! and you know THAT you were born to be...OW!
(Dawn removes her hand, unable to get the money and after getting bit for the sixth time. Steve leads her over to the next box).
-Dawn: You're a heartbreaker, dream-maker, love-taker, don't you mess around with me!
(As Dawn continues to sing, Steve lifts up the cloth and revealed within the box is spaghetti. Dawn moves her hand into the box).
-Dawn: Your love has set my soul on fi-AAHHH! OH MY GOD! WHAT IS THIS!? AM I TOUCHING WORMS OR JEROME AFTER HE TAKES A SHOWER!?
-Steve: Continue singing!
-Dawn: Oh, right. You're the right kind of sinner, EW! To release my inner fantasy!
(Dawn feels around the box, getting more grossed-out of whatever is inside, even though it's just spaghetti. She takes her hand out. Steve moves her over to the boxes on tripod-like tables. She gets under the first box. Steve grabs the cloth and lifts it away. Within the glass box is a half dozen Sliverfish, crawling around. Dawn slowly lifts her head through the hole).
-Dawn: You're a heartbr-AAAAAHHHHHH!
(Dawn misses a couple of lyrics as she screams in the box, though outside of it, it is slightly muffled. She looks up and sees $50 tied above the box. Quickly, she grabs the dollar with her mouth and lowers her head out of the box. She shakes her head as Steve leads her over tot he next box).
-Dawn: You're a heartbreaker, dream-maker, love-taker, don't you mess around, no, no, NO!
(A guitar solo begins during the track, giving Dawn a break to catch her breath. She lowers herself over the second box. When Steve lifts the cloth of, inside is small, black scorpions. When Dawn sees what's inside, she screams).
-Dawn: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! OH MY GOD! IT'S ONLY FUNNY WHEN IT'S HAPPENING TO SOMEONE ELSE!
(Dawn quickly grabs the dollar with her mouth and lowers herself out of the box. She gets ready for the last box. She takes a deep breathe as the guitar solo ends).
-Dawn: You're the right kind of sinner to release my inner fantasy! The invincible winner and you know that you were born to be!
(Steve lifts the cloth off. Inside...is a skunk. When Dawn lifts herself into the box, she shouts again as the skunk raises its tail in defense).
-Dawn: AAAAAHHHHH! REALLY, A SKUNK!?
(Dawn grabs the dollar and quickly lowers herself out of the box. She misses half the lyrics as she stumbles out from beneath the box, but she sings the last word in the song).
-Dawn: HEARTBREAKER!
(Dawn pants as she looks in her hands. A total of $150 is in her possession. The song track ends. Steve seems calm as he walks up to her).
-Steve: Wow, Dawn. What a performance. You sure didn't stink that up.
-Dawn: I hate you...so much right now.
-Steve: That's what the last 43 contestants said to me. Anyway, we're going to take a short break as we bring out our next performer, Jerome!
(The audience cheers as Dawn runs backstage. When she runs straight for the star room, Sky is there. She embraces him and he hugs her tightly).
-Dawn: I was so scared, Sky. And I have $150 in my pocket right now.
-Sky: It's okay. I'm here for you. And your knee is rubbing against my groin and I can feel my privates again.
(Dawn moves away from the hug).
-Dawn: Oh, sorry. Anyway, where's Jerome?
-Sky: I don't know. The last time I was him, he was wearing some type of suit.
-Voice: Hey guys.
(Sky and Dawn turn and see Jerome in a full-body suit).
-Sky: Dude...did you just eat a whole bunch of livers and take a 7 day sleep? Geez, you really let yourself go.
-Jerome: I'm not fat. The suit is. They're making me wear this for my singing challenge.
-Dawn: Wait...is that the type of suit used for attack dog training?
-Jerome: (realized) Uh-oh...
(Meanwhile, the break is over and Steve appears on the stage again).
-Steve: Welcome back to 'Minecraft Karaoke'. Our next contestant is not your average-day human. He is a fluffy...Baca...thingy or whatever. Give it up for Jerome!
(The audience cheers as Jerome stumbles on stage. Steve pads up to him).
-Steve: Hey Jerome! How's the suit holding up?
-Jerome: It smells like dog slobber.
-Steve: Yeah...I don't really care. Anyway, here's your challenge. We have some very aggressive guard dogs of mine that need training. Your job is to serve as the attack dummy. No matter what happens, do not stop singing! Ready?
-Jerome: Uh, can I pass?
-Steve: Great. Performing 'Screw the Nether', give it up for Jerome!
-Jerome: Wait! But I-
(Steve only backs away as the song track begins to play. Jerome looks behind himself. A part of the curtains rises. Appearing is three people holding back three barking guard dogs, eager to sink their teeth into the suit that Jerome is wearing).
-Jerome: Ugh...I am so gonna eat someone's liver after this. Oh well.
