A/N: Wow, I'm good. Two chapters up in a month? I can see the tire marks on the street outside from where my pencil has been racing.

The Horseman's Guide to Decapitation…an Art Form.

That is the first thing I saw as I walked into Waldenbooks that day. All thoughts of purchasing World Domination for Dummies fled from my mind.

Having seen me gawking in horror, an awkward looking salesperson emerged from behind the counter and said nervously;

"Hello, I uh…see that you have spotted our newest…erm…arrival. Interesting looking isn't it?" She said anxiously flipping her ponytail behind her.

"Inter…In…Interesting?" I sputtered, lunging for a copy of the paperback book. On the cover was a dramatic photograph of a shiny broad sword, and reflected in it was none other than the Horseman. "I took that picture." I whispered.

Indeed I remembered a gloomy day the year before, when the Horseman came to my house, sulking as usually. We sat on my trampoline to talk, me with a notebook and camera as always, him with his sword and grimace. The backdrop of mist was a nice setting for a picture of the Horseman and I couldn't resist a snapshot.

"Well, having read it myself I uhh…" the Salesperson by the name of Ruth (it said so on her name tag) gulped and tugged on her collar, "thought it was a very intriguing insight into the art of…er…decapitating." She squeaked the last few words.

Then I knew exactly what had played out.

The Horseman had threatened the publishing companies to publish this unintelligible, incoherent piece of…literature. Then he had threatened the bookstores to stock it. And he had shamelessly threatened poor Ruth to read his book, or else.

Wait a minute…he had also threatened me! Wasn't it he who had just told me that if I didn't get out of his face he would attempt to paint my nails just a few minutes ago.

He suggested I go to a bookstore.

Foxy fictional characters. How I loathe them all.

Did he not realize how much this was going to affect me? ME? His devoted publisher, personal paparazzi and celebrity representative? I would be getting tons of fines soon for allowing him to write such…nonsense. I mean take a look at this:

Once the head is thoroughly not on the owner's body anymore…I would recommend not keeping it. Experience has led me to believe that it is best to get rid of any evidence as soon as possible.

Well thank you captain obvious! I could have written that.

I stormed out of the bookshop forgetting to put the copy of his book back on the shelf.

"Erm…miss…" Ruth called after me, but didn't pursue the matter as I was very huffy, and her being the terrible salesperson she was, didn't want to bother with huffy customers.

Isn't it totally awesome how these stories went from third person to first person? I'm digging it. You diggin' it?

I searched my house for the Horseman.

I searched my neighbor's house for the Horseman.

I searched your house for the Horseman.

No luck.

I finally resolved to sit down on a bench and read the dang thing all the way through. Looking for maybe a thread of hope within his words that could save me from the impending doom of the bashing critics, angry mothers and worst of all, my mother's rage.

I sat down next to a man wearing a pretty awesome hat.

I recognized that pretty awesome hat. It sat atop the man who had costarred in the horseman's debut film as Ichobod.

"Oh hey Johnny." I said glumly. I then noticed what he had in his hands.

"Hey! I see you've got your copy too." Johnny glanced at the Horseman's book in my hands. I stared at him woefully.

"What's the frown for? I'd have thought you'd be jumping for joy. I mean, your employer is really branching out you know? Writing an entire book, wow, and without a head! Pure genius. I knew he would go on to bigger and better things than show bizz," He flipped through the pages of the book, nodding approvingly.

As always, Johnny Depp managed to enlighten me that day. Why was I so upset? I suppose it was just because I had to endure many painful lawsuits concerning the Horseman's behavior (did I mention I am also his attorney? Ya. Pretty interesting job considering all the trouble he gets himself into.)

I leaned back on the bench next to Johnny, and we both delved deep into the literary achievement of The Headless Horseman.