Chapter 10: Ready or Not

"It's not perfect." Dean tugged at the cuffs on his sleeves, he felt uncomfortable and itchy in this suit. It was like he wasn't himself when he was dressed in formal attire, no matter how good he looked. He glanced at himself in the mirror, observing himself as if he were some type of stranger- he looked presentable. In fact he looked quite professional. Still wearing a suit was not the Dean Winchester way and being in this suit was like being in someone else's skin.

Which (if you thought about it) was a disgusting metaphor. It felt like it was impossible to be comfortable, he tugged at the shirt collar- which felt too tight. It was hugging along his neck and it almost felt like it was choking him. So now he would have a noose around his neck all night long. Well, at least if he said something stupid the noose would be deserved. He adjusted his tie- it was a white silk tie that Anna had bought for him. Black suit, black shirt, white tie- Anna insisted that the combination was 'smashing'. Who even uses the phrase 'smashing' anymore? Well, besides British people- though that was stereotyping. "But this is as good as it's gonna get." he decided.

Dean paused before walking out, his fingers grazed across the tan trench coat. A fond but weak smile crossed his face. The warmth of familiarity spreading and surging through his bloodstream. A little bit of hot static that made his cheeks flush and his heart flutter. Though it soon faded away leaving nothing but a big gaping empty in his chest.

Dean silently wished that Cas would be there tonight, but he wasn't really sure. In fact for some strange reason- maybe the fact that Cas hadn't spoken to him in three months or the fact that he had literally ran away from Dean the last time they spoke- left Dean's hope feeling crushed under the weight of the suffocating, harsh reality. The future didn't seem to bright for Dean or for Cas, couple or not.

A craving that Dean had grown accustomed to bubbled in the pit of his stomach. In truth, it was two separate cravings that could be generalized as just one word. Hunger. Though not in the way that someone is ravenous for food, but rather the desire to have something. The mighty need that caused people pine over things for weeks or months at a time. In this case, Dean was hungry for two things; a drink and his dear friend Castiel. Though he knew the notion of lusting over either of these things was ridiculous. He had promised to stay sober for the night and he doubted Cas would come within fifty feet of him. Even though Dean still had no idea what he had really done wrong.

Anna said that she had tried to get a hold of Castiel but he wouldn't answer- big surprise there. Though Dean couldn't really say that he blamed Castiel- at least not anymore. He had excepted that Castiel had done what he had done, so he was no longer tormented by it (at least not on a regular basis). Although that didn't mean that Dean didn't miss him.

At one point he had considered Castiel to be his best friend, a person who was worthy of being labeled as family. This label still applied, Dean didn't think Cas would ever be able to shed the label (at least not in Dean's eyes). But he missed him so much that it felt like someone had ripped a hole in his chest, it hurt so bad that he didn't know what to do with himself. Cue the use of heavy liquor to ignore what was right in front of him. Most days, he drowned that sorrow in alcohol, but today he promised Anna he would stay sober.

Dean also promised her he would be on his best behavior. Especially since most of her family would be there and that meant that they would be interested Dean because he was with Anna. Even if the two of them weren't dating, they were still close which meant questions. Lots of them, so for the evening he would have to at least pretend to be respectful. After all, it was Castiel's family too and both Cas and Anna were important to him. Just not necessarily in the same way.

He headed for the door but he stopped to look back. Just one last look at the trench coat- one last look at the past. Another wave of lost feelings swelled up and Dean quickly turned his head away. He twisted the doorknob, exiting the door and heading for Anna's room. He knocked only to hear a muffled 'come in'.

Dean pushed open the door to see Anna struggling to zip up the rest of her dress. It was a beautiful blue mermaid evening gown, it was cut up the side to the knee. She looked breath taking in it and it really brought out her eyes- but she was still struggling to get the whole thing zipped. "Help. Please?" she asked pathetically, giving a silly frown.