(Jerome takes a deep inhale and sings).
-Jerome: It's deep underground, past the bedrock. But don't dig strait down, you'll regret that.
(As Jerome sings, one person releases one of the dogs. The canine darts towards Jerome and sinks his teeth into his behind).
-Jerome: AH! Not looking for butter! Dog on my ass! Or so I've been told by some people!
(Another person lets a dog go. It runs right for Jerome and bites his left arm. Jerome struggles to keep his balance as the dogs tug and pull at the suit he has on).
-Jerome: I'll find a few bricks, where the two of these mix with a couple of clicks! Will these dogs stop biting me!?
(The last person lets his dog go. The canine runs after Jerome, does a U-turn when he gets in front of him and sinks his teeth into his crotch).
-Jerome: AH! STOP BITING MY CROTCH, YOU COCK!
(Jerome's command doesn't stop the dogs from biting at Jerome, so he tries going on with singing).
-Jerome: Moving to the Nether, I'm moving to the Nether, I'm moving to...THENETHER!
(Jerome tries pulling away from the biting dogs, but they only follow along with him and bite even harder on Jerome's suit. Though Jerome can't feel them biting, the weight of the canines is starting to pull him down).
-Jerome: Ten blocks is the magical total, as that's enough to get these dogs to stop biting me! Moving the Nether, I'M MOVING to the Nether, I'm moving to...the NETHER!
(Jerome collapses to his side, unable to withstand the weight of the dogs. The song track ends as the trainers come over, grab the dogs by their collars, and pull them away from the fluffy. Jerome pants as he gets to his feet. Steve walks up to him).
-Steve: Wow. Someone who isn't human, but is still capable of singing while three dogs viciously use you as their chew toy is a worthy opponent.
-Jerome: Yeah, and I really planned on having kids, but not anymore.
-Steve: Whatever. That's your problem now. We'll be back for more challenges as we bring out our next performer, Deadlox!
(The audience cheers for Jerome as he struggles backstage).
(A few minutes later, Jerome is in the star room, pulling the suit off him with the help of Sky and Rex).
-Jerome: God, who knew dogs would be so mean? And I could have sworn that one of them looked exactly like Butter.
-Rex: Uh...actually, that was Butter.
-Jerome: What!?
-Sky: Yeah, they were short of dogs right now, so they needed to use Butter.
-Jerome: But why would he attack me? He's usually friendly around other people.
-Sky: Yeah, I kind of told him to attack you.
(Sky looks over and sees Butter. Butter whimpers, walks up to Jerome, and rests his head on Jerome's legs. Jerome sighs as he pets Butter on the head).
-Jerome: Don't worry, buddy. I'm not mad at you. I'll get back at Sky somehow. By the way, where's Deadlox?
(Suddenly, the door to the star room opens. Everyone glances forward and see Deadlox with multiple balloons attached to him).
-Bodil: Dude...you look like you hit puberty and it has gotten out of hand.
-Deadlox: (sarcastically) Thank for the encouraging words, Bodil. Really needed it.
-Sky: What is wrong with these people? Now I know what the contestants go through when they enter this show.
-Alix: Yeah, but apparently, SOMEONE thought it would be cool to sign us all up for this show without letting us know.
-Bashur: Eh, shut up! I thought it would be funny.
-Deadlox: Well, wish me luck. I don't know what they're going to make me do, but I have a feeling that it's not going to be pretty.
(Deadlox walks out of the room, a couple of balloons fall off of him).
(After the break, Steve enters back into the stage again).
-Steve: Welcome back! Last time, we saw Dawn scream her way to victory while Jerome the fluffy-Baca-thingy act as a dog's favorite toy. Our next performer is just one of the many friends the Butter God has. Introducing...Deadlox!
(The audience applause as Deadlox enters the stage with a rather annoyed look in his face).
-Steve: Deadlox! How are you doing?
-Deadlox: Cut the sweet talk and just tell me what the Nether am I gonna do.
-Steve: Pushy...but whatever. Follow me.
(Steve leads Deadlox to the other side of the stage. Deadlox's jaw drops when he sees a maze covered with cacti in a desert-like structure built under it).
-Deadlox: You're kidding, right?
-Steve: I'm afraid I'm not. Your job here is to navigate yourself through these maze of cacti and reach the end to the tree with dollars tied to them. But while you're doing that, the balloons tied to you are gonna pop, and we have a couple of more surprises in store. Importantly, I want you to wear these.
(Steve pulls out a special pair of goggles. Deadlox takes them from him and places it on over his eyes. All that Deadlox sees is blurred-out).
-Steve: What do you see?
-Deadlox: I can't see anything clearly.
-Steve: That's why I like to call these goggles, 'the drunk googles'. Now, I'm gonna lead you to the beginning of the maze. And whatever happens, don't stop singing. Ready?
