Chapter 10 – Fighter ... and a Lover

Katie listened intently as Callen spoke, her ears struggling to imagine that what he was saying was true.

"And so that is why you, and any children we have, shouldn't have my last name."

Katie was temporarily speechless as Callen waited nervously for her reply. The seconds dragged into minutes. His hands clenched, forehead sweaty, heart rate elevated. He just wanted her to say something. Or throw something. Or hit something-or him.

This whole honesty thing is over rated, he thought

"I'll understand if you …"

A death glare, shot in his direction, convinced him to be silent.

Katie paced the wood planks of the deck, focusing on the grains of wood as she attempted to regroup herself.

"So let me get this straight. You know, so there's no misunderstanding between us." Her facetious tone was intentional and Callen moved out of her pacing path as she continued up and down the deck, prominently pivoting on her heels when she turned.

"Because I am in a relationship with you, any one of your numerous enemies could use me to extract revenge on you. Or worse. Use our children."

"I wouldn't let anything happen ..."

The young woman was so caught off guard with her lover's admission, that despite her outward appearance being in control of her thoughts, she was a wreck.

She cut him off mid sentence. "You can't be by my side every moment. And what you really mean, is sacrificing yourself."

He was certain his doctor would find an ulcer at his next checkup.

"I've taken extra precautions since we started living together. To keep you safe." Callen turned to the lounger and sat down silently praying that this too would be worked out.

"A man serving three life sentences in the securest prison in the United States sent you a Christmas card. That doesn't seem like your precautions are very effective."

"He's been sending it for a few years. Before we met."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better?"

The conversation was headed nowhere.

"Come, sit down," he said as his patted the empty space beside him.

She shook her head. "This is some pretty serious shit Callen. This is my life that we are talking about. And the lives of our future children." Katie was in a current state of mind that was unforgiving. "That's if I can stop being terrified of getting pregnant." She cautiously kept her distance by taking two steps backwards. "And did it ever occur to that I don't want you to sacrifice your life for mine?" Her voice was trembling as the welled tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"I'm expendable. You aren't". Her pregnancy comment hit his guilt trigger hard. He was adding to her fears. Yep, honesty was definitely overrated.

The exasperated look on her face let him know that his choice of words was making the situation worse.

"Says who?"

His reply was automatic. "The United States Government."

Katie's body was rigid and her mind racing. "I need to step away from this conversation." And she did just that. As she closed the patio door Callen stood to follow her. Again, she shook her head. He halted his steps and watched as she disappeared into the house.

Leaving the house was Callen's first intention but he decided to stay for when Katie was ready to talk. No matter the outcome from his reveal, he wasn't going to run. He settled on the couch with his thoughts and waited for his fiancé to come to him. Katie retreated to the home office where she answered emails pertaining to work and placed an order for an expensive jacket she had her eye on for the past three months. It wasn't practical by any means but it helped her deal with the definitive awareness that life with G. Callen would be remarkable, fulfilling and metaphorically, give her the ability to look over both shoulders at the same time. Too help take her mind off the unsettling revelation, Katie double checked her list for their upcoming trip. She had made the decision to stay in the relationship long before the unnerving admission from Callen less than an hour earlier. Two weeks in the tropics couldn't come soon enough. And if she was going to enjoy the much-needed vacation with Callen, she had to find a way to deal with her current emotions. As she double checked her outfits, that were already packed, the answers came to her.

"Hey," Katie said as she walked into the living room where Callen was sitting.

"Hey," he replied as she sat beside him.

"I thought I was prepared for anything you told me about your past. Boy, was I wrong." Her nervous laugh caused Callen to take her hand in his.

"I was beginning to think that I would never need to divulge that information to someone. Then I met you."

"I know this is hard for you too. That's why I have decided that I need to prepare myself as best I can for whatever may come our way."

"Prepare yourself?" He asked with a quizzical look.

"Self-defense training. I've taken a few basic classes but I want to learn more. Obviously not anywhere near your level but more than I have. Will you teach me some things?"

His answer of "No" came out quickly.

"No?" she reiterated.

"I don't think that is a good idea. I will ask Kensi."

Her perplexed look led Callen to continue.

"For what you need, I think Kensi would be better suited to train you."

Katie knew it wasn't because she was a woman and that Callen had his reasons, so she added some much needed humour to the dark topic.

"You can't trust yourself not to pin me on a mat and have your way with me, eh?"