"Alright, alright." Dean laughed and Anna pulled her hair to one side so it wouldn't get caught in the zipper. Dean let out a sigh, taking the zipper and sliding it up. Another soft fondness filled the moment, although this was a different type of familiarity. It did fill them both Dean and Anna with a warm feeling, but it wasn't a romantic notion. He smiled to himself, "You know you look absolutely stunning in that dress. I mean that in the most respectable and non-romantic way possible."

Anna laughed twisting her hair, "You know you didn't really need to tag on that disclaimer. I knew what you meant."

"Yeah, I guess. Sorry, just don't want to give you the wrong impression or anything." Dean replied, tugging on the zipper to make sure that it was all the way up. Anna took a step back, facing Dean.

Then she did a slow turn while extending both arms to the side, "How do I look?"

"Good. Beyond good." Dean replied, "You kinda need a necklace to go with it but otherwise- flawless."

Anna smiled, pacing over to the tallest dresser in the room. Out of the top drawer she pulled out a small wooden chest, touching it fondly then opening the chest. Out of it she pulled up a silver necklace with a small dolphin circling a turquoise gem. "This was my mother's..." Anna said pacing over to Dean and holding it up. She handed it to him, "Can you help me put this on?" He nodded, pulling the necklace around her neck carefully and clipping it shut. She turned around, smiling. "Now I am complete. I'm impressed Dean, kudos for knowing I needed an accessory. "

"Yup." Dean agreed. Anna smiled, grabbing her coat and hanging it over her arm. Dean paused, his gaze lingering in the mirror. They both looked more then presentable. If only his mother could see him looking like this- she would be beaming from ear to ear. The thought of his mother, standing behind him- holding onto his shoulder and smiling. It made his eyes mist over just a little. "So before we go, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. Anything Dean." Anna replied.

"Who is that person you're always talking to on the phone?" Dean asked.

Anna frowned immediately. "Anything but that..."

"Oh come on. One, were friends. Two, half the time you're talking about me or talking about Cas. Cas is my friend. Or was my friend, I'm not really sure but he's still important. As for me its self explanatory. I deserve to know." Dean reasoned, Anna sighed.

"I'll tell you but... it has to be kept to yourself. If it gets out, it could be deadly for... well lot's of people. Can you do that for me Dean?" Anna asked, Dean nodded. He was ready to know what was going on behind closed doors. For Castiel, for Lucifer, for Anna, for everyone. Dean wanted to know. "Alright..." she passed over to the bed and sat, tugging her dress a little so that she was more comfortable. Dean passed over and sat down next to her, leaning his elbows on his knees.

"You know that Lucifer has formed his gang? That basically since he was sixteen years old he had been pulling together different people. He had been doing that because he has a vendetta against my father. Michael, took my father's side and so naturally he is on Lucifer's hit list as well. See anyone who takes my father's side over his side is on the hit list- that's why for so long, Gabriel, Castiel, and myself were safe. We were what you might call a neutral party- though in Gabe's case he wanted nothing to do with anyone. He wanted to take Cas and me and run. Me and Cas were to young to really have an opinion about much of anything."

"Wait, wait. If Cas was neutral why did Lucifer go after him?" Dean pondered out loud.

"Because, well, he always hated Castiel for other reasons. Dad always had to look after Cas more then anyone else. All of the attention that Lucifer wanted for being extraordinary went to Castiel for being the baby of the family. It didn't help that Cas was autistic among other things, he needed a lot of looking after. Lucifer was enraged by it because he wanted to be loved. Intense jealously issues I guess. I dunno, I guess it's just hard to get into Lucifer's psych. Because, well... he's nuts." Anna said, cracking a small smile. Dean forced a small smile and laugh too. She did have a point- it's hard to get behind the mind of a psychopath. Still he hardly thought this was really the time for jokes. Though he supposed humor made everything better- so it was whatever.