-Deadlox: Probably.
-Steve: I'll take that as a yes. Singing 'Stuck In The Middle With You', give it up for Deadlox!
(The audience cheers on as Deadlox unsteadily gets on the desert-like platform. The goggles make it very difficult for him to see. The song track begins, and Deadlox readies himself and sings as he begins to go through the maze).
-Deadlox: Well, I don't know why I came here tonight. I got the feeling that something ain't-AH!
(Deadlox flinches when one of the balloons pop. Then, as he struggles through the maze, the cacti's spines start popping the balloons).
-Deadlox: I'm so sc-AH! in case I AH! off my chair, and I'm WONDERING how I'll get down those stai-AH!
(Deadlox then trips over a object and tumbles off the platform with a bunch of cacti on his back. Steve and a nearby assistant help Deadlox and get him back on the platform, a half dozen of spines digging into his back).
-Deadlox: (painfully) Yes, I'm stuck in the middle with you. OH GOD! IT HURTS! And I'm wondering what it is I should do. OW! It's so hard to keep this smile from my face, losing control, and I'm all over the place...OW!
(Deadlox gets more scared as more balloons pop. Then, medium-sized balloons filled with dirt fall from the ceiling and explode on impact with the cacti, covering Deadlox in dirt and making it very hard for him to sing).
-Deadlox: Well, you started off with nothing-
(Before Deadlox can sing the next line, Steve walks up to him with a air horn and blows it at his face).
-Deadlox: AAAHHH! What the hell!? And you're proud that you're a self-made man and your friends they all come crawling, slap you on the back and say,
Please, please, stop honking the air horn in my face!
(Steve doesn't listen and honks the horn again in Deadlox's face. Deadlox stumbles backwards and nearly trips again, but catches his footing. Deadlox eventually finds his way to the end of the maze. He unsteadily steps off the platform. He removes his googles and blinks his eyes a few times to get his vision back. The song track ends as Steve walks up to the spine-filled Minecrafter).
-Steve: Wow. You fell off the platform and yet, you were still able to clear the maze with spines pinching your back.
-Deadlox: Thanks, now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get these spines out my ass.
-Steve: Good luck. How about a round of applause for Deadlox!?
(The audience cheers as Deadlox sighs annoyingly and limps away).
(Nearly 2 minutes later, Deadlox is seen squeezing a couch cushion as Sky carefully tries to pull a spine out of his back. Despite the shirt Deadlox is wearing, the spines still pinched through his clothing. Sky grabs one spine near his shoulder and yanks it out).
-Deadlox: OOOWWWW!
-Sky: Okay, I got them all out.
-Deadlox: Ugh, fuck! I'm never going to the desert again!
(Bashur walks up to the Minecrafters and spots a spine near Deadlox's behind).
-Bashur: You got one on your butt. Don't worry, I'll get it!
-Sky: Bashur, wait, don't-
(Bashur doesn't listen to Sky. Instead, he carelessly grabs the spine and pulls it out. Deadlox screeches out-loud, forcing everyone to cover their ears. After the loud scream, he pants wildly. He covers himself with the cushion as everyone glares at Bashur).
-Bashur: What!? I was only trying to help.
-Dawn: Yeah, your type of help just made Deadlox go into more pain.
-Bashur: Geez, I'm sorry.
-Sky: You know, Bashur, it's hard enough that you enter all of us in the show without telling us, but seeing my friends get hurt in these challenges is not what I was looking for. And it's all because of you, you FUCKING...IDIOT!
(Everyone glances over to Bashur after Sky had insulted him. Bashur's jaw drops slightly, then he looks downwards and makes his way for the door. Sky realizes that he may have went too far with the insult).
-Sky: Bashur, wait.
(Bashur doesn't respond. He only walks out the door and closes it. Everyone in the room look at each other, a dead silence sets in the room. Sky looks at Dawn, she only has a worried look in her face).
-Sky: (Sighs) I...guess I went too far with that.
(Suddenly, the door opens and Seth comes in).
-Seth: Hey guys. I'm just here to say that Husky is up next.
-HuskyMudkipz: Alright. I'll be right there.
(Seth nods, then leaves the room. Husky gets up from his seat and walks towards the door. After Husky exits the room, Sky can't help but feel a little guilty).
-Sky: Man, I didn't mean to insult Bashur, but I was just so mad.
-Dawn: Maybe you should go find him and apologize. And besides, this was...kind of fun to be on the show.
-Sky: Yeah, I guess. I'll be back.
(Sky exits the room and makes his way throughout the stage to find Bashur).
Notes:
Song (Heartbreaker) A song by Pat Benater
Song (Screw the Nether) A Minecraft parody of 'Moves Like Jagger'
Song (Stuck In The Middle With You) A Song by Stealers Wheels