"You know me well, Kathryn."

Every. Single. Time. The sound of her given name rolling off his lips (still) sent a twinge of arousal to the center of her being.

"I would also like to learn how use a gun."

His ears rang loud with her words. "You know you can't use mine."

"I know. I want my own."

And there it was. The official end to any innocence he believed she still had. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. Not saying anything. Just being thankful for her presence in his life.

It was agreed that her training would be put into place upon returning from their trip. And since the mood was set in confession mode, Katie finally told Callen how she really felt about his often-impromptu revelations.

"I thought I could handle it, you know, being trained as a social worker. But I can't. It's too much."

"I understand. I'll just up my therapy visits." He tried not show his disappointment but it was futile. Katie was the backbone of his support system. With her out of it, he wasn't sure that that what he had accomplished wouldn't unravel.

"I think what I need, what we need, is to set aside some time each week or every other week to just talk about your … issues."

It was a very clinical approach but Callen would take whatever was being offered. And relieved she was still onboard with being a part of his ongoing therapy. Thinking back to his first therapy session, Callen remembered how emotionally toiled he had felt afterwards. Katie was living with him so his emotional impact was bound to seep over into her when he used her as a sounding board.

"I'm sorry I didn't realize how much this was affecting you."

"Don't be sorry. You can't read my mind."

"Yeah well, you must admit that it seems like a lot of drama at times." It did to him.

"Not even close, Callen! Remember, I'm a woman and women tend to talk to their friends about everything. And I mean nothing left to disclose for some people. I fell in the toilet because he won't put the seat down. He always smells of alcohol. Or cigarettes. He spends more time with his friends than he does with me. He's selfish in bed. He got into another fight at the bar on the weekend. And the list goes on. That was from ONE girl talking about her boyfriend she was living with."

"You're friends with her?" Callen asked.

She shook her head. "An acquaintance. She's the cousin of a friend from high school I still keep in touch with, so she tags along sometimes." She cracked a smile thinking back to a recent conversation she had with Taryn & Vita where they talked about men being fighters or lovers. When asked, what Callen was, Katie didn't hesitate to reply with "Both". She hadn't actually seen him in a fight but if stealthily approaching an armed man and snapping his neck in the blink of an eye was any indication, it was obvious he could hold his own in a fight. As for the lover part, well she had plenty of first hand experience with that to affirm her comment. After asking her what she was thinking about, Katie revealed her comment.

"You are really good for my ego," Callen said with a wink.

She cuddled into his body and curled her legs up on the couch.

"You okay, Kates?" He asked as his hand made a comforting movement on her arm.

"Not sure," she admitted as the emotions of earlier simmered.

"And you?" she asked as she looked up at him.

"Same."

"There isn't anyone I would rather be unsure with." Katie's were words somewhat of a comfort to her fiance.

"Two days of work, Christmas, then two weeks away from it all," Callen said as he tried not to think about taking her gun shopping in the New Year. They would also need to start wedding plans. He could hope Katie would be distracted enough with their upcoming nuptials to forget about her determination to help prepare herself for the unexpected scenarios that would certainly pop up in their lives. But deep down he knew it wouldn't happen and truth be told, the Special Agent wouldn't have it any other way.

"As much as I would love to stay in this position, we have last minute things to do as there won't be much time after today," Katie said as she moved to a sitting position.

Callen's mind wandered a moment before asking Katie if she had packed that lingerie outfit she had tried on in the store.

Katie laughed, "Yes and that blue and white two-piece swimsuit you like."

"You're killing me woman!" He said as he put his hand over his heart.

Katie had been trying it on when he walked in on her in the bedroom. It wasn't anything provocative. In fact, it was somewhat conservative. Breasts fully covered by a cropped top in navy blue with white stripes and navy blue boy-shorts. It accentuated her lovely figure, especially the curves of her hips. He had just come home from work and was tired but the sight before him had been too much to resist. It was merely a minute or two before she was bent over the side of the bed, breasts bouncing over the lowered-below-her-breasts top and those short bottoms tossed in a pile with his jeans and underwear on the floor.

His eyes lingering on her as she stood must have given away his thoughts. "Only three days and then you can do what you want with me. But now we have to …." Her voice trailed off to his ears as he envisioned some of the things they would be doing in Aruba. Thoughts of therapy, wedding planning, self-defense training, gun shopping and his unresolved life issues, a world away.