Disclaimer: I have disavowed any knowledge of this fic.

Animal Farm . . . ewwww

"Hey Hermione," Ron smiled nervously. "You're not angry about that charm I cast on you are you?"

"No," Hermione turned the page in her book. "But Harry is."

"Where is Harry?" Ron looked around nervously.

"Harry? Oh, he's all tied up at the moment." It was so easy to win a coin toss when he didn't notice that she switched out his two sided coin for one of her own.

"O . . . k," Ron's mind franticly searched for an innocent way of hearing what his friend had just said then gave up and instructed him to change the subject. "Are you coming to class today?"

"I suppose," Hermione yawned. "what do we have coming up?"

"Well," Ron knew that he shouldn't have sampled that potion in Snape's class. "We have Potions Class in a few minutes with Professor Snape."

"Let's go then," Hermione stood up. "We don't want to be late."

"Don't worry about it," Ron protested as his bushy haired friend dragged him through the halls. "Snape doesn't care if students are late anymore."

Ignoring the red headed boy's advice, Hermione rushed through the halls and chose a seat for herself at the head of the classroom.

"Hi everybody," Snape stumbled into the room wearing a bright tie dyed robe.

"Hi Professor Snape," the class replied.

"Today . . . we're going to be brewing . . . a powerful potion today," Snape began then stared at nothing for five minutes. "It's called the Shakabakalakamaka Potion."

"But Professor," Hermione squinted at the board. "The recipe you have up is for a class ten restricted potion."

"Very good Ms. Potter," Snape nodded. "And since you know so much about it, I expect yours to be particularly potent . . . fifty points from Gryffindor if I remember this conversation."

"That's not fair," Hermione protested.

"Neither is the fact that I'm becoming coherent and starting to remember . . . the incident, but that won't stop it from happening." Snape replied sourly, "a hundred more points from Gryffindor if I remember this conversation . . . it had better be a good potion."

"He wants a potent Potion huh?" Hermione muttered to herself, "well I'll give him a potent Potion then."

"I'm finished Professor," Hermione called out innocently. "And I made it extra strong just for you."

"It had better be good," Snape took a sip of Hermione's Potion and his eyes rolled up in pleasure. "Oh yeah that's the stuff, fifty Bajilion million points to whatever your house is for . . . stuff or something."

"Thank you Professor," Hermione replied with a smirk.

"Man," Snape stumbled out of the room. "You get a Z for Zuper or zomething, good jop ;lkj;aljf aksjdf."

"How did Snape talk in semicolons?" Ron watched the Professor stumble out of the class room, "and what did you give him."

"I'd better be getting back to my rooms," Hermione ignored the question. "Harry'll probably have the knots loosened and I don't want him to escape."

"Could I have some of that Potion?" Ron was learning things about his best friends that he never wanted to know.

"Maybe later," Hermione rushed out of the room.

Ron followed at a distance and watched as she walked into the room. Then, pressing his ear against the wall to hear the goings on. He became privy to a something that would scar him for life.

"Oh Harry," Hermione called out as she entered the room. "I'm back."

"And Hermione Darling," Harry's voice held a hint of amusement. "I taught myself to untie knots with my toes while you were gone."

"Flip for it?" Hermione asked with a hint of optimism.

"Not when I have my wand out," Harry's amusement multiplied.

"What do you mean?" Hermione's voice sounded puzzled, "you don't even have any clothes on and . . . oh."

Tearing his ear away from the wall, Ron started to walk back to the Great Hall. That walk turned to a terror inspired run when he heard Hermione's muffled voice call out, "oh yes Punish me ahhhh."

There were just some things that he wasn't ready to learn about his best friend's personal lives . . . make that there were a lot of things that he'd never be ready to know about his best friend's personal lives.

IIIIIIIIII

"Our spies tell us that Potter has learned a ritual that has made him very powerful master," Random death eater number five and a half bowed.

"What is this spell?" The dark lord loomed.

"It is called the redo spell master," the death eater cowered. "And it has given him the power of the founders."

"Cast this spell on me," Voldemort ordered. "If this spell made Potter powerful then imagine what it shall do for me."

"Yes master," the death eater agreed and with a swish and a flick . . . the dark lord became something else.

"Moo," the most feared dark lord in recent memory looked around the room. "Moo."

The death eaters shared a confused look, "master?"

"Mooo," the dark lord started chewing his cud.

"Maybe it's a test?" One of the death eaters suggested.

"Maybe we should get the hell out of here before we get Crucioed," suggested another.

IIIIIIIIII

"And now class," Minerva looked around the room. "We check our mash to make sure that it's ready to distill."

"Um Professor," one of the students raised her hand. "What does this have to do with transfiguration?"

"I had you transfigure all the items to make the still didn't I?" McGonagall asked.

"Yes," the student nodded.

"Then think of this as a lesson in practical transfiguration," McGonagall replied. "Anymore questions?"

IIIIIIIIII

"What can I do to make things right?" Dumbledore was racked with guilt and the laughter of the children made him cringe . . . he had done that to them. "Perhaps I should try the charm again and hope for a better role model."