"Anyway..." Anna continued. "Lucifer built his company or rather his clique. And Michael built his, though his was built of good people. People who just wanted to help and do what they could. People who just wanted to save our family. He knew that Lucifer was targeting Castiel, either he was going to convert him or he was going to torture him. But Michael can't stick his hands directly into Castiel's life- not without tipping off Lucifer and starting a full blown war. Believe me you don't want to get in between these two when they get into a pissing contest. If Lucifer found out that Michael wanted to protect Castiel he go to every length possible to take Castiel. Cas would just become a prize for the boys-"

"But he did that anyway. He took Castiel and ruined everything that Cas had. So your brother kind of failed in that area." Dean answered.

"Lucifer doesn't know that Michael is trying to protect Castiel. He took Cas for his own reasons, which had nothing to do with Michael. Believe me, things would be very different in Lucifer knew Micheal wanted to help. Anyway, in the beginning of June I was finishing up school. I hadn't really had any kind of contact with any of my family in years. I was a different person in the past and I had trouble excepting the way things were. When I was younger I blamed Gabe and I blamed Cas- I shouldn't have, it was wrong."

"But, I can't change my past- anyway, Michael approached me. It was the first time that I had seen him in years. I was having trouble paying back school for loans, he spoke for father and offered me a position in the company. He told me that it would help me to pay back loans so I didn't have to worry and in a few short years I'd be able to go back to doing what I wanted to do."

Anna paused, Dean used the opportunity to ask a question. "And what is it that you wanted to do?"

"I wanted to be a journalist. I wanted to work with the press. I started working with Michael- he showed me the ropes, mostly I just answered phone calls and stuff. But he promised that if I went to work for the company- if I went to work for dad, then he would pull strings and get me in to interview some people. Michael and my dad have friends in high places. So he cut me a deal, if I worked for the company for a while, he'd pull strings to help get me started."

"Still he was happy to see his baby sister and I was actually kind of happy to find out that he didn't hate me. He had also left the family abruptly, which made us all wonder some of the time. None of us really knew what Michael was doing- all we knew was that he wanted to follow in dad's footsteps. Which he did, successfully- though we only really heard about it at this party that dad throws every year. I mean, it's a great party he invites everyone- even Lucifer. I'm getting off point..."

"Yeah, but your rambling is kind of endearing." Dean decided flashing a smile.

"Anyway, around the beginning of July Michael told me about Castiel. He didn't know much, but what he did know wasn't good information. All he really knew was that Lucifer had taken Cas under his wing. So he asked me to go and find out whatever I could. Though I couldn't get out of work until October, I really needed money to support myself if I was gonna move back. Mostly because I didn't know how Gabriel would feel about me living with him. Cue me meeting you in the cemetery. One of the first things you told me was that you were a friend of Castiel's-"

"So you knew about Cas when you met me in the cemetery? Why didn't you just tell me then?" Dean asked.

"Well for one, I didn't know that much about Castiel's situation. For two, I didn't know what you knew. All you said was that you knew Cas. You had said that you didn't tell me what you knew. So I was left with the impression that you didn't know about Castiel working with Lucifer. After all, he's not very open about his relationships. Though, I'm assuming that you know that." Anna answered, staring at Dean who just gave a small smile. "You're such a butt Dean Winchester."

"Yes, but I'm a cute butt." Dean corrected.

Anna rolled her eyes and pushed him so he lost his balance. "No, just the regular type. So, yeah... The guy I've been talking to on the phone? He's my brother. I've been giving him frequent updates about me, you, and Castiel."

"Why me again?" Dean asked.

"Because you're important to Castiel. Whether you admit it or not." Anna smiled, she stood up slowly. She didn't want to mess up her dress in any way. "Now go get your brother, the limo will be here in a couple of minutes."

"Whoa, wait- limo?" Dean said, flabbergasted.

"Yeah. Limo. Oh don't be so freaked. A limo comes to pick us up every year. That's part of the reason they send us invitations- so dad knows who to pick up." Anna explained.

