Hey guys! Just wanted to say, I think my body naturally produces meth. That's the only explanation I have.

And yes, Lebkuchen cookies do exist.

The sun was out; it was so beautiful, so enchanting, and so rare in Forks. Beautiful, wonderful sunshine lighting up the world and making everything sparkle and seem pretty.

I sat in the darkest corner of my room and hissed.

I hate the sun.

I stared moodily out at the offending light. Go pick on some other rainy civilization you stupid ball of fire! I hope you can hear me mentally hating you from a bazillion miles away, or whatever the distance is.

I believe that it's around 94,075,000 miles. Or at least that's the distance at midnight.

It's not midnight, you dork.

Obviously telling time isn't one of his finer talents.

…

One day I'll get you. I'll get you both.

I sighed and increased the frequency of my internal screaming. But the sun stayed outside my window and rainbows continued to fly out of little children's butts and unicorns pranced around the neighborhood.

Or at least that's how Charles seemed to view the world.

"Isn't it a beautiful day?" he beamed at me, hands on hips.

"I hope your chocolate factory melts." His smile didn't falter.

"Woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?"

"No, Chuckles, I woke up in the middle." I said through gritted teeth. He gave me a wary look before sidling cautiously out the door.

"Sunlight is synonymous for skin cancer!" I screeched. I heard the tires of his car squeal as he booked it.

I folded my arms across my chest and stomped my foot.

The phone rang.

"Yes Just Alice?"

"Don't stomp your foot."

"Where's my cookie?"

"Edward has it." I could hear her smirking.

"I hate you." I hung up.

Today was bound to be a terrible day. Edward wouldn't be at school today because he was self conscious about his sparkly-ness. Ridiculous, I know, but he was.

My phone rang again.

"Bella, I can't go to school today."

"I want my cookie. And yes you can."

He sighed. Then grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "Sparkles…not normal. Meaning not good."

Lies. All lies.

"Here, how about you come over after? I'll give you the cookie then."

"Okay." I smiled before hanging up. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad after all.

I was about as wrong as Paris Hilton. Which is as wrong as one can go.

The sun burned my eyes when I tried to glare at it. Then it made the front seat of my car really hot and I got burned. Then the Newt squelched my way in all his amoeba glory to tell me how pretty my hair looked in the sunlight. Then, to cheer myself up, I got a ruler out and started beating him. Until a teacher saw me. She started yelling at me but then got abnormally quiet when I started explaining why I hit him.

"He complimented you." She sounded confused. I decided to enlighten her.

"Sexual assault- in the eye of the beholder."

"What's your name again?"

"Isabella Swan. I spend my free time at the station with my Daddy."

She smartly walked away.

But even then I was depressed. Because Edward wasn't around. My pretty, beautiful, vampire Edward. I moped around all day. And then the bell rang and I sprinted to my truck. And I fell. A lot. But I didn't care.

I wanted my cookie.

And my Edward.

The speed limit said 25 but I added on a zero to the end and voila I was at the supernatural abode in record time.

"Edwarrrrrrrrrrd!" I yelled, running towards the house and into the kitchen. Where is he, where is he, where is he-

Cookie.

Forget about Edward.

Lebkuchen!

On the counter was my cookie. And I was almost there when Edward appeared at the door. And then he was in front of me. Which would have been great.

If he weren't a stone wall keeping me from my cookie.

I snarled at him. He raised his perfect little eyebrow.

"What do you say?" He asked.

"Move."

"Nuh-uh."

"Be afraid. Be very, very afraid."

He chuckled.

"Manners, Bella."

Don't make me bite you.

"I won't feel it. Now what do you say?" He stared me down with those crazy, hypnotic, annoyingly perfect eyes.

I bit him.

He stared at me incredulously, but not like he was in pain. However, my teeth hurt. It was like taking a chomp off an iceberg. Or attempting to anyway. I let go, disconsolate and mollified.

He eyebrowed me again.

"Please." I grumbled. He smiled, which dazed me even further as he stepped out of my way. And after a moment to pull Team Brain together I pounced. And devoured.

"I've been waiting days for that!"

"You asked for it yesterday."

"Then I should've gotten it yesterday."

Don't patronize me. I had a rough day.

He grinned down at me, then picked me up and sat me on the counter.