"Dobby is watching you," the house elf glared from his hiding place. "There is no escape evil dark sock hater."

"I assure you that I am not an evil sock hater," Dumbledore sighed. "I have recovered from that spell and I seek redeem myself."

"Dobby doesn't believe you . . . sock hater," Dobby continued to glare. "Dobby will always be watching you and your evil plan will never work . . . sock hater."

IIIIIIIIII

"Arr," Luna was wearing an eye patch and a red silk shirt. "Give me yer booty wench."

"Who cast the redo charm on Luna?" Ron glared at everyone in the great hall. "Who's the dumb bastard that was dumb enough the cast the bloody redo charm on Luna?"

"No one," Ginny sighed. "She said that she was feeling a bit left out and when no one would cast it on her . . . well, she decided that she didn't need a stupid charm to play pirate or something."

"Oh," Ron relaxed. "I . . . I was scared for a minute that . . . well, I guess it doesn't matter."

"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest," Luna began singing. "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Drink to the devil and he'll do the rest, yo ho ho and a bottle of rum."

"It's gonna be a long day," Ron sighed.

"I agree," Crabbe nodded. "Quite strange isn't it?"

"Very," Goyle nodded. "Quite . . . what do you think Ronald?"

"I think I need to get some of Hermione's potion," Ron replied. "If you'll excuse me."

"Of course," Crabbe smiled. "Don't be long old chap."

"We were hoping to challenge you to a chess match later," Goyle added.

IIIIIIIIII

"Guys, you're not going to believe this." Ron burst into Harry and Hermione's room and froze.

Hermione dropped the rubber chicken and Harry put the handcuffs back into his pocket.

"What are those clothes?" Ron's lower lip was quivering.

"Harry's wearing a classical big game hunter's outfit and I'm in a school girl uniform," Hermione replied in a business like tone. "Now is there some reason you saw fit to interrupt our . . . exercise?"

"I . . ." Ron went cross eyed, "wanted to tell you that someone cast the redo charm on Crabbe and Goyle."

"I see,' Harry took off his pith helmet. "Anything else?"

"I want to get some of that potion that Hermione gave Snape," Ron was just glad that his parents never did things like this. "I've seen things that no man should see . . . and I want to destroy the memory."

"Have Ginny charm your memory or something," Harry shoved his friend out of the room. "We're busy right now and can't be bothered to show any pretend interest in your petty problems."

"Well," Ron blinked as the door slammed shut. "I guess they were right when they said that a bloke's best friend would betray them for any two bit scarlet woman that comes along . . . and I guess it works both ways since Hermione won't help me either."

IIIIIIIIII

"Alright then," the Dark Lord glared at his followers. "We're all agreed that the corpse here cast the spell wrong . . . aren't we?"

"Um . . . we've been talking my Lord and we agree that we didn't see anything," one of the death eaters spoke out.

"Really?" The Dark Lord absentmindedly chewed his cud, "so prey tell what happened then?"

"I think you meant pray tell what happened my Lord," one of the dumber death eaters tried to correct his master.

"CRUCIO the Dark Lord screamed. "I did not make a mistake you twit, it was a clever and subtitle threat that you ruined by your idiocy."

"Um . . . yeah," one of the death eaters began kicking dumb death eater. "How dare you question our lord."

"Yeah," the other death eaters agreed . . . what, they're toadies.

After a rousing game of beat the only one that show intelligence to death . . . or is that a lack of intelligence because he was dumb enough to open his mouth . . . ah well, as I was saying after their game the meeting continued.

"Where was I?" The dark lord tapped his chin.

"Prey tell my Lord," one of the death eaters spoke up.

"Oh yes," the Dark Lord nodded. "Prey tell what happened then?"

"You performed some sort of horribly dark ritual and our minds were shattered and we had a mass hallucination my Lord," a death eater spoke up. "So terrible was your might that it over awed our puny selves."

"Yes . . . right," Voldemort nodded. "So . . . does anyone know how to cast this redo charm?"

"I do my lord," the death eater spoke up.

"Then cast it on me," Vodemort grinned. "So that I may become more powerful then ever."

"I can't my Lord," the death eater smirked under his mask he wasn't going to die because the dark lord turned into another farm animal. "I . . . hurt my wand hand in the latest raid, but I taught this guy to do it and if there are any mistakes they're all his fault."

"Oh," the dark lord turned to that guy. "Procede."

"Damn," the death eater raised his wand and with a swish and a flick the charm was cast. "My Lord?"

"Baa baa," Voldesheep baaed.

"Let's get out of here," one of the few intelligent death eaters screamed. "We'll tell him that he performed another ritual or something."

"You guys go ahead," one the . . . stranger death eaters smirked. "I'll stay here to watch the dark lord."

"Ummmm . . . me to," another agreed.

The last words the death eaters heard as they popped out would haunt them forever.

"Hey . . . let's find a fence to push this feller up against."

AN: If you don't know why they were pushing the dark lord baa up against a fence . . . well . . . I'm not going to tell you.