Dean shrugged his shoulders, he had never been in a limo before. It was strange but a lot of the time he forgot that the Milton's were rich. At least, their father was- he didn't seem to really share the wealth with his kids the way one would expect him too. Though, come to think of it Castiel did live in a pretty huge house. Dean had only been inside once or maybe twice, but he remember that the whole place was well furnished and decorated. In fact, Dean's whole house could probably fit inside Castiel's at least twice. But Cas didn't act like a snotty rich kid, neither did Anna (he didn't really know any of the other siblings well enough to judge).

The elder Winchester knocked on his brother's door lightly. "Come in." Sam called. Dean stood in the doorway of his brother's room. Every time that he came into this room, he was reminded of how much his baby brother had grown. Dean remembered when the place was filled with space paraphernalia, toys, magic sets, and crayon drawings. Now it looked like a typical teenage room, though he still had glow in the dark stars on his ceiling. Dean liked to think that they served as a reminder of days now passed.

Sam turned around, black suit, white shirt, blue stripped tie. "How does it look?" he asked, modesty showing on his cheeks. Dean cracked a smirk, about to make a snide remark when Sam frowned. "Honestly. No comments about me being in a monkey suit."

Now it was Dean's turn to frown. "You ruined my witty banter. I had a quip lined up and everything. You look fine, you big moose."

Sam gave a quick huff but soon broken into a smile. "Alright, let's go."

The boys walked down the stairs and flopped down around the family room. Anna smiled, sitting across from them on one arm chair. Dean gazed outside, it was the last day of January- the snow had built up on the ground but that didn't stop the skies from shedding more ice cold tears. Light flakes moved across the window, Anna and Sam were talking about something but their voices just sounded like a mush of sounds and syllables. Nothing was really standing out about their conversation, just a blur of words and phrases that felt empty. Dean couldn't bring himself to listen carefully, his attention was mesmerized by the flakes outside.

He watched as clouds rolled across the sky, occasionally giving him a quick glimpse of the moon. The moon looked cold and lonely tonight and most of the time the clouds were blocking it from view. Dean just wanted to see it shine for what it was, a gorgeous rock that floated out in space. Helping the earth manage its tides and always pushing the sun so it could rise.

"Dean." Anna's voice suddenly cut through all of his musings. Dean jerked his attention away from the window but he regretted it instantly. Anna's blue eyes stared with a look of concern, those blue eyes were so distracting. "The limo is here."

Dean stood up, throwing his coat on and joining Anna and Sam, at their sides. Sam gave Dean a quick smile which Dean had seen before. It was a look Sam gave him quite frequently it meant, 'Here goes nothing'.

They crossed a treacherous drive way covered in ice- Anna slipped once or twice but Sam caught her arm. Then they threw open the door of the limo, climbing quickly inside. Inside were three other people. Anna smiled at them instantly, "Gabriel, Balthazar! I'm so glad to see you guys."

"Anna." Gabriel glowed, he was thrilled to see his sister. She slid farther inside and then threw her arms around him. "Good to see you."

"Yeah I know!" Anna cheered, she pulled back from her embrace to gesture. "I don't know if you've met the Winchester's but this is Sam and Dean. They are my company for the evening."

Balthazar lounged in his chair, crossing his legs and observing. Gabriel glanced over to Dean, who instantly felt a huge surge of discomfort come over him. Dean remembered them both from the one time that he had spent the night in Castiel's bed. When they had given him strange looks and he ended up going out the window (after saying goodbye to Cas) to avoid them. But rather then make the whole night awkward, Gabriel gave a smile, "Dean I've met. Sam I haven't."

Sam reached across the limo and shook his hand, "Nice to meet you."

Polite as ever. Dean gave awkward smile, Balthazar gave Sam a small nod. Though Dean really couldn't tell if it was a nod of acknowledgment or if it was a nod of approval. He supposed it didn't really matter, Dean already knew that neither Castiel's brother or cousin approved of him. This was really all about Sam. Gabriel started speaking again, "This is my girlfriend Kali..."