"There, now we're almost eye-level." I'm pretty sure I was melting.

"You know, for someone whose skin is abnormally cold, you're quite hot." I mused.

He threw his head back and laughed. Deep belly laughs that made me wonder if he had a bear hiding out in his stomach. Or the blood of one, so to say.

"Why would you think that?" He managed after about three minutes more of snort-laughing. So cute. The snort laugh, not the constant questions.

You tell me, mind reader.

He screwed up his eyes, rubbed his chin, and stared at me like I was a squirrel with a time bomb attached to my tail and he had to deconstruct me before I lost my nuts.

His eyes went really wide and he laughed again.

"What? What's so funny?" I screeched. I swear, this boy couldn't go three minutes in my presence without slowly losing his sanity. Do I emit laughing gas? Is that it? Or can vampires get high?

"You…you l-lost… your nuts!" He cackled. Well that's not nice. I'm not crazy or nuts. You are, dear sir.

"Never mind," he gasped out. I huffed at him and slipped gracefully off the counter and onto my butt. I grred at him from my spot on the floor before scooting defiantly out the door. Very badass, not even standing up. What can I say? That's how I roll.

Or scoot. Depends.

"Aw, come back Bella! I didn't mean to laugh at you…" Liar, liar, pants on fire. I stopped real quick to see if his pants really had caught fire, which I would have loved (I'm a red blooded female girl with raging hormones, don't look at me like that) but sadly, no. How disappointing.

Edward was doing his whole "catching flies with my mouth" routine again. Jeez with that much practice you'd think his jaw was vertically challenged or something.

The perfect jaw itself snapped shut at that thought.

"Nothing about me is challenged," he whined.

Except that find the scent of plant life saliva inducing.

"Um, yeah, except for that."

I put my nose up at him, stood, brushed myself off, and waited for him to stop strolling and hurry up already. A flash later, literally, he was at my side.

Edward. Bow.

Eyebrow went up.

I attempted to look down at him, which didn't really work, so instead I looked up at him. While telling him with my mind that I was really looking down.

Bow.

He rolled his eyes before bowing low and looking up at me. Then he quirked that danged eyebrow in the way he knew I couldn't.

"Your Highness?" I smiled. Good boy.

"I can't believe I'm being bossed around. Me; an indestructible, higher life form. By a five foot two, teenage girl." He grumbled.

I smiled triumphantly. You got that right.

"Okay, now that I've had my cookie I'm going to go plot how to get back at you for making fun of me and painfully slaughtering my most precious dreams." I piped cheerily. Edward sighed. He did that a lot.

"Fine, fine. Go hatch your crazy, diabolical plot. I don't care at the moment. I'm indestructible." I glared at him. Indestructible? We'll see. I jumped into my truck and drove away before a brilliant plan burst into my brilliant brain and was learned beforehand by Mr. Brilliant, Indestructible freak of a Vampire himself. Hmph, everything has a weakness.

"And I know Edward's!" A squeaky voice squeaked in my ear. I screamed, swerved, and almost hit a tree. But then a white hand shot out and steadied the wheel before I could kill any potential egg birthing plants.

"What the hell Just Alice!"

"It's Alice. Just Alice."

"Yeah. That's what I said."

"No, you said Just Alice, but it's-"

"Stop deflecting Just Alice and tell me why you almost made me an accomplice in your manslaughter plot."

"Rosalie was right. You are the oddest of humans."

"Thank you. Now explain."

"Okay, okay," she said, "I've been in the backseat the whole time but I thought you were ignoring me and I was too lazy to go all precognitive before jumping into the first seat and saying what I thought. Plus I was way too excited to tell you my plan, which is really your plan, well in the future, and yeah. Ta-da!"

"Do you breathe when you talk?"

"Well duh. But I don't need to breathe. Which is the whole point of this."

I didn't know what she was talking about. But I did. I'm just awesome like that.

"Does this involve revenge?"

"And diabolical plotting. Because Edward doesn't need to breathe, he just likes to. So you can make breathing, well, a bit unpleasant for him. Without killing him."

"Because, technically, he's already dead," I pointed out.

"Exactly! I knew I could count on your warped brain to understand! So we're going to need a gas mask and illegally obtained pure chlorine."

"Deal." We shook.

"Just Alice, this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"Oh, don't I know it."

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