Dean gazed out the tinted window, but it was hard to see anything unless you squinted. Sadly, Dean wouldn't be able to distract himself with the outside surroundings. He would have to stick to the monotony of conversation, so he turned back to the rest of the group. "So Sam, how old are you?" Gabriel asked.

"I'm seventeen, gonna be eighteen in a couple of months." Sam replied.

"Senior in high school right?" Gabriel asked. Sam gave a quick nod, "Ah those adolescent years. Don't worry, it gets better."

Balthazar nodded in agreement. "It really does."

Sam smiled, "I can only hope. I mean, I want to make something out of myself. Dean's been working multiple jobs to save up, so I can go to school."

Balthazar looked over to Dean, "Sounds noble."

"Eh." Dean shrugged.

Sam frowned, "He never takes any credit. But he's really an amazing person, he's always doing his very best for me."

"It's always good to know someone's lookin' out for you." Gabriel replied.

"Really helps me to sleep at night." Sam said happily.

Anna glanced over at Gabriel and Balthazar, "Say, do you know if Castiel will be there tonight?"

Dean felt his ears perk up at that question. He looked at Anna who gave him a reassuring smile, she was just as curious as he was on the matter. He tried his best not to look like he was suddenly more interested in the conversation, though he doubted that it worked. In fact he was positive that it didn't work because Balthazar gave him an amused smirk. As soon as Dean saw that he felt his features frown and he sat back in his seat a little trying to cover up his mistake.

Cocky son of a bitch.

"As far as I know, he and Lucifer are both coming. Which I gotta say, can never mean anything good. But, according to my very reliable sources they'll both be there. Castiel will be playing in the band, from what I hear. Though I guess we'll have to wait. Cas has never been one to play in public so we'll see how it goes." Balthazar frowned, reclining further back. Dean also shared his frown.

"Wait, Lucifer is going to be there?" Anna asked, sounding surprised.

"Yup." Balthazar replied.

"Michael didn't tell me..." Anna said sadly.

"Oh well, he doesn't exactly know." Balthazar quipped. "My information comes from other sources."

"Who?" Anna asked.

"A friend."

"Well that's vague and uninformative." Dean decided. Gabriel and Kali both let out a laugh at Dean's quip. Balthazar frowned a little but he didn't seem to want to respond. Anna smiled knowing that Dean had her back and Sam didn't really say anything.

"Basically," Gabriel began, "be careful."

"It's a huge party." Anna said, "You can avoid someone if you give just a little bit of effort."

The limo rolled up to the party, Dean bit down on the inside of his lip knowing that he wasn't ready for this. Especially if Cas was going to be there, like Balthazar said. Anna climbed out first, then Gabriel, then Kali, then Balthazar. Sam glanced at Dean, sensing his anxiety. "It'll be okay." he said softly.

"I'm fine, Sammy." Dean insisted. Sam turned and shook his head, getting out of the limo. Dean followed behind his little brother.

Everything was not fine but like it or not he was going to have to face it head on. No more running away. No more hiding. No more pretending, it was time to look into the mirror and be okay with his reflection. It was time.

Ready or not.

Well, first of all, I'm sorry this chapter was hard to write. I had to work through massive writer's block just to get through it and once again, not that much is happening. So to anyone out there, thank you for waiting patiently. I'm currently in between depression medication, which really messes with my writing. I'm kind of in a weird type of funk right now.

Next, I'm going to apologize again. Fan fiction has been giving me a hard time for some reason and that story I was talking about? Yeah, totally erased. I have a small bit of it backed up but I lost most of the story. So it's all gonna be a while (especially since I have a lot of ideas and I'm not sure which one I want to hone in on for after I finish this story).

Thanks for all of the reviews and favorites. Also thanks to anyone who came here through tumblr. That's pretty boss guys.

I decided to make this chapter pretty short because otherwise it would have had the whole start of the party and would have been like 9000 words and it would have taken forever. So yeah...

Love you guys, sorry things are a little tight as of late. Doesn't mean I won't update when I can though.

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